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/r/self/comments/1iriwxj/ive_struggled_for_so_long_im_tired/

Hey. 33 year female. American, born and raised in the south.

Only child of alcoholic parents. Didn't realize it wasn't "normal" until I was 10 or 11. Saw a lot of abusive behavior as a child. Started having sex at 13. Lost virginity to a 23 year old man, because my best friend at the time told me I should be cool like her. He thought I was 17, but still, very ew. My mom dropped me off at his apartment... didn't ask to meet his parents or anything... didn't care, it seems.

When the housing market crashes, my mom loses her job. Instead of telling my dad and I, she pretends to go to work every day for a few months. I'm 15. I'm on the bus with my school soccer team, to go play a game at another school. My dad calls me and telle me "the sheriff set me out, we don't have a home, your mom is coming to get you." I'm stunned and just start crying. I tell the coach once we get there and just sit on the bench and wait. Slept in my mom's Lexus with my parents that first night, then my parents found an empty rental house. It was close to our previous home, where our belongings still were, so that was cool. We had a pool at the old house and had pool floats and chair cushions out there. I hopped the fence and took everything I could to the new house. That was my bed until we were "allowed" in the old house to get our furniture and belongings. I didn't care about anything at the time besides my computer, so I got that and disassociated by playing The Sims.

At 16 my rich aunt takes me to Europe for a month, to get me away from all of the sadness in my life. This was the highlight of my life.

Mom gets another job eventually, at the local gas station. She had sold all her jewelry so we could eat. My senior year in high school I beg for a car and my parents agree. My dad used to be a plumber, but wasn't able to get under houses anymore due to his back and knees, so he was the local paper carrier. Mom put a second lien on her car so I could have the car I wanted... I didn't realize at the time. As soon as I have a car, I'm gone. I'm always at a friend's house, or a boyfriends house, or just parked somewhere. I hate being in that house.

I was accepted to a couple different colleges, but my parents credit was fucked so we couldn't get a student loan. My grades were good, but not good enough for full scholarships.

Instead I go to work at the local pharmacy. $8.25 per hour, 20 hours a week. I'm terrified to lose my home again, so I go with a friend when she goes to an adult entertainment club to inquire about a job. I was there for moral support, initially. Well, I get hired. I work there for a year off-and-on. Mom knew, dad thought I was a waitress. All of our bills are paid and I have money for new clothes, which was pretty new for me.

I meet this guy at 19. He was cool, and needed a place to stay. We had a spare room at my parents house and they agreed he could stay for a bit. I quit working at the club because he "couldn't take me seriously," while i worked there. He stayed for 3 years and fixed a lot of broken things at the house and helped with bills and chores. He was physically and mentally abusive. I got pregnant, and he threatened to kill himself.

We married in a "courthouse" wedding in 2013. Moved out. He grew weed to help pay bills. I was 37 weeks pregnant and my now ex-husband hits me in the face because I said something rude. My water breaks. End up having a c-section. Baby is healthy, thank God. Go through the parenthood motions by myself pretty much. 3 years later I try to get away. I have a decent job, so I get approved for a mortgage and buy my own house. Ex-husband comes with on the agreement that the abuse will stop (obviously it didn't ... it never does). We have risky sex, so I take a plan-b. Well a few weeks later I'm pregnant with baby #2. Ex threatens to kill himself again and I kick him out because he assaults me. This is the 2nd or 3rd time he's arrested for domestic violence. I try to do it all by myself for months, but get so bad into debt because I can't pay my bills. I beg him to come back because I'm terrified of losing my home. I pretend to be happy for a few years.

During this time my dad was diagnoses with MS that had progressed heavily, due to his symptoms being attributed to alcoholism. Mom is his caregiver.

March 2022 I have my dream job working at an Oncology clinic making IV chemotherapy. Next week mom tells me she's gained 35 lbs since Christmas, all in her abdomen. I realize I haven't seen her since Christmas... stuff was so busy I didn't even notice. Fast forward a few months. Mom has end stage liver disease from a life of drinking. Decompensated cirrhosis. It's bad. I watch her go down hill. I'm by her side as much as I can be. I get FMLA from work and my ex watches the kids so I can be with her. I'm grateful he did that. Ex and I decide to separate, but will do it after mom passes. Mom passes 11/11. I'm with her when she goes... it still haunts me.

11/15 I kick my ex husband out of my house (his name was never on the deed) due to him making disparaging remarks about my mom... 4 days after she died. I was going to wait for him to get an apartment or something, but fuck that. 11/19 I find a hidden camera in the house that points where I sleep and dress. I call the police, get a lawyer (because mom had life insurance money) and do what I can to stay afloat.

I planned the funeral and everything while taking care of my young kids (8 and 4). Also helping dad with stuff, as he's disabled. I hire a caregiver for him. I end up getting him moved into an independent living facility, cash pay, as his insurance won't cover it, and mom told me to make sure dad's taken care of when she goes.

Divorce is finalized June 2024. He was consistent with child support and his scheduled weekend custody.

I meet a wonderful man in June of 2024. He's from Paris, we talk about Paris. Things move quickly, and he's moved in my home. He's a wonderful role model, helps my kids with homework, does house chores, is a great lover. Overall, he's a blessing to me, and I thank God for him.

August 2024 was the last time my kids father has seen them. He owes me over 3k in back child support, and my lawyer is doing lawyer stuff about that. He calls the oldest every week or so, but makes no effort to see them. I went to the specified child exchange spot for a few of his scheduled weekends, but he never came. I did what my lawyer advised, waited 5 mins then left.

Dec 2024, I've had my father placed into skilled nursing (that situation is a novel in itself). Frenchman is fiancé now. His parents are great and visit from Paris and are so kind to my kids. My kids don't see their fathers parents, at all.

I went through some old pictures last night for my dad, as he requested pictures of my mom for his room at the SNF. I find a bag of love letters dating from 1986 to 1998, all from the same woman. My parents were married in 1987. I haven't really processed this yet, but this is the "straw" that prompted my writing of this entire thing.

There's more I left out, obviously, but this is the gist of it. And our country is doing the dumb shit that it's doing right now... but I can't get passports for my kids cause their dad won't "allow" it.

This is my life. I just want my "happily ever after"... I just want a normal happy life with my fiancé and kids.

Tl;dr- hard life. Much ouch.

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Hi!! My ex-husband is an abusive alcoholic, but he still has partial custody of our sons (aged 10 and 6) every other weekend. My lawyer is aware of his issues, and we are kinda at an impasse of what we can do. However - yesterday my ex called me. We don't talk on the phone and haven't in 2 years. He called to discuss the kids and to thank me for all I do for them (I have primary custody). That ended up with him yelling at me and him saying "I hope you die." then he hung up the phone.

He's supposed to get custody today starting at 5pm, but I've spoken with my lawyer's paralegal and she somewhat gave me advice (if I "read between the lines), as my lawyer is out until Monday. At this time, I've emailed my ex and told him I am unable to make it to the child exchange location today. I doubt he is willing to drive an hour to my house to come get them.

My oldest son has told me about their dad driving reckless with them in the car, and I've brought that up to a magistrate but nothing was done.

Someone please help me. I'm worried for my kids safety.

8 years of redditing.

Hi r/crochet. I'm thinking of getting into Tunisian crochet. I have done a couple Google searches about that method and planned pooling. Have any of you personally done it? If so, can you explain how you did it (which stitches, etc). I have a few different skeins of pooling yarn that I use with the moss stitch in "regular" crochet, but Tunisian looks cool and I'd like to try it.

https://i.redd.it/b3vwmik6vha51.jpg+++

Hi r/crochet. Do you know of any yarn that glows under UV or "blacklights" besides RHSS neon stripes or RHSS blacklight? I'm looking for something that is a single color per skein, or maybe a light ombre. Not a harsh color change varigated like the aforementioned yarns. I did a quick search in this sub and came up empty handed.

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I am having a hard time finding a foundation that matches my neck, but doesn't make me look like a ghost. I am super fair skinned, and so far all of the foundations I have tried (except one, it was too light) have my face looking a little more yellow than my neck, and there is a definite shift from my skin to the foundation color. I want to get it as close to seamless as possible. Can anyone suggest anything to help me? I've tried the matrix that has been suggested, but i bought one of the recommended products and it was too dark.

Anyway, thanks in advance, you wonderful people of r/mua.

I did a search, and only found 2 threads about this topic. Has anyone had any success with this? It has lactic acid in it. My cousin makes some and I am thinking about getting some to try. Just curious.

My son is 6. He told me tonight he misses the "dragon game" that I used to play, where I had fire come out of my hands. Obviously, he means Skyrim. So, here we are, re-installing it on the Xbox, and he's going to help me create a "cat ninja who is more sneaky than Batman".

Felt like this would be appreciated here. I'd say I'm a good mom.

Hi, so.... I got to level 15 when this game first came out, then took a hiatus. I downloaded it again yesterday, and tried some practice rounds with my decks (that I think I built years ago) and it's like I have completely forgot how to play. Can anyone spam me with some helpful tips, links, anything?

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Just wanting to say good morning to you all :)

Now I'm bout to bake and make some breakfast.

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I'm 21. When I was 15, I was homeless for 3 days, living in my mom's lexus with my parents after we lost our home, due to my mother losing her job and not informing my father and I for 6 months. I supported my family for over a year, as an exotic dancer... I started two months after my 18th birthday. My parents have been daily drinkers since before I was born; my mother didn't stop drinking while she was pregnant (I learned this last week). My father is finally sober (217 days), but he use to be a big time cocaine dealer in our city, before I was born. I now think I have beaten a lot of odds, including really sketchy situations; I am proud of my success, and want to share it with reddit.