how to be a furry:attitude
furry attitude
It is important to have the right attitude for a furry, viz: one of self-sustaining frustration of one's isolation from the rest of humanity. You must attempt to distinguish oneself from everyone except other furs at all times. Also, if you're a man, you must be gay. Failing that, bisexual.basic furry
Anthro Domesticus [director commentary]- Get a Livejournal.
Livejournal is a place that hosts blogs. It also hosts communities, where large groups of people with similar intrests allegedly discuss things, but really agree with each other. Also home to the largest group of George W. Bush haters in the known world. Intensely liberal. Teminally wanky. You'll like it.
[director commentary] - Fill your LJ with rants on the most personal details of your life, your dislike for conservatives in general and the Bush administration in particular, your parents, and your support of gay marriage.[director commentary]
- Get a deviantArt account, and fill it non-sexual with drawings of your fursona.
- +fav and comment on furry pieces by other artists. Draw fanart of their characters. Make friends with them. Try to focus on good, but obscure artists, so if they blow up, you become famous by association.
- Get a VCL account. If you bounce, due to their incredibly strict admissions policy, take photos of actual people with a digital camera and trace them in Photoshop or the GIMP, adding your fursona's head, tail, colors, etc. This has an added bonus in that you can't be accused of tracing, since the people viewing your pic have never seen the photo.
- Post your sexual work to VCL, and your non-explicit work to dA. Remember to hide the few pieces you crosspost under several layers of folders.
Those are the requirements for a baseline furry. Now to continue onto the advanced forms.
Otherkin
Anthro PretentiousOtherkin are furries who think they are fundamentally not human, that the soul of another species somehow ended up in a human's body. They distinguish themselves from other furs, and are some of the most tenacious people in the fandom, known to hang onto pseudointellectual points for pages of drama.
- Write thoughtful posts on what it "really means" to be an otherkin. Mention "persecution", not to be confused with "fursecution", which we'll get to later. Also, talk at length about "labels".
- Join LJ's Otherkin community. Lurk for a few weeks, emerging only to quietly ask for clarification on an issue.
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After a few weeks, make a post asking about something controversial. Definitions are good,as they're subjective, and can't be agreed on. Try to engage one of the better-known comm members in a wank. If you're good enough, you'll end up on a drama-reporting community.
Isn't that bad?
Not for furs. This way, you get your publicized, and sympathy from like-minded furries. You also get to sniffle about fursecution in your LJ. - Your fursona, ideally, should have some sort of easily identifiable Native American symbol, like feathers or a blanket, as linked above. The symbols, mind you, do not need to display any knowledge of the different tribes. In fact, I reccomend mixing and matching.[director commentary]
fapper
Dextella Yiff[director commentary]
Fapping refers to masturbation.
- Make no secret of the fact that you jerk off to furry porn. Talk about it in your LJ. Mention how it's hard to find "what you like", without actually defining what it is. FList the journals of other fappers.
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Go to Fchan and complain about the DNP list. Engage in the pseudointellectual wanky debates in /dis/, and try to start ones of your own.
That's the second time you've used "pseudointellectual".
It means "trying to sound smarter than your opponent".Do furries do this a lot?
HAHHAHAHAH yes. - Roleplay.
- Read VCL_Horrors for a week or two, until you get a sense of which fetish is popular, and draw lots of it. Then post it to Fchan. /mem/ is good, as it usually calls for simple lines and basic coloring.
- Complain about laws against art piracy. When someone points out that it's effectively theft, respond that the law describes it as copyright infringement, and cling to the legal definition like Anna Nicole Smith would cling to a life raft in a shark tank braving all opposition and logic.
furrier than thou
Anthro HardcoreLet me guess; the object of this one is to be as sanctimonius as possible?You got it.
- Wank furiously about a relatively obscure and/or unimportant aspect of the fandom.
- Shortly before your opponent is angry enough to look up your adress and kill you, act like you were just misunderstanding some part of their point. Imply that the problem lay in the way the original point was phrased. Repeat.
- Soliloquize in your LJ about how there are so many idiot newbies in the fandom. Identify yourself as a true fur, not just one of the shallow fanfurs. It would be good if your writing impies that you're dabbing your eyes with an lace-edged hankie.
- Associate with only a handful of furs, whether on message boards, forums, or elsewhere. Make them feel privileged to be friends with you. Get in a fight with one and defriend them. Then start making friends-only posts in your LJ about them that you know will get back to them.
Grandfather fur
Usenet Naretev The attitude here is that you've been in the fandom since before Usenet had spam.- Repeatedly rant in your LJ about how many young whippersnappers there are in the fandom. Relive the glory days.
- Make sure to name drop as much as possible. You knew Adam Warren when he was still in lawn care, Doug Winger when he was still working on Angry Beavers, and played Furcadia when dreams were still the results of bad burritos.
- The reason no one remembers you is because you used to use a different name. If pressed, state that you only give the name to close friends.
- You came back to the fandom to see how much it had changed in your abscence. You don't like the influence of anime on the fandom, and stress your desire to go back to the good 'ol days when "What's up, doc?" was a double entendtre.
l'Artiste
Belle Arte- Your art is good. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
- Your LJ should be filled with sketches of your latest masterwork. Never post the final piece on LJ, merely link to it. In fact, link to your site, tell the readers what directory it's in, then let them navigate your labrinthine site design by themselves. This is considered a mark of a "good artist".
- Unlike most of the fandom, you should actually be able to design a website. This, of course, precludes any use of Flash, frames, Javascript, or Java applets. If you know it already, use PHP. If you cannot design a webpage to save your life, learn some basic tags and go for the "minimalist" look. It looks retro, which makes you look old-school.
- Draw lots of fanart for a popular fursona. Send it to the artist, over several months. deviantART works well for this, as once the artist +favs the work, it will appear on their front page.
- Take commissions. Start with cheap Livejournal icons, then ramp up to $20 bust pics. WIth good enough "weasel creep"*, you'll be charging over a hundred bucks for crappy character sheets on Furbid before your clients know what hit them. Or their wallet.
-
Eventually, you'll be
goodpopular enough to start a webcomic and be put on Fchan's Do Not Post list. Be sure to post pictures by you under a false name, and through an ISP proxy, and then complain when the mod deletes them. This will create what marketing people call an "artificial demand", as nothing excites furries more than something they can't have. -
If your art is mocked by an art-mocking comm, or anyone else, head on over and wank. Make sure your first commentalso known as "the Straw"is as condescending as possible.
*The process by which something is apparently reduced, then, over time, returns to it's original level. Used here to refer to a gradual creep to a desired level. Coined by Scott Adams in Dilbert and the Way of The Weasel, no pun intended.
wanky artist
Malle ArteAKA: Bulletproof Ego.
- If someone criticizes your work on their blog or journal, write a post on your own journal about it. Accuse them of trying to "start drama", and inform them that it's not going to work. Complain at length about critics. Inform them, without a trace of irony, that their drama-starting is not going to work. Even the hint of doubt in your own talent should not be present.
- You do not take criticism. Not ever. Your art is perfect.
- Never trade art with anyone but artist more famous or equally famous as you. Gift liberally.
- If a less-famous artist asks for a trade, turn them down, then rant about them in your journal; without revealing names, of course. You wouldn't want to cause drama.
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If you find your work or "thing" stolen, post a link to it in your journal, but ask your readers not to harass the artist. They will, anyway, despite your clear wishes to the contrary. You're sympathetic, of course, but you really asked them not to. It's not your fault that the
victimtheif can't buy so much as a candy bar with their credit card anymore.
For some reason, no one ever questions why one would post a link to an artist one didn't want harassed.
These furries can be identified from a distance by their bloated ego. Up close, one will find that they are unable to move, due to their legs being unable to support their massive head. The large crowd of parasitic Tsickofants attached to their backsides also impede movement. Most of the time, they just sit in a puddle of their own wank. This species thrives on drama, especially that resulting from criticism of their art. Once aroused, this breed can wank for weeks, stopping only to excrete dollops of art once and again. Oddly, most of their food is bought to them.
closet fur
Anthro IncognitoYou are not a furry, dangit, and will kill anyone who says otherwise. Sure, you look at furry art, parse Fchan regularly, hate conservatives, and have every Doug Winger pic, ever, saved to disc, but that doesn't mean you're a furry! It just means you like pretty anthro pictures, that's all. You don't like yiff, and you'll paw offWHAT FREUDIAN SLIP I DON'T SEE NO STINKIN' FREUDIAN SLIP to a picture of a HUMAN to prove it.
You are, however, openly gay.
the Roleplayer
Anthro QuatreThis class or furry requires you to act like your fursona is a living, breathing being in some alternate universe. You may have a seperate LJ for yourself.
- Be a female or herm living and/or working, coincidentally, on the same campus as Dr. Holiday Wednesday.
- NEVER BREAK CHARACTER. If your fursona must refer to pictures of themselves or others in the universe, let it be as "portraits".
- Fill your fursona's Livejournal with lots of details of their personal life. The more intimateand colorful, the better. A skilled roleplayer can make clipping one's toeclaws seem like a vibrant and evocative experience.
- Try to set up plotlines based on Non-Playable Characters. Hopefully, someone will come along and take up that character, and you'll be famous by association.
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Alternately, set up a fictional blog for a popular character in a popular furry webcomic. Then put it in your signature on said comic's forums. Eventually, the creator of the comic will ask you to take it down. You'll refuse, just to gain notoriety. The more they struggle, the harder you fight back. How can they fight an enemy when the enemy's terms of victory are conflict itself?
What?
Some Art of War crap, combined with a reference to a Star Wars book. Nevermind.
oppressed
Zomg Fursecution- At every opportunity, complain about "that CSI episode" on your LJ.
- Wherever furries are mocked online, come riding in on a pale link, crying "fursecution". Proceed to wank until you are banned. If it helps, try to imagine you are Kanye West, the mighty saviour of he rap industry.
- Join VCL_Horrors. Make passive-aggressive remarks each time something is posted, while never posting anything yourself.. Eventually, you'll be banned.
- Complain about "fursecution" in your to LJ, and to any sympathetic ear/comm/forum. Fchan's /dis/ is good.
- Alternately, find and champion a cause that most furries won't touch. Say, hypothetically, having sex with your dog.
Ew.
Remember, this is completely hypothetical. We are only theorizing. - Write a post on your otherwise friendslocked LJ inviting all comers to disprove your claim, namely; that porking your dog is right and true. Comment on posts of people who will hate it. Wank furiously when said evidence is presented. Dismiss your opponents' arguements with a flurry of ad hominem and "straw man" logical fallacies, while being as condescending and pseudointellectual as possible. Talk about "society" and "social conditioning". After a few days of spirited exchange, ban the most determined arguersthe ones with actual logicfrom commenting, and make an edit to the main post to the effect that they cannot converse without trolling.
- Try to find other posts in other communities and LJs where anything even tangentally similar is being discussed. E.G.: Pedophilia. The community need not be about pedophila, just one post. Wade into the fray, furiously wanking(using the techniques described above). Bonus points if one or more of your opponents from your bestiality thread is there. Stress an arbitrary and rationalizing distinction between "capability to consent" and "age of consent". This also works for posts on the exact same cause as yours.
- Yes. If your main opponent(s) make a post on the wank with you, carry the wank over there. Sometimes just mentioning you can be enough. Comment starting with "I find it interesting that you..." and finishing with something condescending. This will jump off the wank.
Why would anyone want behave like this?
This is purely theoretical, remember.
But...aren't I just being a self-absorbed, whiny prick if I do that?That's the idea. Remember, it's always fursecution. If your gay furry porn gets deleted from deviantART, it's because it's gay and furry. Not because it violates dA's rules on pornography, which you agreed to when joining; it's discrimination. Remember to make a thread in the wrong forum complaining about it, and wank so hardpun intendedthat you get banned. Then sniffle about it on your LJ.
I feel dirty.Good!
Anything else?
On to publicity!