The Eternals - marvel is trying it again this time less humor and hit music and more unnecessary love triangles

Scarlett Johansson said:
People on tumblr and Twitter are being positive about the movie and....like....am I on crazy pills rn lol bc the entire thing sounds like shit.
Click to expand...
no..the movie is very bad. i would say there are maybe a handful of well delivered lines and Angelina Jolie having the only interesting character is enough for the NPCs to go full Soy over this and claim its an 'underrated masterpiece'. Maleficient was a shoddy movie but angelina jolie pulls people through it so they think its good.
 
  • Informative
  • Agree
  • Like
Reactions: DicksOutForChauvin, Nguyen Van Phuoc, Cpl. Long Dong Silver and 2 others
I used to think jokes about "All three fans of the Eternals comics" were funny but somehow this movie is such a bastardization that I never realized I am one of them apparently. How the hell do you make an adaptation that takes basically nothing from the source material beyond a loose version of a much disliked plot point from Earth X?

How do you approve this movie solely because it's "obscure enough to change without backlash" with race/gender swaps being a focus and not only change the Eternals from being humans to aliens but alien robots? I don't know how somebody can be so woke they make characters actual tools on top of race swaps.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
  • Agree
Reactions: Prehistoric Jazz, DicksOutForChauvin, Cpl. Long Dong Silver and 4 others
Scarlett Johansson said:
People on tumblr and Twitter are being positive about the movie and....like....am I on crazy pills rn lol bc the entire thing sounds like shit.
Click to expand...
Movies have unfortunately become more of a political statement than a fun pastime. Certain groups are obligated to love/hate a movie regardless of its quality because “current year” shit. It’s stupid and I hate it.
 
  • Agree
  • Feels
Reactions: DicksOutForChauvin, Nguyen Van Phuoc, MF ALBERT and 7 others
"Upsetting the right people" meant Muslims?

Gar For Archer said:
I think really, if they wanted to keep the momentum going, they needed to immediately name-drop the X-men. Even if they’re not gonna show up for another five years, they need that immediate promise of “something big is coming up”, like the Avengers name drop at the end of Iron Man.
Click to expand...
The moment to name-drop the x-men was during WandaVision. Instead, they wasted the chance and rather made a joke of the casting of Evan Peters. All they had to do was saying that there were certain groups looking for young people with special powers to make a team...

Mr. Zed da Robot Poon Fed said:
People also see Hugh Jackman as the definitive Wolverine like they see Tony Stark as the definitive live-action Iron Man, and I don't know who could fill that void to make it just as good or even better.
Click to expand...
If this ever happen, I'm sure they're gonna do a shit work as they already did with the new X-Men movies. We went from this:
1636097133459.png


to this:
1636097168612.png
 
  • Like
  • Agree
  • Horrifying
Reactions: DicksOutForChauvin, Exterminatus, MF ALBERT and 7 others
Based sand niggers dabbing on the faggots.
Jar-Jar Fanboy said:
Alright, fellas, I just finished watching the camrip. I'm sure none of you give a shit about spoilers, but just in case, I'll put them in a tag:
What a piece of shit. It was boring, and confusing, and that's not because of the quality of the camrip; that's just how the movie is. Kumail Nanjiani was mildly amusing, but fucks off before the final battle, and then reappears at the very end. His entire character could be cut, and nothing would change. Richard Madden is just, "hey, what if Superman was evil?" Except Zack Snyder already did that in Justice League, and it was way cooler. I liked how after being beaten, he just apologized, and then hurled himself into the sun. None of the hero characters are really all that interesting, or compelling in any way, and the Deviants are just CGI monsters. Like, Gilgamesh dies, and I think I'm supposed to give a shit, but I had been introduced to this guy only 20 minutes prior, so I felt nothing. The only thing I really liked about the movie, was when Sersi used up the last of the excess power to allow Sprite to become a human, so she wouldn't have to spend eternity as a child any longer, and she could grow up, fall in love, and even die, because immortality truly is a curse, rather than a blessing.

Even the other low-tier Marvel movies managed to be entertaining, at the very least, but this was just a bloated mess. It feels like Marvel was desperately pushing for an Oscar, but still had to have a giant CGI fight scene where the fate of the entire human race was on the line. I can appreciate that they at least tried something new, but I wish they had tried harder to actually make it good. Also, I can't even remember the gay kiss that, apparently, made the cast cry on set. I'm sure I witnessed it, but it was so brief, I can't recall. They really made a big deal out of two dudes giving each other a little peck, huh? Tom Brady kisses his kids more passionately than that. These fucking actors need to stop patting themselves on the back for doing nothing. Either give me full dude-on-dude penetration, or don't even bother. Anyway, I paid nothing for this movie, and I still felt ripped off

Non-spoiler: it deserves its low RT score. It's a confusing mess. Or maybe I just hate women and minorities? Who knows?
Click to expand...
So the Kumail faggot is not even a main character and yet he has been shilling this movie the hardest? He probably sees this as his one chance at stardom fucking lol.
Scarlett Johansson said:
People on tumblr and Twitter are being positive about the movie and....like....am I on crazy pills rn lol bc the entire thing sounds like shit.
Click to expand...
Thats normal, disney/Marvel drones have been indoctrinated to "enjoy" whatever has the Marvel logo on it regardless of quality.
 
  • Like
  • Agree
Reactions: DicksOutForChauvin, Chester Rigby, Uranus Pink and 3 others
Mary the Goldsmith said:
Thats normal, disney/Marvel drones have been indoctrinated to "enjoy" whatever has the Marvel logo on it regardless of quality.
Click to expand...
The Captain Marvel sequel could be 2 hours of Brie Larson eating Taco Bell and taking liquid dumps, and idiots like Movie Blob would be lining up to call it a "MUST SEE!"
 
  • Agree
Reactions: PumpkinSpiceBitchMeringue, DicksOutForChauvin, Internet's Boyfriend and 8 others
Wait, I just noticed this damn movie is two and a half hours long...sweet Jesus I can't imagine watching it all the way through. Who thought people were going to invest that much time to see The Eternals? I wouldn't bother running it in the background off Disney+ while doing house work much less taking an afternoon or evening to go to a theater to see these CGI powered goons.
 
  • Like
  • Agree
Reactions: Maggots on a Train v2, DicksOutForChauvin, Chester Rigby and 3 others
jorgoth said:
  1. Grounded/semi-grounded. 99% of Marvel heroes don't get their powers like DC characters, who are aliens from dying planets and statues given life and wizards named Shazam. They get their powers from radioactive spiders, inborn mutations, and power armor and the like.
  2. Ultra-mega-epic. Think Silver Surfer, Galactus, Doctor Strange, and Thor. Just going all out.
Click to expand...

Um, no.

To the point 1: the difference in DC's heroes vs. Marvel heroes is really not in their way of getting powers: both universes have everything from mortal vigilantes(Batman vs. Punisher) to aliens from dying planets(Superman vs. Silver Surfer). The real difference is that the DC universe is perhaps more based on personal tragedy, whereas Marvel is based on...well just about anything. It's much vaster fictional universe and has all sorts of motivations and beings.

To the point 2: None of the beings you listed aren't really in the scale of "Ultra-mega-epic", when it comes to Marvel universe. Galactus comes close, but there are dozens, if not hundreds of characters in the Marvel canon who are way more powerful than Galactus. Beyonder, Celestials, Eternity, The One-Below(or whatever that devil stand-in that gives Hulk power was), Knull etc.
 
Bum Driller said:
Um, no.

To the point 1: the difference in DC's heroes vs. Marvel heroes is really not in their way of getting powers: both universes have everything from mortal vigilantes(Batman vs. Punisher) to aliens from dying planets(Superman vs. Silver Surfer). The real difference is that the DC universe is perhaps more based on personal tragedy, whereas Marvel is based on...well just about anything. It's much vaster fictional universe and has all sorts of motivations and beings.

To the point 2: None of the beings you listed aren't really in the scale of "Ultra-mega-epic", when it comes to Marvel universe. Galactus comes close, but there are dozens, if not hundreds of characters in the Marvel canon who are way more powerful than Galactus. Beyonder, Celestials, Eternity, The One-Below(or whatever that devil stand-in that gives Hulk power was), Knull etc.
Click to expand...

DC definitely has a tendency to be more "gigantic" with its backstories, at least for mainline characters. Yes DC is big, but the main characters tend to be more fantastical in nature.

As for the characters I listed being mega-ultra epic, I think they definitely qualify. Silver Surfer is able to cross the universe on his own power, Dr. Strange regularly crosses dimensions and tangles with gods, and Thor IS a god himself.

I think you're getting into "Comic Book Guy" levels of minutiae and disputatiousness.
 
  • Like
  • Agree
  • Thunk-Provoking
Reactions: Prehistoric Jazz, DicksOutForChauvin, Chester Rigby and 1 other person
Okay, I wasn't planning on seeing this until it came to Disney+, but a couple of friends had a spare ticket, and I didn't have anything else worth doing, so I allowed morbid curiosity to get the better of me. The screening was surprisingly well-attended considering how early in the day it was, so I guess people aren't quite running out of patience with the MCU yet.

My thoughts? Despite its Rotten Tomatoes and Metacritic ratings, I wouldn't call it the worst MCU movie - The Dark World still takes that title for me. Eternals' main problem, surprisingly enough, is how formulaic it is. Without going into specifics, it feels like a mash-up of plot elements from Captain Marvel, Dr. Strange, and Guardians of the Galaxy 2, and the few things that Zhao tried to do differently just compounded the plot issues rather than doing anything to help. It seems even more obvious than before that they're pushing the diversity card so much because they pretty much have nothing else to promote the movie with.

Speaking of which, surprisingly the black gay Eternal was actually one of the better characters in the movie, though I think that had more to do with the fact that his actor was one of the few people actually having fun with his role instead of trying to be super serial. However, the sign language chick was one of the worst examples of forced diversity I've ever seen. Her power is super-speed, and she also happens to be deaf because... reasons. When Inhumans managed to have a far more valid reason for one of the main characters to be using sign language, you are doing something seriously fucking wrong.

So yeah, in all it felt like one of those early Phase 2 movies where the plot's just a loose collection of action scenes, exposition, and bits of clunky humor, and the main threat is just some vaguely-defined cosmic horror with no plot purpose other than providing something for the heroes to defeat.
 
  • Informative
  • Like
  • Disagree
Reactions: DicksOutForChauvin, Johan Hulth, Chester Rigby and 3 others
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back