DarksydePhil / TheyCallMeDSP / Phil Burnell: General Discussion #2

[ReentryPhantom]

"Peepul keep saying I have a passed pawn. What the fuck is that!? All I have are regular pawns, you fucking idiots! Look! They're regular pawns, they don't have abilities or something! Fucking idiots, I swear..."

Could you imagine his reaction to an en passant capture?

 

[Redneck Ragnarok]

I haven't played chess in over two decades and I could sit down right now and play a game, and I've killed off more brain cells than twitter. Why does this stupid fuck lie about the most mundane things?

 

[Old Tonto]

What no one can predict is the mental state of his preferred whales and paypigs who will decide this man’s fate. And given who Phil is, it’s only a matter of time until he offends or tosses one or all of them aside like a used condom on the side of the road.

Well, we're pretty sure he's going to keep at least ONE...

All of these factors permeate Phil’s peanut-sized brain and feed his anxieties subconsciously thus increasing his desire to escape his material reality. Hence why the constant hammering of hitting Tips Goals and generating as much accessible cash as quickly as possible, it’s his only way out of this Pavlovian Hell he has created for himself.

I disagree. There's another way out. It involves buckshot.

 

[detractorzer0]

Dave could have made a simple statement that it is game that already came out and no one would care for me to play it or state that he is not interested in a One Piece game. Instead, he needs to lie and when caught on his lie he just goes wtv I am not playing it. Dave sucks at PR and has no skills handling his viewers questions.

Phil thinks it's more mature to tag some stupid reasoning behind why you are refusing to do something. I don't think he has ever just said "I don't have any interest in playing that," without tacking on some long winded excuse why.

 

[LieLieFyre]

I disagree. There's another way out. It involves buckshot.

Phil would buy a gun and get the wrong kind of ammo for it and make a pity stream to complain about it while also saying how he used to be an ace shot when he visited the gun range back in the day.

 

[CoomerCouch v2.69]

Could you imagine his reaction to an en passant capture?

How is that even possible, I was blocking! See, I was going for my move, but his move came out first, and if this chess was playing at normal speed in an offline setting, that wouldn't have worked. See... the original code says when you're moving a pawn on wake up, you don't get to just capture in passing like that, but this piece of shit is abusing the lag tactics of online chess and doesn't even understand the fundamentals!


Circling back to the 2016 video where he talks about applying to Harvard and Yale... why Phil? Why apply to either? You've expressed zero interest to my knowledge about pursuing a career in law or medicine, which is the only real reason to attend either college. You only got a degree in business because you couldn't handle community college level economics, so it's not like that's even your passion. You mentioned going into computers so why not MIT, or CalTech? Heck let's stay in your area and head to Jersey where you have Princeton (which is competitive in law and medicine anyway) and has a great computer science division, or head to Philly where you have U of P which is top 5 in any major field, and Drexel which excels at anything technical or computer science related.

You didn't want to go to Harvard or Yale because you were smart or had a passion for anything, Phil. You wanted to go because you felt entitled to the name recognition, just like you feel entitled to everything in life. There was literally no reason to go to either school that you've ever once expressed, but in classic Phil fashion, more expensive = better.

 

[capefear56]

POV: the last of the detractors prepare to leave the Goutsphere as Phil becomes increasingly irrelevant and boring.

 

[NextTime]

Could you imagine his reaction to an en passant capture?

The two next sentences coming from the guy would be:
"Dude... ehhh... my piece wasn't anywhere near there"
"How was I supposed to know that???"

 

[Lolidaki]

Heads up to everybody surprised by this recent chess story, he's talked about it before. I specifically remember him saying he was in the chess club and he was so good that he started exclusively playing against his teacher, because his fellow students were too easy.

This bullshit story is not new. Bullshit sure, but not new.

today among all the FGC ramblings he said he plays street fighter ST because of his nostalgia for his teens and spending all his time in arcades, pigman is all over the map.

 

[Big Brown Schlub]

So this chess bullshit...Phil's Dad probably taught Phil some basic moves, and he spammed them against the other children who didnt know how to play

I bet as soon as he stepped up a level and found out that spamming doesnt work against competent players he stopped playing chess and now is LARPing decades later about how smart he is and how good he was at chess

Sound familiar *coughcough 4th place at EVO cough*

Ohh the cope is strong since twitch ditched him

I don't know why but Phil loves bragging about being a big fish in a small pond with stories like this, worst of all he doesn't even realize that he's a big fish in a small pond, he thinks he's world class. Like with that $10 trophy that he won by getting first place in a Tekken tournament that was held in a mall. It says a lot about him that he took it to Seattle and is still semi-regularly bragging about it, beating a bunch of kids at a mall tournament is legitimately one of his crowning achievements in his life as pathetic as that sounds.

 

[grump]

How is that even possible, I was blocking! See, I was going for my move, but his move came out first, and if this chess was playing at normal speed in an offline setting, that wouldn't have worked. See... the original code says when you're moving a pawn on wake up, you don't get to just capture in passing like that, but this piece of shit is abusing the lag tactics of online chess and doesn't even understand the fundamentals!


Circling back to the 2016 video where he talks about applying to Harvard and Yale... why Phil? Why apply to either? You've expressed zero interest to my knowledge about pursuing a career in law or medicine, which is the only real reason to attend either college. You only got a degree in business because you couldn't handle community college level economics, so it's not like that's even your passion. You mentioned going into computers so why not MIT, or CalTech? Heck let's stay in your area and head to Jersey where you have Princeton (which is competitive in law and medicine anyway) and has a great computer science division, or head to Philly where you have U of P which is top 5 in any major field, and Drexel which excels at anything technical or computer science related.

You didn't want to go to Harvard or Yale because you were smart or had a passion for anything, Phil. You wanted to go because you felt entitled to the name recognition, just like you feel entitled to everything in life. There was literally no reason to go to either school that you've ever once expressed, but in classic Phil fashion, more expensive = better.

Yeah, that always struck me as odd. Why apply to Ivy Leagues when you obviously have no real interest in them or the pathways they offer? Even if we buy everything else he said that automatically rules out him being as intelligent as he wants us to believe.

I don't care what some overpaid high school secretary supposedly said. Its either a full blown lie or theres something more to the story of Mr. 'Valedictorian'. Or maybe whatever injured his back also gave him severe brain damage. I cannot see phil hungrily devouring Chaucer or piling on to the AP teacher's van for the Academic decathlon it doesn't fit.

 

[FlappyBat]

Yeah, that always struck me as odd. Why apply to Ivy Leagues when you obviously have no real interest in them or the pathways they offer? Even if we buy everything else he said that automatically rules out him being as intelligent as he wants us to believe.

I don't care what some overpaid high school secretary supposedly said. Its either a full blown lie or theres something more to the story of Mr. 'Valedictorian'. Or maybe whatever injured his back also gave him severe brain damage. I cannot see phil hungrily devouring Chaucer or piling on to the AP teacher's van for the Academic decathlon it doesn't fit.

California has a program where the valedictorian of a highschool can get into pretty much any university in the UC system they please. This leads to some valedictorians from poorly performing schools being absolutely destroyed when they get to college and are expected to perform. I think you over estimate how hard it is to be a valedictorian at some schools. Sometimes it doesn't require Chaucer, it just requires have above 75% attendance and turning in your work.

 

[Radical Goodspeed]

California has a program where the valedictorian of a highschool can get into pretty much any university in the UC system they please. This leads to some valedictorians from poorly performing schools being absolutely destroyed when they get to college and are expected to perform. I think you over estimate how hard it is to be a valedictorian at some schools. Sometimes doesn't require Chaucer, it just requires have above 75% attendance and turning in your work.

Might explain Phil's entire min-max participation trophy business mindset.

 

[ReentryPhantom]

Phil would buy a gun and get the wrong kind of ammo for it and make a pity stream to complain about it while also saying how he used to be an ace shot when he visited the gun range back in the day.

He's already told us he has never shot a gun.

 

[Derich 2nd of coomland]

He's already told us he has never shot a gun.

And as funny as it probably would be to watch him shot himself, I'm quite happy that he never touched a firearm and I hope it stays this way forever. Not because I give a shit about Dave but just the thought of him at a live range with other people around sends shiver down my spine, and not the good kind if shivers.

I'm imagining something like this:

 

[NotValKilmer]

I want Phil to get liver failure for Christmas

 

[TurdFondler]

I can't help but feel Phil was one of, if not the only, member of Chess Club. Instead of joining in the more...ethnic...diversions of his peers, (like vandalism or basketball) he hung out in some classroom playing Chess against a teacher.

 

[TheGreatWhiteNorth]

Holy fuck, you can hear the boner Phil gets in his voice when playing Blackjack (thanks, @Piece of Peace):

Meanwhile, juxtapose that with Phil and his gambling here, and his money matches (and the amount of money he blows):

 

[AckedyAckTheThird]

I'm watching the scrubfest that is his Halo Infinite gameplay and I'm wondering. Just as in any other game, Phil complains about the "I just spawned", "just spawned" being him running around for literally 6-7 seconds. His other complaint being "I didn't even get any weapons". Now that we know the complaints, I am wondering: what is Phil's solution? Spawning into a protected area off map, where no enemy can run into, with all the best weapons available so that he can take his time choosing which one to take before running back into combat when he finally decides to?

All fatfuck Burnell can do is complain about every little thing, without even having any concept of any alternatives.

 

[Genichiro]

And as funny as it probably would be to watch him shot himself, I'm quite happy that he never touched a firearm and I hope it stays this way forever. Not because I give a shit about Dave but just the thought of him at a live range with other people around sends shiver down my spine, and not the good kind if shivers.

He already struggles with a gallon of milk and you expect him to hold a gun ? Phil the noodle arm jello shaped into a person, with a gun ?

Look at how Phil wobbles. Credit to @Serf 'n' TERF for this cut.


Being lethal at a range ? If you include "laughing themselves or cringing to death" as a send-off, yep.