April Lauren / April Lauren Wilson Brown / Wakeupbright - Fake positivity, pedostache husband. Voted fatty most likely on the verge of her Stepford Wife robot programming malfunctioning

[PotatoFace]

Her workouts are totally retarded also, thinking she will burn 7-800 calories from waddling along for an hour to do a mile and doing weird body weight circuits with burpees she is unable to complete with any decent form. In fact, most of her workouts are lacklustre and performed with terrible form, yet she believes herself to be like Tia Clair Toomey doing super intense WODs. Most of these are 20 minute circuits that normal people would do as a warm up.

Relevant: sharing my favorite gif of April doing crunches. April edited the speed, not me.

 

[Gregor Samsa]

I'm sorry, but this is all I think about when reading this thread.

 

[Least Concern]

Fast facts - April was born 9/29/1984 and her husband Kenny was born 4/14/1991.

Holy shit, is that date right for the husband? Because that has to be the roughest 30 years I've seen in a long time.

If I married a woman and she did this sort of thing to herself, I would be seriously talking divorce. She's not taking care of herself, and she probably can't take care of me, so why should I take care of her? But I donno, maybe he's into it.

 

[The Emperor Skeksis]

When I first saw her in the FA thread I thought to myself oh she’s trying hard this is kinda mean (am a softie at heart) but there’s definitely something up with her.

I subscribed to April's channel after I saw Alan Roberts' video. I thought she had a good plan, and she seemed like a sweet lady who was willing to work out hard. I and many others wanted her to succeed.

It took a few months of watching videos to realise something was kinda off with the relentless positivity, and then she plateaued and stopped losing weight altogether, while increasing her social media presence and shilling. People were rooting for April until it became clear she is willing to do almost anything to lose weight, except eat less. This is the beauty of this cow.

Honestly, if April gets herself together and starts losing weight again, I'd still root for her. She's not a truly vile or irredeemable person, or an abuser, like some of the other deathfats. But until then, the milk is good.

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@NoReturn - To add to the links: April also has an (inactive) yoga channel here. She got her Yoga Teaching Certification at 3B Yoga in Provo, UT.
She also had a keto instagram: Keto Bright. She mostly posted meals here but at the start there are photos of her and hubby.


Hubby's age confirmation on the Keto Bright insta.


April's birthday confirmation.

And a nice picture of April being good at yoga, credit where credit is due:

 

[NoReturn]

I subscribed to April's channel after I saw Alan Roberts' video. I thought she had a good plan, and she seemed like a sweet lady who was willing to work out hard. I and many others wanted her to succeed.

It took a few months of watching videos to realise something was kinda off with the relentless positivity, and then she plateaued and stopped losing weight altogether, while increasing her social media presence and shilling. People were rooting for April until it became clear she is willing to do almost anything to lose weight, except eat less. This is the beauty of this cow.

Honestly, if April gets herself together and starts losing weight again, I'd still root for her. She's not a truly vile or irredeemable person, or an abuser, like some of the other deathfats. But until then, the milk is good.

--------------

@NoReturn - To add to the links: April also has an (inactive) yoga channel here. She got her Yoga Teaching Certification at 3B Yoga in Provo, UT.
She also had a keto instagram: Keto Bright. She mostly posted meals here but at the start there are photos of her and hubby.

View attachment 2799246
Hubby's age confirmation on the Keto Bright insta.

View attachment 2799250
April's birthday confirmation.

And a nice picture of April being good at yoga, credit where credit is due:
View attachment 2799251

Added to OP.

 

[Azovka]

Another example of April gunning for the "fitness influencer" label was her doing a "Who's burning more calories?" challenge with her husband a couple of months back.

After what feels like an eternity of shilling for her new Apple watch and bland vloging, she reveals that they tied. That's, right. Her husband Kenny, who runs Spartan races and works in the military has tied for calorie expenditure with his obese, stay-at-home wife, who can't even walk both of their dogs at once. (We all know he won since they didn't show their watch results, but she needed to maintain that "I'm so fit at 300lbs" image at all costs).

To illustrate her terminally-ill consumer tendencies once more, I present to you this vlog, where she says she got a pair of Altra trail shoes (on top of her several pairs of Nikes) after seeing a Youtuber do some ultra trails with them. Because of course, ultra racing is exactly the same as waddling 3 miles on a path near a parking lot.

The shot of her saying "And this is workout number 1 (...) most days I'm doing 3 workouts" while showing her husband running in the distance for his Spartan Race prep at 7:03 is priceless. You couldn't make that level of delusion up.

She buys herself "gifts" for every weight loss milestone she reaches (basically every 10 lbs). In this vlog, she got herself a new pair of sunglasses for finally getting down to 300lbs after a year of weight loss journey. That was in March btw. By the end of November, she was at 286lbs. (And bought herself some earrings for reaching 290lbs in between).

April also has started a clothing line "at her sister's behest". Her choice of a small, and to be fair cute, logo to go on the huge tarps she wears is questionable though, as it appears completely dwarfed by the sheer size of her clothing.

This does not look "oversize" on her btw.

April is obsessed with her hair, perhaps because she thinks it hides her fat (and to some extent, it does). She refuses to cut it, and frequently mentions in her vlogs how much she's attached to it and how pretty it is.
"My face looks so thin there". (Not sarcasm, her actual quote at the exact moment of that still).

And that picture is from a Halloween themed photoshoot she splurged on for God knows what reason recently. Just thought it captured her crazy-eyed look quite well.

 

[𝕺𝖑' 𝕯𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖞 𝕱𝖆𝖙𝖘𝖔]

April is more of a mundane cow. She is fun light reading when you're a bit bored but don't have time to read 10 pages of essays. Not every cow can squirt milk as frequently as, say, Chantal.

I know today's not over yet, but she still hasn't posted since Ilona's video lol.

I skim her videos mostly for the crazy eyes, overt buyer's remorse, and her awful taste. Why do all white Mormon women have the same hideous, tacky, bland, basic bitch taste? Anna too. I swear all they do is talk about leggings, buy cheap shit from target, watch hallmark movies and eat a fucking landfill's worth of trash every night.

 

[Crepidodera fulvicornis]

wow, I missed the fact that he’s younger. I thought he’s the same age as April, just exhausted and unhappy, maybe alkie, but overall okay 37 year old guy.
That’s roooough 30, especially considering his great physic form and continued exercise regimen.

 

[That's my purse]

April gets incredibly frustrated with reaction channels but won't call them out by name as her saccharine mask will slip and would drive some of her followers to do some digging (I'm crediting them with some intelligence, this may be a reach on my part).

I think she's starting to get unnerved with the regularity in being called out as she's very aware there's only so long she can hold her audience with stagnant/reversed weight loss. She works hard in pulling out all the optical illusions of weight loss, but here, she looks exactly the same between the first and last photo, just more covered up.

Her husband has made more of an effort not to be an asshole in her videos and sticking up for her ever since Ilona pointed out some of his behaviour was getting a bit below the belt/gunt (example, when April asked if he regretted marrying her and he snapped out of his 1000 yard stare and said something like, "Made my choice, gotta live with it." Although I think he is more driven to protect his fragile ego than to actually support his wife (hence frog-marching her to the gym to squat on video).

I'm interested to know what April has been doing behind the scenes in this sudden break in uploading. Given her background in marketing/communications, it will either be her with her dressed in white, without make-up in a video titled, "Addressing the hate," where she is simply EXHAUSTED at trying to defend her journey and will blame the weight gain on these reaction channels (it's not outside of April's remit to be highly manipulative) or she'll bounce back bright and breezy, sharing all the things that make her live each day a little brighter (mostly buying shit she doesn't need and going out to eat).

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

Great OP and great thread. Do we have any more information about her early life? Those crazy, dead-looking eyes and her tendency to be morbidly obese likely means there’s a story there.

 

[R00T]

If you call the doggie obese you gotta post some pictures of them. The only shots you have are of them walking and they don’t look extremely fat.

Credit where credit is due it does take a lot of work to lose 70 pounds and keep it off. And even if she’s not the most physical at least she’s out there moving. Most fatties don’t even manage that.

 

[FarmerKhourtney]

The deal with her and her husband is really interesting too. He has that petulant “bored husband sitting in the mall chairs” attitude (for lack of a better description) like 24/7 it seems like

Everyone gets irritated with their partner at some point but it seems he’s like that with her all the time. Although she doesn’t show how she treats him when she’s not filming so…

 

[PotatoFace]

I'm interested to know what April has been doing behind the scenes in this sudden break in uploading.

Apparently they went to the Chattanooga, Tennessee area for a family gathering. She posted IG stories saying she's completely failed Vlogmas (and it'll continue "in like, whatever kind of way I can continue it"). She mentioned she had been vlogging her trip but made no comment about when the next video will go up.

(And nothing about Chikara, of course.)

 

[That's my purse]

I've never had dogs so this is just me as the average layperson, but I don't think these pups are just 'big boned'. April probably thinks letting them roam in the back is adequate exercise. Or she takes one for the walk and gets so out of breath & tired, she doesn't walk the other. I can't see her doing two separate journeys in the same day on the regular.

April's pups

Not April's pup, for comparison

 

[The Lychee Queen]

I've never had dogs so this is just me as the average layperson, but I don't think these pups are just 'big boned'. April probably thinks letting them roam in the back is adequate exercise. Or she takes one for the walk and gets so out of breath & tired, she doesn't walk the other. I can't see her doing two separate journeys in the same day on the regular.

April's pups
View attachment 2799699

Not April's pup, for comparison
View attachment 2799702

Notice April dogs' knees, how they prorate backwards. That's not normal! That's from being so top-heavy. No dogs should be obese but it's especially bad for German Shepherds because it aggravates their hip dysplasia. Credit where credit's due, her dogs do appear to be straight-backed, not that awful American line ridiculously sloped back, so it looks like she sourced them from a responsible breeder. But they may appear to be straight-backed because they're so fat.

And there's no excuse for them not getting enough exercise. First of all, she WANTED German Shepherds. They're high energy, need JOBS, and are prone to anxiety. If you can't handle that, don't get them. Second, she has a very spacious backyard. She can throw the ball or frisbee several sessions a day.

 

[Not me]

Yas! I'm glad she gets her own thread.
She is so ridiculous! Gorl, you know how to be thin, just go back to it. How important does food have to be to be fat? There is a much more underlying issue with this.
And she fattened up her dogs, too. That's disgusting! German Shepards are lean high energetic dogs. They WANT to work and she does nothing with it.

 

[Justanotherguy]

Awesome, maybe talk about how she suspiciously gained over 100 pounds in the first year or so of marriage

 

[brooky]

Definitely a great start but I can think of some more things that make her a bit more cow worthy that should be covered.

I think it would be also worth incorporating her being adamant to never cheat on her diet, that she doesn't get cravings, she only shows herself to eat healthy fitness foods and her doing 75 hard. During 75 Hard she ate out daily despite this being against the rules and she also *almost* cheated on her diet by eating some oatmeal but it exploded in the microwave, so she didn't (LOL). This can be found in the #oatmealgate video.

She also nukes any form of negativity from her channel and is therefore absolutely incapable of receiving any criticism or feedback that is not ass-pattery.

The video where she got her metabolism tested and was told she is basically healthy at a swelt 260lbs and should eat around 3300 calories a day is also pretty hilarious. I don't know how to achieve and I imagine that has been achieved already in the Fat Acceptance thread, but that particular video is an insight in to the delusional world she has created for herself. She believed that losing an additional 30lbs would make her healthy and she should be eating 3300 calories to "fuel" her extremely intense exercise routine. However ,she decided to stick to 2500 instead and has been gradually gaining since then. (ninja'd by @I call shenanigans )

Her workouts are totally retarded also, thinking she will burn 7-800 calories from waddling along for an hour to do a mile and doing weird body weight circuits with burpees she is unable to complete with any decent form. In fact, most of her workouts are lacklustre and performed with terrible form, yet she believes herself to be like Tia Clair Toomey doing super intense WODs. Most of these are 20 minute circuits that normal people would do as a warm up.

She also has two morbidly obese, beautiful German Sheppard's that she doesn't exercise, unless she get's called out by Ilona and then suddenly she is walking them in every vlog. I believe she doesn't like walking them because one was attacked and she cannot handle both at the same time (I am not 100% sure on this though). Regardless, her dogs are as fat as her and she has no excuse to not exercise them properly because walking is her main form of exercise and she is at home all day long

Finally, she seems to be completely reluctant to do the one thing she needs to do on her "journey to lose 200lbs" and that is track her food properly. She writes down arbitrary numbers in a notebook that are pulled from thin air, she is rarely seen to actually weigh anything out and doesn't seem to want to track her food intake because of a fear of getting an eating disorder. April can only eat whatever she wants without tracking and pray to the gods that results in weightloss, or eat 1200 calories - there is no middle ground of eating a bit more calories but actually tracking everything she sticks in to her mouth.

Not sure if any of this is Ninja'd, I will edit accordingly after posting

The metabolism testing thing is what launches her into a lolcow for me. Sheer delusion and lunacy. She's living on another planet.

I agree with other posters that she seems like a nice lady. But her happiness seems false and forced to me, similar to Anna's. Even her smile and eyes in her skinny photos creep me out. I do feel bad for her because I think she's got some deep simmering problems under all that fake positivity that is just ready to explode. I don't think she's malicious, I'm sure she's a perfectly lovely person to know.

But like... nobody will watch Chantal or ALR and think this is an acceptable way to live. Or if they do, those people are already fucked up. For April, if she got to be the "influencer" she wants to be, a chubby teenage girl might watch her and think her terrible low effort exercises are appropriate, or that never moving toward your goal is the same as moving toward your goal, or that if she's still fat and barren at 37, she'll be able to reverse it with nothing but the power of positivity. This bullshit weight loss journey that's also kind of HAESy and coddling is counter productive IMO. It's one thing to say "slow and steady wins the race" and quite another to hurple a mile as slow as humanly possibly and then claim an expert said you have 100 pounds of healthy fat or whatever.

And she has no business having those dogs. Those poor things must be bored out of their minds, which seems like a recipe for disaster with a breed like German Shepherds. She should just drop the pretense and get cats instead. She'd still probably overfeed them, but they're a lot easier to exercise if you can barely walk a mile a day yourself. (Though I also don't get why Kenny doesn't exercise them more. Doesn't bode well for any potential future children. He snarks sometimes but he seems so uninterested and passive. He creeps me out more than she does.)

Thank you for everyone on compiling these posts! I do think she's a quieter cow, and I don't think she's a mean person or anything. But I find her fascinating. Just like... what the fuck happened here.

 

[Lucille's Brands]

She's got a live premiere now.
All in-chat asspats. That'd look good on her merch - 'April Lauren. In-chat asspats'.
Will grab and archive when complete.

Spoiler: Archive

 

[Azovka]

She's got a live premiere now.
All in-chat asspats. That'd look good on her merch - 'April Lauren. In-chat asspats'.
Will grab and archive when complete.

She complains about her dogs wanting to be walked out again, burns her meal prep, and wants to go to a "cute little shop" (ofc), but is too lazy to do so. The way she baby talks to her dogs is weird, but that's probably just me.
"Watching the DEKA footage was extraordinarily eye-opening. My goal next time is to shave 10 minutes off".

When she shows the gym footage at 5:30, she actually kept in the bit where a coach finally criticises her form. The voice over claims that "she's encouraging me to go so much harder. She said "I've seen you squat so much lower, hun"", but what you see on video is the coach clearly pointing out that April's knees bend outwards, which is bad form.

Props to her, she actually shows herself jumping rope. Not the best idea given how overweight she is (her knees must be screaming), but she's doing shit, which is more than she used to. And she does squat deeper than she's ever done, so good for her.