April Lauren / April Lauren Wilson Brown / Wakeupbright - Fake positivity, pedostache husband. Voted fatty most likely on the verge of her Stepford Wife robot programming malfunctioning

[low sodium]

Apple Orchard Vlog and Weigh In Wednesday​

Premiered Oct 28, 2022

Spoiler: 355.4

Archive

Spoiler: Archive

​

Yancy Culp on his Passion for Fitness, Beating Cancer, Finishing a Death Race and Co-Creating DEKA​

Oct 25, 2022

Archive

Spoiler: Archive

 

[Clown Baby]

This latest Ape video is bleak. The entire sit down section where she looks like she's on the brink of tears the entire time, telling everyone how 'If you have no one to do things with, you should still do things,' like just say your husband is gone. If you are so codependent that your husband leaving for work makes you need to give yourself a pep talk just to keep breathing, you need therapy, not fake fans giving you asspats for losing .4 lbs and going apple picking.

 

[The Skeksis Emperor]

It just makes me kinda sad, you're almost 40 years old and can't just go on an outing by yourself without freaking out about it? That's not good. No wonder she gains weight when her husband is away.

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

I find it interesting now that KF is down for long periods of time, she is resuming her fake weight loss routine. Now that we’re back up, I wonder if she will resume it. Pretending to lose 100 pounds while still looking like she’s 325 to 350 pounds is beyond parody.

April very obviously doesn’t truly want kids and I think that’s part of the issue she refuses to admit to herself. Deal with that and she might be able to deal with the weight.

I’ve always believed she does want kids, it’s just that she can’t go without instant gratification. She could actually lose 100 pounds to be in a better position to conceive but she could feel good eating Chick Fil A right now. So she does. April has no impulse control whatsoever.

It just makes me kinda sad, you're almost 40 years old and can't just go on an outing by yourself without freaking out about it? That's not good. No wonder she gains weight when her husband is away.

To be fair, she gains weight when her husband is around too. April appears to be the type to not only need continuous instant gratification, she needs continuous validation too. She doesn’t appear to have any offline friends now that Jenna moved away so without Kennay to drip feed validation to her, she will go crazy. We’re beginning to learn more and more about what’s going on behind those crazy eyes.

 

[thejackal]

This latest Ape video is bleak. The entire sit down section where she looks like she's on the brink of tears the entire time, telling everyone how 'If you have no one to do things with, you should still do things,' like just say your husband is gone. If you are so codependent that your husband leaving for work makes you need to give yourself a pep talk just to keep breathing, you need therapy, not fake fans giving you asspats for losing .4 lbs and going apple picking.

It was disturbing. Like watching a mental break in real time. There were numerous editing mistakes that added to the schizo feel. I think after the 5th time she claimed going to the orchard alone didn't bother her every viewer, even her most brain dead ones, had to have thought "the lady doth protest too much". It clearly bothered the shit out of her.

She drove over an hour each way to find something to do -- she desperately needs a real job.

 

[Ginger_beer]

April's apple orchard video had so many prize "WTF?" moments for me. Where she assures the viewer that they should go do things that they really want to do even if they have to go by themselves... yes? Who past very early adolescence doesn't*? Where she mentions that she's "introverted" -- has no one told her that introverts don't *avoid* social interaction, they're just made tired by it rather than energised like extroverts? What she's describing in herself is neurosis of some kind, not introversion. Then there was the bit where she earnestly assured the audience that no one else at the apple orchard noticed that she was alone. Yes? Perhaps because they were also there to pick apples, no one cares, and someone being by themselves is not unusual for people who are not apparently completely codependent? I think the other people who were at the orchard also unwittingly had cause for gratitude that April was not attempting to pick apples in a denim dress. Trousers were a good choice for climbing up on things, most definitely, thank you April.

*I'm also not buying it because she's shown herself shopping, running errands, running, etc. alone before. So going to a special event alone is traumatic, but going into a crowded shop full of strangers is fine? Or is the lure of spending money strong enough to overcome her hang ups for? I suspect there is an element of that in play, particularly when processed food/sugar is involved.

Her "weight loss" is actually better than I expected, assuming she's not lying. I have been expecting her to gain, particularly in the face of making it a goal to lose 20 lbs. and Kenny's absence. Mind you, I don't expect her to actually lose the 20 lbs. but if she doesn't visibly gain that amount instead I will be pleasantly surprised.

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

April's apple orchard video had so many prize "WTF?" moments for me. Where she assures the viewer that they should go do things that they really want to do even if they have to go by themselves... yes? Who past very early adolescence doesn't*? Where she mentions that she's "introverted" -- has no one told her that introverts don't *avoid* social interaction, they're just made tired by it rather than energised like extroverts? What she's describing in herself is neurosis of some kind, not introversion. Then there was the bit where she earnestly assured the audience that no one else at the apple orchard noticed that she was alone. Yes? Perhaps because they were also there to pick apples, no one cares, and someone being by themselves is not unusual for people who are not apparently completely codependent? I think the other people who were at the orchard also unwittingly had cause for gratitude that April was not attempting to pick apples in a denim dress. Trousers were a good choice for climbing up on things, most definitely, thank you April.

*I'm also not buying it because she's shown herself shopping, running errands, running, etc. alone before. So going to a special event alone is traumatic, but going into a crowded shop full of strangers is fine? Or is the lure of spending money strong enough to overcome her hang ups for? I suspect there is an element of that in play, particularly when processed food/sugar is involved.

Her "weight loss" is actually better than I expected, assuming she's not lying. I have been expecting her to gain, particularly in the face of making it a goal to lose 20 lbs. and Kenny's absence. Mind you, I don't expect her to actually lose the 20 lbs. but if she doesn't visibly gain that amount instead I will be pleasantly surprised.

That is a good point: April doesn’t mind being alone when spending money, going on fast food runs, or pretending to jog on the track at the high school. Her desire for validation and instant gratification easily win out there but apple picking is beyond the pale? This one of those moments, like weighing spices while ignoring calorie counting, that gains insight into her personality. Nobody will give her asspats about picking apples by itself so she had to dramatize it to get the validation she craves.

 

[Clown Baby]

That is a good point: April doesn’t mind being alone when spending money, going on fast food runs, or pretending to jog on the track at the high school. Her desire for validation and instant gratification easily win out there but apple picking is beyond the pale? This one of those moments, like weighing spices while ignoring calorie counting, that gains insight into her personality. Nobody will give her asspats about picking apples by itself so she had to dramatize it to get the validation she craves.

I think it's just a marker of her underlying mental illness which she tries to pretend isn't there by masking it with fake positivity. When Kenny was still there, working nearby, she was fine to do things alone. Now that he's gone and likely she has no real timeframe for when he will return, she is in despair, probably feels like she's in a hole she will never get out of. I would feel sorry for her, but she is a smug asshole and a liar, so nope.

 

[stupid frog]

She had Covid, didn't she? Do you think she lost some weight then and probably gained it back? I was just normal sick and lost weight. Or do you think she still was stuffing her stupid face?

I kind of feel like she didn't lose shit, because she would flaunt a higher number.

Also, introverts don't have YT channels, at least not ones where they always show their dumb fat face.

 

[Ginger_beer]

I think it's just a marker of her underlying mental illness which she tries to pretend isn't there by masking it with fake positivity. When Kenny was still there, working nearby, she was fine to do things alone. Now that he's gone and likely she has no real timeframe for when he will return, she is in despair, probably feels like she's in a hole she will never get out of. I would feel sorry for her, but she is a smug asshole and a liar, so nope.

That's part of what I don't understand, and maybe it is simply as you say -- a marker of her mental illness. I know that they can flower/morph/change over the course of people's lives. But she didn't marry extremely young (and accompanied everywhere) from her parents' house. She was an adult, working, living, and studying on her own (from what the Instagram photos and old blog posts show), who had friends and activities that she apparently did independently prior to marrying Kenny. How did she turn into a stage five clinger who doesn't want to leave the house alone apparently instantly upon marriage?

 

[Thomas Eugene Paris]

Her "weight loss" is actually better than I expected, assuming she's not lying.

Well, I hate to break it to you, but...

 

[Lucille's Brands]

3 MILES FOR TIME | AND Everything Hurts 5K | Weigh in Wednesday
3 Nov 2022

In this video, "3 MILES FOR TIME | AND Everything Hurts 5K | Weigh in Wednesday," I share my most recent 3 miles for time and weigh in, vlog the day and follow up on some of the home projects I shared I would be doing. Hope you enjoy!

#aprillauren #wakeupbright #weighinwednesday

On Tor, and can't add media, add archive or stills, ugh.
Allegedly one pound weightloss this week, 254.4.
She's 1.6 pounds away from the one hundred pounds down Dexa scan she promised, so expect excuses incoming, or her to blank Dexa questions.
April also has a new podcast video with her running coach, haven't watched that, either.
Ilona did a reaction to 'April Lauren not explaining why she didn't lose weight' a few hours ago.
Anyhoo, skimming through this video, I call bullshit on any recent weight loss. Her face appears bigger, and her botox needs topping up.
That Spock brow is setting a course for back up in her hairline, impulse power.

 

[The Skeksis Emperor]

On Tor, and can't add media, add archive or stills, ugh.
Allegedly one pound weightloss this week, 254.4.
She's 1.6 pounds away from the one hundred pounds down Dexa scan she promised, so expect excuses incoming, or her to blank Dexa questions.
April also has a new podcast video with her running coach, haven't watched that, either.
Ilona did a reaction to 'April Lauren not explaining why she didn't lose weight' a few hours ago.
Anyhoo, skimming through this video, I call bullshit on any recent weight loss. Her face appears bigger, and her botox needs topping up.
That Spock brow is setting a course for back up in her hairline, impulse power.

No worries

Archive:

Weigh-in:


She looks the same as always, so no big weightloss for sure.


April did a Run 4 Movement 5k. I'm not really sure what that is, but it seems they send you a package so you can do the 5k on your own, at home. Her friend Jenna did hers in DC.

April makes sure to mention that the new leggings she got were very cheap and on sale. I'll admit I kinda like this silly outfit. The shirt they gave her is cute.


April found the 5k very hard. She's on her period, and she had an off-day, and she kept looking at her watch, etc. Once she hit her 3 miles she stopped running and started walking. She compares her results to her run from July at length.


April and Kenny are going to do an Turkey Trot in November and she wants to sign up for a silly run in December. April says she has always wanted to do stuff like that.

The podcast has the passive agressive title 'You shouldn't be running', amazing. People aren't saying that to bully you, April, they're trying to save you from injury.

You shouldn't be running. Running Wild with Jho on the Wake Up Bright Podcast with April Lauren​

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

Someone should notify her that we are back up and here to make fun of her 100 pounds of fake weight loss. Right after we go down, she starts lying about her weight loss again. She must think very little of everyone else if she thinks she can lie about this much weight lost.

People aren't saying that to bully you, April, they're trying to save you from injury.

Realistically she isn’t capable of “running” very far. At best it’s more of a faster shuffle/waddle.

 

[FatalTater]

I wonder if April ever looks in the mirror and remembers how she looked back when she was human sized.
I wonder how that makes her feel, knowing that all she'd have to do is eat less to have that face again.

 

[Blerg]

The silly outfit is indeed cute. April could be a YouTube darling if she wasn’t so batshit crazy, and all her cutesy behaviors didn’t come off in such a bunny-boiling fashion.

It was a moment of pride to see she went apple picking fucking finally until all the griping about being alone. There is a direct correlation between a person’s self confidence and a person’s ability to be alone. To the shock of nobody, when left by herself in public, April starts to malfunction. A shame the only weekend possible in all of autumn to go on a potentially romantic weekend day trip to the apple orchard was the same weekend ol’ Ken had to be literally anywhere else. Chins up, April. There’s still turkey hunting, gelt robbery, kwanza whatever-they-do-with-that, Christmas tree chopping, and firework watching before 2023 rolls in. You’ll get him to spend real, quality time with you this year for sure !

 

[Ginger_beer]

At the beginning of the video April explains that she's only going to run 3.0 miles out of 3.1 miles because she wants it to be comparable to her previous three miles for time... My sides! I had to double check because I do not think in Imperial units. For those like me who automatically default to metric she's talking about only running 4.8 km instead of 5.0 km because having a basis for time comparison is the really important thing here. LOL. Oh dear. Except maybe this is useful input into understanding April's outlook on things. It's redundant to state that she lacks the ability to think in the larger picture or longer term, but since 0.2 km (and maybe something like 2 minutes -- assuming she's running a 10 min/km as she's shown before) matters so very much to her, then perhaps that minuscule weight loss she posts regularly looms equally large in her mind? That could actually make some sense of April, aside from her general resistance to logic and perseverance.

Spoiler: Cut because I hash through a summary of the rest of the video

The very serious, important footage (indicated by the dramatic music) of her filling her oversized water bottle pre-run also put tears of laughter in my eyes. Everything April does has to be OMG a big deal. She's a superhero in a movie, at least in her own mind.

At the gym the contrast between April labouring to push the unwieghted Deka cart-thing (sorry, I am not au fait with what it's actually called and can't be arsed to Google) and subsequently thumping her way through modified burpees and the fit woman doing burpees with proper form in the background is striking, and not at all what April meant to convey with that shot I'm sure.

I do like the t-shirt for the online 5K -- the capering skeletons are fun, and it's a nice piece of swag. There's a raging series of jump cuts as April talks about all the home repairs she's finished, and she keeps referring to her viewers as y'all. Ahahahaha, April then proceeds to whine about how she hasn't felt like filming because she thought she'd "share the things that bring her joy" but the online hatefulness from certain quarters *cough* spoils that, and "makes it hard to share". Has no one ever told you that not everything you do requires gold stars and applause April? She's like a toddler who has been overpraised rather than guided, and the fact that some people don't fall all over themselves to pat her head for any piece of nonsense she spews out fills her with dismay and outrage. Rage on April, I find you funny, and am not at all saddened to be deprived of footage of you *gasp* doing home repairs. I will say that her breakfast (oatmeal and eggs) looks sensible, albeit a much larger portion than she likely needs even at her size and exertion level.

Then there is a lot of tedious footage of her running, enlivened by the contrast with a much fitter runner doing a relaxed recovery pace past her. Heh. She did complete the 5K, which I will not shade her for, and apart from what I view as a thoroughly silly reason for walking the last 0.2 km (math exists April, you could just finish the run and figure out a 1:1 comparison), I will also not criticise that she walked the last bit assuming she needed to. She's a beginner, and sometimes even people who aren't need to slow down to finish their training distance. That's okay. I'll also not denigrate her time: 46:19, or something like 9.6 min/km. That's not at all bad given her size, and status as a rank beginner.

She babbles on about how effortful the run felt, and blames a bunch of factors. It really could be down to her being menstrual, or it could just be "because". Welcome to running April, some runs just suck for no apparent reason. She also made a point of mentioning her friend Yenna, who also did the run where she lives -- see! April has friends! And hilariously she keeps showing her oversized water bottle that she's drinking from. Because April is a serious athlete, and is hydrating properly. (Seriously, staying hydrated is excellent. It's the performative part of it that makes me laugh so much.)

I found a small point interesting -- she talks about seeing another runner with an apparently effortless pace, and wanting that, so she was changing her foot strike pattern on this run *against her running coach's explicit instructions*. Here I face palm, and agree with the coach. Whatever foot strike pattern April can do without injuring herself at this point is the one she should be using. Fantasies of gliding effortlessly over the ground are pointless, and could be actively injurious. When (if) she's lost another 100 lbs she can reassess her stride and maybe modify it, but not before then.

Her husband is apparently home again, and preparing to run a 10 miler that he hasn't had the opportunity to train for properly. I'm sure Kenny will be fine because I'm guessing that unlike April he has a realistic ability to assess his own abilities, and can pare back his speed to finish safely if needed. She talks about planning a host of small seasonal fun runs for herself and Kenny, then gets in a passive aggressive jab about maybe not sharing things because of the negativity, before admitting that she'll probably share anyway. My goodness, so nasty April, and not at all concealed by the fake good wishes tacked on the end. Heh. What a thoroughly amusing video, though not in the way her ass-patting commentators would assert. I do not have time to watch the video with the running coach now, but I look forward to it. If the person is sensible I can't see them lasting too long with April, because she's simply too obdurate and silly about "doing what's right for her". Thank you to the valiant Kiwis who have archived and posted this for all of us to partake.

 

[stupid frog]

April looks cute in her skeleton run outfit!!
She needs to do something with her hair, but I don't know what. I also remember she cried over cutting so little it probably didn't get all her split ends, so whatever.

How long is Kenny gone? I think I missed reading some stuff, but I don't recall seeing it mentioned...
nm I see he's back!

 

[Lucille's Brands]

Yay, finally back to normal access to the farms. Hopefully that's the end of the Trans Bans Planz for the Farms, and we can get back to some honest to God shitposting.
Anyhoo, on catch up with April's bullshittery, but did anyone else catch this? I know I'm nit picking, but if she'd an ounce of cop on, she wouldn't have posted this -
(Scene starts from 2:50 in 'Just one of those days..' video of 14th October. The clip below from 3 mins she starts vlogging in the back yard, but there's multiple cuts, so she was out the back for longer than shown)

Considering the drama she drummed up about this -

'Security' sign on the gate to the back garden.

So, she's out the back garden, 'watchu dooen boo boo' at the dogs, feeling plants, and generally talking shite to the camera for at least five minutes, while her garage door is wide open, all the doors in between are unlocked, I'm assuming her car keys are in the house, and hundreds of dollars of gym equipment sits on display in her garage.
Bear in mind -

1. Terry Sanford is a rough neighbourhood.
2. Her house backs onto a highway, Bragg Boulevard, and downtown Fayetteville.
3. The attempted home invasion would be intruder knows where she lives.
4. The cops advised them on basic home security.
5. The cops had trouble locating her address during the would be home invasion, they were '20 minutes late'.
6. If her doors are unlocked and open, it's safe to assume she hasn't set the alarm while home.

TL DR, April's home was as open as a turkeys ass at Thanksgiving dinner, and the first clue she'd have that something was wrong would be an intruder in her back yard while she's blabbing into a camera like a sped, or she goes to pick up sticks to find her car gone, with half her shit in it.

Other bits and bobs.

- Yeniz proving no one should put there physical well being in her hands, if this is the retard regard she has for her own.

- Candid gym photo. Where's @NeoGAF Lurker at? I'd swear, if anything, she's putting weight on.



- That Deka she did, she banged on about time improvement, but that doesn't change that she finished third last. Doesn't throw that stat around, though, does she.


- Comment on one of her recent videos. She's not going to rest till she gets that HIGF video up to a million views. She links it on everything.

Yes, and more. She's what 8 years married? And trying to lose weight after the first year of marriage.

1. Married

2. Massive less than a year later.

3. Kenny's first Deployment 5 years after they got married.

(Thumbnail features an old photo of her, she is fat in the video)
Deployment didn't make April fat, April made April fat years before that.

April's answer -

Liar.


Ah, it's good to be back.

ETA, pure coincidence, but bahahaha..

 

[Ginger_beer]

I hadn't even noticed the bit where her house was wide open and unlocked. D: I mean, we know she has no regard for her personal safety when it comes to sport and weight, but here is proof that she doesn't regard it other ways, either. Given economic circumstances and the rough neighbourhood all someone has to do is plan a little, and watch and wait until they can help themselves to a houseful of profitable items with minimal effort. Material goods aside, she's putting her dogs at risk as well. (There was a rash of dog thievery during the pandemic here because people were willing to pay horrendous amounts for companion animals, so unscrupulous people were stealing pets right out of people's fenced yards, and from off leash dog parks to resell them. That may still be happening. And isn't the bitch (Chipper) still intact? Someone may want to steal her for breeding.)

I had thought from April's narrative that Kenny deployed relatively soon after they were married, not 5 years after. Whatever she weighed prior, she still gained enough that he was completely shellshocked and nearly didn't recognise her on returning home. Thank you for improving the lore @Lucille's Brands.

I don't know if anyone else has ventured into that podcast, but I've made it part way through and likely won't finish because I find it so dull -- in spite of being about running, which takes some doing! In any case while the title is a passive-aggressive jab at the viewers who criticise April it actually pertains to her *running coach* who comes from a sexist family background (partially cultural, but culture is not an excuse) where her father didn't allow her to do sports, because "a woman's place is in the house". Her step father later was more supportive, and once she got out on her own she started exploring sports, and has built an adult life centred around physical fitness. April of course finds "inspiration" in this, because people telling her not to run because she's risking bone fractures and permanent joint injury is exactly the same as some dickless example of a man who has to oppress women to feel strong and capable. Or something. Also, I am not familiar with the creed but doesn't the Mormonism* April espouses encourage the same old sexist notion that women should be at home, in the house, looking after children and being good domestic slaves while the men do things like have careers and do sport? (*Nobody @ me, please. I know that it's likely more sensible than that for the most part, but it's another one of April's contradictions -- "Lets talk about how awful this other repressive sexist nonsense is, while espousing the exact same thing myself albeit I'm not observant". LOL. )