How to move on with anxiety
As some of you probably know, I've had a wild ride with my phalloplasty so far. I had two emergency surgeries for two completely different reasons that both threatened the loss of of my penis. The first time blood wasn't draining out of my penis and the second time both my artery and my vein failed and I had to have a completely new vein graft taken from my leg. It's been grueling and scary and I'm just so over it.
Tomorrow will be two weeks post op my last surgery and there was some slight discoloration and the tip was a little cool after getting out of the shower. I freaked out a little bit, sent some pictures to my surgeon, and am just trying to calm down now. They said everything looked fine and I was all good, but I just can't get it out of my head that something is wrong again. I keep thinking about having to go into surgery again and having to stay in the hospital longer and losing my penis. I have OCD/anxiety and it's relatively controlled but I still struggle. On top of all of this, I'm trying really hard to go home next week (only 3 hours from the hospital) because my dad had some serious cognitive complications from spine surgery he had this week. I'd really like to see him as soon as possible.
I don't know. For anyone who has had blood flow/clot issues, how do you move on? How do you deal with the constant anxiety? I'm just really struggling. How do you all deal with the emotional ups and downs of this surgery? I strongly feel that it was worth it but this anxiety is insane. When am I out of the woods? When do I get to relax?