lol lmao
https://old.reddit.com/r/TransDIY/c..._extremely_frustrated_with_how_im_developing/ /
https://archive.is/FJTxz
Posted by
2 days ago
Still extremely frustrated with how I'm "developing" after 2 years on hormones and can't get any explanation
I'm a transgender woman and I have been on hormones for almost 2 years. My regime has been consisitent for more than a year and my levels have been very good for more than 1.5 years. For a comprehensive and updated overview of my regime/bloodwork click
here.
During my time on HRT there was a small period (Jan-May 22) in which I did seem to be progressing as would be expected. But since then there has been no progress at all and there are many things that have worsened:
- Starting in June my breasts started shrinking quite a bit and now they are too small to even fit an a-cup bra. The tissue has become hard and small and it's almost always completely insensitive. I should have good hormone levels, good genes (average breasts size in family is h/i-cup), I have been weight cycling, I have added a small amount of estrone, massage my breasts daily, use breasts pumps and have tried progesterone multiple times. Nothing seems to work and they are just getting smaller.
- My hair has only worsened. I sometmes get some regrowth, but i just falls out again. I had no reason to be pessimistic about my hair before starting HRT, with only limited hairloss and an okay hairline. It has just gotten worse.
- I have had 15 laser sessions in the past 1.5 years. My beard shadow almost was gone a year ago, but it has come back since May last year and has worsened despite the continuing laser. Collegeaus have commented that it's very visible, so it's not only in my head.
- My face made much progress in in especially march/april 2022, but since then has become more masculine again (in my opinion). Some disagree about this, but I think the fact that I had a period of months where I was never misgendered and the last few months I get misgendered almost daily, just confirms that I look a lot more masculine now. Pictures are a bit misleading, because they are taken in such a way to disguise how masculine my face really looks. Without glasses/forced smile/make up/right angle my face looks 100% masculine.
- At start I did have some masculine looking upper body muscles (biceps, broad shoulders etc.), but they seemed to get smaller in the first year. Since June they came back again despite really trying to avoid working them out in a any way and focusing on lower body. My shoulders now look very masculine again.
- I know it takes time, but my figure hasn't improved at all, despite weight cycling/intermittend fasting. Fat is still being put in masculine places, fat is still being burned from feminine places.
- After starting mono estrogen in Aug 21, there was a good development on my genitalia. My balls became smaller and retreated inside. Nightly and random erections stopped completely and orgasms started being completely dry. However in June 22 it all came back. The balls became larger again. I get erections every noght and random erections quite regularly and I have started to produce semen again (despite very low testosterone)
So my questions is:
Why do I get such androgenic effects despite continued low testoserone?? How could it be possible and what can I try to combat it??
UPDATE - Suggested reasons and solutions
Dysmorphia - Altough quite possible that dysmorphia plays a role in my case, I doubt everything can be explained that way. And even if its just dysmorphia... how exactly do I fight a monster like this?
DHEA(S) - This was quite intersting. I have not been tested for DHEA and I don;t know much about this. It could be an explanation for masculinization in individuals with low testosterone values. Also it seems to be linked to stress and I have been super-stressed in the last half year. I will ask to have it tested in my next hormone test. Suggested was to lower estrogen and add an adrogen. Problem is that I have had lower estrogen a few times during the last 2 years and it really didn;t seem to help me. I can try stress reduction (but this is also difficult to attack, just like dysmorphia) and maybe some supplements (zink, magnesium, others?)
Adrogen activity - Regardless of the reason, if there is androgen activity then an AA might be in order. I still have some CPA in house and CPA or Spiro are the easiest to obtain. Duta or Bica (which are arguably better fits) are very expensive and hard to get trough customs.
DHT - My symptoms do look like DHT, but each time I try to test it's very, very low. DHT blockers are expensive and hard to get trough customs, so it seems foolish to buy it when DHT already is low according to tests.
Lack of weight gain - Someone suggested (in a post that was quickly deleted) that I should be more rigorous with my weight cycling. Even going so far as to gain 20 kg. Problem is I'm already somewhat overweight and being overweight might be a reason for getting refused GRS. So I'm afraid to gain too much weight. On the other hand, if I lose too much weight I always end up looking more masculine in the face. My masculine bone structure becomes more visible.
What to try now
- Get estrogen levels stable again. As I don;t have access to duta or bica and I don;t fully trust CPA, I will stick with mono E (it;s what brought me good results in Jan - Apr 22). I will go with a slightly higher dosage / levels than before to be sure that testosterone is very well supressed.
- Stop wih oral E. I started irregular oral E a half year ago, because i heard estrone might be good for breast development. It hasn;t done good for me yet and might be detrimental.
- Reduce stress. I dont exactly know how. I guess making a list of stressors and de-stressors me might be a start.
- Reduce dysmorphia. I dont exactly know how. I guess trying to trust the people that say I look fine
- Add high intensity training more often.
