Lolcow athletes

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Kheapathic said:
Does Jim Cornette count? Dude wasn't an actual wrestler, but billed as a manager and was a strong presence for years. Has a restraining order against him by Vince Russo and admitted to trying to kill a man with his car. Now he has Trump / Republican Derangement Syndrome.

I'm sure Vince McMahon can count as a lolcow with how insane some of wrestling's "storylines" have been.
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The only thing worst than Cornette are his fans who insist he'd save wrestling if he was given 100% booking control. Vinnie is at least so damn batshit you don't know where the man ends and the character begins. He's also willing to take some crazy bumps (his match against Hogan at wrestlemania 19 had no business being that good
 
Johnny Salami said:
The only thing worst than Cornette are his fans who insist he'd save wrestling if he was given 100% booking control. Vinnie is at least so damn batshit you don't know where the man ends and the character begins. He's also willing to take some crazy bumps (his match against Hogan at wrestlemania 19 had no business being that good
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My only problem with Cornette (aside his TDS) is I know I'm the kind of person he hates; since I enjoyed Vince's Madhouse of What-the-Fuckery. Whether it's Crash Holly being ambushed at a county fair, amusement park, a fucking airport (pre-9/11), him and Shane tag-teaming against HBK and God (Yes, that one, Yaweh, Jehova, whatever, that one), all the shit he made the female wrestlers do on tv (hot tubs, lap dances, barking like a dog), giving his wife injections to sedate her... I like the spectacle and sheer insanity of it. I may be wrong, but I'll fight that the Attitude Era was the best because they were getting away with shit that wouldn't fly today (and even got in trouble with the censors back then). The matches were pretty good too; Mankind vs Undertaker, Hell in a Cell 1998, best match ever.

Edit: Oh, and Piggie James... because weight shaming women in Current Year would go over well.
 
Kheapathic said:
Does Jim Cornette count? Dude wasn't an actual wrestler, but billed as a manager and was a strong presence for years. Has a restraining order against him by Vince Russo and admitted to trying to kill a man with his car. Now he has Trump / Republican Derangement Syndrome.

I'm sure Vince McMahon can count as a lolcow with how insane some of wrestling's "storylines" have been.
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My favourite quote about Vince Russo is from the book "Wrestlecrap":

"Think of it this way: If Vince was managing your local Pizza Hut, you'd order a pizza from him and he'd deliver a newspaper instead. Sure it was a surprise, but it doesn't really make sense, and you'd probably never want to order anything from him ever again. But it sure fooled you, didn't it?"
 
Surprised this thread didn't get more traction. Being a jock doesn't mean you can't be a lolcow / schizo / sperg at the same time. A couple from the world of hockey:

Gilles Gratton / Gratoony the Loony
Reincarnated 16th century Spanish soldier. Fated to play goalie by bad karma. Lion. Growled and hissed like a cat at opposing players. Refused to play due to the position of the moon. Claimed he was trolling. Musician. New age hippy guru. Boomercore Buddhist. Astrologist. Buy his book!
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Link Gaetz / The Missing Link
Resurrected Homo habilis. Alcoholic. Criminal. Amnesiac. Banned from multiple leagues. Showed up to NHL draft day with two black eyes and a case of beer. Left mid-game to eat a hamburger. Went from the NHL to roller-hockey.

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Ilya Bryzgalov
His husky is basically a hot girl. Afraid of bear in forest. Solar system is so humungous big. It's only game, why you have to be mad?
 
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Kyle Beach-people like to worship him because he was raped by a team staff member and his teammates mocked him. He always had a massive ego, and severe anger issues. He was blacklisted from team Canada for attacking a teammate in practice, he fell in the WHL draft for attacking teammates, and officials, he attacked a teammate in the Chicago Blackhawks camp, he fell in the NHL draft for behavioral and psychological issues. He had many incidents with the public, and other teammates. He always got his shit kicked in when he tried to fight guys his own size or bigger, to the point where he had what were likely career altering injuries before even being drafted, but loved going after smaller players and cheap shots.
 
Paul Gascoigne is a classic. A blend of undiagnosed mental disorder, lots of booze and becoming a superstar footballer young meant he was never on the rails. There's tons of stories of his antics but the most famous involves a crossover with a spree shooter.

Spurned roided Geordie meathead, Raoul Moat, had shot his ex, her new fella, then a random copper. This spawned a weeklong manhunt, 1 a counter-terror team from Northern Ireland and TV survival host Ray Mears. Eventually this lead to a standoff between Moat and the police.

Enter Paul Gascoigne.

Having retired into a life of alcoholism, Gazza's star had faded. But something had inspired him, seeing the weeklong media storm over Moat had made him move. So at the standoff, Gazza turned up with chicken, beer and a fishing road, claiming to know Moat and to encourage him to surrender. Obviously, the police turned him away but his arrival escalated this story about a frankly underwhelming killing spree (only one death directly as a result of his shooting) into something remembered forever, more than the shooting a month before that actually iced 12 people
 
Hüftpriester said:
Presented without comment
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For some reason I really dislike Ronaldo, dunno why, I never felt such dislike for previous megastars like Ronaldinho and Ronaldo (Nazario).
But at the same time it's impossible to deny his talent and longevity, and near super-human athletic capabilities. There was some "Science of Sport" type of thing years ago, maybe Discovery Channel, and they put him through all sort of tests, if you're an athlete yourself you'll appreciate how rare such human specimens are, a combo of genetics and working out dedication, training, diet, orderly life all come together once every decade or so.
As for JBP, well, at least he's not fat I guess? The easiest path to recover from benzos and his detox lunacy would've been sports. Maybe now Ronaldo will convince him to start something so he prolongs his life some and get less easily triggered by Twitter trannies, less crying in his interviews lmao. Training tends to sedate you in a good way.
 
Jamarcus Russell is the sad kind of cow. First pick of the 2007 NFL Draft who had two family members die and one more have another mental breakdown within the same month and could never mentally fix himself, although GM evaluations suggest that he was already an 80 IQ hood nigger with low work ethic whose athleticism carried him through college, so how much mental health issues were the cause of his cow-dom is still debatable. Got addicted to lean and spent nearly his entire paycheck on trying to look like a rapper, became Jack Scalfani levels of fat, and was out of football in three years.

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UmQasaan said:
OMG is that Jordan Peterson!?!?!? Ronaldo is LITERALLY A NAZI AHHHH

Meeting a slightly controversial figure doesn't make you a Lolcow
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He is a lolcow, obviously.

-He complains about getting alogged by the media, he called them rats in the Piers Morgan interview. While that is pretty based, he's saying it to Piers Morgan of all people.
-He interacts with fanboy accounts on social media. Most of his fanboys are Indian.
-He's played well past his prime in an embarrassing way, he's in Saudi Arabia ffs. The other night he was heckled by a rival fanbase and grabbed his crotch as he walked off the pitch. Now there are Saudis calling for him to be expelled from the country. lol
-He's been accused of rape. Not saying he's guilty but that's another thing that makes him a cow.
-Everyone agrees he's one of the best players of all time but that's not good enough for him cause he's a narcissist. He's probably still seething about Messi winning the World Cup.
-He didn't meet with Jordan Peterstein, he had a therapy session with him. And he claims to be inspired by him.
 
Hüftpriester said:
-He complains about getting alogged by the media, he called them rats in the Piers Morgan interview. While that is pretty based, he's saying it to Piers Morgan of all people.
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He does. Plenty of outlets run by pakis dog on him for the most insignificant thing. During the world cup every shitting outlet spammed a picture of him looking "mad" that his teammate scored, and when it was revealed that it was a full 5 minutes after, they deleted their tweets. The only options for him are going to journalists that will suck him off because everyone else is a cunt and asks him the dumbest questions.

Hüftpriester said:
-He interacts with fanboy accounts on social media. Most of his fanboys are Indian.
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So what? So a celebrity should just ignore their fans because they're beneath them and think they're subhuman? Does this mean Taylor Swift is a lolcow because she knows about Swifties?

Hüftpriester said:
-He's played well past his prime in an embarrassing way, he's in Saudi Arabia ffs. The other night he was heckled by a rival fanbase and grabbed his crotch as he walked off the pitch. Now there are Saudis calling for him to be expelled from the country. lol
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All players fall off at some point. He's making shit tons of money. Messi is an official tourist ambassador for Saudi Arabia. He went to a soulness raghead owned club when he buckbroke Barcelona's finances, and now he's getting booed at home with PSG. All players have an ego and sell out at some point.

Hüftpriester said:
-He's been accused of rape. Not saying he's guilty but that's another thing that makes him a cow.
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Now I know you're a seething paki, because mere fact that "accusations" makes someone a cow is complete bullshit

Hüftpriester said:
-Everyone agrees he's one of the best players of all time but that's not good enough for him cause he's a narcissist. He's probably still seething about Messi winning the World Cup.
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He's definitely not as mad as you want him to be lol. His family members are lunatics and basically do the most outrageous shit, just like Messi's. If anything, they're the lolcows.

Hüftpriester said:
-He didn't meet with Jordan Peterstein, he had a therapy session with him. And he claims to be inspired by him.
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12 Rules for life is actually a decent book. Lots of normies like it. Just because you're angry about having no father figure doesn't mean you have to berate others who are intrigued by Peterson's lectures. The weird shit Peterson spouts on twitter and his personal life doesn't deter from the good he's done. It's not like Ronaldo wanted to talk about climate change with him, lol.


I definitely think his fan base and some of his relatives could be contenders though
 
UmQasaan said:
He does. Plenty of outlets run by pakis dog on him for the most insignificant thing
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Letting your trolls know what bothers you is a signature lolcow trait. And the media is run by pakis? lol, haven't heard that one before.
UmQasaan said:
So what? So a celebrity should just ignore their fans because they're beneath them and think they're subhuman?
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Yes, signal boosting your ballwashers is a pathetic look. And yes, Ronaldo fanboys are subhuman. Like I said earlier, most are street shitters.
UmQasaan said:
All players fall off at some point. He's making shit tons of money. Messi is an official tourist ambassador for Saudi Arabia. He went to a soulness raghead owned club when he buckbroke Barcelona's finances, and now he's getting booed at home with PSG. All players have an ego and sell out at some point.
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Messi is going back to Barcelona and will retire there with dignity having won everything there is to win. People like Messi more because he is humble and isn't consumed by vanity to the point where he gets botox while still in his thirties.
UmQasaan said:
Now I know you're a seething paki, because mere fact that "accusations" makes someone a cow is complete bullshit
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I am definitely not a paki, lol. The fact that you're seething about them makes me think you are Indian, which would explain your love of Ronaldo.
UmQasaan said:
He's definitely not as mad as you want him to be lol. His family members are lunatics and basically do the most outrageous shit, just like Messi's. If anything, they're the lolcows.
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I don't know anything about his family but I'm sure they are retards just like him.
UmQasaan said:
12 Rules for life is actually a decent book. Lots of normies like it. Just because you're angry about having no father figure doesn't mean you have to berate others who are intrigued by Peterson's lectures. The weird shit Peterson spouts on twitter and his personal life doesn't deter from the good he's done. It's not like Ronaldo wanted to talk about climate change with him, lol.
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Except it's guys without fathers who are intrigued by the schizo lectures of (((Dr. Peterstein))).
 
Would said:
Vinnie Mac turned millions into billions, had an average family (sans the wealth factor), enjoyed the pleasures of excess and still lived to a ripe old age.
I'm not sure he's a lolcow when compared to Moviebob, CWC, Maddox, DSP, etc.
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It's less about the man and the billionaire Vince McMahon, and more about the Vince McMahon who was the CEO and the storylines they'd run or even have ideas for. One of the funniest is when Shawn Michaels found religion, so Vince and Shane fought Shawn and God (who was introduced via a spotlight) in the ring. One of the most egregious that they didn't run was Vince wanted an incest storyline involving Stephanie (his daughter) and him, when that was turned down, he pitched it between Stephanie and Shane... because that's the kind of shit that runs through a billionaire's head.
 
Kheapathic said:
It's less about the man and the billionaire Vince McMahon, and more about the Vince McMahon who was the CEO and the storylines they'd run or even have ideas for. One of the funniest is when Shawn Michaels found religion, so Vince and Shane fought Shawn and God (who was introduced via a spotlight) in the ring. One of the most egregious that they didn't run was Vince wanted an incest storyline involving Stephanie (his daughter) and him, when that was turned down, he pitched it between Stephanie and Shane... because that's the kind of shit that runs through a billionaire's head.
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The Vince vs God storyline was funny though.
The incest one... yeah, that's bonkers.
 
Meat Target said:
May get banned from baseball for sexual assault allegations.
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Trevor Bauer really got railroaded by Major League Baseball, even if he is in to some twisted sexual shit.

No DA's office even got close to laying charges against him and he never had any legal action against him besides a restraining order.

Nevertheless, MLB ragged the puck with him keeping him suspended with pay for years, pretended to conduct their own "independent investigation", then essentially blackballed him from baseball and suspended him for years WITHOUT pay for another couple of seasons when the statute of limitations expired on the original accusations.

Pitbull Victim said:
Lenny Dykstra - broke, toothless, drug addicted, multiple felon, lolsuit filer, and serial sex pervert. Possibly the ultimate sports lolcow.
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Billy Beane, former Mets failed prospect of the '80s, famous A's GM and President and main protagonist in Michael Lewis' book Moneyball, played with Dysktra in the minors.

He came to the conclusion that Dykstra succeeded in baseball where he failed because Lenny was so empty-headed that he was completely immune to the psychological challenges that cause other players to get into their own heads.

Dykstra' son Cutter, a fellow failed baseball prospect, ended up married to Jamie-Lynn Sigler, Meadow Soprano, of The Sopranos fame.
 
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