WIBTA... my crush threw up when she saw my scars.
I (22ftm) have intense feelings for my friend (24 f ), we’ll call her Bee. For some background I met her through my job (we’re in the food industry). I’m have a big friend group and my crush use to work with everyone. Bee use to actually date someone within the friend group, Sandy (24 f). They’re still friends even tho they’re broken up.
I hangout with my work friend group a lot, and Bee sometimes will come along. I like Bee a lot because she’s just really cool, she’s always calm, she talks about anything and everything, and she’s beautiful. She even is working as a heating and cooling technician. It’s hard for her to hangout with all of us because she has so many other things going on in general. She even bough a house in this economy!
Sandy and Bee are still close friends. I’ve asked a Sandy about their relationship and if she’s over her, and Sandy basically just tells me they were both kids and have dated other people since breaking up.
I haven’t actually gotten the chance to hangout with Bee one on one. I’ll even invite her to hangout with our group, but most the time she’s either busy with her house, or her other friends/family/business trips/etc. At first I thought she was lying, but Sandy has told me Bee just does a lot in general now. I’ve invited her to see a few scary movies with me, but she’s turned down 3/3.
This is where I may have been the asshole for making Bee uncomfortable. I had gotten my top surgery (whoo hoo) and after some recovering I kinda wanted to celebrate. Our other mutual friend was throwing a game night and I asked if Bee was coming and if she could come. Our friend said that’s fine since Bee is cool, and I invited Bee and she said she’d love to. She showed up with her boyfriend. I know it sounds bad, I just wanna get closer to Bee in general, her and I don’t have to date (although I wouldn’t mind).
Anyway during the game night, Sandy and Bee went to a separate bedroom to talk. I did pretend to go to the bathroom to ease drop. Bee was just basically telling Sandy she’s been stressed about work and her family, and redoing her house (she and her bf are doing the work themselves)
Sandy basically just offered to help and Bee was just like “oh you listening is more than enough!” And they kinda just talked a little more. I was kinda feeling betrayed by Sandy, I haven’t told Sandy I really wanna get closer to Bee, she probably knows tho, but she never offers any help on how I could get closer.
When the two got out I raised a toast to my top surgery and to just making my body feel more like me, and to thank all my friends for the love and support I’ve received through them. I took off my shirt to show off, and I immediately noticed Bee looked away.
Throughout the night I would try and talk to Bee, but she wouldn’t make eye contact with me. she was keeping the conversation short. Was she afraid to sexualize me? Was she transphobic? Her boyfriend even got between us and tried asking me how I’m doing and was kinda being a block. My mind was racing and I just kinda grabbed her hand and said “Does this scare you?”. She cried out “sorry!” And ran away…and she threw up in the sink. She started crying and apologizing and Sandy and her bf kinda took her to the bathroom then the car. Bee came in said sorry to everyone for ruining the night, and like three people said “no you just go home and feel better”.
I watched Sandy talk to both Bee and her boyfriend for like 20 minutes “saying goodbye”. I was shocked by the whole thing. It finally took someone to ask me if I was okay. I asked if Bee was trans phobic, why wouldn’t she look at me, she never hangs out with me one on one. Everyone told me that Bee isn’t transphobic (gee thanks). One of my friends even said I shouldn’t have grabbed Bee like that, which I know now. She was just acting all weird around me, and she was what I thought the coolest person ever.
Sandy came back in, she was laughing and she told the group Bee was fine. I asked “what about me!?” Sandy basically explained “body stuff” makes Bee “queasy”. i was hurt and offended that no one cared about me or my feelings.
Later that night Bee called me to apologize. She offered to buy me lunch. I was still hot headed and asked how my scars make her throw up. She basically told me about an event in her life that does make her uncomfortable around blood/scars/etc. I asked if she supported trans rights. she said of course. I asked her if she would ever date me, and she said shes never thought about it because shes with her bf. i basically confessed my feelings which she did not return but wishes me luck.
We never got lunch. I feel weird reaching out to her. she hasn't stopped by the restaurant. She hasn't come to a group gathering since. i know her and Sandy still hangout which pissed me off. i tried talking to my "friend" about it, but they say it as a step too far. they also shame me for crushing on her (i was fine with just friendship).
Its been like two months and everyone is still weird about it. Every time i bring it up, everyone makes me the bad guy. was i the asshole? was Sandy or Bee or even my friends that didnt support me?
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