- Joined
- Nov 16, 2021
Sorry wasn't trying to mean anything by it, it is something I've seen more and more where the term essentially is synonymous with "non-white"
An article on the new version of Shogun I saw in Jacobin talked about the colonial European arrogance in the face of "Indigenous" Japanese culture.
It was not a good article. It does seem to be another way wokeness is just mutating terms and arguments to fit their childishly simplistic worldview.
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A novel horror, to me at least, Vocal Feminization Surgery. There really aren't many of these procedures that can't go disastrously wrong
VFS failed, venting
Not typing the name of the surgeon, since they're doing their best to help me out of this hell. I guess this is mostly for me to gather my thoughts and let all these feelings out.
About 6 weeks ago I underwent VFS. Followed the post-op care instructions to the letter. No coughing, talking, mouthing, excercising, throat clearing. Anything that would make the vocal cords move. Even did the voice steaming thing 4 times a day that was recommended in the after-care instructions.
Two weeks of voice rest was finally over, I could start with soft voice excercises. I follow them to the letter as well, make sure I don't overdo it.
End of week two I start to feel pain in my throat and my voice drops, so panic begins to set in. Contact surgeon and a local ENT, and we confirm that one suture has dissolved way too early. But the web is holding despite the suture dissolving, so two more weeks and a bit of voice rest should give it time to heal in place without it.
Two weeks pass, another camera down my nose and the web is inflamed but stable enough to start using my voice carefully.
I start excercises and am cleared to talk a few minutes a day. And after a few days my voice is starting to take shape, and for the first time since I was a kid, I finally had a voice that was me. I was almost crying from happines a few times when I spoke.
Two days ago, I get home from work. Something feels of in my throat. I'd felt several snaps the past week weeks in my throat, assumed today was the same. Just cartilage or something when I move my neck. Thought it was the same, but it felt different. Kinda like something had shifted around, and slowly I started to get a metallic taste in the back of my throat and mild pain from my throat down to about where my collarbones meet.
I did a voice excercise, and it just sounds... wrong. I'm down from 210hz to 100hz. And my voice is clear while a couple of hours ago it was light but hoarse. Testing my range I could even go lower and not above 150hz any longer.
From now leading up until today, I've been a mess. It's not been a good time. Even my partner took time of work because she's worried over my mental health from this.
For a few days, even though I could not use it a lot, I didn't want to throw up from the sound of my own voice. For a few days, I got to feel what it felt to be content with my voice. And I lost it. That feeling was taken from me by whatever it was that happened.
Today I had a tele-meeting with the surgeon. Impossible to say to 100% what has happened, but it sounds like a web breakdown. So now my vocal cords are back to pre-op again and I need to let them rest while we try to book a time for a checkup.
That means no using my voice for a week more, and after that until a revision I cannot even use my trained voice. The vocal cords must be as relaxed as possible for another 2 months until we can try again. And I dont know how I'm supposed to function with this hell of a voice that I have right now until a revision.
This has only happene to one other patient for this surgeon, many years ago. Early suture breakdown was rare as it is, but complete web breakdown has only happened once. Or well, twice now with me.
Fuck.
Not typing the name of the surgeon, since they're doing their best to help me out of this hell. I guess this is mostly for me to gather my thoughts and let all these feelings out.
About 6 weeks ago I underwent VFS. Followed the post-op care instructions to the letter. No coughing, talking, mouthing, excercising, throat clearing. Anything that would make the vocal cords move. Even did the voice steaming thing 4 times a day that was recommended in the after-care instructions.
Two weeks of voice rest was finally over, I could start with soft voice excercises. I follow them to the letter as well, make sure I don't overdo it.
End of week two I start to feel pain in my throat and my voice drops, so panic begins to set in. Contact surgeon and a local ENT, and we confirm that one suture has dissolved way too early. But the web is holding despite the suture dissolving, so two more weeks and a bit of voice rest should give it time to heal in place without it.
Two weeks pass, another camera down my nose and the web is inflamed but stable enough to start using my voice carefully.
I start excercises and am cleared to talk a few minutes a day. And after a few days my voice is starting to take shape, and for the first time since I was a kid, I finally had a voice that was me. I was almost crying from happines a few times when I spoke.
Two days ago, I get home from work. Something feels of in my throat. I'd felt several snaps the past week weeks in my throat, assumed today was the same. Just cartilage or something when I move my neck. Thought it was the same, but it felt different. Kinda like something had shifted around, and slowly I started to get a metallic taste in the back of my throat and mild pain from my throat down to about where my collarbones meet.
I did a voice excercise, and it just sounds... wrong. I'm down from 210hz to 100hz. And my voice is clear while a couple of hours ago it was light but hoarse. Testing my range I could even go lower and not above 150hz any longer.
From now leading up until today, I've been a mess. It's not been a good time. Even my partner took time of work because she's worried over my mental health from this.
For a few days, even though I could not use it a lot, I didn't want to throw up from the sound of my own voice. For a few days, I got to feel what it felt to be content with my voice. And I lost it. That feeling was taken from me by whatever it was that happened.
Today I had a tele-meeting with the surgeon. Impossible to say to 100% what has happened, but it sounds like a web breakdown. So now my vocal cords are back to pre-op again and I need to let them rest while we try to book a time for a checkup.
That means no using my voice for a week more, and after that until a revision I cannot even use my trained voice. The vocal cords must be as relaxed as possible for another 2 months until we can try again. And I dont know how I'm supposed to function with this hell of a voice that I have right now until a revision.
This has only happene to one other patient for this surgeon, many years ago. Early suture breakdown was rare as it is, but complete web breakdown has only happened once. Or well, twice now with me.
Fuck.
Link
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