The problem with beauty
TRIGGER WARNING
So here’s something that’s been bothering me more and more the further I am into my own transition: the obsession for beauty. I know I’ve posted a few selfies of myself trying to look as good as possible, but it somehow makes me feel a bit dirty; as if being beautiful is a requirement of being woman. As if I need this validiation.
In my everyday life I don’t need beauty. I don’t want to be called pretty, or god forbid ”cute”. That feels so incredibly superficial. All I want is a female physique, and I’d be happy and balanced going on with my life.
I hate myself for all those times I want to be seen beautiful, as I feel like I then give in to stereotypical gender roles, which I’ve been opposed to for as long as I remember. I have an AFAB child, who’s as much fighting against all those roles society tries to force upon us as I would have been in their age. If I was born female, I’d shave my head, never wear dresses and never put on absolutely no makeup. Well, maybe eyeliner, and nailpolish of course. But you see those even on cis males these days.
Is this my personal problem, or are others struggling with this? I’d like to be seen as a woman, which I know I am inside this, as of now, male body (although a heavily feminine leaning non-binary might be more accurate description), but I feel that in the trans community there is the constant need to be cute and pretty. Many seem to agonize over it, and it makes me sad. They shouldn’t have to.
I know, I’m free to do just my own thing of course. So is everyone else – I definitely don’t want to judge anyone. People do what they’re happy and comfortable doing. But the fact that being transgender seems to actually uphold some very stereotypical and oldfashioned gender roles troubles me. Being beautiful can't be the #1 goal in being woman. Any thoughts?