Wasted: I'm looking for a...
Cop: You're looking for a what?
Wasted: I'm looking for an Uber?
Cop: For an Uber, okay. Did you just leave there?
Wasted: Um, dude...like...
Cop: OK, get you an Uber, I want you stay here and do not walk any further, okay?
Wasted: Do not walk any...
Cop: You are being detained right now because you are...
Wasted: I am...
Cop: You're not in trouble, just find an Uber and I want to see you leave, okay?
(Wasted continues to fumble with his phone, as cop talks to others on the radio)
(Questions drunk, gets his name/birth, his birthdate is censored but you can see "/81", he's over 40 years old)
Cop: Do you have a Texas driver's license?
Wasted (slowly): I do, but it's temporary.
Wasted: Let me find it really quick, this right here... (almost sing-songy, before dropping it, and picking it up)
(Audio muted as cop examines it--temporary licenses are just a piece of paper)
Cop (to Lady Cop): Yeah, I was trying to positively identify.
Lady Cop (to Wasted): How long are they? (presumably how far away)
Cop (helpfully): I'm glad you're getting an Uber.
Wasted (now sounding like a complete retard): I do not know.
Cop: Did you drive here?
Wasted: I did not drive here. (I think I says "I live here.")
Cop: Oh, OK.
(Lady Cop and Wasted continue talking, with Wasted giving details on when and what his ride is, at this point, Cop goes over to Riley).