Are you lost needing femoid advice post here - For the poor bastard's who dare or are just curious

[Ravier Xavenblood]

Were you upset because you could tell from her post that she was drunk or were you upset about the content of her post? For example, is she airing her/your dirty laundry for all and sundry?

I could tell that she was drunk. She rarely posts anything to story and it was a shaky cam selfie of her in a thankfully not too reavealing bra. She also told me she was drinking and I kinda know her schedule with that.

To answer your question, I was upset because she was drunk and kind of at the context of her post.

there is no justification beyond drunk/high, for posting retarded shit on snapchat ie bra pictures , she knows she messed up bro.

She told me she wasn't aware of it. She took a normal selfie too and I guess uploaded the other one without even knowing until I pointed it out. Only 2 ppl saw it, myself included before she took it down.

 

[Local Farmer]

I'd guess it is meant to say you have minor spicy flareups but not serious dysfunction. But you have to do it with full info of dates, times, places of birth.

uhhh I think I got lost and the site I went on request my social security number

 

[I_Lurk_Here]

I don't remember specifically where but I think this might be the thread/place people talked about divorce a bit. Either way it wouldn't hurt to hear what people here think about this Xeet. (Yeah, I recognise it's said in a gamer-y tone.)

 

[Forsaken Wanderer]

I’m one of those, but it doesn’t mean I want to clean up after a slovenly man. I enjoy cleanliness and there’sa satisfaction in making things look well put together, but it’s still a chore and I expect my man to do his part.

I can understand that but don't they say it's good to split the jobs up into pink and blue jobs, women vacuum and men mow the lawns, perhaps that delineation could work?

almost every woman i've dated or been friends with has been the personification of "damn bitch, you live like this". Its always me who is the organization freak and women are an absolute mess. Maybe not that bad but pic related is so dam relatable

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I think secretly a lot of women do want to live like that but they feel obligated to clean so that they fit into society.

@isalaide I do still wash my clothes and have showers but I don't have the time or energy to clean my house this week. Paying for someone to do it does sound good but I'm guessing it costs a lot of money. It's a long term project most likely.

A bangmaid lol. You do raise a good point I guess, what do I offer exactly. I was going to say a house but you already made it sound like that isn't an acceptable answer. Perhaps I could say that I offer stability because I work a regular job (for now at least).

I can see the problem but I'm not wanting a servant to do the cooking and cleaning, I do want a companion to keep me company and perhaps I would be good company as well. Maybe a woman could use someone that isn't outgoing to balance their busy social life or something like that. I doubt it's easy for anyone to come up with answers as to what they offer as it could be quite an abstract question that only people in the relationship understand. Maybe it's not saying you know until you are already in a relationship.

And what is the ultimate outcome for me then, I have to clean my house and start being a happy social butterfly before I can accept a companion into my life?

 

[Justa Grata Honoria]

I can understand that but don't they say it's good to split the jobs up into pink and blue jobs, women vacuum and men mow the lawns, perhaps that delineation could work?

You pay bills she cleans or pays someone to do it with her earned money. But sounds like shit just piled on in the house. Pay someone there are plenty available options around any town with more than 10k people. There is at least one migrant who does these jobs under the table and affordable. Paying to clean off the piles is best solution because it sounds like you are overwhelmed. Check the personal boards on the supermarkets there is at least one ad for help.

Make it one off or weekly your choice. Sometimes you need help to get started been there bud.

 

[msd]

My hobbies are usually just reading, and hunting for old relics of books by diving in those old mom and pop bookstores.

My last ex, I went with her and we found sheet music from 1914.

But last time I used a dating app it was just hookups, and I didn't really want that.

 

[TapewormSalesman]

and start being a happy social butterfly before I can accept a companion into my life?

Coming from someone with borderline zero social battery, married to someone with even less of that-no, but you do have to be social with your companion. Or rather, you have to get in the relationship with someone whom you actually want to spend time with, where you start missing them if you don't interact for a while. You need to genuinely desire do things together, or it's fucked. There are plenty of women that don't want to go do social shit, but you will still have to actually accommodate her interests to some degree, which will probably seem pointless/stupid to you due to your own 'tism. Basically, to have any chance of companionship, you will have to wrangle in that autism to a degree where you are actually able to care about something that doesn't interest you, unless you manage to find and date your genderbent 1:1 clone.

 

[isalaide]

And what is the ultimate outcome for me then, I have to clean my house and start being a happy social butterfly before I can accept a companion into my life?

@TapewormSalesman already answered the more complicated bit excellently, but yeah, I do still insist you have to clean your house before your lovequest begins.

Honestly, declutter and then clean. Work through it one room at a time. I do mean one room at time. Never bite off more than you can reasonably complete at a time. So one night you do your wardrobe, one night you do your drawers, another night you tackle your bookcase. Less crap is less crap to clean, and once you do a big clear out and clean, the maintenance of a space with a weekly clean is much much quicker and easier.

You can do most of what needs to be done with a hoover, a cleaning spray and some cloths for your surfaces and tables etc, bleach for the toilet and sinks. Window cleaner spray for your mirrors and inside windows. If you've got leather or fake leather furniture, a cloth dipped in a bit of washing up liquid in warm water will wipe it off just fine. You don't need much stuff, and even that clear-up-and-clean-down once a week will make everything much more pleasant for you to live in. Regularly disinfect your drains, especially your kitchen sink drain.

Decluttering and deep cleaning is a pain in the arse. I get it. It is also an enormously worthwhile investment of time in your living space and improves your mood and feelings of control of your life. Like you say, you're a homebody, so having a clean, tidy, pleasant smelling space to be a homebody in will genuinely lift your mood.

 

[Inside your walls]

I don't remember specifically where but I think this might be the thread/place people talked about divorce a bit. Either way it wouldn't hurt to hear what people here think about this Xeet. (Yeah, I recognise it's said in a gamer-y tone.)
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I think it's better for a couple divorce when they feel that this marriage isn't going anywhere and if they're feeling incredibly apathetic towards one another, than staying in marriage where there's a big chance of that apathy turning into resentment, with there being a high chance of that resentment turning into a never-ending battlefield of vitriolic passive aggressiveness or worse in some cases. It's better to go separate ways in the most amicable or at least neutral way, than it escalating into a thing that both people hate.

Spoiler: Slight PL

I lived exactly in the environment I described above, but it was with my grandparents from my dad's side. I always thought their relationship was "off" when I was a child as I seen them sleep in separate rooms, my grandpa being out for a whole day and often at times staying overnight at their old house. My dad and his siblings insisted that this was fine and dandy nothing unusual, but then I started to see how both my grandpa and grandma interacted with one another when they were both at the same place, constant spewing of vitriol towards one another, him calling her a pain in the ass meanwhile her responding how she can't wait for him to die already, again my dad and his siblings insisted that this was normal and fine, that they were just "old and grouchy".

Eventually years later, truth about their family got revealed to me. My grandfather was abusive to my grandmother and their 3 children, this abuse has was a major catalyst for my dad and his siblings to developed some intense complexes that would follow them through adulthood. My grandma wanted to divorce and take the kids with her, but my grandpa refused to let her take my dad, this is what made her stay as she couldn't bear the idea of her going away with her 2 other children, while leaving my dad to be possibly abused more. This choice ultimately costed her a whole lot as she became a massive control freak that lived her life through her children, while her children in turn now are people with lots of issues that think acting like a vitriolic psychopath towards your own family members is perfectly normal.

My grandpa died 3 years ago and that took a massive toll on my grandma. Last time I got to hear her was a year ago, when she accidentally called me. She sounded completely out of it and seems to have dementia or something, as she couldn't remember my name and kept asking who am I.

So yeah, I do think getting a divorce is the best choice sometimes, and I wish people online treated the topic of divorce with more nuance than the childish "Grrrrrrrrr those fucking women ending divorce because it didn't work out!" even though recent divorce statistics show that the biggest causes for divorce was the lack of family-support and infidelity.

Article

 

[Deer]

You pay bills she cleans or pays someone to do it with her earned money. But sounds like shit just piled on in the house. Pay someone there are plenty available options around any town with more than 10k people. There is at least one migrant who does these jobs under the table and affordable. Paying to clean off the piles is best solution because it sounds like you are overwhelmed. Check the personal boards on the supermarkets there is at least one ad for help.

Make it one off or weekly your choice. Sometimes you need help to get started been there bud.

I think that with the world changing and nowadays the guy not bringing the entire income to the home there always needs to be this 50/50 split on everything in the house, both the husband and wife should put their work together in the household, as a guy i can't imagine just sitting and watching tv or doing whatever and being a total lazy fuck whilst seeing someone i deeply love and pursue just clean shit up... Even if i would bring the majority of money to the table. Doing all the cleaning all alone without much support definetly makes a person perhaps feel.. Worthless, just sad. I heard that housewives in the 1950s/60 struggled with depression a shit ton. So that doesn't help too.

I don't remember specifically where but I think this might be the thread/place people talked about divorce a bit. Either way it wouldn't hurt to hear what people here think about this Xeet. (Yeah, I recognise it's said in a gamer-y tone.)
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Divorce shouldn't be normalised and always something very rare especially if you've got a family already, i hate that like 50% of marriages fail but what can i do, there are always ways to mend things, perhaps not with shit like infidelity (Maybe it is just me that always is very touchy on that subject) but i think the majority of issues that people divorce over can always be mend. It just sucks when kids have to go through this kinda stuff, they never see what a working marriage is, and it for sure makes them mature faster. Whenever that be for good or worse. But yeah... Divorce sucks. But people are people..

 

[isalaide]

The only consequence of being a shitty, moidy, self-obsessed husband is that your wife leaves you.

Think about that when considering why moids shriek so loud about the 'fear' of 'divorce rape' and 'women abandoning families' (which is BS, women take the kids).

"If wives can leave, we have to put some effort into our marriages. Just bind them to us legally in perpetuity, like we've bought a new washing machine."

I don't know any guy IRL who is constantly terrified his wife might leave for no reason. I know a couple who know their marriage is on a shaky peg for excellent reasons. I think the rest of this DIVORCE RAPE FEAR PANIC WALKAWAY WIVES NO ACCOUNTABILITY REEEEE shit only exists on the internet.

 

[The Ugly One]

I don't know any guy IRL who is constantly terrified his wife might leave for no reason. I know a couple who know their marriage is on a shaky peg for excellent reasons. I think the rest of this DIVORCE RAPE FEAR PANIC WALKAWAY WIVES NO ACCOUNTABILITY REEEEE shit only exists on the internet.

I know at least four:

Woman #1 was and is into retarded shit like tarot and got a vibe from the universe telling her that her best life was still out there. So she divorced her husband, then discovered actually, she's fat and he paid all the bills and she has zero marketable skills, and now her life sucks and she cries regularly about how she wants him back. He told her to fuck off and has since remarried.

Woman #2 married a handsome firefighter while she was in med school. She finished her MD, and within about a year figured out that a handsome doctor with a bright future owning his own practice and making millions is way, way more on her level than Mister No College Degree. The firefighter wasn't a bad guy, he just wasn't rich or important. And his wife was pretty hot, too. Frankly, I knew it wouldn't work out as soon as I found out she was in med school.

Woman #3 was a fat, horrible harridan who was working while her husband finished her PhD.

Woman #4 was another fat, horrible harridan who was working while her husband finished her PhD.

Both fat, horrible harridans were the bitchy, domineering short who married quiet, bookish guys they easily steamrolled. They were good guys (the first one is to this day the most genuinely kind-hearted person I have ever met), but it was a case of it being immediately apparent when I met their wives that neither of those guys received any respect from the women in their lives whatsoever. After a few years in a PhD program making zero money, if your wife is already a massive bitch, she'll probably outright hate you and leave. The two guys remarried nice gals not long after defending and have families today. I don't know where the fat cunts are, but I'm sure they're still fat and still cunts.

I think Woman #1 is the only case of "nice guy who married a nice gal and got blindsided by her being retarded," but to be fair, she was always retarded. Never pay attention to a woman who believes in magic.

 

[isalaide]

I know at least four

1: Don't marry a retard. I have no sympathy for this chap. Don't marry someone you know to be fucking retarded.

2: This guy had my sympathy at 'handsome firefighter'. Also, never for any reason pay someone else's way through graduate school. Is he still a handsome firefighter?

3 and 4: Never for any reason pay someone else's way through graduate school, reprise. You are not a student funding body. I imagine the women in 3 and 4 have fucking plenty to say about how they paid for somebody else's PhD only for them to run out on them and get another woman. The fact they both magically found new wives 'shortly after defending' is sus as fuck. Were they their graduate students?

The sad tale of the "student support spouse" is a pretty common one. A detestable thing to do to someone else.

 

[soda pimp]

Recently, the stress from work has caused me to lose my voice. Should I seek therapy? I have zero money but I want to get a new job. Can't get a new job if I struggle to talk.

 

[oishii desu]

never for any reason pay someone else's way through graduate school

If only Betty Broderick had heeded this advice

Recently, the stress from work has caused me to lose my voice. Should I seek therapy? I have zero money but I want to get a new job. Can't get a new job if I struggle to talk.

Do you know for a fact it's because of stress? Have you had a routine checkup just to confirm nothing else is amiss? Regardless, sounds like the current job isn't serving you well and you should make moves to move on to greener pastures. So I would prioritize whatever you need to to enable that.

 

[The Ugly One]

3 and 4: Never for any reason pay someone else's way through graduate school, reprise.

These were fully funded positions with enough of a stipend to live on. The wives weren't funding the PhDs. Wife #1 left about 18 months into a 6-year program, and wife #2 was gone about 3 years in. It was pretty obvious what was going on, these were just hen-pecked males with ball-busting wives who just became nastier every month we were in the program. Nothing "sus" about remarrying several years after a divorce.

I imagine the women in 3 and 4 have fucking plenty to say about how they paid for somebody else's PhD only for them to run out on them and get another woman.

Doubt it, since this didn't happen to either of them, as they were the ones who ran off (never saw their faces after they served their husbands papers, no idea if they had side beef). They were long gone by the time their successors were even in the picture.

 

[isalaide]

These were fully funded positions with enough of a stipend to live on. The wives weren't funding the PhDs. Wife #1 left about 18 months into a 6-year program, and wife #2 was gone about 3 years in. It was pretty obvious what was going on, these were just hen-pecked males with ball-busting wives who just became nastier every month we were in the program. Nothing "sus" about remarrying several years after a divorce.



Doubt it, since this didn't happen to either of them, as they were the ones who ran off (never saw their faces after they served their husbands papers, no idea if they had side beef). They were long gone by the time their successors were even in the picture.

Okay, that gives things a different complexion. I had the impression from your first post that the ol' wife swap had been performed upon graduation. Seen that done. It was a fucking outrage.

I will add an addendum: Never marry an academic if you want your spouse to actually meaningfully financially contribute. They earn peanuts, their careers require them to move here, there and everywhere, and you have to commit to being a trailing spouse even though that fucks your ability to be the family breadwinner.

It's not an easy life. It never will be. You have to know what you are taking on, there.

(Disclaimer: my experience is with folk who did PhDs in arts, social sciences, that sort of thing. People whose career plan was academia. Physical science might be different but I don't know any of those people. I would be fucking astounded if physical science academics in UK universities were paid anything but peanuts, though.)

 

[56 others]

I have to clean my house

Yes you have to clean your house.
Just start throwing things away. Ive thrown out so much stupid shit Ive moved around with for years because I'm retarded. If I really need that shit in the future, Ill just buy it again.

I had a big pile of dishes I just couldnt seem to finish off. I realized I never really use them or needed them for months so I fucking chucked them. Now doing the dishes I have left is a breeze and I enjoy clean counters.

 

[The Ugly One]

I will add an addendum: Never marry an academic if you want your spouse to actually meaningfully financially contribute. They earn peanuts, their careers require them to move here, there and everywhere, and you have to commit to being a trailing spouse even though that fucks your ability to be the family breadwinner.

These guys were doing STEM PhDs and now have senior positions at large firms where they make big kid dollars. Their wives were just fat, mean, and stupid. God forbid they just hold their britches until the degree is done, because both these guys were pretty wimpy beta types that never would have left these hags. Both of them married much prettier, nicer girls later on.

 

[pentangle]

So yeah, I do think getting a divorce is the best choice sometimes,

It probably depends a lot on whether you have kids too - most studies show children of divorce have a whole host of negative outcomes (worsening school performance, higher likelihood of divorce themselves, emotional problems etc.) than even children whose parents stay together but argue a lot. Once you have kids you enter into ethical obligations towards others that have to be considered before imposing the consequences of divorce on them. Relationships can also evolve over time - they can go through periods of apathy and then couples can find each other again. You might wonder if you lose out on experiencing the full richness and depth of a relationship (and the opportunity to work on real conflict resolution and communication skills) if you try leaving them whenever they grow stagnant or you feel incompatible. Most divorcees I know are way more immature and short sighted than people in long term marriages, even if the latter seem quite dull to me at least. They date with the attitudes of like 16 year olds despite being 50 - it's pretty pathetic to see.