It probably depends a lot on whether you have kids too - most studies show children of divorce have a whole host of negative outcomes (worsening school performance, higher likelihood of divorce themselves, emotional problems etc.) than even children whose parents stay together but argue a lot. Once you have kids you enter into ethical obligations towards others that have to be considered before imposing the consequences of divorce on them. Relationships can also evolve over time - they can go through periods of apathy and then couples can find each other again. You might wonder if you lose out on experiencing the full richness and depth of a relationship (and the opportunity to work on real conflict resolution and communication skills) if you try leaving them whenever they grow stagnant or you feel incompatible. Most divorcees I know are way more immature and short sighted than people in long term marriages, even if the latter seem quite dull to me at least. They date with the attitudes of like 16 year olds despite being 50 - it's pretty pathetic to see.
The issue is that the kids living with parents that hate each others' guts pick up on terrible relationship patterns and coping mechanisms, which they then bring over into their own relationship, subconciously thinking that it's the norm. This is how you get the prepetual victim, the nag hag, and other lovely tropes.
My own grandparents stayed together only for the kids, and out of their three children, one is in an abysmal marriage with a demon, while the other two could not form lasting relationships at all. Also the child resulting in the demon marriage is a nervous ADHD wreck, trying desperately to be a person, and has confessed that divorce wouldn't be that unwelcome from their end.
I've seen both go terribly wrong, the moment you make kids with the wrong person, they've been dealt a shit hand to overcome no matter what.
The issue is that the kids living with parents that hate each others' guts pick up on terrible relationship patterns and coping mechanisms, which they then bring over into their own relationship, subconciously thinking that it's the norm. This is how you get the prepetual victim, the nag hag, and other lovely tropes.
My own grandparents stayed together only for the kids, and out of their three children, one is in an abysmal marriage with a demon, while the other two could not form lasting relationships at all. Also the child resulting in the demon marriage is a nervous ADHD wreck, trying desperately to be a person, and has confessed that divorce wouldn't be that unwelcome from their end.
I've seen both go terribly wrong, the moment you make kids with the wrong person, they've been dealt a shit hand to overcome no matter what.
I agree. I think it's generally better for parents to divorce if they aren't in a healthy relationship. Especially if they are constantly fighting (with little to no conflict resolution) around the kids. My parents tried to make it work for the kids, but my siblings and I unanimously agree that we would have been better off if they just went through with the divorce when the relationship died.
I don't personally know any divorcees in my adult life, but I know about my parent's divorce and my friend's parent's divorces growing up and none of them were for "petty" or "frivolous" reasons. The process of divorce is expensive, time consuming and generally a huge pain in the ass. I find it hard to believe a majority of divorces (especially ones with children involved) are for stupid reasons.
Also, if a couple is emotionally immature enough to, "act like a 16 year old couple" and divorce over some stupid bullshit it's probably better for the kids if they actually go through with the divorce. People who are that emotionally immature probably don't have the emotional bandwidth to "stay together for the kids" while raising their kids to the best of their ability.
These were fully funded positions with enough of a stipend to live on. The wives weren't funding the PhDs. Wife #1 left about 18 months into a 6-year program, and wife #2 was gone about 3 years in. It was pretty obvious what was going on, these were just hen-pecked males with ball-busting wives who just became nastier every month we were in the program. Nothing "sus" about remarrying several years after a divorce.
so the woman and I am going to be generous here should invest from her best years 4 years ( 2 bachelors + 2 masters ) and then on top of that invest another 6 years and pray her husband wont walk off once the ink dries up on their phd degree. BTW paid Phds go between 15k to 30k a year in USA. She was footing the bill and probably half of the chores on top of it .This doesnt include previous debts accrued during their 6 year tenure in college that they need to pay.Doesnt include her having to stay put probably in college town and kiss goodbye any promotions better offer etc.
These guys were doing STEM PhDs and now have senior positions at large firms where they make big kid dollars. Their wives were just fat, mean, and stupid. God forbid they just hold their britches until the degree is done, because both these guys were pretty wimpy beta types that never would have left these hags. Both of them married much prettier, nicer girls later on.
You never saw these women in person they were nasty hags? Nigger if you ask my father why his ex wifes left he will tell you they cheated and they were nasty hags he was convicted twice for domestic abuse, put my mom in debt and cheated both on my mom and stepmom. If I listen to what men say 90% of the time will be "she left me for the dishes in the siiink"
Also I love how you equate fat with horrible hags .Pretty is good wife great no wonder your ass malds and seeeths about women having rights in woman hate thread,
This is why i never dated guy who in school. Ever .
Are all girls bisexual? Or how do girls work differently with sexuality, i notice that a lot of girls usually dgaf that much about it and feel less shame to express that feeling than guys, perhaps it is just that they are more emotional and don't mind dating a girl or a guy? Or what is the main thing that drives girls to be bisexual, like i just would like to understand this... What makes a girl bisexual. Whenever it be reading too much yuri in their early years or... Just.. How does it happen nowadays.
Are all girls bisexual? Or how do girls work differently with sexuality, i notice that a lot of girls usually dgaf that much about it and feel less shame to express that feeling than guys, perhaps it is just that they are more emotional and don't mind dating a girl or a guy? Or what is the main thing that drives girls to be bisexual, like i just would like to understand this... What makes a girl bisexual. Whenever it be reading too much yuri in their early years or... Just.. How does it happen nowadays.
Are all girls bisexual? Or how do girls work differently with sexuality, i notice that a lot of girls usually dgaf that much about it and feel less shame to express that feeling than guys, perhaps it is just that they are more emotional and don't mind dating a girl or a guy? Or what is the main thing that drives girls to be bisexual, like i just would like to understand this... What makes a girl bisexual. Whenever it be reading too much yuri in their early years or... Just.. How does it happen nowadays.
Idk about all girls, but I can speak on my personal experiences and sexuality. Technically I am bisexual, but I prefer not to lean into the LGBTQ bullshit, and I almost never talk about my sexuality IRL. I'm not ashamed of my sexuality or anything like that, I just find it irrelevant to bring up 99.9% of the time.
I don't feel attraction to anyone (regardless of physical appearance or gender) unless I know them personally and develop an emotional crush on them. It's kinda weird because I'll meet someone and initially feel no type of way about their physical appearance, but once I develop an emotional crush I develop a strong physically attraction for them.
The issue is that the kids living with parents that hate each others' guts pick up on terrible relationship patterns and coping mechanisms, which they then bring over into their own relationship, subconciously thinking that it's the norm. This is how you get the prepetual victim, the nag hag, and other lovely tropes.
My own grandparents stayed together only for the kids, and out of their three children, one is in an abysmal marriage with a demon, while the other two could not form lasting relationships at all. Also the child resulting in the demon marriage is a nervous ADHD wreck, trying desperately to be a person, and has confessed that divorce wouldn't be that unwelcome from their end.
I've seen both go terribly wrong, the moment you make kids with the wrong person, they've been dealt a shit hand to overcome no matter what.
To quote: "Parental divorce approximately doubled the odds that offspring would see their own marriages end in divorce. Offspring with maritally distressed parents who remained continuously married did not have an elevated risk of divorce. Divorce was most likely to be transmitted across generations if parents reported a low, rather than a high, level of discord prior to marital dissolution."
It's not the arguing that causes divorces - it's the conflict avoidance and lack of commitment.
I don't feel attraction to anyone (regardless of physical appearance or gender) unless I know them personally and develop an emotional crush on them. It's kinda weird because I'll meet someone and initially feel no type of way about their physical appearance, but once I develop an emotional crush I develop a strong physically attraction for them.
Not to get off topic or interject too much but I strongly believe, admittedly through entirely anecodtal evidence, that this is a very common and crucial difference when it comes to how attraction simply 'works' when it comes to the sexes. I could be wrong but I think a whole of this 'lookmaxxing' rabbit hole that so many young men go down is the result of simply not understanding this difference and kind of going insane trying to wrap their heads around how and why women get attracted to men. Back as little as a few decades ago when boys/girls and men/women didn't have completely mutually exclusive interests and circles and y'know actually 'interacted' youngins tended to figure this difference out around adolescence, internalize it and adjust their expectations of each other accordingly.
That's just my take on in, could be onto something with it or I could be full of shit.
Do you read what you type out before you click "post reply?" I won't contest the idea that there's a large quantity of women alive today who sincerely enjoy cleaning, but you're forgetting that cleaning is a chore. Chores fucking suck, regardless of whether you're a man or a woman. Women, in general, have been saddled with cleaning up after slobs in their family since they were literal children.
Here's a fun little homework assignment: do you have any healthy relationships with female relatives within your age bracket? If so, try asking one of them about the first time they ever had to help out with the house cleaning. I'm not talking about washing the dishes, emptying the rubbish, vacuuming the floors, or wiping down the counters and tables, either. I mean that serious, heavy-duty, break out the bleach and the rubber gloves type of cleaning. The stove, the fridge, the fucking bathroom, those areas of the house. I'd be genuinely surprised if they had to do some shit like that for the first time well into their teens or twenties.
I'm trying my damnedest to be civil here, but I can't lie: shit like this makes me consciously write, delete, and rewrite the phrase "disgusting fucking mongoloid" over and over again. Let me be frank: I'm a guy who doesn't have his own place, but I have male friends who are lucky enough to be in such a position. With few exceptions, most of them think like you do, let their "bachelor pads" turn to shit, and then brush it off by saying "eh, it's a little messy but what's it matter?" That burns my fucking ass so goddamn much because I'm over here thinking to myself, "what the fuck happened to standards and bare minimums?"
Let's say that I'm invited to hang at the homie's house because we all get off work at roughly the same time. I bring a 6-pack of beer, another guy brings the pot, they have some delivery coming, and the vidya gaem console's hooked up to the TV. Sounds like fun, right? WRONG. Here's a small, but by no means exhaustive, list of all the filth I bore witness to whenever I visited a male friend's house to hang. If any of the below apply to you, even in the slightest, then you need to get the fuck off your ass and clean your fucking house.
1) A dirty, grimy ass coffee table that has the ghosts of beers, take out, and unwashed dishes from days or even weeks past.
→ Bonus points if there's an ashtray filled to the brim, and now an empty beer can or an empty take-out container's being used as an ashtray.
→ 2x multiplier for any dirty bongs with brown water that's still being used to take rips out of.
2) A pillow, a blanket, and a phone charger on the largest sofa because that's where the nigga sleeps after he takes a big fat rip and starts to get drowsy.
→ Bonus points if the sofa feels grimy if it's a fabric texture or is cracked if it's a leather texture.
→ 2x multiplier for obvious beer stains, holes from cherries long dropped, or discolouration between the carpet outside the sofa vs the carpet underneath
3) Several fucking bags filled to the brim with empty beer cans, take-out containers, empty boxes, the contents of the ashtray whenever someone finally gets off their ass and dumps it (but not the guy whose place it is)
→ Bonus points if the bags have been piling up for a couple of weeks because "dude, I forgot because I'm so fuckin tired when I get back from work."
→ 2x multiplier for every broken promise to take the shit down before bed since it's garbage day in the morning, only to see those bags still there when you came to hang later in the week.
4) The most disgusting fucking bathroom imaginable, that would get a fucking restaurant condemned on the spot.
→ Bonus points for dust bunnies and cobwebs accumulating on the corners of the floor and ceiling.
→ 2x multiplier for orange rings in the toilet bowl for reasons that you can only speculate on (psychological disgust, sheer ineptitude, deliberate disregard?).
→ 4x multiplier for dried fucking piss on the floor in front of the toilet bowl, all over the back, and maybe even the sides and behind the goddamn bowl too.
→ 8x multiplier for beard hair from a trimming x amount of time ago all over the goddamn sink. Not just the fucking bowl, but also the goddamn soap and toothpaste too.
All of this shit burns my ass because those male friends are effectively supposed to be fucking role models to the rest of us in the friend group that aren't so lucky. They have their shit together just enough to have their own place. Rent, own, whatever the fuck it is, they have the financial security to live independently. AND THEY CHOOSE TO LIVE IN SQUALOR ALMOST EVERY FUCKING TIME. I do not feel comfortable being that friend in the group who says, "dawg, your place is a goddamn sty. I'll buy the product, but like... let's fucking clean up or something." Why? Because any time I do, I get brushed off as "acting like a woman" or "being a buzzkill" or whatever the excuse of the day is to dismiss my concerns. I elect to bite my tongue nowadays, but that damn sure won't stop me from thinking all this shit.
Now, ask yourself this: if a terminally online faggot like me can articulate all this visceral disgust so vividly, is it really so difficult to believe that your other IRL male friends who visited your place in the past felt the same way?
NO, IT'S NOT ENOUGH. Holy fucking shit, are you seriously trying to justify not having goals or ambition or anything of the sort? If all you live for is your salary and for the seemingly minimal "chores" you do in your life, then you're not really living. You're just working to die. This is how male depression sets in and becomes entrenched.
I don't really have much time outside of work but no I don't enjoy anything at all, I just find something on Youtube to put on that will distract me, sometimes just as background noise, and that is about all I do. Once in a blue moon I'll play a game but I don't really have the drive anymore. I think depression goes hand in hand with being on the spectrum for some reason.
Once again, I'm trying my damnedest to be sympathetic here because I too was (and still kinda am) in a similar boat. My patience wears incredibly thin, however, because you're basically outlining all the shit that reinforces your depression and saying, "I dunno, maybe depression and autism are linked."
1) If you really have no time outside work, that's an immediate red flag right there. It doesn't matter how lucrative the overtime cheques are, how much time you've put into that job, let alone the precise nature of your employment. You NEED to make an adjustment to your work schedule to accommodate some work-life balance. How easy this is depends on your employer, and it's always easier said than done. Nevertheless, burnout is a very real problem and you need to be cognisant of this. Utilise your PTO for an impromptu vacation. If you have no PTO, start a savings goal for a week-long holiday and put the time off request months in advance.
2) You very specifically said that you put shit on YouTube to "distract" you, and "sometimes" as background noise. You are consciously aware of the fact that you're deliberately distracting yourself from the problems in your life. Here's an idea: put the fucking YouTube away and touch actual grass. Go to your local public library and read a fucking book on maize husbandry instead of watching the Wendover Productions video about it. Scrawl in a physical notebook with a real pen whenever you're just listening to background noise. Do something other than the dysfunctional status quo.
3) The enthusiasm for vidya waxes and wanes with time, but vidya ain't the only male hobby you can pick up. Go to a local firing range and pay out the ass in ammo just to find out how shit your aim is. Go down to the local paintball arena to have an excuse to shoot punk ass teenagers with paintballs, only to come home with welts on your ass because you can't dodge for shit IRL. Fucking go down to the hobby shop and strike up a conversation with the clerk about Gunpla, and hold up the goddamn line for the old autistic guy behind you trying to buy more train shit. My point is that there are countless ways to spend your time that don't involve forcing yourself to play vidya.
Also if you have no ability to produce dopamine and are therefore nihilistic and don't get mental feedback from doing any activities (as in transmitters rewarding you for doing something) and therefore don't have decision making abilities or a want to do anything in life, and only doing what you absolutely have to do to complete another day and get to go to bed at night and get a break from life, then women don't like that because they want men to make decisions and be pro active don't they?
Why is it necessary for men to have goals? Isn't work and chores enough? I don't really have much time outside of work but no I don't enjoy anything at all, I just find something on Youtube to put on that will distract me, sometimes just as background noise, and that is about all I do. Once in a blue moon I'll play a game but I don't really have the drive anymore. I think depression goes hand in hand with being on the spectrum for some reason.
Perhaps whatever wires are crossed to cause unusual behaviors also prevents dopamine being produced. But in either case women don't like depressed men either. It's sadly a bit of a spiraling cycle of rejection leading to mental health getting worse isn't it.
This isn't true. I know plenty of women with autistic ass boyfriends. Stop blaming predigest for your lack of bitches and do some introspection. It's probably a skill issue.
My boyfriend's place for example? Can we stop normalizing men's natural state of living being disgusting and dirty. Have some self respect and clean up after yourself like an adult. Women don't like man-children.
My boyfriend's place for example? Can we stop normalizing men's natural state of living being disgusting and dirty. Have some self respect and clean up after yourself like an adult. Women don't like man-children.
At least not the ones you want to get in a relationship with. I've seen my man-child friends get into those relationships and the always become toxic and codependent. If one party stops giving a shit, the other will quickly follow and then it devolves into a race to the bottom.
If you don't have respect for yourself, you don't have respect for your partner because you are essentially saying they are only worthy of your bare minimum
1) A dirty, grimy ass coffee table that has the ghosts of beers, take out, and unwashed dishes from days or even weeks past.
→ Bonus points if there's an ashtray filled to the brim, and now an empty beer can or an empty take-out container's being used as an ashtray.
→ 2x multiplier for any dirty bongs with brown water that's still being used to take rips out of.
2) A pillow, a blanket, and a phone charger on the largest sofa because that's where the nigga sleeps after he takes a big fat rip and starts to get drowsy.
→ Bonus points if the sofa feels grimy if it's a fabric texture or is cracked if it's a leather texture.
→ 2x multiplier for obvious beer stains, holes from cherries long dropped, or discolouration between the carpet outside the sofa vs the carpet underneath
3) Several fucking bags filled to the brim with empty beer cans, take-out containers, empty boxes, the contents of the ashtray whenever someone finally gets off their ass and dumps it (but not the guy whose place it is)
→ Bonus points if the bags have been piling up for a couple of weeks because "dude, I forgot because I'm so fuckin tired when I get back from work."
→ 2x multiplier for every broken promise to take the shit down before bed since it's garbage day in the morning, only to see those bags still there when you came to hang later in the week.
4) The most disgusting fucking bathroom imaginable, that would get a fucking restaurant condemned on the spot.
→ Bonus points for dust bunnies and cobwebs accumulating on the corners of the floor and ceiling.
→ 2x multiplier for orange rings in the toilet bowl for reasons that you can only speculate on (psychological disgust, sheer ineptitude, deliberate disregard?).
→ 4x multiplier for dried fucking piss on the floor in front of the toilet bowl, all over the back, and maybe even the sides and behind the goddamn bowl too.
→ 8x multiplier for beard hair from a trimming x amount of time ago all over the goddamn sink. Not just the fucking bowl, but also the goddamn soap and toothpaste too.
Underrated section. I wonder how many people, male or female, realize how common this shit is.
Sometimes it's enough to make me wonder if the people who choose to live that way are the same type of human as me on the inside. Even animals keep their dens clean. It makes me think there is something seriously wrong with them.
To quote: "Parental divorce approximately doubled the odds that offspring would see their own marriages end in divorce. Offspring with maritally distressed parents who remained continuously married did not have an elevated risk of divorce. Divorce was most likely to be transmitted across generations if parents reported a low, rather than a high, level of discord prior to marital dissolution."
It's not the arguing that causes divorces - it's the conflict avoidance and lack of commitment.
Sorry, I only skimmed though (thank god for Scihub lmao), but they seem to only track divorce stats for subsequent children, which makes sense since that's the easiest one to track. However there is no mention of the kids that either cannot form a committed relationship or just don't get married, and it seems to be a pretty big number given that out of the 2k married people (not couples) initially interviewed, they only got 335 married offspring, so the question remains on how the majority turned out.
Edit: I don't want to come off as some sort of a divorce defender btw, I'm against divorcing over the first stupid argument as the next person, just trying to get it out there that shit couple dynamics will imprint on the kids.
He has depression dude screaming at him won't help. And i am guessing he feel overwhelmed by the shit piled in . He needs to get his ass in therapy and get someone to help him to clean up and keep it clean for few weeks to make himself used to clean space and start picking after himself.
He has depression dude screaming at him won't help. And i am guessing he feel overwhelmed by the shit piled in . He needs to get his ass in therapy and get someone to help him to clean up and keep it clean for few weeks to make himself used to clean space and start picking after himself.
He has depression dude screaming at him won't help. And i am guessing he feel overwhelmed by the shit piled in . He needs to get his ass in therapy and get someone to help him to clean up and keep it clean for few weeks to make himself used to clean space and start picking after himself.
