The last 3 people ive let in on my journey have been incredibly disappointing. I’ve been made incredibly uncomfortable with inappropriate questions and comments. I’ve been informed of someone’s “very well informed opinion” of trans people without even having a discussion with me. I’ve been exposed to an unconsidered cis male perspective (Joe Rogan energy), and told I’d be an embarrassment to be seen in public with.
None of these people did any research on queer or trans perspectives. The science was ignored, in favour of the gospel of the manosphere. One or these peoples children called while on speaker phone and said they were embarrassed because they didn’t realise my wife was married to “A ‘they’.”
There’s a lot of “cut them out, you don’t need their negative energy” in response to posts like this, and while drawing boundaries around what is acceptable is important… this stuff hurts.
I’ve been managing difficult emotions for more than a week, and I couldn’t even bring myself to present as I feel inside because of the hurt and sadness I’ve felt as a result of these most recent interactions.
Cut them out? Sure, but these are people who I thought cared about me. Who would work to look past society’s nonsense and see me, the person they’re grown to love, first. There are things about these people my wife and I love. It’s very hard to just “cut them out”.
The reality is, this is messy, it’s painful, it’s difficult and it’s not really anyone’s fault. I’m being courageous and putting myself out there, and challenging some dusty opinions that have not been borne from critical thinking. And as such, I’ve felt rejected.
But the real issue here, is not that they’ve rejected me; it’s that they’re not sought a different perspective to see if there’s a possibility they could understand my world a bit better, and therefore help me to fit into theirs. Instead, they’ve brought a box that they’ve put all of their world views in, and they’re trying to force me into it. “Nope” they say. “Doesn’t work. Easier just to leave you out.”
Yes, boundaries, yes, find my tribe. But also yes, this hurts. And it’s ok that it hurts. We do deserve better than this, but perhaps first we have to go through this first. And pushing people away is too simple; but also, keeping people around with unexamined positions on trans people is, evidently, a mental health hazard.
I guess I’ll just keep pulling the arm on this roulette of acceptance and keep praying for the jack pot.
