Had my first post-op appointment today, 9 days since surgery. I know 9 days is super fresh.
I've wanted this surgery for over 15 years and ever since I had internet access, I've followed conversations about top surgery, the healing process, nipple grafts, recovery, and all the before/after pictures. I've seen so many other people's results, I've seen great results, I've seen okay results, asymmetrical results, revisions, with nipples, without nipples, and I've seen some botched results.
At my appointment today when my dressings came off, the NP stepped out for a moment to grab my surgeon, allowing me to look at myself alone. I almost passed out. At first I was just so happy looking in the mirror, like hell yes I finally did it. Then I started to really look.
I feel like I got fucking butchered. I've seen asymmetrical results, but I've never seen scars this fucking wildly different. I've seen low parts in the skin, I've never seen this bad. I've seen slightly different pec shapes, but holy shit not like this not like what's on me.
I asked my surgeon a million questions. I asked why my incisions are like this, like I literally just said "What happened?" while holding back tears.
From what he said, my breast tissue in each breast was very different in size. On my right, I had minimal breast tissue, less fat, and thinner skin. I had a lot of stretch marks on my right breast, so that makes sense. This resulted in the dip by my nipple because when the breast tissue was removed, there wasn't any fat to fill in the area. With time, exercise, muscle gain, it should even out. The incision goes upwards because my surgeon was following where my skin was thickest and had the best viability for the incision to heal and avoid necrosis. Thats why the incision is so fucking wonky I guess. On my left side, I had significantly more fat and slightly larger breast tissue. You can't see it in the photo but I have a small dog ear where the incision ends under my arm. I have a lot more fat on my left side so my surgeon said with time, exercise, fat loss, it might go away on its own. My surgeon brought up revision and even liposuction/sculpting very quickly, like almost at the beginning of the conversation. I know it's an option. But fuck man I didn't want to have to go through another procedure and more medical bills.
I was already pretty in shape pre surgery and spent a good chunk of time building my chest to avoid results like this. I've been on T since mid-november, so not very long either. I know I need to let it heal and let time pass. I know i need to do some more upper body focused workouts and just be on T longer too. But everytime I look at these pictures or think about it, I can't help but get teary eyed. I'm glad I had the surgery overall, at least my breasts are gone. But I feel like I just got carved and gutted. I feel disgusting. I feel like a halloween decoration. I'm so glad my dressingings were replaced and I'm wearing this ace wrap for another week, I can't stand to look at myself.