A little over a week ago a week ago, I came out to my mom as FTM. I described to her how I’d been struggling with gender dysphoria, and I tried to explain what it meant and how long I’d been dealing with it. I pointed out facts, shared how I feel, and instead of listening, she lashed out took my devices and threatened to send me to “the authorities where they deal with mentally ill people” and threw a bunch of gross, dismissive rhetoric at me. She dismissed everything I tried to explain.
In the days after that, I kept trying to talk to her. I wanted her to understand that this wasn’t confusion, that I wasn’t making it up. She kept trying to convince me otherwise, telling me “most people regret it”, that “I should be grateful for my body” Told me people would kill to have my body. Called me mentally ill, said I was confused, and that I’m only feeling this way “because I’ve been through a lot”. I kept refuting her arguments with facts, calmly explaining why they weren’t true. She really wasn’t having it because she lashed out again and started screaming about how disgusting she thinks transgender people are. She said it’s a “disgusting mental illness,” and that people like me are “feeding into it by transitioning instead of getting help (medicated)” She screamed “I fucking hate that transgender shit,” and then she said something that has been keeping me up all night, “If I had a gun, I would fucking shoot them all.” Then she looked me dead in the eyes and said “If you transition, you’re dead to me.”
She also told me she couldn’t parent a “son”, that she’s “never done that before,” and tried to kick me out of the house right then and there. She kept ignoring everything I said. Every honest effort I made to help her understand. I’m 15. I’m just trying to be honest about how I feel for once, and that’s what I got in return. I didn’t expect instant support, but I never imagined it would go this far. I’m still trying to process all of this and I feel so sick replaying those words in my head. I just want to know how to cope with all this, especially since it’s exam season and I’m literally losing sleep over this. I’d been trying to hold on to the idea that maybe one day she’ll come around, but after that I don’t know anymore.
