Hi everyone,
I wanted to share a really vulnerable experience I had recently
I’m a 26-year-old trans woman, 7 months post-op, and recently I had sex for the first time. It wasn’t planned — or at least not like this.
A month ago I started talking to a guy from another city. We were introduced by a mutual friend, and we hit it off immediately. Our first call lasted 4 hours. We had so many things in common, the conversation never got boring, and for once I thought: this might be worth it.
We kept texting and finally planned to meet.
I traveled from my town to his, planning to just hang out, eat together, maybe have a few drinks. I wasn’t sure whether to tell him I’m trans before we met. Part of me wanted to — I really did — but I also feared being rejected before he got to know me.
We ended up spending over 25 hours together. It was romantic, cozy, full of laughter. There was a spark. We cuddled, kissed… and things became physical. He touched me, and I allowed it. It felt nice, exciting — I trusted him.
He wanted to go further, but I told him I didn’t want to have sex on a first date. Truth is: I just didn’t want to do it before telling him the truth.
But the next morning,
we ended up having sex anyway. It wasn’t painful, but it was difficult. I hadn't dilated that morning, and it felt very tight — not very deep either. He kept asking if he was hurting me, and I was trying so hard to hide my scars and stay “in the moment,” but honestly I was in shock. Not because of the sex itself, but because I hadn’t told him yet. I froze.
Later
he asked subtle questions — like if I had baby photos. He asked about birth control, then asked for the brand. It was clear: he had started putting the pieces together.
That night, I called him and told him everything.
He said he had suspicions but thought he was "just imagining things." He admitted he was shocked, and needed time to process. We talked again later that night, and he was much calmer. He told me he liked my personality, that we had a genuine connection. But… he also said he struggles with how others might view him if they knew.
He asked me not to tell anyone, because he felt insecure. That hurt. We talked about staying friends — but I knew deep down that I didn't want to be someone's secret. I asked him: if you're ashamed of being with me, wouldn't being my friend cause the same fear of judgment? He said he’d feel differently — but that just didn’t sit right with me.
We left things open on Snapchat, said we might run into each other at a festival someday. But I don’t want a "maybe someday" kind of connection. I want someone who chooses me.
And still… I can’t stop thinking about him. He was sweet, respectful, and I really liked him. But I also know I deserve more than half-acceptance.
I don’t regret the experience — it taught me a lot. But emotionally, I’m still trying to find peace with it.
Thanks for reading.
Update: he blocked me and told a mutual friend he felt catfished 
. I dunno, maybe some people are just oblivious.
