Just ended a three year relationship because my ex picked a fight, spent two weeks dodging the fight, and then when we finally tried to have the conversation said he didn't trust me now
Context: he'd been having a rough time, my support clearly wasn't working, so I asked a mutual friend to check on him. He decided to take that as a betrayal. I'm real mad and he can go to hell and get fucked by a demon
What kind of a rough time? Does he drink, is he a drug user, other "sensitive" issues he doesn't want to talk about? I guess you're at the point it doesn't matter anymore if you're broken up but three years is still a large time + money investment into another person.
People in your life will pressure you to forgive and forget and reconcile. You should eventually forgive, for your own peace of mind so you don't stay awake at night seething about him, but don't forget and don't reconcile. He's out of your life now and you're better off for it.
To me forgiveness naturally leads to reconciliation. I've had two relationships that ended in unamicable breakups. Each situation was me being cheated on. Ultimately these were relationships in my early 20s and what I learned about both those experiences was picking better partners and picking up warning signs early on in people, although I learned that in different ways, but what I do agree with in relation to
@Synovial Relic's situation is finality. If you make a decision or have a principle then stick to it. "Makeup sex" or trying to rekindle something has never made sense to me.
Both times I was cheated on that lead to those relationships ending it shocked both my exes and myself a bit at how not angry I was by the news each time. Hurt, disappointed, and sad yes, but very little anger. That's not to say I'm some master stoic, but big things like that in my life I'm usually at peace with even in the moment. To me, the implied social contract of a committed relationship is not fucking other people. Your partner can explain why and logically you might be able to understand, but if you break that social contract the reasons are ultimately meaningless. Cheating = relationship over, it's that simple to me and that's really my one hard rule I have about dating, other things can hopefully be worked out and compromises can be reached, but obviously different people and different relationships vary those circumstances.
So to me, reconciliation is closure. Which is a part of forgiveness and not letting it eat away at you and give you cancer from the stress.
Oh yeah, once I've broken up with someone I'm done, I don't do that 'get back together' bullshit. I'm just mad enough to spit. Dude was trying to say that in the last two weeks he couldn't find twenty minutes for a phone call and I was 'punishing him' by ignoring his attempts to redirect my attention
Sounds like you have a similar mindset then. I don't know why confrontation or "working things out" with somewhat you've invested time and money into can be difficult for some people, especially if its someone they claim to care about. But you made a decision and if he can't respect that or regrets that, that's on him.
