Cringiest Fedora "Religion?" - Because "I don't believe in God" isn't speshul enough

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Qui Vive?

  • Flying Spaghetti Monster

    Votes: 40 19.3%

  • Hail Satan!

    Votes: 30 14.5%

  • Ackshyoually I'm a Buddhist and stuff

    Votes: 14 6.8%

  • Smoke Weed Every Day

    Votes: 10 4.8%

  • *screeching in Disney IP*

    Votes: 28 13.5%

  • Chakats are real!

    Votes: 2 1.0%

  • He can't keep getting away with it hurr hurr hurr

    Votes: 3 1.4%

  • Jesus was a Socialist / of course I haven't read the Bible

    Votes: 42 20.3%

  • "I take Amon Amarth way too seriously"

    Votes: 12 5.8%

  • Implying witchcraft is real

    Votes: 26 12.6%
  • Total voters
    207
Airtight2.0 said:
What about muh paganismism?
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Dead religions that are "revived on either a local or individual" basis are awful, You always find these "goth shops" in the more "spiritual" parts of the UK like Glastonbury and Cornwall which has cheap edgy T-shirts with skellies and wolves, pewter figures with crystals attached and they always have some consumerist wiccan stuff as well, often targeted at middle aged women or teens. Paganism is literally just another commercialised industry to sell herbs and other assorted crap used in "rituals" borrowed from internet videos.

On the upside they do sell swords which are some of the few retailers that sell anything more aggressive than a fishing rod in this country.
 
I wish I had a dollar every time a Satanist has told me they don't believe in a literal Satan, without me inquiring about it, like it's some kind of profound paradox that requires careful explanation.
 
Easterling said:
Dead religions that are "revived on either a local or individual" basis are awful, You always find these "goth shops" in the more "spiritual" parts of the UK like Glastonbury and Cornwall which has cheap edgy T-shirts with skellies and wolves, pewter figures with crystals attached and they always have some consumerist wiccan stuff as well, often targeted at middle aged women or teens. Paganism is literally just another commercialised industry to sell herbs and other assorted crap used in "rituals" borrowed from internet videos.

On the upside they do sell swords which are some of the few retailers that sell anything more aggressive than a fishing rod in this country.
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I've recently been it crop up among the "manly men" incel/MGTOW types particularly the Norse brand. And like you said they treat it like a fashion statement to show off and pretend that their ancestors were something cooler than they have. A white "we wuz kangz" if you will.
 
As an ex fedorafag, I used to talk a lot of good shit about Baha'i being the best religion, etc., etc. Then I realized it's a human construct like everything else and learned to accept its faults as well as its strengths. Off topic for saying I'm very surprised they're not on the ballot.
 
soy_king said:
As an ex fedorafag, I used to talk a lot of good shit about Baha'i being the best religion, etc., etc. Then I realized it's a human construct like everything else and learned to accept its faults as well as its strengths. Off topic for saying I'm very surprised they're not on the ballot.
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The Baha'is are a real religion, even if it is fairly young. There are people who genuinely believe in it.

The poll is phony play pretend religions that fedorafags pretend to believe in to own the christcucks. Well that and Sam Hyde.
 
Wiccans and Fagans. There's probably some actual difference between them, but I just gonna associate both with fat chicks and fat neckbeards in puffy shirts and pretending to talk to trees or some shit.
 
Doc Cassidy said:
The invisible pink unicorn is actually pretty funny unlike the flying spaghetti monster which is just embarrassing. I've always found the church of the subgenius kind of amusing too.
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I was going to bring up Church of the Subgenius. I knew a guy in high school that would spreg about it when every religion was brought up. He always had a smug look on his face when he talked about it. He was kind of a proto neckbeard.
 
Satanism/Luciferianism in any form.

It's likely no worse in the edgy department than many other options, but when you think about it, it's the ultimate surrender to the Jews/Christians there is.

The whole point is essentially venerating the rebellion to what they believe, and even if done in ironic spite, just claiming you believe in the rebellion to their beliefs means you have given some form of validity to what you rebel against, otherwise why would you dignify it with the status of being your enemy?

If you truly don't believe the source has any backing, even playing lip service to the rebellion is utterly pointless.
 
Ughubughughughughughghlug said:
Zen Buddhism
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The Mahayana sect I like the sound of best is Pure Land. Like you said, all one has to do is sincerely recite the Nianfo / Nenbutsu / etc (and not do certain really bad things), and one is assured Nirvana after death, courtesy of the Buddha Amida.

But anyway like you said, in the West it's this "euphoric" New Age thing. I remember seeing this book in the "New Age" section at a Barnes & Noble which related Buddhism to motorcycle repair or something like that. Along with other stuff that seemed to appeal to the mentality @Ped Xing made this thread about.

Also I heard that something Western Buddhists often miss is the "community aspect" present among Asian believers.
 
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I went with the "Jesus Was a Socialist" choice, and it isn't always "I haven't read the Bible" but sometimes they claim to, usually taking verses out of context (which makes it immediately obvious that they really don't). If they really wanted to larp as skeptics, they can take the position that the Apostle Paul distorted much of what Jesus had said and done, and claim that Christianity is illegitimate because of that, but that would require actual theology.
 
Xarpho said:
I went with the "Jesus Was a Socialist" choice, and it isn't always "I haven't read the Bible" but sometimes they claim to, usually taking verses out of context (which makes it immediately obvious that they really don't). If they really wanted to larp as skeptics, they can take the position that the Apostle Paul distorted much of what Jesus had said and done, and claim that Christianity is illegitimate because of that, but that would require actual theology.
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That's another ultra-cringe fedora position, one the story of the poor woman who gives all she has shoots a ton of holes through.

Jesus said all should sacrifice without resentment, and praised those who could ill afford to so even more than those that could. Socialism is more about how the haves and have nots should be a level playing field, where under Jesus' viewpoint, the have nots are still venerated more highly if they give what they can't afford to regardless of their own needs.
 
The Satanic Temple. They showed how far their exceptionalism was off the charts when they sued over the Baphomet statue in Netflix revival of Sabrina.
 
ToroidalBoat said:
The Mahayana sect I like the sound of best is Pure Land. Like you said, all one has to do is sincerely recite the Nianfo / Nenbutsu / etc (and not do certain really bad things), and one is assured Nirvana after death, courtesy of the Buddha Amida.

But anyway like you said, in the West it's this "euphoric" New Age thing. I remember seeing this book in the "New Age" section at a Barnes & Noble which related Buddhism to motorcycle repair or something like that. Along with other stuff that seemed to appeal to the mentality @Ped Xing made this thread about.

Also I heard that something Western Buddhists often miss is the "community aspect" present among Asian believers.
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The book you're thinking of is Zen & The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. It's not as ridiculous as it probably sounds if you enjoy reading about philosophy.
 
LOL

I had an African witch lady tweet me that she put a love spell on me. I told her thank you very much, but love potions and spells don't work on me. She was sweet though and I prayed for her.

It's all true, angels and demons. However, group religion is a corrupt form of spiritual politics to control large masses of people. Jesus' intention was to free people from that, not build a a social machine. He'd had enough of corrupt Judaism to last Him a lifetime.

What people really want to know is if Christian mystics or Satanic mystics are more powerful. And..........
If I told you, I'd have to kill you. LOL JK I had a dingbat from the Peoples Front of Satanism demand I join their church and I said "No, I don't worship Satan and Lucifer."

And you could have knocked me over with a feather at his response. "Well, we don't really believe in him either."

To which I replied. "You can't have Satanism without Satan. And Satan was created by God, so you can't technically have Satanism without God either."
 
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