Fanfiction Horrors

Dilbertmann

Dilbertmann

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 6, 2014
So people said about having a thread about terrible fanfiction in the Deviantart Horrors thread. Well, here you go cuz I'm just courteous like that.

I don't recall anything terrible other than My Immortal.

Oh, and one more thing: if anyone has a backup of my old FFN works (i.e. when I was called DilbertX8007 or something like that), share them on here so I can revel in the autism :P
 
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Christian Humbler Reloaded. Essentially it's the most 'ow the edge' fic imaginable as a wolf gets experimented on and eventually gets every stupid power imaginable. It was the shittiest attempt of writing an anti-hero ever. The fanfic has Sonic, Bionicle, Halo, Kingdom Hearts, Inuyasha and more. The unfortunate story behind its origins was that some kids decided to troll the guy and get a copy of his fanfic to upload to the world wide web. Then a lot of ween shit eventually happened and even a fancomic of it was taken down because of it. I can't remember anything of it besides him thinking 'ugly' is a clever insult, fighting George Bush in the end and having a dragon brother who becomes mpreg. It was really weird.
 
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Under the spoiler is my all time favorite thing on the internet, it was based off the book Rough and Ready by Sandra Hill. I find it hilarious but I'm a bit desensitized so I put it as NSFW just in case.
Her long hair, still wet from the shower, had been combed down her back in a wet swath. Hilda was sitting on the floor, her round, wet boobs still wet from the shower’s water. She dried off the water with a towel, which then became wet. Hilda gasped when she saw a reflection in her bedroom mirror: through the slightly open door, she caught a glimpse of the chiseled abs and square jaw of the mysterious stranger who shared her cabin. She stood and spun around, her breasts swinging heavily with the momentum. She grabbed the door and flung it open, revealing shirtless Torolf (which was seriously his name) quivering with desire in the hallway. Torolf was ashamed at being caught, but his shame made him even hotter – hotter for sex. He stepped into the room, and his bulging abs accidentally smushed into Hilda’s rich chest. As Hilda’s buttermilk bosoms squished up against his granite abs, Torolf almost had a dick aneurysm. “Hilda,” Torolf murmured thickly, his throbbing meat wand pressing against Hilda’s warm thighs. “There is a secret I need to not tell you: You are my forbidden desire.” Hilda had been waiting to hear these words. Her heart was lifted on golden wings and soared toward a radiant sun of perfect joy. She saw herself and Torolf happy together, bathed in the golden light of love. Her snooch got all warm, too. “Torolf,” Hilda moaned, her lush teats straining with desire. “I need you.” Torolf, coarse abs pulsing softly in the moonlight, stood silently. Hilda looked at him expectantly. “Oh, sorry,” she added. “Torolf, I need you – sexually.” At hearing those beautiful words, Torolf flexed his rough-hewn abs and Hilda found herself being guided to her soft bed by the sheer force of Torolf’s undulating midsection. She parted her thighs in anticipation, exposing the soft pink petals of her clunge. Torolf entered her like she was a lottery. His engorged pecker pushed inside her and she felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment. Hilda clutched at the bedsheets with lust and ecstasy and her hands. Her spongy love mountains hurled to and fro with each pounding. Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it. Then Torolf moaned, arched his back, and suffered from dick Parkinson’s. He pumped in all of his hot pearlescent sperms as Hilda spasmed with so many orgasms! The two lay still for a moment as the stinky scent of lovemaking billowed around the room. Hilda got out of bed, still shimmering with orgasm. She glowed with contentment, like a cat who ate the cream of the crop. She walked across the room and picked up her towel, still wet with shower water. “Torolf,” she said softly, “there’s something I have to tell you…” But her bed was empty. Torolf was gone, escaped out the bedroom window. In the distance, Hilda heard the fading sound of galloping abs.

Then there's She-Wants-The-B, this one one the other hand is incredibly fucked up. Bee (sorry, couldn't help myself) warned it's really, really messed up, and it's based off of the Bee Movie for anyone that doesn't know.
 
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I'll bite. :)

Full disclosure, I've followed fanfiction off and on for a staggering amount of time. When I was first getting settled into the Internet in the mid-nineties, fanfiction was one of the first things I stumbled upon and I spent a lot of time hanging around in fanfiction communities and chat rooms. I haven't really been keeping up with it as of late (or much at all for the past several years) but it's something that was meaningful to me when I was younger. That said, I've read a lot of trash in my time. I've also read a lot of truly moving and well-written stories... but mostly just garbage. Here's some of the garbage:

We can all agree that 9/11 was pretty bad. Huge bummer. Apparently, the cast of the PBS cartoon Arthur can agree on that with us as they pay tribute to the victims of September 11th in the aptly-titled THE ARTHUR GANG PAYS TRIBUTE.

Amanda is a Powerpuff Girls OC. In SONO MAJI SARU, she falls in love with Mojo Jojo. For some reason, the author incorporated the titles of songs by New Zealand pop group Savage Garden into the characters' dialog...???

HOME FOR CHRISTMAS is an angsty Ed Edd & Eddy fanfic where Eddy dies and Double-D visits his grave. It tries to be touching but comes off more cringey than anything else. Merry Christmas!!

In the fanfic community a "songfic" is a story written around a specific song with lyrics of said song peppered into the story. A THOUSAND MILES is one of a trillion such stories but it's the only one where Helga Pitaki (of Hey Arnold fame) literally walks for 10 straight days while presumably listening to Vanessa Carlton on repeat.

Full House was a terrible sitcom with horrible acting and unfunny jokes. That's why when Michelle Tanner goes blind following a traffic accident in WHEN BLINDNESS STRIKES I laughed like the horrible, awful person I am.

Depending upon whether or not you all like these blurbs I'll continue to find some more weird/obscure bad fanfiction to share. This is my pasttime. :oops:
 
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It's an author's profile. I think I may have posted it elsewhere here, but...

Meet ThaviduZeroX. Or, as I have grown fond of calling him, OH MY GOD HOW MANY PAIRINGS CAN ONE CHARACTER HAVE?!.

He seriously, seriously likes to give his favorite characters immense harems. Usually containing all the girls of their series, their own relatives [because incest] and, more often than not, OCs. With the cast of Ed, Edd n'Eddy, though? Nope! They get a bunch of girls from other series, because really, Lucy from Elfen Lied, Rally Vincent and Vocaloids are totally needing lovemance from three dorks.

Also, Naruto gets such a massive harem that he needs a side-harem.

For some reason he thinks pairing Chi-Chi with Goku's family members is incest. I don't even mean her children, I mean his brother and father.

There are five tiers of Ed, Edd n'Eddy fan characters he ripped off for his ideal story.

But in a way, maybe the worst part is that he's such a loser he can't even write his dreamed crossover fiesta. He just keeps building it up and filling it with stupids and ARGH
 
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A Random said:
It's an author's profile. I think I may have posted it elsewhere here, but...

Meet ThaviduZeroX. Or, as I have grown fond of calling him, OH MY GOD HOW MANY PAIRINGS CAN ONE CHARACTER HAVE?!.

He seriously, seriously likes to give his favorite characters immense harems. Usually containing all the girls of their series, their own relatives [because incest] and, more often than not, OCs. With the cast of Ed, Edd n'Eddy, though? Nope! They get a bunch of girls from other series, because really, Lucy from Elfen Lied, Rally Vincent and Vocaloids are totally needing lovemance from three dorks.

Also, Naruto gets such a massive harem that he needs a side-harem.

For some reason he thinks pairing Chi-Chi with Goku's family members is incest. I don't even mean her children, I mean his brother and father.

There are five tiers of Ed, Edd n'Eddy fan characters he ripped off for his ideal story.

But in a way, maybe the worst part is that he's such a loser he can't even write his dreamed crossover fiesta. He just keeps building it up and filling it with stupids and ARGH
Click to expand...

Jesus christ, this is something I'd make up in my work!

Next thing you know he writes something where the Bob's Burgers characters (yes, including Teddy) have a giant burger shipping orgy with the cast of King of Fighters.
 
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...oh hey. I just realized I missed THIS bullshit last time I saw it.
I'll be nice and put it in spoilers because I don't want a huge-ass post.

There is a unique, but extremely powerful transformation that is considered to be a composition of many different powers, abilities, and forms from over 60 different Anime/Manga/OVA/Light Novel Series

List of powers and qualities from EACH of the MAJOR Animanga Series

1.[Dragon Ball Franchise] The Saiyan's Combat skills, Zenkai, and Super Saiyan forms power multipliers
2.[BLEACH Franchise] The Powers of a Soul Reaper, Hollows, Fullbringers, Quincies, Skullclad Armor, and Zanpakuto Spirits
3.[NARUTO Franchise] The Six Paths Sage Technique, the fusion of the Rinnegan and Sharingan, and The Uzumaki Clan Special Chakra and Life-Force
4.[One PIECE Franchise] All forms of Haki
5.[FAIRY TAIL Franchise] Dragon Slayer Magic, Maker-Magic, Re-Quip, Take-Over Magic, and Celestial Spirit Powers
6.[Full Metal ALCHEMIST Franchise] Alchemy and Alkahestry Hybrids
7.[SOUL EATER Series] Death Scythe Demon Weapon Powers, Anti-Demon Wavelength, Meister Powers, Soul-Based Skills, Grigori Soul, Black Blood, and Courage
8.[D. Gray-Man]
9.[SHAMAN KING Series]
10.[CODE GEASS Franchise] The Geass, and some Knightmare functions
11.[Karakuri Douji ULTIMO]
12.[Blue EXORCIST Series]
13.[Elfen LIED] Vector Arms
14.[The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Franchise]
15.[Tengen Toppa GURREN LAGANN Franchise] Spiral Power
16.[Kurokami]
17.[Puella Magi Madoka MAGICA Franchise]
18.[Black Rock SHOOTER Franchise]
19.[Kill La KILL Series]
20.[Medaka BOX]
21.[High School DxD Series]
22.[Ikki TOUSEN Franchise]
23.[A Certain Magical INDEX Franchise]
24.[Shakugan no SHANA Franchise]
25.[NEGIMA Franchise]
26.[BLACK CAT]
27.[Rosario to Vampire Series]
28.[SEKIREI]
29.[Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt Series]
30.[STRIKE WITCHES Franchise]
31.[RIN: Daughters of Mnemosyne]
32.[SHUFFLE Series]
33.[Date A Live]
34.[To LOVE-Ru Franchise]
35.[Seikon no QWASER]
36.[Tokyo Akazukin]
37.[Squid Girl]
38.[Ranma 1/2 Franchise]
39.[Inuyasha Franchise]
40.[Urusei Yatsura Franchise]
41.[Sailor MOON Franchise]
42.[Tenchi MUYO Franchise]
43.[Battle Angel ALITA Series]
44.[Ah My Goddess Franchise]
45.[SLAYERS Franchise]
46.[TRIGUN Series]
47.[Neon Genesis EVANGELION Franchise]
48.[GeGeGe no Kitaro]

Video Game Series
1.[SONIC the Hedgehog Franchise]
2.[Devil May CRY Franchise]
3.[BAYONETTA]
4.[Mega Man Franchise]
5.[Kingdom Hearts Franchise]
6.[NEPTUNIA Franchise]

List of Powers and Abilities from each ANIMANGA series that are either optional or exclusive to certain users of this "Synchronyx" form
1.[Higurashi: When they CRY Franchise]
2.[Kaze no STIGMA]
3.[Spice and Wolf]
4.[Dance in the Vampire Bund]
5.[Cat Planet CUTIES]
6.[Kanokon]
7.[Kino's Journey]
8.[Yu-Yu Hakusho]
9.[Samurai X]
10.[Gunsmith Cats]
11.[Love Hina]
12.[Nadia: The Secret of Blue Water]
13.[Tokyo Mew Mew Series]
14.[Senran Kagura]
15.[Infinite STRATOS]
16.[Nyaruko: Crawling with Love]
Just... LOOK AT THE FUCKING THINGS USED GOD DAMN
 
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Ultimate Grisby said:
Christian Humbler Reloaded. Essentially it's the most 'ow the edge' fic imaginable as a wolf gets experimented on and eventually gets every stupid power imaginable. It was the shittiest attempt of writing an anti-hero ever. The fanfic has Sonic, Bionicle, Halo, Kingdom Hearts, Inuyasha and more. The unfortunate story behind its origins was that some kids decided to troll the guy and get a copy of his fanfic to upload to the world wide web. Then a lot of ween shit eventually happened and even a fancomic of it was taken down because of it. I can't remember anything of it besides him thinking 'ugly' is a clever insult, fighting George Bush in the end and having a dragon brother who becomes mpreg. It was really weird.
Click to expand...


My one of my best friends went to high school with Christian Humber. It was an all boys private boarding school, and although Humber didn't really have many friends, his roommate always kind of looked out for him and made sure he was never bullied and was included by the other boys .Then one day Humber randomly attacked him, using some moves he had picked up from Naurto. Apparently he was super jealous of his roommate and secretly hated him for years.... idk, the dude had some issues.

A Random said:
Does it count if it's not a fanfic? Because I know a guy who DEFIES the laws of stupid.
Click to expand...

No? That sounds more like a story for the Personal Lolcow thread.:snorlax:
 
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I don't consider him a lolcow in that sense. He's not even mine.
 
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Just as practice, I tried to do a reading of this story
http://www.toplessrobot.com/2012/01/fan_fiction_friday_rugrats_in_not_so_little_any_mo.php
It's based on the Rugrats spin-off, "All Grown Up". It's so hard to do a good reading because it's all in horribly misspelled incomplete sentences! And it's just plain stupid. I would post the vid but it was only done as practice, and I still need to work on the "not looking really awkward on video" thing.
 
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