Chris'tard "Protecting" Barb? Huh?

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LordCustos3

LordCustos3

Guvking Stalbjer
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 4, 2013
Okay....wtf is he talking about here?



Who (or What?) is The Great Director supposed to "protect" Snorlax from?
Twolls? Jerkoppers? Bugs?

Does Snorlax think that Clyde Cash is coming to give her unwanted sexytimes and Princess Tomgirl :tomgirl: is the only thing preventing this?

Seriously....does anyone have any insight on this?
 

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I would not be surprised if she has told him that the Internet Trolls are out to kill them and that she needs him to protect her like a White House Secret Serviceman.
 
I'm guessing Barb has given him some sort of "You're the man of the house now that Bob's gone" speech as part of her brainwashing, and he implicitly or explicitly picked up the idea of protection as part of that.
 
Chris likes to pretend that he is some kind of honorable warrior in service of the weak. He probably thinks that trolls or whoever would come attack Barb, if not for Chris being present.

Now, really, he would never use this belief as a reason to stay with her. It's the opposite - he has to stay with her, so he retroactively invents an excuse to make himself seem noble instead of lazy.
 
Null said:
I would not be surprised if she has told him that the Internet Trolls are out to kill them and that she needs him to protect her like a White House Secret Serviceman.
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vKONzqh.jpg
 
Maybe "protecting" is his new euphemism for spooning.
 
Chris couldn't protect an ant farm.
 
Pff, I just figured it was Chris trying to paint himself in a positive light and gave himself more credit than he deserves.

Like believing that sitting on his ass playing pokemon with kids half his age was worth putting in his resume, how he has to take the trash out and he blogs about how much work he's forced to do, or gloats about how he cleaned his room when all he did was just make a narrow walkway.

He exaggerates everything to either boost his image or to avoid criticism... sometimes both.

And if anything, it sounds like he's complaining that he has to "protect" her.
 
Null said:
I would not be surprised if she has told him that the Internet Trolls are out to kill them and that she needs him to protect her like a White House Secret Serviceman.
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Severance said:
He thinks his life is an RPG.
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Alec Benson Leary said:
Chris likes to pretend that he is some kind of honorable warrior in service of the weak. He probably thinks that trolls or whoever would come attack Barb, if not for Chris being present.

Now, really, he would never use this belief as a reason to stay with her. It's the opposite - he has to stay with her, so he retroactively invents an excuse to make himself seem noble instead of lazy.
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Chris the Ronin. Retainer of Snorlax-Hime, residing in the Gomi Fortress.
 
Null said:
I would not be surprised if she has told him that the Internet Trolls are out to kill them and that she needs him to protect her like a White House Secret Serviceman.
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Reminds me of the game "Protect the President," where you randomly tackle your friends and say "Mr. President, look out!" as if you're a member of Secret Service.

I don't think she'd mind the "tackles" as she'd just suck him into a snuggle. :tomgirl:
 
It sounds more like Mommy Dearest has been being emotionally manipulative. I can definitely see her saying that she'd die if Chris didn't stay in that room with her or the evil (insert local jurisdiction here) conspiracy will send the police to take her away if he's not there 24/7.
 
Chris tosses words about without thinking, especially if they make him look good. Who knows exactly how crazy Barb is but as she isn't a slow-in-da-mind herself I doubt she's deluded enough to think Chris would actually be able to protect her against anything. More than likely she has been emotionally manipulating Chris so he won't leave her side now she's almost all alone in the world.
 
I'm sure that part of the guilt trip that both Bob and Barb leveled against him was that he put them both "in danger" by acting like an ass on the internet and then giving up not only the address to, but a full inside tour of their house.

Barb is just keeping it going to manipulate Chris. Or Chris is just exaggerating, or he actually believes it. Whatever. The point is that Chris would just hide behind Barb if anything happened anyway. We know this.
 
DangDirtyTrolls said:
Chris tosses words about without thinking, especially if they make him look good.
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I do think it was kinda odd how such a vocal critic of the Jerkops would use the Jerkop slogan: "Serve and Protect"
 
Obviously, what Chris means by this is that he is stationed next to Barb at all times with a fly-swatter on hand to keep the bugs at bay. This is why he doesn't stay in his room anymore. :tomgirl:
 
pickleniggo said:
Obviously, what Chris means by this is that he is stationed next to Barb at all times with a fly-swatter on hand to keep the bugs at bay. This is why he doesn't stay in his room anymore. :tomgirl:
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Now we know that bugs were the least of the problem. He has to protect mom from her own rotting skin.
 
Da Pickle Monsta said:
It's how Chris is selling his terrible home life to himself.
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Sounds about right. Always has to view himself as a hero.
 
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