DarksydePhil / TheyCallMeDSP / Phil Burnell: General Discussion #2

[BlastMonk]

The truth is we are all under pignosis, everyone that has ever heard him snort or beg is forever under his spell. The weakest of us hand over money to support him, we the strong willed do not fall for such things but we are still victims that merely see the fake Phil, the human Phil character he plays. We've all heard him say things like 'you humans' 'the thing about humans is' and thought it was just another moshmouth phrase by Phil or him misusing another saying. We even joked he was an alien in disguise, how his loose saggy skin was him wearing a skinsuit. How close we were to the TRUTH. I have seen behind the illusion, I have escaped the delusion and seen Phil for what he truly is.

Spoiler: The Pig in his true form

credit to Poems_Future for making the image that I stole shamelessly

 

[Balr0g]

Since it's still relevant I leave it here. Hi Phil!

 

[clothes in my closet]

"There are Youtubers out there that are way bigger than me and they get way more views, way more subs, way more attention, and they don't have the amount of success and support that I get."

"My streams are not about numbers."

The fact that he can say this with a straight face after begging for money throughout the entirety of the day stream, to the point where he began to patronize his audience for "not enjoying the game" , is absolutely fucking astounding. The guy is completely separated from reality at this point - this is psychopath shit. If Phil had an IQ higher than 85, we would all be in big trouble.

It's moments like these, where Phil demonstrates the sheer ease with which he can lie, that really drive home what a horrible human being he is.

Insane cope. Thanks for archiving.

 

[basically gayer fez]

Since it's still relevant I leave it here. Hi Phil!

View attachment 5538981

Imagine being more "generous" than callmecarson...

 

[Anime Waifu NFT collector]

We’re already pretty close to the point where a 20$ an hour wage cuck JAWB* and streaming on the side would net him more than what he’s doing now, but Phil’s pride and laziness means that that’ll never happen.

One of the reasons Phil will never get a job is not only because he is to prideful and lazy to get one, but given his track record of getting fired from every job he ever had (including the one where his dad had a high level position in the company) even if he got a job they would fire him shortly after too, Phil is not only retarded and a bit autistic, he also has a terrible attitude when dealing with others and no work ethic.

 

[Nurse Ratchet]

(As an example: The Best Buy deal again: Phil is told to take an online qualifications test. Phil fails it. Is told to retake it, and refuses, telling the boss that “it wasn’t part of the agreement when they hired him”)

At this, I fucking lol'd.

And then he goes on to insist that he endcapped this statement by advising his boss that if Best Buy wanted to push the issue any further, they would need to hire an attorney.



Sure Jan.

Beyond him failing their little PC Networking 101 quiz (--and anyone who worked corporate electronics retail circa the early aughties can affirm; you only needed to be moderately fucking literate to achieve passing scores on those faggy training modules. Specialized knowledge of anything was neither expected, required, nor gained from these tests. They were just an avenue for corporate to semi-routinely verify that everyone on its EE roster still had a pulse.--) zero any of the rest of that shit ever happened. Fucking lol.

Fuckface actually thinks it's passable narrative to insist that he not only ultimately prevailed in his refusal to re-fail that module, but also told an authority figure -face-to-face- to basically get fucked, lol. And then just to make sure that management knew their place, you tack on a not-veiled threat of litigation if they gave you any pushback.

Fuck.
Outta.
Here.

Gump, you took & failed that quiz as many god damn times as you were given the order. After probably 3 or 4 rounds of that, leadership just said fuck it, we're drafting this cocksucker's paperwork right now anyway, better shit to do than babysit this screeching retard.

"Philburt, just.. log off & go restock the USB cables in the printer aisle."

/scene.

....
His obsession with (REE)writing his own erotic fanfiction.. about himself.. >62 different times per [purported] isolated event..... is so profoundly gay & comprehensively disturbing. Thank fuck he's too stupid & neutered to ever take an interest in knife or firearm proficiency.

Just, stop. Faggot. Lolol. No one will ever believe any iteration of any story you ever tell in which you behaved as if your balls ever dropped.

 

[Keith the Horse Fucker]

I would love to ask Phil if any of his co-workers failed the Best Buy networking test. I am sure the asnwer is “no”.

 

[Fapcop]

I strongly recommend WPIG’s deepdives into various parts of DSP’s lore, it’s interesting to see how his stories change over time.

And @Nurse Ratchet: As an interesting aside to the whole betrayal of the blue vests Best Buy saga: DSP’s narcissistic rage over “having been hired as member of an ELITE business team” and then forced to sling PCs with the other schlubs ON THE SALES FLOOR!!! Like a regular employee!! THOSE MORAHNS WOULDNT GIVE HIM BUSINESS CARDS!?!

(Of course, there was nothing preventing Phil from spending 10$ of his own money to print some business cards, or going to some networking event for an hour in the weekend.)

 

[Brother Wind]

In his eyes that day can't come soon enough, piggy is probably just salivating at the idea of getting his hands on the inheritance.

Its fucking pathetic he even thinks that way. Like I already have a lot of issues with people who are just waiting out an inheritance. But in this case Phil isn't even hoping to get the estate or the wealth. He just wants to blow it on

Scopely will be fucking ecstatic.

Yeah this. And the saddest thing is, by the time they die. WWE Champions will be gone. And he will be playing something else. Oblivious to the idea that his last remnants of his parents will be going to something so ephemeral.

You know. Optimistic as fuck, but I hope thats when his karma sets in. When he gets his paltry thousands, the final estate of the only people who ever loved him. And he squanders it. Then he looks and realizes, that is it. He has no more windfalls. No more safety nets. And all he ever had of his parents is gone. Thats when I hope it all sinks in.

 

[Big Brown Schlub]

and anyone who worked corporate electronics retail circa the early aughties can affirm; you only needed to be moderately fucking literate to achieve passing scores on those faggy training modules. Specialized knowledge of anything was neither expected, required, nor gained from these tests. They were just an avenue for corporate to semi-routinely verify that everyone on its EE roster still had a pulse

In my experience that's the case with pretty much any internal examinations or certificates you have to take for any job, doesn't matter if it's fire safety, first aid or even if it's relevant to what you'll be doing on your job. The exams are tailor made so that even the dimmest retard in the workforce can at least get a passing grade, since it's expected that you'll be learning all that shit on the job anyway. It's a formality because they probably just need that piece of paper to prove to some government labor agency that you are certified to work that particular job. The fact that piggy failed it speaks fucking volumes.

 

[Fapcop]

In my experience that's the case with pretty much any internal examinations or certificates you have to take for any job, doesn't matter if it's fire safety, first aid or even if it's relevant to what you'll be doing on your job. The exams are tailor made so that even the dimmest retard in the workforce can at least get a passing grade, since it's expected that you'll be learning all that shit on the job anyway. It's a formality because they probably just need that piece of paper to prove to some government labor agency that you are certified to work that particular job. The fact that piggy failed it speaks fucking volumes.

DSP believing that cellphones connect to satelites up in the sky, makes a helluva lot more sense now.

 

[Lord_Point]

One of the reasons Phil will never get a job is not only because he is to prideful and lazy to get one, but given his track record of getting fired from every job he ever had (including the one where his dad had a high level position in the company) even if he got a job they would fire him shortly after too, Phil is not only retarded and a bit autistic, he also has a terrible attitude when dealing with others and no work ethic.

This is a weird cope the farm gets on to sometimes. The reason phil never got a job is because hes making bank doing jackshit all day. He is not poor because he doesnt generate income, hes poor because hes addicted to homoerotic gatcha games and fast food. He was one of the lucky streamers who made it and still fucked it up because hes a monumental sub human retard with the most pathetic possible addictions.

Working an admin level office job at 20 dollars an hour, 40 hours a week would gross you about 3.4k a month, which is what phil generated in tips alone last month. Who the fuck would choose being a full time office drone for less money over 'working' 5 hours a day by playing video games? I know if I had phils skillset I wouldn't.

You know. Optimistic as fuck, but I hope thats when his karma sets in. When he gets his paltry thousands, the final estate of the only people who ever loved him. And he squanders it. Then he looks and realizes, that is it. He has no more windfalls. No more safety nets. And all he ever had of his parents is gone. Thats when I hope it all sinks in.

My biggest rainbow is that Dave is loaded (dudes been working forever and in what appear to be well paying positions) and is sitting on a 7 figure fortune he never spent. However, a stroke of luck! Linda goes before her husband, so Dave rewrites the will and leaves everything to Phil's sister cousin that lived with them for awhile. Sister cousin of course refuses to share with DSP because hes accursed her of being a drug addicted whore loser her whole life. Now we get a dedicated segment for life on the copecast about how the legal system is fucked up, lawyers are scum, and how your family can cheat you so maybe incest really isnt so great after all.

 

[Nate Dingus]

Those tests are also designed to filter out people exactly like Phil. A module on safety might be common sense, but it still requires a bare minimum of attention and conformity. If you're too lazy and egotistical to tick those boxes, there's a good chance that you would be an actual safety risk.

Phil is such a retard that he got filtered by the US military. The experts in taking on dipshit teenagers and giving them basic level of function.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9l3RlMn-4bw

 

[Iron Hamster]

How long until he realizes the slow tips are because all the retards gave him their disability checks on the first 2 days of the month and they have nothing for him until Biden sends more tardbucks?

never just like he can't ack ack acknowledge anything out in the real world like inflation.

 

[TheGreatWhiteNorth]

Since it's still relevant I leave it here. Hi Phil!

View attachment 5538981

So is this:

 

[Fapcop]

As for Phil getting a real jawb, the thing is that his income is dropping and there are plenty of days where he earns less than he would at McD. (It’s Seattle after all. High minimum wage.)

The only thing propping him up are the couple of whales who come in and hand over most of the 3-4K he earns in tips.

Any reasonable person would look at this and go: “Hmm, my income is dropping 20% every year, and I am one 1MM car crash away from losing 50% of it. Time to have a plan B.”

Phil doesn’t, despite it making perfect sense for him to get at least a job on the side. He refuses to do so, mainly because of the assumption that “this has always worked, so it will always work!” This is of course one of the things that makes him a lolcow.


As for Phil’s parents, I wouldn’t be surprised if they are so disappointed in their son that relations are strained. (Like they never visit, and he never does?)

Wouldn’t be surprised if they’re planning on spending all of their retirement cash, leaving Phil with a few trinkets.

 

[BPD Gunt Rider]

We’re already pretty close to the point where a 20$ an hour wage cuck JAWB* and streaming on the side would net him more than what he’s doing now, but Phil’s pride and laziness means that that’ll never happen.

Dave's hourly wage is at minimum $50/hour still, that's including podcasts and nonsense. He has no reason to stop doing this, arguably cut back since his hourly wage would likely be higher without his strict autistic schedule.

He has no reason to stop this yet, not until his income is like half what it is now to even consider it.

If Dave saved money at all and wasn't a braindead consoomer with serious addiction problems, he'd be on easy street.

 

[Corpun]

This is the most dented thing I have ever heard come from the pig's mouth. 1:25:30 to 1:28:30

-Doesn't know you see two images with your eyes that are put together with your brain, this is why one-eyed people have limited depth perception.
-Thinks the world isn't fully 3-D (whatever that means) and you are just looking at 2-D objects. The best way I can rationalize this is he thinks you should be able to see the back of a computer or something when you are facing it, but that sounds way too dented even for him.
-Somehow he was high school valedictorian despite believing this.

EDIT: Found it: 2:11:00: “They were expecting us to qualify and study… blah blah”

The funniest part of the story is how tired they must have been of Phil, to use that for termination. I’ll bet you they would have led anyone else off with a warning.

If WPIG uncovered anything it's that DSP refused to do literally any additional training for his jobs even if it meant he'd get promotions down the line and a higher salary. He bitched about Machinima once about how they would probably change his contract or what he'd need to do after they hired him like that isn't a normal thing that happens. Phil has always wanted to do the minimum effort required for a paycheck and fails to see why it'd be good to put some effort into his work.

I think it was at BestBuy he got booted out of some better position just because he told his manager to go fuck himself over some training he needed to do for the job. I would love to see if any of Phil's ex-coworker's have any good stories about how he did nothing wrong, everything correct, and the bosses fucked him over.

Or multiple real estate agents and home inspectors telling him that he has to fix multiple things in the house before he could even start thinking about selling it. And of course, all of these people he will have to deal with refuse to talk with him through emails.

And just like the CT condo, he will let his parent's house fall apart and rot until eventually the bank takes it from him as debt payment.

Check out this fat autistic retard forgetting to turn the mic off (no audio was added)

Spoiler: Professional

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I have to feel a little bit of pity for Khet if that is what she hears all the time. No wonder she keeps away from him as much as possible. Imagine listening to him hawk up hairballs 25/7 while muttering "very good" to himself constantly. actually autistic as fuck.

"My streams are not about numbers."

He upped the member's goal again after begging and whining how it kept dropping when he approached 100. Those member bombs expiring is going to be nice to watch him mald over.

 

[Lord_Point]

As for Phil getting a real jawb, the thing is that his income is dropping and there are plenty of days where he earns less than he would at McD. (It’s Seattle after all. High minimum wage.)

The only thing propping him up are the couple of whales who come in and hand over most of the 3-4K he earns in tips.

Any reasonable person would look at this and go: “Hmm, my income is dropping 20% every year, and I am one 1MM car crash away from losing 50% of it. Time to have a plan B.”

He still gets around 1.5k-2k per member, 1.5k-2k in superchats, and 1k for Ads on youtube. Thats another ~4k MIN he gets per month on top of tips and whatever else hes gifted behind da scenes. Dude is not making anywhere close to less than $20 an hour when you factor in 5 hour work days and how much passive income streaming gets him.

It not like McD is going to work around his schedule and he can just pop in for a quick shift whenever he feels like it. DSP is a retard but making money isnt a problem for him, being broke because he eats fast food 5 days a week and buys jpegs of shirtless dudes is.

Dont get me wrong, I also would like to see total phil income death, but hes not even close to the point where part time gigs would make sense.

 

[Fapcop]

Dave's hourly wage is at minimum $50/hour still, that's including podcasts and nonsense. He has no reason to stop doing this, arguably cut back since his hourly wage would likely be higher without his strict autistic schedule.

Sorry, it’s not anywhere near that.

The members are around 1500$ a month, if we assume he streams 200 hours a month (mind you STREAMS, not plays), that’s around 7.50$ an hour.

Now if we assume he streams six hours per stream, even IF he meets the 150$ tipsgoal, which he hardly ever does these days, that’s a fairly mediocre 25$ an hour.

A really good DSP stream these days takes in around 100$. That’s around 16$ an hour, which is close to office/retail jawb wages in Seattle.

On quite a few streams, especially if his one or two whales don’t show up, he takes around 30$, which is well below minimum wage at 5$ an hour.

And taxes aren’t even calculated here, which would further bring down his “paycheck”.

EDIT: Didn’t include Superchats here where they take like a third? Also important to note that a lot of DSPs tips are in the meager 1-5 dollars where PayPal takes a sizable cut.

Now was Phil taking in the big bucks a few years ago? He sure did. But these days a good stream for him is around 50$ which is less than 10$ an hour.

He has no reason to stop this yet, not until his income is like half what it is now to even consider it.

If Dave saved money at all and wasn't a braindead consoomer with serious addiction problems, he'd be on easy street.

He could likely have paid off most of his house with just the doordash and gacha money.

Take the 1000$ he spends on groceries and gin every month according to the leaks and budget properly, he could go on a really nice vacation twice a year.

Dont get me wrong, I also would like to see total phil income death, but hes not even close to the point where part time gigs would make sense.

Now I’m not saying we’re seeing total income death yet, but it has dropped quite a bit. There are plenty of days where Phil streams for 5-10$ an hour in tips.

And more importantly, something like a third to half his income is dependent on PlanetJeff not getting a divorce or a car wreck, or OIC not getting tired of the gout sphere.

Anyone with half a sense would start to think of alternatives, even if it’s Uber.