💰 Grifter "Dr" Karlyn Borysenko - Libertarian party candidate for governor of NH, grifter, turbo Karen, sexual harasser, “Everyone who died in the holocaust chose to die in the holocaust…that’s why Hitler went to Heaven”
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Greyrock
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2022
After a long night's beer induced stupor and sleep Karlyn has gotten up at the crack of noon to *checks notes* attack Keri Smith and accuse the ancap libertarian twitch streamers of being sekrit socialists.
By the way, this Dennis Pratt person is apparently the organizer of Porcfest. He, for some reason, cannot see how insane Karlyn is and is trying to confront people who criticize her.
By the way, this Dennis Pratt person is apparently the organizer of Porcfest. He, for some reason, cannot see how insane Karlyn is and is trying to confront people who criticize her.
Greyrock
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2022
There is so much drama with this woman that I am still digging even after the first dig to find out more. This involves doing twitter advanced search using keywords under a lot of different people to find out where the origination of a lot of the stuff is from. The other day I was deep diving Mike Harlow's tweets and I saw people say that they had met Karlyn at Walkaway events and she had been really unpleasant to them. I don't think Keri is unique in having met Karlyn in person and seeing things personality-wise that she did not really like.
Both Keri and Karlyn were at Porcfest in 2021. I think I've shown the tweet here where Karlyn sort of menacingly said to Keri that she would "see her at Porcfest"...but apparently on a video stream Karlyn said that she wanted to beat the fuck out of Keri at Porcfest. Then immediately after she sort of realized what she'd said and walked it back saying, "I'd never do that"...but it's kind of like what she just did to Katie Herzog, isn't it? Where she gave out Katie's email and encouraged people to harass and spam her and then said, "I don't want to be that kind of person". She'd had already done the damage. Trying to come in after the fact and say, "I'm better than Katie because I'm not going to do this" after you have already done it is weaselly. Karlyn didn't just say "I would never do violence to anyone"...Karlyn followed it up by saying that she wanted to do a charity boxing match against Keri. So she wants Keri to agree to let her take her aggression out. WFT. First of all, let's state the obvious. They are in entirely different weight classes.
Karlyn "Hamfist" Borysenko vs. Keri "Femme in boots" Smith
Second of all, Keri doesn't seem like a lady who is interested in physical aggression.
Saying "I'd never do that" after you have said you want to beat the fuck out of someone...with Karlyn? Why would anyone believe it? Apparently, this Dennis Pratt guy saw nothing wrong with Karlyn talking about that. But more than this, like, anyone who doesn't see what she is and doesn't look at all of this insanity (most of it from her own mouth) and is confronting people on twitter who have been wronged by her saying that they are being drawn into some "mean girls fight" between Keri and Karlyn has to be really ignorant or just blind.
To be clear this Pratt guy chimed in to criticize a libertarian on twitter called Toplobsta who seems to be pretty popular and has an online store. Toplobsta likes DeSantis and was selling a t-shirt of DeSantis with a crown on. Karlyn has decided that DeSantis is an enemy of liberty because he said he was going to get rid of the special deal that Disney had with the state of Florida if Disney was going to decide to try to lobby against the bill that prevents grooming of children in school. Karlyn decided that DeSantis was attacking Disney's free speech if he revoked the agreement they made over a half century ago with the state. Hm. Yet another instance of Karlyn standing up for people who think that teaching sexuality and gender ideology to very young children is a-okay. Anyway...Karlyn attacked Toplobsta and told people not to buy from his store because she disagreed with him. So he had a prior beef with Karlyn himself and then Pratt showed up on his thread pointing out her pedo prison boy to say that Toplobsta shouldn't be attacking her.
We may have a development in Karlyn's orbit. Usually on Saturday nights, Karlyn has been doing "Sassy Saturday" with Graphically Alex. Lately it isn't happening. Alex claims to be a Christian conservative who has no desire to be a Libertarian. Karlyn has, in the past, sworn that she will manage to recruit him and that next year, he will be at Porcfest with her. There are some indications that things are not rosy right now, but one never does know what's real and what isn't in KarlynRitaville.
He's been dunking on the libertarians.
Both Keri and Karlyn were at Porcfest in 2021. I think I've shown the tweet here where Karlyn sort of menacingly said to Keri that she would "see her at Porcfest"...but apparently on a video stream Karlyn said that she wanted to beat the fuck out of Keri at Porcfest. Then immediately after she sort of realized what she'd said and walked it back saying, "I'd never do that"...but it's kind of like what she just did to Katie Herzog, isn't it? Where she gave out Katie's email and encouraged people to harass and spam her and then said, "I don't want to be that kind of person". She'd had already done the damage. Trying to come in after the fact and say, "I'm better than Katie because I'm not going to do this" after you have already done it is weaselly. Karlyn didn't just say "I would never do violence to anyone"...Karlyn followed it up by saying that she wanted to do a charity boxing match against Keri. So she wants Keri to agree to let her take her aggression out. WFT. First of all, let's state the obvious. They are in entirely different weight classes.
Second of all, Keri doesn't seem like a lady who is interested in physical aggression.
Saying "I'd never do that" after you have said you want to beat the fuck out of someone...with Karlyn? Why would anyone believe it? Apparently, this Dennis Pratt guy saw nothing wrong with Karlyn talking about that. But more than this, like, anyone who doesn't see what she is and doesn't look at all of this insanity (most of it from her own mouth) and is confronting people on twitter who have been wronged by her saying that they are being drawn into some "mean girls fight" between Keri and Karlyn has to be really ignorant or just blind.
To be clear this Pratt guy chimed in to criticize a libertarian on twitter called Toplobsta who seems to be pretty popular and has an online store. Toplobsta likes DeSantis and was selling a t-shirt of DeSantis with a crown on. Karlyn has decided that DeSantis is an enemy of liberty because he said he was going to get rid of the special deal that Disney had with the state of Florida if Disney was going to decide to try to lobby against the bill that prevents grooming of children in school. Karlyn decided that DeSantis was attacking Disney's free speech if he revoked the agreement they made over a half century ago with the state. Hm. Yet another instance of Karlyn standing up for people who think that teaching sexuality and gender ideology to very young children is a-okay. Anyway...Karlyn attacked Toplobsta and told people not to buy from his store because she disagreed with him. So he had a prior beef with Karlyn himself and then Pratt showed up on his thread pointing out her pedo prison boy to say that Toplobsta shouldn't be attacking her.
We may have a development in Karlyn's orbit. Usually on Saturday nights, Karlyn has been doing "Sassy Saturday" with Graphically Alex. Lately it isn't happening. Alex claims to be a Christian conservative who has no desire to be a Libertarian. Karlyn has, in the past, sworn that she will manage to recruit him and that next year, he will be at Porcfest with her. There are some indications that things are not rosy right now, but one never does know what's real and what isn't in KarlynRitaville.
He's been dunking on the libertarians.
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- Joined
- Apr 22, 2019
The fact that she has fallen out with so many people, but not her psychic, makes me wonder about him. How much does she pay him to tell her the universe totally validates everything she wants? Is it enough to overcome his scruples, or does he not have any scruples to begin with?
Greyrock
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2022
The one she pays is the psychic Joshua. I don't know if she pays Alex. I think he was just a follower of hers that she elevated to "co bitchy girl" status.
Part two if the Fabian Liberty twitch stream is up.
Part two if the Fabian Liberty twitch stream is up.
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2022
Yeah Alex was just a follower. Can’t wait for her to inevitably burn the bridge with Joshua too.
Greyrock
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2022
What a twitter thread.
Guess what Karlyn is about to jump in to defend?
You have people arguing that, in this case, the slippery slope fallacy ended up being not so much a fallacy and Karlyn defending teaching kink in schools and calling others gay-haters.
Here's one of Karlyn's orbiters joking about there being naked pictures of Keri Smith out there somewhere.
- Joined
- Jun 4, 2017
We call them lolberts for a reason...
Greyrock
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2022
Karlyn Borysenko is voting for Jeremy Kauffman on Twitter: "He didn't…
archived 7 Aug 2022 17:55:25 UTC
She totally gets him.
- Joined
- Jun 4, 2017
Pretty sure James Lindsey is attracted to women, not roblox-looking hippotamus freaks that make Brianna Wu look like a true and honest woman.Karlyn Borysenko is voting for Jeremy Kauffman on Twitter: "He didn't…
archived 7 Aug 2022 17:55:25 UTCarchive.ph
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She totally gets him.
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Greyrock
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2022
I think this is a good time to point out something that I noticed about Borysenko. From my understanding is said in the knitting circles that Karlyn's totally original story about what happened in knitting isn't actually her story at all. It is the story of other people in the knitting community that actually suffered the consequences of having the "woke" people shove them out and shun their products for supporting Trump. She hopped on that bandwagon and somehow made herself the spokesperson for other people. I think that this is a pattern with her. She puts on other people's personas and claims them as her own.
One of the best examples of this is the series of videos she made responding to Lauren Southern's video about how some people on the alt right had treated her. Lauren called out Milo Yiannopolis for stealing other people's intellectual property and then trying to get secrets about them to blackmail them into not speaking out about him. Lauren said that Paul Joseph Watson tried to sleep with her and then, when she said no, launched a campaign to defame her. Does all of this sound familiar? It's the kind of thing that people have alleged (with evidence) about Karlyn. Karlyn said that Lauren's story made her feel seen and claimed that the same kind of thing Lauren faced was what Karlyn had faced from the right. She made Lauren's story her story.
So of course, James Lindsay's story on twitter is now Karlyn's and she's just like James!
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Also, Karlyn's entitled to your money if you come around to seeing her point of view.
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Penance? You sinned against Karlyn, see...by not agreeing with her right away.
Good Lord....I finish one post here, go to check and she's done some more absolute bullshit in the meantime.
A woman who writes for Reason Magazine criticized James Lindsay's tweet saying that McCarthy was right about how much Marxists had infiltrated education. So Karlyn has decided to drag her for writing an article that Karlyn's past statements indicate that she actually agrees with.
Karlyn just made statements saying that this is not a big deal and that if you don't like it you should just not take your kid to the drag show.
Mere days later she's acting like her own position is morally outrageous if someone she is arguing with shares it.
One of the best examples of this is the series of videos she made responding to Lauren Southern's video about how some people on the alt right had treated her. Lauren called out Milo Yiannopolis for stealing other people's intellectual property and then trying to get secrets about them to blackmail them into not speaking out about him. Lauren said that Paul Joseph Watson tried to sleep with her and then, when she said no, launched a campaign to defame her. Does all of this sound familiar? It's the kind of thing that people have alleged (with evidence) about Karlyn. Karlyn said that Lauren's story made her feel seen and claimed that the same kind of thing Lauren faced was what Karlyn had faced from the right. She made Lauren's story her story.
So of course, James Lindsay's story on twitter is now Karlyn's and she's just like James!
Karlyn Borysenko is voting for Jeremy Kauffman on Twitter: "Anyone wh…
archived 7 Aug 2022 19:58:00 UTC
Also, Karlyn's entitled to your money if you come around to seeing her point of view.
Karlyn Borysenko is voting for Jeremy Kauffman on Twitter: "Every tim…
archived 7 Aug 2022 19:58:07 UTC
Penance? You sinned against Karlyn, see...by not agreeing with her right away.
Good Lord....I finish one post here, go to check and she's done some more absolute bullshit in the meantime.
A woman who writes for Reason Magazine criticized James Lindsay's tweet saying that McCarthy was right about how much Marxists had infiltrated education. So Karlyn has decided to drag her for writing an article that Karlyn's past statements indicate that she actually agrees with.
Karlyn just made statements saying that this is not a big deal and that if you don't like it you should just not take your kid to the drag show.
Mere days later she's acting like her own position is morally outrageous if someone she is arguing with shares it.
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- Mar 24, 2022
LOL that’s not why James Lindsay got suspended. It was because he was mass reported by Alejandra Caraballo.Karlyn Borysenko is voting for Jeremy Kauffman on Twitter: "He didn't…
archived 7 Aug 2022 17:55:25 UTC
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She totally gets him.
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Greyrock
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2022
She has no right to bitch about people being banned from twitter when she's someone who has been shown to try to get people banned from twitter. This is another thing about her that is absolutely anathema to libertarians. They do not try to silence people.
Greyrock
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2022
There are a bunch of articles posted here about it. It is absolutely not the case that he just created the payment program for it.
The Fabian Liberty video posted (the second one) goes into this more and talks about how Karlyn apparently welcomed a known kiddie fucker to call into her show to criticize Keri Smith. As in, she knew that this Qurist ? person was a pedo when she let him call into her show. He also tried to break into Tim Pool's house I guess, but she let a pedo come on her show to try to criticize Keri Smith.
Speaking of the Fabian Liberty video, they were reading Karlyn's messages to Kieran White, but it made people watching so creeped out at the "rapey" nature of them that they stopped reading them and people in their chat thanked them for stopping so of course now is the time for Karlyn do to another tweet attacking Kieran White. The weekend is typically when she's at her most unhinged. It starts Friday night and continues.
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If you fuck kids, I think most people will likely have something to say about it.
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This is another thing Karlyn does all the time. In this comment thread you can see her being rude to and picking a fight with someone who is in agreement with her, is on her side and wasn't rude to her. I wonder how many beers in she is. Tonight could be fun.
Ayyuuup, it's a great night for whale-watching!
You say potato, I say sexual predator. She's gonna SUE because Kieran only said she sexually harassed him, but did not say she was a sexual predator!
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She's launching a Patreon with a "psychological fuckery" level. If you pay you get access to two private zoom calls a week, Access to the supporter discord. Free access to some "premium workshops"....and a Mad Hatter Red Pill t-shirt.
Also, I'm thinking five beers in with maybe some weed onboard, too.
She's on some Alice in Wonderland thing right now.
The Fabian Liberty video posted (the second one) goes into this more and talks about how Karlyn apparently welcomed a known kiddie fucker to call into her show to criticize Keri Smith. As in, she knew that this Qurist ? person was a pedo when she let him call into her show. He also tried to break into Tim Pool's house I guess, but she let a pedo come on her show to try to criticize Keri Smith.
Speaking of the Fabian Liberty video, they were reading Karlyn's messages to Kieran White, but it made people watching so creeped out at the "rapey" nature of them that they stopped reading them and people in their chat thanked them for stopping so of course now is the time for Karlyn do to another tweet attacking Kieran White. The weekend is typically when she's at her most unhinged. It starts Friday night and continues.
Karlyn Borysenko is voting for Jeremy Kauffman on Twitter: "Imagine, …
archived 7 Aug 2022 21:56:20 UTC
Flowers Against Fuckery on Twitter: "Imagine, if you will: A married …
archived 7 Aug 2022 22:03:06 UTC
Karlyn Borysenko is voting for Jeremy Kauffman on Twitter: "If you do…
archived 7 Aug 2022 22:00:44 UTC
If you fuck kids, I think most people will likely have something to say about it.
Karlyn Borysenko is ACTIVELY UNWOKE on Twitter: "@lindenfelser191 @OD…
archived 7 Aug 2022 22:58:27 UTC
This is another thing Karlyn does all the time. In this comment thread you can see her being rude to and picking a fight with someone who is in agreement with her, is on her side and wasn't rude to her. I wonder how many beers in she is. Tonight could be fun.
Ayyuuup, it's a great night for whale-watching!
You say potato, I say sexual predator. She's gonna SUE because Kieran only said she sexually harassed him, but did not say she was a sexual predator!
Karlyn Borysenko is ACTIVELY UNWOKE on Twitter: "Excellent! It's grea…
archived 8 Aug 2022 00:35:00 UTC
Karlyn Borysenko is ACTIVELY UNWOKE on Twitter: "My forthcoming Patre…
archived 8 Aug 2022 00:38:22 UTC
She's launching a Patreon with a "psychological fuckery" level. If you pay you get access to two private zoom calls a week, Access to the supporter discord. Free access to some "premium workshops"....and a Mad Hatter Red Pill t-shirt.
Also, I'm thinking five beers in with maybe some weed onboard, too.
She's on some Alice in Wonderland thing right now.
Last edited by a moderator:
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2019
" never talked with this man about sex, apart from making a joke about it here or there"There are a bunch of articles posted here about it. It is absolutely not the case that he just created the payment program for it.
The Fabian Liberty video posted (the second one) goes into this more and talks about how Karlyn apparently welcomed a known kiddie fucker to call into her show to criticize Keri Smith. As in, she knew that this Qurist ? person was a pedo when she let him call into her show. He also tried to break into Tim Pool's house I guess, but she let a pedo come on her show to try to criticize Keri Smith.
Speaking of the Fabian Liberty video, they were reading Karlyn's messages to Kieran White, but it made people watching so creeped out at the "rapey" nature of them that they stopped reading them and people in their chat thanked them for stopping so of course now is the time for Karlyn do to another tweet attacking Kieran White. The weekend is typically when she's at her most unhinged. It starts Friday night and continues.
Karlyn Borysenko is voting for Jeremy Kauffman on Twitter: "Imagine, …
archived 7 Aug 2022 21:56:20 UTC
Flowers Against Fuckery on Twitter: "Imagine, if you will: A married …
archived 7 Aug 2022 22:03:06 UTC
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Karlyn Borysenko is voting for Jeremy Kauffman on Twitter: "If you do…
archived 7 Aug 2022 22:00:44 UTC
That doesn't exonerate her - that's how grooming works! You start injecting the random sexual comment into your messages, always in a way that you can claim is a joke. You use it to test the waters to see how receptive they are and whether they reciprocate. If they don't seem to warm to it, you back off, wait a while and then try again. Each time you do that, it normalizes the behavior and wears away at the other person's resistance, until either they finally give in or get the hell out of there.
And while I think the feminist reaction to interactions between the sexes has become overly sensitive and sometimes neurotic, I also think that if someone's clearly not comfortable with your sexual jokes and you keep it up, that is sexual harassment.
And the worst part of it is that she knows damn well what it is that Kieran views as sexual harassment: confessing her feelings for him and then trying to coerce him into a relationship. And he had proof that she absolutely did that.
Greyrock
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2022
I believe that someplace she admitted that Kieran told her he was uncomfortable with things she was saying and she accused him of "trying to control my speech."
Now she's hosting a question session about hercult spiritual beliefs.
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Unlike a normal person, who replies in the thread, she retweets all of her answers as their own tweets.
High as fuck, right?
Now she's hosting a question session about her
Karlyn Borysenko is ACTIVELY UNWOKE on Twitter: "Ask me anything rela…
archived 8 Aug 2022 03:32:40 UTC
Unlike a normal person, who replies in the thread, she retweets all of her answers as their own tweets.
High as fuck, right?
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2019
I am absolutely not Karlyn Borysenko. I did not agree to that in a pre-mortal life and I sure don't agree to it now!I believe that someplace she admitted that Kieran told her he was uncomfortable with things she was saying and she accused him of "trying to control my speech."
Now she's hosting a question session about hercultspiritual beliefs.
Karlyn Borysenko is ACTIVELY UNWOKE on Twitter: "Ask me anything rela…
archived 8 Aug 2022 03:32:40 UTC
Unlike a normal person, who replies in the thread, she retweets all of her answers as their own tweets.
View attachment 3575705
High as fuck, right?
That just sounds like an excuse not to take responsibility for one's own actions to me, dressed up as some unity, feel-good nonsense. We can't blame her for anything she's done because we would have done the same thing in her place. In fact, we did, because we were her all the time!
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2021
Well, we did have a world-wide plague quite recently, Afghanistan has fallen to the Taliban and some people claim we're at the brink of WW3...
Looks like she read
You were on your way home when you died.
It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.
And that’s when you met me.
“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”
“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.
“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”
“Yup,” I said.
“I… I died?”
“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.
You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”
“More or less,” I said.
“Are you god?” You asked.
“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”
“My kids… my wife,” you said.
“What about them?”
“Will they be all right?”
“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”
You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”
“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”
“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”
“Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”
“All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”
You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”
“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”
“So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”
“Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”
I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.
“You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”
“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”
“Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”
“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”
“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”
“Where you come from?” You said.
“Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.”
“Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”
“Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”
“So what’s the point of it all?”
“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”
“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.
I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”
“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”
“No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”
“Just me? What about everyone else?”
“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”
You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”
“All you. Different incarnations of you.”
“Wait. I’m everyone!?”
“Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.
“I’m every human being who ever lived?”
“Or who will ever live, yes.”
“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”
“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.
“I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.
“And you’re the millions he killed.”
“I’m Jesus?”
“And you’re everyone who followed him.”
You fell silent.
“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”
You thought for a long time.
“Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”
“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”
“Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”
“No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”
“So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”
“An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”
And I sent you on your way.
It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.
And that’s when you met me.
“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”
“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.
“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”
“Yup,” I said.
“I… I died?”
“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.
You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”
“More or less,” I said.
“Are you god?” You asked.
“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”
“My kids… my wife,” you said.
“What about them?”
“Will they be all right?”
“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”
You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”
“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”
“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”
“Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”
“All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”
You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”
“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”
“So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”
“Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”
I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.
“You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”
“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”
“Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”
“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”
“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”
“Where you come from?” You said.
“Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.”
“Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”
“Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”
“So what’s the point of it all?”
“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”
“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.
I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”
“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”
“No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”
“Just me? What about everyone else?”
“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”
You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”
“All you. Different incarnations of you.”
“Wait. I’m everyone!?”
“Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.
“I’m every human being who ever lived?”
“Or who will ever live, yes.”
“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”
“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.
“I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.
“And you’re the millions he killed.”
“I’m Jesus?”
“And you’re everyone who followed him.”
You fell silent.
“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”
You thought for a long time.
“Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”
“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”
“Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”
“No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”
“So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”
“An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”
And I sent you on your way.