Elliot Page / Ellen Page - Former actress, starred in Juno. Turned into a pooner and divorced her wife because being a lesbian was not boosting her career anymore. Receives a daily dose of asspatting from Hollywood. Likes to show off her "male" body using fake abdominals.

[Anne Hathaway Fan]

The funniest part about Ellen Page is that it's like a twilight zone ending. So many guys would've liked to have seen her topless back in the day and when she finally took her top off, it was as a gross poon that looks like a ten year old boy with late stage AIDS.

 

[Nicholas II of Russia]

Chapter five, Roughhousing, or How I Stopped Worrying About My Daddy Issues and Embraced Troonism.

In this chapter, Ellen talks abour her father. It seemed that he was not going to talk about her dad, but here it goes. And Ellen starts mentioning so many details about it, like dealing with divorce at two years old.

Most of the first part is just rambling, and Ellen giving context of many things that doesn't really need it for her book, and is kind of a slog to go through until she gets to the point of it.

Here she gives some point of explanation on what her dad did during the time, graphic design with a partner in the time, Eric Wood. And how she used to love to play golf with a practice machine.

It all seemed fine with the two, but wait! What's this? Here comes the stepmom.

And just to show how she's connected with her mother, Ellen makes another page of her giving pity of her mother being abandoned by daddy. And of course, adding some pretentious bullshit in it to add some text into the paragraph.

And then she proceeds to talk about this whole new family she has now, and how weird it was for her, it also mentions the relation with the sons of Linda, Scott and Ashley. And very unapologetically roasts about Linda's form of cooking.

And then mentioning she had a crush on Sandra Bullock, and straight up brags about meeting her in real life, it cuts with the "relatable" part of the story almost immediately when she does it.

And now... Oh wow, now we get to see her throwing poisonous shots at both Linda and her father, just look at this shit and tell me how good their relationship must be right now. And this is only for the cooking. These shots would not end here, however.

After many ramblings about the sites she used to visit, the main thing is, Ellen when she had six finally moved with all of this new family. Ellen loved her new home, and she used to be more united with Scott, they used to watch wrestling together and fight until one of them started crying.

And to really hammer the point home... Get it? She was one of the boooys.

And after establishing herself in the new home, dividing her visits from both his parents during split weeks in a month. Problems with her new family started to show... or so it seems in Ellen's POV. It seems that Linda had the stepparent is a dick syndrome and that negatively affected her in the long run.

It reached to a point when she made fun of her when she was playing with her imagination. And how his father was a big meanie for not protecting her from this points. Everything was just different.

With parents like these, is no wonder why she turned up so fucked up later in life. Even making fun of her because she was a lonely little girl when growing up. She ends the chapter with these two pieces of text.

All I can say about this chapter is, Jesus Christ man. I was expecting to her relationship with her parents being bad but at this level is just a miserable experience to read. Again, is no wonder she ended up like this fucked up wreck with a ghoulish body. And maybe that would explain his degenerative hate of looking old and femenine? Who knows.

 

[Poppy Brown]

n she proceeds to talk about this whole new family she has now, and how weird it was for her, it also mentions the relation with the sons of Linda, Scott and Ashley. And very unapologetically roasts about Linda's form of cooking.

So she and her older stepbrother spent lots of time together unsupervised. Diddled?

My father would call my stepmother a stupid bitch who could never compare to my mother (mom died) in private but then also never defend me when my stepmother made my life hell right in front of him. That type of shit really does fuck with your head. Doesn't excuse trooning out though.

 

[JelloJerk]

So, if I have this right, she was kissing at least one boy in unsupervised play when she was still young enough for McDonalds toys and games with her mother in the bath?

No, that was just her playing pretend with some doll in the bath and pretending to do mouth-to-mouth with it. I'm gonna play devil's advocate and say that that's not really creepy. Kids imitate the stuff they see in movies all the time, and this is definitely a common movie trope.

 

[Surfin Terf]

All I can say about this chapter is, Jesus Christ man. I was expecting to her relationship with her parents being bad but at this level is just a miserable experience to read. Again, is no wonder she ended up like this fucked up wreck with a ghoulish body. And maybe that would explain his degenerative hate of looking old and femenine? Who knows.

Considering the fact that she lies about other actors (and made up the classic "I'M GOING TO FUCKING GAY BASH YOU FAGGOT!") I'm going to assume that she's lying here too. At this point she does not get any assumption of good will, she's a BPD basket case.

 

[Tragon Dirtle]

Considering the fact that she lies about other actors (and made up the classic "I'M GOING TO HATE CRIME YOU YOU FAGGOT!") I'm going to assume that she's lying here too. At this point she does not get any assumption of good will, she's a BPD basket case.

when did she lie about other actors? did I miss something?

 

[Surfin Terf]

when did she lie about other actors? did I miss something?

I don't follow Hollywood stuff, but I remember she went on a cancellation campaign against Christ Pratt for belonging to a homophobic church. That would have been bullshit, but it wasn't even true anyway, it was just an attempt to cancel him for absolutely no reason.

 

[Nebulon X5]

I can almost guarantee that she's trying to slowly shift away from being an actress to move into behind the scenes.

100%

There ain't many roles for a 5'2" male these days.

 

[sperginity]

All I can say about this chapter is, Jesus Christ man. I was expecting to her relationship with her parents being bad but at this level is just a miserable experience to read. Again, is no wonder she ended up like this fucked up wreck with a ghoulish body. And maybe that would explain his degenerative hate of looking old and femenine? Who knows.

What she is describing is the least bad scenario when divorced parents remarry while their kids are still minors. the brady bunch doesn't exist, it is just this, where no one quite fits with each other and no one can ever really have the kind of relationships that they do with their biological family, but the adults awkwardly try. For instance, it sounds like linda tried really hard to impress ellen the best way she knew how, by cooking fancy food, and nothing was good enough for ellen. If she had done the opposite thing and only cooked what ellen wanted (to the disappointment of everyone else) then I am sure she would have hated her for that too, because she hated that she had to live with a maternal figure that wasn't her mom. that is only natural, but it sure as shit isn't linda's fault. she did make insensitive comments, which I think everyone does when they live together long enough. Linda didn't abuse substances, or tell ellen she was worthless, or hit her, or kick her out of the house, and plenty of step parents do things like that. her dad was too chickenshit to be alone until his daughter grew up, and both of her parents were incapable of keeping the marriage together so the burden of dealing with their problems shifted to her- having to go back and forth every week, living with less money, and to deal with strangers in her home. That is how it is for most kids of divorce, and for the most part they don't troon out.

 

[Pedophobe]

. It seems that Linda had the stepparent is a dick syndrome and that negatively affected her in the long run.

"...as if having unearthed another perfectly discreet way to induce pain, shrouded in the guise of sibling tension."
"...I believe she had an impulse in her depths to habitually come for me."

Purple prose is one thing but this is closer to word salad.

 

[Trianon]

And just to show how she's connected with her mother, Ellen makes another page of her giving pity of her mother being abandoned by daddy. And of course, adding some pretentious bullshit in it to add some text into the paragraph.

She seems to be trying to prove (too hard?) that she identifies with her mom, even projecting things onto her mother that she never necessarily felt (like her mom admitting the divorce was partially on her and never saying anything negative about Linda). Did she poon out to prove that she can be the kind of man her mom deserved, a better man than her dad, someone who will always stick up for the weirdo kid and save them from their evil heteronormative parents?

 

[pink cigarettes]

There's no way this tiny idiot had a ghostwriter. First, she's too much of a control freak, and second, even ghostwriters of the trashiest of beach-reading memoirs do better than whatever the hell this is.

 

[cybertoaster]

Huh, funny how she says the exact year and not just "the eighties" like other people do, did she google it? or already knew that?

So she and her older stepbrother spent lots of time together unsupervised. Diddled?

I guess if he did she would be all about it, more brownie points.

 

[Nicholas II of Russia]

Alright, chapter six! This one is called Jump Scare, how do we begin this chapter, Ellen?

Great! We have the first instance of her schizophrenia! We reached a milestone in this book already. To clarify, in this chapter we jump forward to her having 16 years old, already starting to have her career started in acting. It's gonna be a longer one compared to the other chapters, so bear with me.

We found out about her first taste in acting, thanks to her friend called Wiebke (Von Carolsfeld). A film called Marion Bridge, where she made his debut on cinema.

This is how she looked during the movie.

You could put a reflector in that forehead and make a lighthouse with it.

She then, for the first time, has her first schizophrenic episode when trying to eat something. Apparently a demonic voice tells her to not eat something when she puts it in her mouth.

Now the chapter gives a sudden shift, if you are not putting attention when reading the book you'll have no idea what the fuck is happening because the shift of the topic is spontaneous, you have to be extra focused on the shit written here. Literally after writing about her hallucinations she talks about her first stalker.

And then she talks about how she got her first role for television and how her career finally started.

And then her worst enemy is back, getting to get her wear dresses. But this time with a little extra to say that this kid ain't right, some self-harm to make things more dark. Just... read this and tell me how is this a story that is supposed to represent a stunning and brave person that is not at all fucking insane. This part gets dark in a hurry.

And returning to the stalker, she starts talking about how she was groomed by this man. To the point she was considering him as the love of her life.

This is possibly the worst and most batshit insane thing I read in this book yet. Just what the hell.

And then we go back to the schizo demonic voice attacking her once again, and then she told Wiebke about the experience with this stalker.

Things get bad to worse when the stalker of her decided to go to Toronto to pay her a visit, even sending messages to all of his friends when he arrived to the city. A thing of horror for her for sure.

Fortunately a female cop went and did the investigation and then they went to his house to arrest him, and put a restraining order against him. But for Ellen? She was shocked and hurt that his father got mad at her for messaging old men in the internet, even saying that it was worse than the messages his stalker send to her. The implications of the photographs are probably what you're thinking right now, and it only gets worse.

It seems that the danger was over for now, but she had to take measures to get away from him, like handling photos of him everywhere she went to make sure that he doesn't appear and try to do something to her, she mentions that she could visualize him killing her with a knife or shooting her in the head with a revolver. She appeared to be safe for now when she tried to take this measures.

But then...

The stalker appeared and managed to grab her and almost kidnap her.

Fortunately she managed to get the attention of the public and the creep run away, the same goes to Ellen that she fled as fast as she could to the another direction, running like there was no tomorrow. Later, the guy was arrested because of this. But for some reason, Ellen decided not to press charges against him from what happened.

Huh, would you look at that, he had schizophrenia, I guess it takes one to know one, right Ellen?

And this only would worse her mental health issues, as it apparently opened a way to her to do selfdestructing habits to her body, she even listed it here.

And then, more deranged behavior ensued... And all of Wibker could do was being there and watch that this girl doesn't have an overdose of any kind.

Definitely not a mental illness!

We entered the bulimic part of her life, just reading all of this is just pathetic.

And finally, she ended the chapter crying about his daddy getting reasonably angry at her for talking to a creepy old man online when she needed protection. Again reassuring that what her father told her is even worse than whatever that creep wrote to her into those DMs.

 

[Pedophobe]

Huh, funny how she says the exact year and not just "the eighties" like other people do, did she google it? or already knew that?

I'm no console geek but I'm pretty sure Super Mario Bros could only be played on the Super Nintendo Entertainment System, not the original Nintendo Entertainment System.

Wiebke Von Carolsfeld

So at the age of 15 our page boy moved in with a 34-year old German woman who cast her as the underage object of a 30-year old lesbian drug addict's desire in her arthouse movie about fucked-up women?

 

[Crex Crex]

So at the age of 15 our page boy moved in with a 34-year old German woman who cast her as the underage object of a 30-year old lesbian drug addict's desire in her arthouse movie about fucked women?

Please act suprised.

 

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

I'm no console geek but I'm pretty sure Super Mario Bros could only be played on the Super Nintendo Entertainment System, not the original Nintendo Entertainment System.

Super Mario Bros. was a launch title for the Nintendo Entertainment System in North America. What kind of useless autist are you anyway if you didn't know that?

 

[Pedophobe]

Super Mario Bros. was a launch title for the Nintendo Entertainment System in North America. What kind of useless autist are you anyway if you didn't know that?

One who had a real computer.

 

[Silence of the Troons]

So at the age of 15 our page boy moved in with a 34-year old German woman who cast her as the underage object of a 30-year old lesbian drug addict's desire in her arthouse movie about fucked-up women?

For what it's worth, Page boy doesn't play the non-lesbian drug addict's love interest but the addict's daughter who's a product of incestuous rape and who she now wants to get to know (according to the Wikipedia summary/online reviews). With the way it's worded you'd think it was the former, but it's more likely that Ellen tried to make it sound poetic without reflecting over how haram it sounds

 

[TVB]

One who had a real computer.

Based 90s/2000s PC gamer