Horse Race Tests - place your bets

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One Quick Post

One Quick Post

Five star transphobe account
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jun 26, 2021
HORSE RACE TESTS
horse.webp
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This is a thread to introduce people to and discuss Horse Race Tests, a rapidly growing phenomenon over on Xitter. Once per day these lil MS Paint horses meet up to bounce around and see who can be first to win the carrots. This is an example of a "Horse Race Test":

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"So the horses just bounce about? Why should I care about this bullshit?"
I haven't seen something this mundane generate this amount of insane fan content since Twitch Plays Pokemon back in the day, people are really going nuts with this. Here's some examples of the fan content these dumb lil horses spawn:

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You can generally find the fan content on the creator's Xitter page as he retweets all the good shit. People are even making anime adaptions of the horses, because of course they are.
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Someone is keeping track of the stats of each test, which they keep in this Google Docs spreadsheet (Google Docs warning, open in a private window or it'll show your logged in Google account.) Some of the horses don't have names yet because they haven't won a race yet. Losers don't get a name. Here's a screenshot of the stats as of posting:
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Which brings me to...
j.webp JOVIAL MOTHERFUCKING MERRYMENT j.webp
Jovial Merryment is the undisputed GOAT of Horse Race Tests. He or she (depending on whether you believe the creator when he said they're all male, or when he said he was hit by a rock and actually they're all female) wins all the time, because he's the best. He wins so consistently people are seriously suggesting that he's cheating and has some sort of AI to pathfind to the carrots, but those people are just jealous Cyan fans.

There have been a lot of fun moments so far, like when Superstitional Realism (formerly White) and Cyan got stuck in the same race for over seven minutes.
PLACE YOUR BETS!
 
Y'know, I'm starting to sympathize both with zoomers and boomers at the same time. On the one hand I thought this was lame as fuck as soon as I opened the thread, but then I actually played the video and I couldn't help but root for Jovial Merryment anyway.
 
One Quick Post said:
That's another thing I was thinking when making the thread, there's also a good amount of cringe gay horse fanart that is worthy of mockery. Fun times all around.
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I'm a brony hater so I was quite unsure on if I was allowed to enjoy it or not but luckily any brony connotations are tangential so I think this is fun for anyone (even if it's a bit bigger for younger people). Also this is my favorite fanart bar none in my opinion.
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by Hannyumu on Twitter
 
is there a reason the bottom right has to say "hrt element" in leetspeak
edit to clarify: the guy's not a troon, I've checked. There are YouTube videos going back like a decade proving that it's a dude. He's in software dev so I guess it's close enough, but seriously why?

BIG FUCKING EDIT: “horse race test.” it is hrt because it is Horse Race Test.

GET SLEEP KIDS. IT’S NEEDED. DON’T STAY UP LIKE ME, YOU’LL END UP ASKING STUPID QUESTIONS LIKE THESE.

dacshunding aside, this seems funny in one of those really shallow fair attraction ways. I guess kind of like actual horse racing, I don't really get it. It's fun, I can watch it for a bit, the video was entertaining enough, but I can't imagine being invested enough to draw elaborate fanart or make animations of it.

Maybe that's just because this enormous resurgence in betting is just turning me off real hard. Like, sports betting was already kind of creepy enough, now there are casino ads everywhere and horse-race betting is the newest sensation among your average zoomer netizen? It makes me feel like I'm getting too old for this shit when I haven't even reached middle age. Not a fan.

Some of the fanart's nice, I guess. Always nice to see people making more creative content, even if the purpose behind it absolutely baffles me.

One Quick Post said:
That's another thing I was thinking when making the thread, there's also a good amount of cringe gay horse fanart that is worthy of mockery. Fun times all around.
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I know this fanart is pretty deserving of mockery given the subject matter, but I really like the style it's drawn in. It looks like a very well-illustrated children's novel. I could see some kind of The Last Unicorn novel adaptation commissioning an artist like this one.
 
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Anonitolia said:
Like, sports betting was already kind of creepy enough, now there are casino ads everywhere and horse-race betting is the newest sensation among your average zoomer netizen?
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Places near me still have horse betting rooms that were only not ripped out because young people are betting on it again; crypto memery has been a disaster for young people's pocketbooks and now that beting on meme coins fell off, other forms of gambing are looking like they'll become the new life ruiner now that no one smokes crack anymore. Even anecdotally, I'm seeing a lot of young people at VLTs and saying they'll be hitting the casino after work.
 
Dr. Ricearoni said:
This reminds me of those marble war videos but worse.
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I remember this old /v/ trend where people made fake pokemon and there's this guy that made them battle using a super simplified version of pokemon he made. I wonder if there's a relation here? I'd link it but now I can't find it off-hand... I think they were called '/v/ermin'...?
 
Anonitolia said:
is there a reason the bottom right has to say "hrt element" in leetspeak
edit to clarify: the guy's not a troon, I've checked. There are YouTube videos going back like a decade proving that it's a dude. He's in software dev so I guess it's close enough, but seriously why?
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Their trying to sneak it in everywhere. they are mocking us when they do this. they hate it and lie when we notice
 
Fuck Jovial Merriment, all my homies hate Jovial Merriment. My man Superstitional Realism WILL be the grand winner, mark my words.

Jokes aside, the few days where he did the Cyan v White race that took 7 minutes, interspersed with other normal races, was so funny to me. Posting episodes of the regular silly horse races, then occasionally cutting to the B Plot of White and Cyan trapped in Purgatory for all eternity had me lol-ing.
 
As a certified horse girl (like, I own a horse, not an MLP weirdo), I feel like pink & brown look the most well bred/least dysgenic. When it comes to horse racing, really it boils down to bloodlines/being of well bred racing stock.
 
Eventide said:
As a certified horse girl (like, I own a horse, not an MLP weirdo), I feel like pink & brown look the most well bred/least dysgenic. When it comes to horse racing, really it boils down to bloodlines/being of well bred racing stock.
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Horse-Girl... how do you explain Orange's over-performance relative to all the others? Is Orange doping, or is he just built different with beneficial mutations (retard strength)? What excuses do the under-achievers have, in your opinion? Are they just retarded with no benefits?
 
Core Theorist said:
Horse-Girl... how do you explain Orange's over-performance relative to all the others? Is Orange doping, or is he just built different with beneficial mutations (retard strength)? What excuses do the under-achievers have, in your opinion? Are they just retarded with no benefits?
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No, not doping.

The other horses, however, are possibly being drugged so they underperform (an old timey mafia horse race fixing tactic). Hence, why well bred stock like Pink haven't even won a race yet.
 
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