Tactical Victory Jace is going home everyone!

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The Dude said:
"Jace...I'm going to FINISH THE FIGHT!" *unzips pants*
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"Jace, whatcha' going to do when Elimania runs wild on you? Say you prayers and take your vitamins cause once me and this 3 inch python enters, there's only going to be one man left standing with the DeagleNation World Heavyweight Title."
 
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Randall Fragg said:
It's late on a November Monday night. Jace is live streaming his video game mad skills. Gail is at "bible study" with Pastor Faggot. Everything's calm. And then, a knock at the door.
"Go away!" yells the ex-Marine. Another knock, louder this time.
"I'm busy faggot!".
The person at the front door begins pounding on it. Jace sighs, pauses his game, and walks to the front door. He opens it. "Alright asshole, what do you wa..."
At the door is a maniac. He's covered in dirt, dust, sand, and blood. He's dressed in a ratty old hoodie, faded jeans, and old work boots held together with duct tape. A thick chain is wrapped around his chest; it's being used to hold a duffle bag to his back. His hands are wrapped in bandages, his hair and beard wild. Scars cross his heavily sunburned face. He's thin, ragged, he looks like he could collapse at any minute. He's grinning insanely, his slimy teeth glinting in the faint light. His eyes are wide, glimmering, filled with an insane fury. In his hand is a machete.
"Hi Jace. Remember me?"
"Uhhhhh, shit, there's a homeless shelter like-"
"Typical. Don't even remember your own friends."
"Wait, friend? wait, Eli. OH SHIT ELI'S STILL IN ISRAEL!"
"Now you remember. You left me to die out there. It didn't work."
"Hey dude I had problems too, I got kicked-"
"Oh, YOU'VE HAD PROBLEMS? Yeah, tell me all about them! While you've been here sitting on your ass smoking weed and playing video games, I was dodging literal bullets. Yeah, I got kidnapped by terrorists and brought into Gaza. I escaped them, evaded their forces, survived Israeli rocket strikes, and then escaped Gaza through a crumbling tunnel I thought was going to cave in on me. THEN, I had to walk through miles of desert to get back to Tel Aviv. And then, I got mistaken for a terrorist and shot at in the desert. And when I reached Tel Aviv, did my troubles end? NO! I didn't have any money, I was afraid I'd get arrested if I went to the embassy, and had no way of contacting anyone. So , I snuck into the cargo hold of a ship. Yeah. I survived eating whatever food I brought and rats that I caught. I drunk water that condensed on the steam pipes. Finally it docked in New York, I went overboard, and walked back here. And do you know why?"
Jace starts backing away.
"Uh, Eli, I don't know, just calm-"
"Oh I think you know why." Eli said, as he came closer and closer machete glinting...

Jace sits alone in his room. His X-Box and laptop are missing. His phone rings, it's a tweet from Eli.
"Hey Jace, dis XBone is fuckin chill. 2bad u can't play lol."
Jace groans and starts sobbing.
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Come on you're giving them too much credit :roll:. It'd really be more like
"OK WOW THERES SOMEONE KNOCKING ON OK HANG ON GAMERS WHILE DEAL WITH THIS FAGGOT"
"Hey Jace I couldn't find any intel, can I have my Xbox now? Oh and got any weed?"
 
Wow Gail

Just Wow.

Edit: I would say Gail confirmed for worst parent, but that would be unfair to all the parents who beat their kids among other things, so I will instead say that Gail is confirmed for the worst parent who doesnt beat/abuse their kid(s).
 
The Dude said:
I used to work at the VA. The only US Marine I ever met that was like Jace had severe brain damage when part of his skull was crushed during an IED attack.
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Was he obsessed with Call of Duty and play with wrestling action figures live on YouTube?
 
Black Sonichu said:
Was he obsessed with Call of Duty and play with wrestling action figures live on YouTube?
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No. He had bad episodes when he saw anything war related. But he had reverted to a child like mentality of about 12. It was really sad, but everyone was really supportive of him, especially his wife.
 
The Dude said:
No. He had bad episodes when he saw anything war related. But he had reverted to a child like mentality of about 12. It was really sad, but everyone was really supportive of him, especially his wife.
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Man, that's a pretty messed up thing to have happen to you. And to think that Jace once actually mocked a real veteran, from what I've heard. I have no words for that. Sounds like your guy was a far better human being either way, before or after what happened.

Back to the subject at hand, though, our favorite fake Marine is being lured back home with the promises of action figures? At 23? Fuck me. And to think that real Marines are willing to put their lives on the line to defend this guy's lifestyle. wow
 
Woody Chan said:
Wow Gail

Just Wow.

Edit: I would say Gail confirmed for worst parent, but that would be unfair to all the parents who beat their kids among other things, so I will instead say that Gail is confirmed for the worst parent who doesnt beat/abuse their kid(s).
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We should have a Battle Royale between Gail and Barb for "Worst Mother Ever".
 
Broseph Stalin said:
We should have a Battle Royale between Gail and Barb for "Worst Mother Ever".
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I would like to say Gail wins, because as bad as Barb is, she never bribed Chris for him to come back

Also, this doesnt count any mothers who rape or kill kids cuz yknow, thats just sad.
 
Maybe now Jace will have enough to invite Tyce over for a play date and they can do imaginary WWE matches with their figures?
 
Kamen Rider Black RX said:
Is it wrong of me to laugh about the action figures when I have Kamen Rider/Sentai toys on my shelf?
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As two people said, if you treat them like Jace treats his Cena toy, then it may as well be wrong. If you don't say "You're awesome Kamen, I wish you were real", then no, it isn't.
 
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