Okay, right off the bat, I need to admit I fucked up. I said that the person Rey and Aliana met at the hideout was Leia, but it turns out that I was fucking wrong. Really, the word "tall" should have been my warning. My first thought would then be that this was
Admiral Gender Studies, who it turns out was in fact a senator and Leia's old friend, but no, she's right here. The girl they met was, in fact,
the asian girl that died in the fucking retarded bomber scene from TLJ. I guess Jerry just needed a character, so he promoted this random-ass gunner to someone important enough to be the one that questions the owners of suspicious starships.
Confessions out of the way, we see the first signs of Leia's "irrational" hateboner for Aliana, and they managed to get Aliana's phone number while the Fury was docked.
We transition to the bad guys, and we have a couple lore point to go on here. Firstly, contrary to Last Jedi memes,
fuel is a consideration in the Star Wars universe. The specifics are a little vague, and also tie into the fact that sublight engines and hyperdrives are separate systems that could potentially each require their own fuel sources. I've never seen the implied hydrogen ramscoop the Fury is using applied elsewhere in the Star Wars universe, but it could theoretically be used to power an onboard reactor. It is, however, more of a
Star Trek thing, which is exactly what is going on with those sensors. Sensors in the Star Wars universe are significantly more limited than their counterparts in Star Trek, only able to detect starships within the same star system as the detecting ship, and even then can be evaded by placing a large enough celestial body between the two, such as the Imperial fleet utilized during the Battle of Endor. What we have here is not only one ship detecting another from multiple systems away, but doing so with enough clarity to get a probable count on the number of occupants, something
far beyond what should be possible in this setting.
You know what? I'm going to start count of the number of Ren scenes that don't center around him seething about Aliana. Somehow I doubt I'm going to make it out of single digits. Also note the continued need to make Ren as pathetic as possible, because God forbid that this story have an actually threatening antagonist.
Scene cut to the Falcon, and we get another technical failure. While it is physically possible for a ship to change course while in hyperspace, it is generally regarded as an exceptionally dangerous action, due to the previously mentioned hazards of hyperspace travel. The only people to have pulled it off with any degree of safety or consistency are Jedi. Since it's been damned near a year since I last posted, I'll also take the opportunity to mention that hyperspace travel is done in sprints, with course corrections handled in realspace. All of this is to say that a ship typically runs on autopilot during hyperspace travel, without somebody needing to keep a hand on the wheel. If the autopilot is malfunctioning as part of the damage Jerry mentions, then this ship is not safe for hyperspace travel, and the autopilot should have been a top-priority repair.
Han and Finn talk for a bit, Han sees through Finn as easily as he did Aliana, he lets Finn know that she's a Sith, Finn knows what a Sith is, and then this happens.
And here we get to the part that broke me.
This is why I took so fucking long to get back to doing this, because Jerry feeling compelled to explain the concept of homosexuality to the audience twice in the space of two chapters was just too. fucking. much. For FUCK'S SAKE, JERRY, is this how fucking stupid you think your audience is? Is that what you think "good representation" looks like? Do you seriously fucking think that Finn the infantryman has never heard of this before? Because having been one myself, I can state with absolute confidence that the notion of "fingers fit inside vaginas" should not be a groundbreaking revelation to him.
Yes, yes, he's a janitor. Cleaning shit is 90% of an infantryman's mission profile.
Moving the fuck on, Leia calls up Aliana and starts grilling her about what the fuck she's doing.
And again, we get a case of Jerry being half-right. Human supremacy is, in my opinion, probably the weakest part of the Empire's characterization. During the movie days, we knew that the Galactic Empire was evil because the opening crawl called it "the evil GALACTIC EMPIRE", and that was all we needed to know. However, as the EU got rolling and began exploring the universe in more depth, the need arose to give an actual reason why the Empire was evil, and instead of going with "
they're Socialists", they noticed that the Rebellion got alien extras in Return of the Jedi while the Empire didn't, and extrapolated that into human supremacism. However, Jerry is still in the wrong here, because to the best of my knowledge,
the Star Wars universe has no confirmed cases of cross-species reproduction. You're not writing a fucking Star Trek story, Jerry.
Nope, turns out that
I'm fucking wrong again.
I'm also going to take the time to point out again that Aliana's plan is stupid and needlessly complicated, because they could have just dropped all of the above off at the same outpost they dumped Not!Wedge at. But, that would leave Aliana with no reason to stay in the story, so shoehorning ourselves back into the movie script it is! See what you've done, Jerry? You've solved one plot hole by opening an even bigger one. This is not good writing.
The call wraps up, and-
REFERENCES
FOR
REFERENCES
SAKE
ARE
NOT
FUNNY
JERRY
Ren's Star Destroyer shows up, the Fury gets disabled, they get boarded, and-
Well, at least it lasted more than 2 sentences this time. Actually, I had something click reading this. The reason Jerry is so infatuated with the Sith isn't lore, it isn't KotOR 2, it isn't even that Reddit post. The reason Jerry likes the Sith and the Dark Side so much is because it rewards one for being undisciplined, for lacking self-control. It rewards you with power for being, well, Jerry, and given the option of being rewarded for being your natural self and being rewarded for putting in the effort to be a better person, I can't entirely blame him for taking the easy route. We'll just ignore that part about how the Dark Side warps your mind, body and soul until you're a cackling megalomaniac like Palapatine, I'm totally in charge of my crack addiction.
Oh, also, art.
Emotions. People
display them. On their
faces. Seriously, the
helmet is doing a better job of looking afraid than Aliana is of looking angry.
I don't get it. I just cannot comprehend how people fuck up their tenses like this.
Ren gets away, Aliana has his lightsaber, and my supply of fucks is exhausted for the day. Why did this scene even happen? It's already been established that Aliana is OP, I promise you now that the lightsaber is going to end up back in Ren's hands with minimal effort, and nothing has changed in regards to the dynamics of the story. The only purpose this scene serves is to kick a puppy because Jerry's mad that people like said puppy.
People that will never read this, for the record.