Michael Anthony Janke / Mike Janke - Father of Isabella, Former Navy SEAL Team Four and Six Member - Ridiculously wealthy; has founded or been a part of seven different data privacy-focused start-ups

[Interchanger]

Holy shit Mike is Bob reincarnated - they both military, there both wealthy (Mike more so but still), there both well learned, there both the Father's of creepy internet lolcows.

And Bob and Mike both cut down the internet's. The link is there. The merge is real.

 

[Kill a Troon for Pikamee]

Mike, I know you're reading this. How could have you done that to your little girl? You probably think she doesn't even remember what you did, she was so little after all. But look how it has affected her entire life. How can you even live with yourself knowing what you've done?

 

[Gaius]

Holy shit Mike is Bob reincarnated - they both military, there both wealthy (Mike more so but still), there both well learned, there both the Father's of creepy internet lolcows.

Mike isn’t “well learned” though. Dude dropped out of college and writes like a tard.

 

[MetokurGroomedMe]

Holy shit Mike is Bob reincarnated - they both military, there both wealthy (Mike more so but still), there both well learned, there both the Father's of creepy internet lolcows.

And Bob and Mike both cut down the internet's. The link is there. The merge is real.

mike is not well learned, he himself says that he didn't go to college, he can't write worth a shit either, and he raised a daughter who doesn't bathe and posted pictures of her shitty butthole on the internet, along with literally a poop stained floor. why in the fuck would you think he's educated?

 

[Mephistophwis]

poop stained floor

That wasn't her pic. Just copy pasted from a Reddit post.

Holy shit Mike is Bob reincarnated

I wonder if it will end the same way? Mike, penniless living in literal Wilbur pig filth, his insane daughter just hovering over his ever weakening spirit waiting to sell his stamp collection to internet degenerates.

 

[dontcallanyone]

Might as well save these here, Isabella trying to claim that her father is homeless in Mexico and a fed-hater

 

[Clockwork_PurBle]

Might as well save these here, Isaebella trying to claim that her father is homeless in Mexico and a fed-hater

Yet more evidence as to why anything she says about her family should be taken with a large grain of salt.

 

[Collections Agent]

Odds are it's a gay op by a wannabe troll. A man with the resources of Mike would have already served Null if he wanted (not that it would do anything or be in his best interest)

>Works in Cyber Security
>"I want everything about my daughter off the internet now now NOW NOW NOW NOW!"

Yeah my money is on this being an unfunny ween

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Mike isn’t “well learned” though. Dude dropped out of college and writes like a tard.

I think Bella takes after her Dad. Her Dad isn’t smart, he is successful by being an A1huckster. He joined the Seals thanks to watching a terrible Charlie Sheen movie. After his military career he was basically given a fuckload of money to be the public face of glowie fronts because he’s got the car salesman, motivational speaker schtick down cold and has shown he will follow orders no questions asked. The PR value of “ex-navy seal” is perfect for this shit.

I’d bet he’s got the tech expertise of a typical boomer - he’s just a useful public face for these glowie contract companies. His daughter certainly shows how much she’s learned about online privacy and data protection from dear old dad.

I get the idea that both her parents are very self-involved and career driven so neither really wanted to bother with the boring drudgery of raising Bella. She’s probably been pulling stupid stunts to get their attention for years until she finally hit the motherload. She couldn’t settle for just being a drug addict or stripper - she needed to smash into Daddy’s lane by becoming on of those evil online trolls he warned her about. She would then pull a reverse Darth Vader/Luke Skywalker reveal on Daddy, pull off her mask and show Daddy she was one of the leaders on the dark side!

 

[datura_binge]

Mike isn’t “well learned” though. Dude dropped out of college and writes like a tard.

I dont want to sound like I am defending him here, but ability to write isn't that indicative of intelligence. Lot of very intelligent and learned people pay someone else to write for them. Dropping out of college isn't really indicative of much either.

 

[Grotesque Bushes]

View attachment 2432675

For a second I thought that thumbnail said Severe Nigger Warning, but alas YouTube ain't fun anymore.

And mister Janke, you've failed as a father and you've raised an unhygienic mentally ill psychopath of a daughter, and I would not have sex with her. Please send the messages from your lawyer to my animalfetishporn.us email address.

 

[Dr. Barry Nyle]

If you go to conferences on RSA and start businesses on e2e encryption you're not exactly dumb. Again someone in the thread said it well, it's the SEAL meatheat ego here.

 

[PinkDancingDogs]

@DawnDusk I was wondering how Mike Janke managed to make enough money to get involved in cybersecurity VC (he'd need probably $10 mil plus), so I did a bit of digging. Turns out the first company he started was:


The SOC government services page speaks for itself:
View attachment 2428380

Basically military glowie stuff, staffing FOBs, doing security for embassies, etc. Presumably Mike Janke had a big network of guys from the SEALs who he could reach out to in order to get this off the ground. The business model for contractors like this is basically to take ex-military or glowies who are all trained up and cleared already, poach them to work for a private sector firm, and then charge the government several times what it would cost to hire them directly. Why do this? Good question. The military industrial complex works in mysterious ways.

Govt hires outside contractors, because they can then claim to have no military or only x number of soldiers in an area. Also to provide a cushion of deniability when those contractors upset people (you know by killing them etc.) AFG had oodles of contractors on the ground. In terms of embassy staffing, I don't know how common of contract work that is. Ironically, the only person I've known who worked in an embassy was an actual glowie.

 

[Dr. Barry Nyle]

Extremely common, there are little glowie businesses all over that do everything from private intelligence to logistics such as Booz Allen Hamilton. There is a precariat of wannabe glows and they live off siphoning grant and contract money.

I see them all the time at work myself. One of them even shitheeled himself into Trump's NSC before getting fired for being too much of a neocohen.

 

[Nooty Booty]

mike is not well learned, he himself says that he didn't go to college, he can't write worth a shit either, and he raised a daughter who doesn't bathe and posted pictures of her shitty butthole on the internet, along with literally a poop stained floor. why in the fuck would you think he's educated?

His LinkedIn says/said (last saw this a few days ago) he got a bachelors degree from the University of Pittsburgh. So he’s either lying on there or in interviews where he claims to have no college background.

EDIT: here’s an article backing this up https://blog.executivebiz.com/2013/06/executive-profile-mike-janke-silent-circle-co-founder-and-ceo/

also remembered I saw this on his Bloomberg profile, not linkedin

 

[The Dude]

Kind of strange that Mister Janke the Glow-In-The-Dark would refer to it as SEAL Team Six and not "DevGru". They've been USNAVSPECWAR DevGru since 1987 or so, and it's a pretty hot button topic with SEALs (especially ones who have served in DevGru) to call it SEAL Team Six. They changed the name after Richard Marcinko ended his term as commander of Team Six to start up Red Cell, because the Navy and USSOCOM desperately wanted to distance themselves as much as possible from Marcinko due to all the shady bullshit he got up to with Red Cell. Not only that, but USNAVSPECWAR wanted to underline how much more elite DevGru are to "normal" SEALs and they wanted to make it clear that they're NOT just another SEAL Team. Being a DevGru member is a point of pride for those guys because they're on a whole other level from the other SEALs, so because of that and because of the association with SEAL Team Six and Richard Marcinko, they get kinda salty when you say SEAL Team Six instead of DevGru. It's usually a great way to sniff out the poseaurs and bullshit artists who don't know what the fuck they're talking about.

I'm wondering (if Mike the Glow SEAL is involved with the attacks lately) how much of this is fatherly protection for his little psycho girl, and how much of this is him trying to protect his own name, professional reputation, and his job security? Being a SEAL means he's got a security clearance, and to get one of those you need to be squeaky clean. Not only you, but also your immediate family and closest friends. Having his little brat get in legal problems and potentially arrested could very well cost him his government clearance, which would make it difficult for him to continue on in his line of work.

 

[auxcord]

i would unironically sex.

Hate to say it but I don’t think Mike Janke really qualifies as a lolcow. The guys got basically no social media presence and is doing the sane thing by ignoring everything and staying offline. I was hopeful when this thread started that it’d be fun but idk now.

 

[Me262PrinceOfTurboJet]

"Janke. While you were up there showboating with the MiG, who was raising Bella?" "Bella's doing just fine."

 

[Creepuscular]

> If only you knew how bad things really are

 

[The Dude]

i would unironically sex.

Hate to say it but I don’t think Mike Janke really qualifies as a lolcow. The guys got basically no social media presence and is doing the sane thing by ignoring everything and staying offline. I was hopeful when this thread started that it’d be fun but idk now.

It isn't because anyone thinks he's a lolcow. It's because his psychotic offspring is currently the center of focus of arguably the most depraved, deplorable, sick-fuck acts of internet trolling ever recorded and he is potentially connected to it all via possibly using illegal DDoS attacks against a forum discussing the details to cover for his little maniac. And even if Mike hasn't been orchestrating the Denial of Service attacks, he's still a topic of curiosity and discussion due to his hypothetical poor parenting skills and other personal details in the family potentially leading to his daughter being a malicious, sociopathic, egomaniacal degenerate who was likely involved in bullying one person into committing suicide at her school, and her desire to manipulate and blackmail Chris into doing the same. Don't forget that this website's motto is "No shit is too minor!", and this guy could hardly be considered "minor shit" in the grand scheme of this fucked up situation.