Hi Gawker readers and SJWs.
You read a website that actively engages in bullying, rape jokes, and domestic violence. Spare me your sanctimony. Your judgment means nothing to me.
Mike Cernovich is
a licensed attorney who has taken the year off from the practice of law to see how big he can grow Danger and Play.
The
reader survey results are in. People want to know more about me. I hate talking about myself and have always been a shy, behind-the-scenes guy. I understand that due to the fraudulent nature of the Internet that people want to know more about me.
Here you go. This is all verifiable stuff.
1. I grew up on welfare. I had two pairs of pants to last me the entire school year. I never knew anything about money and ran into credit troubles later on in life.
2. One of the most traumatic memories I have was visiting my mom in a nut house when I was 14. She had bipolar and quit taking her medicine after demons had been cast out of her. I more or less wrote her off after that. I also wrote off all of the “Christians” who told her to quit taking her medicine after they weren’t there for my family after leading her astray.
3. I had some form of mental illness until my late-20s and came close to suicide many times. I cured it with N-A-C, proper nutrition, and mindset exercises. The only reason I never killed myself was because of my love for my grandmother and the devastation that the “golden child” killing himself would bring her. I wasn’t able to attend my grandmother’s funeral due to a severe medical issue and have lived in denial of this grief for two years. I still have not allowed myself to process her death, and can feel my chest tighten and my eyes well up as I type these sentences.
4. I got bullied relentlessly and then beat up everyone who had ever wronged me. I developed a strong sense of justice and desire to help the underdog. I hurt anyone who wrongs me and hold lifetime grudges.
5. I got awesome grades in college and could have gone to any graduate school in the country for philosophy. I went to law school out of the naive desire to help people.
6. I had to learn how to downplay my intelligence, as it made peers resentful of me. I can pretty much figure anything out in about 1/3 the time it takes other people.
7. I earned the highest class grade in 4 law school courses – including the highly competitive constitutional law classes.
8. I didn’t have a great overall class rank because if I don’t care about something, I won’t put the work into it.
9. I am either highly motivated or totally lazy. As David Hume would say, I am ruled by my passions.
10. I lack the ability to work in a corporation. In fact, I could never work for anyone.
11. I started my own legal research and writing business in law school. I haven’t had a W-2 in over a decade. Lawyers would outsource their writing to me. I ghostwrote briefs that were filed in the United States Supreme Court as a 3L.
12. I got a guy off a murder charge while I was still in law school. I got another guy off on an
Ashcroft v. Free Speech Coalition issue.
13. I’ve been acknowledged in several different scholarly works. I worked as a research assistant for one of the biggest names in constitutional law.
14. I don’t Google my own name because it doesn’t matter what people say about me behind my back. However, if I happen to be somewhere and see that someone is lying about me, I will light that person up.
15. My legal writing was cited in two separate federal court opinions before my 30th birthday. (Ask your lawyer friends if they have ever been cited in any judicial opinion.)
16. I wrote several entries for
The Encyclopedia of American Civil Liberties, so yes, I can say I’ve literally written the encyclopedia on some of the legal issues I cover.
17. I passed the California Bar Exam after studying less than 40 hours.
18. My results expired while I fought a false rape case, so I took the California Bar Exam again. I may be the only attorney who can say he took the California Bar Exam twice – and passed both times.
19. Yes, I am a licensed attorney. I could delete Danger & Play tomorrow and go make a lot of money as a trial lawyer.
20. I have had a seven figure payday. I never have to work another day in my life, as the interest/capital gains and trivial amount of money I bring in from Danger & Play funds my humble lifestyle.
21. The money did not change me. Well, it made me a bit more mellow. I don’t want things money can buy (glamor, fancy clothes) but rather freedom from anxiety.
22. Being falsely accused of rape made me extremely depressed. I got fat. I lost all of the weight and kept it off.
23. I graduated Army Officer Candidate School.
24. I have been a guest at Sheryl Sandberg’s house and ate dinner with Mark Zuckerberg. Sheryl Sandberg overtly flirted with me and Mark Zuckerberg and his flunkie (forget his name – Chris Cox?) were insecure around me. That’s when I learned that money can’t buy what I have.
25. I don’t get truly pissed off (what you see on D&P is intensity, not anger) very often. When I do, people don’t know how to respond. They say I “overreact,” to which I say, “Then don’t push me.”
26. I am very chill with people. Often they mistake this for weakness and are surprised when I push back.
27. I don’t believe in fighting over money. If someone has a scarcity attitude about money, I just won’t deal with them ever again.
28. I don’t believe in giving people second chances. I have always been burned. Poor choices reveal poor character. Unless there is evidence that there has been a change of character, the person is dead to me.
29. I always remember people who helped me out along the way. Personal loyalty is my core personal value.
30. I hate talking about myself.
31. Sometimes I look at Danger & Play and feel like crying. I am more proud of D&P than of anything else I’ve done in my life.
What else do you want to know?
What a fucking spaz.
