Kind of hard to insult someone with something they already admit to, fam.
Yeah, I changed that bit, I was typing rather fast. If you care to elaborate on what abuses you endured trust me you wouldnt sounds like you are whining.
It's difficult to describe, because there's not a lot I can compare it to. It was constant instability and constant blame. I remember walking home from school , tense from not knowing if I'd open the door to my best friend or worst enemy. Basically, try to imagine growing up knowing that one person is completely in control of your food and health and well-being, and
nothing is reliable. Anything you love can be taken away on a whim, the truth can change whenever they want it to, you are not allowed to have your own opinions, and there is absolutely no consistency as to what actions will result in punishment or not. If she had been a complete monster, it might have been easier. But imagine that one day someone is lecturing you for six hours straight about how you're the cause of all the problems in their life, and the next day they act as if it never happened and they want to laugh and have fun and watch a movie and you had better goddamn smile along or else.
You instilled empathy but what happens if someone or something overtakes your empathy, I know that for people who have been abused empathy when Shit hits the fan is the first thing to leave. mental illness cannot be tamed and this board is rife with examples of that. Also many Serial killers/ mass murders/rapists have compartmentalized their lives, some actually have empathy but only when they are on a cool down cycle...just FYI
Even at my absolute worst, I've never lost that concern for others. And I have been at my worst many times. You say that "mental illness cannot be tamed", and I say, maybe the people you're seeing aren't trying hard enough. They don't care enough about others to fully commit to the fact that, 'if I feel shitty,
no one else deserves to be dragged into that'. Believe me, my family is rife with mental illness. I have plenty of bad examples to learn from. I learned firsthand how destructive it can be to have a lack of introspection and self-honesty. I remember my mother once saying, "The craziest people are the ones who scream the loudest they're not crazy." And even as young as I was, I realized what she'd said applied to her more than anyone else, and she utterly lacked the self-awareness to realize it. Or the courage to face her own faults. I remember doing periodic 'craziness checks' on myself. "Okay, I am. But because I acknowledge that, I can see what I need to work on."
People 'snap' because they repress themselves. They try to ignore their ugliest parts and pretend, '
No, I'm a GOOD person! I'm normal! I'm okay!' Or they try to pretend that everyone else is the problem. I accept what I am. I acknowledge my faults and I learn from them. I explore my worst impulses in fiction so I can keep them away from real people. It's why I'm not afraid to be here, where I'm nothing but a dancing cripple for everyone to laugh at. I'm not here for them. I'm here for the challenge of not taking their bait. I'm here to practice replying with calm civility to the people who deserve it the least. People like them are why I don't worry about the kind of breakdown you're talking about.
EDIT: changed 'you' to 'them' in that last paragraph, because you've been civil, like a few others here.