random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Aunt Carol]

Don't be playing games. You know as well as I do them poop towels are going on the top of the pile, like hot fudge on a trash sundae.

 

[Spectate]

Now you to can find out the pussy blood schedule of your oshi by searching for specific keywords, you freak.

 

[SNEED.EXE]

“Hummmm Doki Doki Chan’s stream today is kinda shit”

“She must be on the rag”

 

[Radola Gajda]

Since when did Brazilians get their hands on the goybeamzapatron9000?

 

[Elf Supremacist]

r*dditors do not fucking shop at Home Depot. A r*dditor does not know what a drywall anchor is. A r*dditor doesn't stain they/them's deck. A r*dditor doesn't even have a deck to stain. The most handywork a r*dditor does is asseble the ikea shelf their funko pops and tribute jars will sit on and even then success is a tenuous prospect.
When a r*dditor needs something done they cope, seethe and then they call a REPUBLICAN

In what world do cats treat everyone the same? Cats are fascist aristocrats. e.g. mine fucking hates niggers.

 

[Squanto Airi]

Pitbulls are the SIG P320 of the dog world.

 

[Molag Bal]

I'm going to break from one of the instructions in the OP and quote Josh, because the quote is too funny to not at least suggest it.
Yes all the other recent mentions of 'penis mines' derive from this.

From the interview with Sacramento and that other chick that dated Turkey Tom
Timestamp based on kick version (which I know will vanish eventually, so treat it more as a vague direction): 1:17:35

So you just have to be like, down in the penis mines for like an hour at a time until he was bored?

 

[Gentlebastard]

Accounting was a little iffy on why they had to give the robots dicks only to cut them off, but R&D was adamant that it was the only way to authentically create the deep-seated malice necessary to be a volunteer Internet janitor.

In what world do cats treat everyone the same? Cats are fascist aristocrats. e.g. mine fucking hates niggers.

I admire his drive. He never used it for his own good, let alone for the good of others, but still.

Most people would be at rock bottom in his situation, barely able to survive, perhaps dealing with various addictions on top of that. Not him, though. He keeps throwing retarded shit at the wall day after day after day after day, until something sticks. And when what stuck fails miserably, he starts all over again. He's like a mongoloid Sisyphus.

Also revel in this quote of his: "The state is controlling my destiny and my penis.”

 

[indomitable snowman]

from the Verge, not @JambledUpWords

tomatoe1987 says he has no idea if anti-ICE content will stick in r/MassiveCock. For now it’s simply “a little bit of day to day hope,” he says. “Just letting people know that there’s a lot of people out there who are concerned about their safety and well-being.”

 

[Shakira Flabbergasted]

For us regular people who love to piss and cum with impunity, even the "good" ones are still the results of barbaric procedures that should be performed by only godless orcs in a dystopian high fantasy setting with BDSM vibes

 

[Oh!]

Kung fu isn’t real, it’s just an exercise retarded kids do

 

[Dead Gay Muppet Gangbang]

No one's going to drop $20 on a skin for Lilith Gigajaw or hypernose niggerjew.

“Excuse me, you feel like all races are equal and no borders is best, correct.”

“DUUHHH YES I LOVE CUM”

You don’t count magic underwear faggot.

 

[Dr. Butt]

One last crack at that quote-rich vein:

Down in the penis mines

There are a lot of things that can describe the hour long shift in the penis mines but sex is not one of them.

HE'S A RAPIST! HE'S A AGEPLAYER! HE CUTS! HE DOES COKE! HE'S GAY! HIS DICK IS BROKE! PENIS MINES!

never goon, lest you be banish to the penis mines

He beat the fuck out of his girls, made them work in the penis mines, and got ringworm at a furry convention

In the good old days a man wouldn't start beating his woman until she used mustard instead of ketchup when making meatloaf.

it's easier to correctly make meatloaf than a 1 hour shift in the penis mines.

you can do far more useful things while the meatloaf is cooking than you can while spending an hour in the penis mines

 

[King Metalia]

Imagine being a shill for highguard and lashing out at chud commentators over it, we need a complete shutdown on gaming jorunos until we can figure out what the hell is going on

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

2000s MySpace emos called, they want their fake profoundness back. We here at Kiwi Farms do not enjoy consuming pieces of literature that read like the person writing them is cutting themselves.

Hey, whorish vagina retard child, chill out.

AI-slop truly is a just God's divine punishment upon artists for being so annoying. He retains His sense of humor.

bro please at least learn about what you're arguing against before you argue against it.

> "I AM AN EXPERT ON ART AND AI ART HAS NO SOUL"
> What kind of art do you do?
>"Soywojaks"

Someone out there is editing a fart sound on this video with their pants off right now.

buddy is driving a mazda, he cannot afford to be out here fucking up his life

Does he LOOK like a man who lets grief get in the way of pussy?

My dad told me the day he found out that I was sexually active, "Cum is like rattlesnake venom. It only takes a drop to fuck your life up."

Trump: I seriously cannot believe that I have been in business for 50 years and people still can't see that every time I want a piece of pizza I just threaten to take the whole thing and they end up giving me a slice. Lmao, dumb fucking wallys.

I've been microdosing HIV+ semen for just this reason.

I just can't get over the fact that she was pretty for a sheboon back in the day and now she looks like a morbidly obese cigar store Indian.

If you played SoundCloud rap over this and put a bunch of spinning swastikas behind the ICE agents this would be indistinguishable from an Agartha schizo edit.

I haven't seen worthless children gassed that good since Auschwitz.

...wait, do I get a prize or just this empty feeling of non-accomplishment?

More like go rape your neighbors.

Holy fucking shit, women are so embarrassing. I absolutely understand misogyny now. In fact I might actually be one myself. Good job ladies.

I hear if a judge bangs his gavel 10 times in a row successfully you instantly get sent to federal ass rape prison.

So like, would a counter-protest to a hunger strike be a bunch of fat niggas standing across from them, looking them directly in the eyes and eating Arby's? I'd give anything to participate in that, counter-protesting retards just by being a fat fuck sounds like a dream come true.

Raping your elderly grandad as a joke is next level jeetery.

Public executions would solve so many social issues

you can't clean assholes without thinking about getting fucked in the butt.

Down boy, she'll have sex with you if you pay her. No need to white knight for m'lady.

 

[BigMan13]

Hello I wanna just say that I was a spy documenting on you and the farms in general I just want to say you and most others are nothing but mindless apes who waste your lives complaining over random shit and make others feel bad until they kill themselves for your entertainment how fucking sad.

 

[Kingfisher9000]

“stupid idiots who don't even do the bare minimum of STALK ME THE CORRECT WAY”

A recent quote from Ang Vondra about KF (presumably)

 

[invisibult plus+]

THE NIGGER CLOCK IS AT 2 SECONDS TO DARKNESS HOUR

THIS IS A NIGGER ALERT, SHELTER IN PLACE

CONSULT BILL FUCKING NYE FOR MORE DETAILS

 

[Dead Gay Muppet Gangbang]

Well I'm not brown in the fucking slightest

This user conducts his opinion bashing from a GAY keyboard.

I'm still waiting for the AVGN to issue a statement about ICE so I know how to feel about this topical issue.

 

[Bnuny]

Smurfs are real and they have a melt value. The things you learn on Kiwi Farms.