random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Harvey Danger]

I can't believe the situation has escalated from "we need to see the bodycam footage because Rekieta says there's a conspiracy going on in small-town Minnesota lololol" to "no seriously, we need to see the bodycam footage because there's a fucking conspiracy going on in small-town Minnesota".

 

[Doxmatix]

He saw a boob and now he's on another racist rant about the Japanese.

Being right is the only thing that matters. Happiness is a chemical imbalance, being right is forever.

Who among us hasn't made such an easy typo? So easy to get whole words wrong. One time I was going to type "Mother Theresa", but it somehow came out "Adolf Hitler".

How would you like it if you were minding your own business getting groceries, and a fat, smelly extraterrestrial abducted your baby??

In only 4 days, Israel had an IDF trained kitten infiltrate Kuwait and entrap Chins in a scheme. Why would Donald Trump do this?

 

[Stan]

The USS Massachusetts and probably many other battleship museums welcome hotel parties to overnight in berths on the ship if they don't drink or use drugs, but nobody said anything about a changing table for adults

 

[Dr. Butt]

HEY EVERYONE I'M A GUY WHO LIKES IT UP THE ASS AND I DID IT TO OWN THE CHRISTIANS WHO KNOW NOW

 

[twisted cycle path]

At some point Bobby Hill is going to look the camera dead center and say "hawk Tuah" or "skibidy toilet" and I'm going to kill myself right then and there.

 

[Snusmumriken]

What a stud! I love when he makes the baby sound when he throws the furry diaper.

 

[The Strongest Haaton]

I love this thread. It's like a zoo where spectators can go into the cage and whip the lion without consequences!

 

[Haloperidol]

pants-shitting weak sphinctered asswhore

I didn’t mean to quote a post from last year

FUN!

F is for friends who shitpost together
U is for you and me
N is for niggers

 

[CaddestSlown]

I’ve seen tranny surgeries and liveleak executions but 10 tb of porn made me nauseous.

Go jerk off in a hurricane or tornado and tell me how that works out.

I got a terrabyte spank bank thumb drive. It has a little less than 50GB left on it. I just downloaded some fuck flicks for it the other day.

If the moral fags prude fags and feminists get their way I will be able to assist the resistance. Wait I mean la resistance.

What does that have to do with anything. All my shit is straight porn free of niggers and trannies.

Now I am not going to pretend I didn't download videos of light skinned latina bitches though. They could cross the border any time.

Why the fuck would you admit you have a terabyte of porn on Kiwifarms?

 

[Agent Abe Caprine]

A rayman fetish?

You're better at drawing amputee porn that's for sure. I doubt anyone else here has even tried.

Isn't an adult woman fetish just being fucking normal?

The George Floyd "I can't breathe" sound effect anal beads

Even plants are versed in the art of war.

I'm an anarchist, the prostate cancer won't get me !

So there is a market for retard porn? Really?

What the hell? Who's buying potato nudes?

Okay, I happen to have an extensive archive of media which includes the entire Andy Griffith show

I'm going to shit in your house then.
I'll use the toilet like a civilized person, I'm not Indian.

I actually googled it and they (poodles not my mom) were associated with French nobility during the Renaissance.

Is that Juju the Cow getting fucked in the ass by lego people?

nigga, you eat ass ketchup but think a poptart tastes bad? The fuck? Lol

Can you guys bomb each other a little quieter, please? I'm trying to masturbate over here!

Exposing house abuse, nothing to see here.

I think I've read enough about dog molesters for the day.

do you want me to dm you a video of a black man fucking a cucumber in an alleyway?

Nigga im bullying you because you are being a faggot over a watermelon with a face.

I’m 20. I’m a 20 year old woman. I’m fucking stupid. Everyone at this age is stupid. We were flirting because we were stupid. Why do any of you care?

dead baby enthusiast is a job title I didn't even know existed until now

All my friends are selling crystal meth in Schedule 1 while I'm stuck selling cabbages in Harvest Moon

I could train my tiny Hitlers to ride my wooly mice.

Bill Nye had an ice cream orgy?

My grandpa's nicotine addiction never made him cut his dick off.

but I wouldn't call the Minecraft movie porn because it's Hollywood

I'm not drawing a penis on a watermelon

Don’t make me reveal I’m actually Christine Western Chandler and was having sex three times a week at one point.

I couldn't fap to Simpsons with a gun to my head, but they're about to put one to theirs because some Lisa hentai is gone

Nigger Nazis was not on my bingo card.

buttholes are more lucrative than jewelry or frescos.

Shame on you for forgetting the Landon Hiscock SRS saga!

The majority of my generation, and Synth's, are coomers.

Could you spoiler the giant anime titties, please?

I got a terrabyte spank bank thumb drive. It has a little less than 50GB left on it. I just downloaded some fuck flicks for it the other day. If the moral fags prude fags and feminists get their way I will be able to assist the resistance. Wait I mean la resistance.

 

[UERISIMILITUDO]

So who can tickle your footsies?

Same. I've been MKUltra programmed to think all women are actually men pretending to be women. It's kinda sad.

It is truly interesting to see how people, who would not have previously been given autonomy, act in public facing roles.

Futanari? Yeah great. Didn’t know what that was but I know if it’s Japanese sounding I know it’s fucked. Always.

he can still jack off and there you are, dead

One of the most embarrassing things I've read on this website in 10 years on here.

This is shit Orwell could've never imagined

 

[The Taco Santo!]

Few men have had their wet dreams come true to the degree Frank has. While John rotates on the spindle of self-loathing at either 45 or 33-1/3, Frank slithers along contentedly, just so much endless cassette tape snaking onto the spool of life.

 

[neger psykolog]

Murdered two people in a vicious act of political violence. User loses posting privileges for 6 hours.

 

[Gentlebastard]

Ive read enough old timey fairy tales to know that any story that starts with a german town trying to lure me in ends with me being dipped in boiling tar and dragged screaming behind a maddened horse until I turn into a greasy red smear for the sin of not tying my shoes while humming, thus incurring the wrath of the town dwarf during the festival of Demwirfröhlichunsereschuhebindenumdiejudenabzuwehrentag

Its an ouroboros except instead of perpetually eating its own tail its instead perpetually shitting into its own mouth.

I'm sure you could find a new clitoris mint in box on eBay!

Every time I come to this thread I discover a new smell.

He keeps appearing to have transient ischemic attacks from time to time. Personally I think it's just globules of cholesterol short circuiting his brain but that's wishful thinking.

Now you make me want to hire niggers to ride shire horses and just intentionally fuck cyclists up by not yielding.

Imagine being a child in a Portland public school. I bet you wouldn't even be the only kid in school with 5 fathers.

 

[frozen_runner]

Don't polish women have stronger grip then pajeets? Use your powers women, Destroy him.

If Pennywise really wants to scare people, he should turn into something REALLY evil, like institutional transphobia.

The main reason I hate onlyfans is because it makes ugly girls think they are pornstars

sydney sweeney bath water bar of soap doesnt roll of the tongue as well as gamer girl bath water

Why is it okay to make up lies about the Holocaust when the Jews do it?

They don't deserve the miracle that is VELCRO.

He's literally mocking you, and you're too autistic to notice.

 

[Metamorpho]

>first thing I see is a homosexual sucking on another man's prolapse

 

[naaaaiiiiillllll!!!]

because he family is there

 

[JustSomeDong]

it's all about cute anime girls, usually with big tits and admittedly delightful jiggle physics.

 

[Yamaha YM2612]

Puff Daddy is a great guy.

 

[Meat Target]

I feel like I'm looking at an airport adjacent strip club at 3AM.