The Horrors of the "Professional" World - Stories that will make you wonder how we exist.

[Mr. 0]

Guys, I'm too used to working from home now. Just let a big fart rip in the office without even thinking.

Lucky no one else is in because of the rona and I'm the only one on this floor. Could have been awkward.

no that's wrong

you had a chance to establish dominance and failed because of the rona

 

[neverendingmidi]

My company did an "anonymous" survey. I put anonymous in quotes because they could trace it back to departments/work groups even if they couldn't prove specifically who said what exactly.

Well... apparently the sheer negativity of my department spun up the executives who wanted to hear how wonderful they were. My boss was pulled aside by his boss who was shocked at some of the comments and read one of them out loud, and my boss pointed out that he was the one who submitted it! As he said, don't ask the questions if you don't want to hear the answers. My boss had to do interviews with each of us about the survey, and as far as I know everybody in my department had the same opinion as me, my immediate boss is pretty awesome, but I wouldn't trust any of the executives to piss on me if I was on fire without cash upfront.

Pretty much each interview ended as as rant between my boss and whoever he was interviewing about how the company has gone downhill. And I mean I can see it and I haven't even been there for over 10 years yet, compared to his 40. Just the difference in 5 years is appalling. I mean the executives seem to think we are as excited as they are when they lay off 300 people and hire two new vice presidents.

Update to this

So we had another meeting today where our boss had to talk to all of us together to see what could be done. Again we said it wasn't him, it was the upper management who we were all pissed at. At the corporate level there is no appreciation. Raises are bi-yearly, if that, and generally don't cover the increased cost of insurance. Every kind of "thanks for not fleeing " sort of thing has been tossed (company picnic, golf outing, bowling outing, holiday party, recognition awards, free lunches every so often, even a gift card at the end of the year which we were taxed on). 401K matching- tossed.

But hey! They told us we can send each other recognition via the performance management software! Isn't that nice? We lost everything else, but we can send corporate type ecards to each other (because god knows the upper management wouldn't know any of our names if a gun was pointed at their heads).

Isn't that swell? Doesn't it make a person want to recommend this place as a job to others?

 

[XYZpdq]

Work had a training video about not opening attachments and crap starring the unlikely duo of Phil Hendrie and Kevin Mitnick.

 

[Titos]

I work in a field that requires you to talk to a large amount of people from multiple countries, many of them borderline insane. The average day I have to deal with at least of one of the following scenarios.
-Indian who can barely speak English at all spelling out his name which has at least 50 letters in it in the most unintelligible way possible, then getting mad when his name won't fit in the system because it's built for names, not the entire alphabet of multiple tongues.
-Angry black women
-Karen who threatens to sue when she doesn't get exactly what she wants
-Angry jews from Brooklyn who cry and moan any time they don't get exactly what they want
-New Yorkers in general
-Angry rednecks who can't comprehend basic shit unless it's spelled out in the most childish way possible
-Chinese "students" who can't speak more than 3 words of English properly but somehow list themselves as post-grads at American universities
-Nigerians who are either obvious scammers or really nice, it's a coin toss
-Obvious drunks
-Obvious crackheads
If the job gives me any sliver of hope it's that on average people I speak to that are born between the years 1995 and 2001 are very nice on average.

 

[Ginger Piglet]

I work in a field that requires you to talk to a large amount of people from multiple countries, many of them borderline insane. The average day I have to deal with at least of one of the following scenarios.
-Indian who can barely speak English at all spelling out his name which has at least 50 letters in it in the most unintelligible way possible, then getting mad when his name won't fit in the system because it's built for names, not the entire alphabet of multiple tongues.
-Angry black women
-Karen who threatens to sue when she doesn't get exactly what she wants
-Angry jews from Brooklyn who cry and moan any time they don't get exactly what they want
-New Yorkers in general
-Angry rednecks who can't comprehend basic shit unless it's spelled out in the most childish way possible
-Chinese "students" who can't speak more than 3 words of English properly but somehow list themselves as post-grads at American universities
-Nigerians who are either obvious scammers or really nice, it's a coin toss
-Obvious drunks
-Obvious crackheads
If the job gives me any sliver of hope it's that on average people I speak to that are born between the years 1995 and 2001 are very nice on average.

College administration?

 

[Titos]

College administration?

Worse. Won't say what but much worse.

 

[totse]

I'll give you that. Working for bank customer service:
- Boomers / Gen X: Get ready to have an argument about overdraft fees (I know they're bullshit but I ain't the one bro, also I can see how much money you have so why don't you calm the fuck down or move to a different bank). The occasional old hippie bucks the trend.
- Millennials: Huge coin toss, either gonna start some shit or they're chill but you can tell it's only because they know you ain't the one
- Zoomers: So nice it makes you feel bad

Actually I don't work there anymore, and I'd like to use this post to talk about my last day

So this lady called up needing her bank statements. Here's the situation:

- Authenticated properly according to policy, this is definitely the customer and not anyone attempting fraud (or else someone has literally all of her information)
- She had a card stolen and had some fraudulent transactions which she disputed successfully
- The account is now closed
- She had a stroke and is trying to get into a nursing home. She can't even use one side of her body, while I'm giving her phone numbers of agencies that might be able to help, it takes a few minutes because she has to take the info down in her phone with one hand.
- Medicare requires her to prove what happened to her money to make sure she isn't just hiding it to get benefits
- Can't download statements online because account is closed
- Now out of state and can't visit or send anyone to the branch to get statement copies (which wouldn't go back far enough anyway)
- Fees for getting statements mailed are completely ridiculous (like $25 "research fee" and $10 per individual statement and she needs several), doesn't have the time/money for that

I'm literally looking at the statements in front of me, I can pull up PDF copies of all of them while she cries and begs on the phone with me for an hour. (Call time target is like four minutes.) There is no approved way to simply send them to her. Emails destined outside the network are blocked.

Check with a supervisor because I saw a thing that said we might be able to waive the fees. No go. Tell her so sorry, there's nothing we can do. Get off the phone with her.

Download all the statements, put them in a ZIP file. Use ancient hacker wisdom from 4chan to hide them inside a jpg and upload it to an image host that isn't blocked on the network. Save the link and her email address on my phone.

Go on break for half an hour then log out and go home. Extract and send the statements and start looking for a different job that doesn't turn you into a fucking vulture. Which fortunately I have the freedom to do at the moment, but fuck, I knew it was a mistake going back to a call center, especially for a place like that.

 

[yasscat]

I'll give you that. Working for bank customer service:
- Boomers / Gen X: Get ready to have an argument about overdraft fees (I know they're bullshit but I ain't the one bro, also I can see how much money you have so why don't you calm the fuck down or move to a different bank). The occasional old hippie bucks the trend.
- Millennials: Huge coin toss, either gonna start some shit or they're chill but you can tell it's only because they know you ain't the one
- Zoomers: So nice it makes you feel bad

Actually I don't work there anymore, and I'd like to use this post to talk about my last day

So this lady called up needing her bank statements. Here's the situation:

- Authenticated properly according to policy, this is definitely the customer and not anyone attempting fraud (or else someone has literally all of her information)
- She had a card stolen and had some fraudulent transactions which she disputed successfully
- The account is now closed
- She had a stroke and is trying to get into a nursing home. She can't even use one side of her body, while I'm giving her phone numbers of agencies that might be able to help, it takes a few minutes because she has to take the info down in her phone with one hand.
- Medicare requires her to prove what happened to her money to make sure she isn't just hiding it to get benefits
- Can't download statements online because account is closed
- Now out of state and can't visit or send anyone to the branch to get statement copies (which wouldn't go back far enough anyway)
- Fees for getting statements mailed are completely ridiculous (like $25 "research fee" and $10 per individual statement and she needs several), doesn't have the time/money for that

I'm literally looking at the statements in front of me, I can pull up PDF copies of all of them while she cries and begs on the phone with me for an hour. (Call time target is like four minutes.) There is no approved way to simply send them to her. Emails destined outside the network are blocked.

Check with a supervisor because I saw a thing that said we might be able to waive the fees. No go. Tell her so sorry, there's nothing we can do. Get off the phone with her.

Download all the statements, put them in a ZIP file. Use ancient hacker wisdom from 4chan to hide them inside a jpg and upload it to an image host that isn't blocked on the network. Save the link and her email address on my phone.

Go on break for half an hour then log out and go home. Extract and send the statements and start looking for a different job that doesn't turn you into a fucking vulture. Which fortunately I have the freedom to do at the moment, but fuck, I knew it was a mistake going back to a call center, especially for a place like that.

You the real mvp. I bet she was so grateful!

 

[Bass]

I'll give you that. Working for bank customer service:
- Boomers / Gen X: Get ready to have an argument about overdraft fees (I know they're bullshit but I ain't the one bro, also I can see how much money you have so why don't you calm the fuck down or move to a different bank). The occasional old hippie bucks the trend.
- Millennials: Huge coin toss, either gonna start some shit or they're chill but you can tell it's only because they know you ain't the one
- Zoomers: So nice it makes you feel bad

Actually I don't work there anymore, and I'd like to use this post to talk about my last day

So this lady called up needing her bank statements. Here's the situation:

- Authenticated properly according to policy, this is definitely the customer and not anyone attempting fraud (or else someone has literally all of her information)
- She had a card stolen and had some fraudulent transactions which she disputed successfully
- The account is now closed
- She had a stroke and is trying to get into a nursing home. She can't even use one side of her body, while I'm giving her phone numbers of agencies that might be able to help, it takes a few minutes because she has to take the info down in her phone with one hand.
- Medicare requires her to prove what happened to her money to make sure she isn't just hiding it to get benefits
- Can't download statements online because account is closed
- Now out of state and can't visit or send anyone to the branch to get statement copies (which wouldn't go back far enough anyway)
- Fees for getting statements mailed are completely ridiculous (like $25 "research fee" and $10 per individual statement and she needs several), doesn't have the time/money for that

I'm literally looking at the statements in front of me, I can pull up PDF copies of all of them while she cries and begs on the phone with me for an hour. (Call time target is like four minutes.) There is no approved way to simply send them to her. Emails destined outside the network are blocked.

Check with a supervisor because I saw a thing that said we might be able to waive the fees. No go. Tell her so sorry, there's nothing we can do. Get off the phone with her.

Download all the statements, put them in a ZIP file. Use ancient hacker wisdom from 4chan to hide them inside a jpg and upload it to an image host that isn't blocked on the network. Save the link and her email address on my phone.

Go on break for half an hour then log out and go home. Extract and send the statements and start looking for a different job that doesn't turn you into a fucking vulture. Which fortunately I have the freedom to do at the moment, but fuck, I knew it was a mistake going back to a call center, especially for a place like that.

You are one of the good ones, bro.

 

[Malagor the dank omen]

This is on account of a friend of mine who is still working through Covid (I could go on about my unemployment situation but i don't want to turn this into a pity party). He's a ship engineer who worked his ass off for 5 years to get his degree, pushed through depression, shitty practise and 2 years of unemployment until he got a gig going abroad.

We talk every week and he tells me some stories that kinda make me thankful of currently being out of a job, He works 15 hours a day from monday to friday, sometimes also on weekends in order to get shit done. He's ill equipped to do his job, he's staying at a rent place provided by the company without heating and kitchen and through his daily grind he barely has enough time to eat. He gets tasks piled up on him by his superiors to the point that he can't get anything done on top of the risks of working in a dangerous enviroment, telling me eveyr week that he almost burned himself due to some shmuck leaving a fuel valve open or someone almost drilling though his hand. And the worst of all is that the shipyard he's working at is bankrupt, so they can't pay him, and he has to spend 70 Eurodollars a week just to go to his workplace. Every time we speak i constantly tell him to ditch the job rather than enslave himself like that for absolutely nothing, but he shrughs it off and tells me that it's better than be out of a job.

Shit like this makes me terrified of finding a job in current times because you don't know if things will be up to normal standards or shit will quickly devolve into pseudo slavery or some other kind of bullshit that you're not prepared to.

 

[Sped Xing]

Madness

I know of more than a few people in terrible jobs and terrified to quit. "Follow your dreams" is a terribly destructive meme, but not because its victims are vapid dilettantes. These are hard-working, dedicated people who think they see a light at the end of the tunnel. They'd be happier, healthier, and wealthier if they'd say "fuck it" and go kick boxes or work cattle. The education system of the 90s and early 2000s was run by people who believed in "careers," which really didn't ever exist except for those exact people.

 

[Malagor the dank omen]

I know of more than a few people in terrible jobs and terrified to quit. "Follow your dreams" is a terribly destructive meme, but not because its victims are vapid dilettantes. These are hard-working, dedicated people who think they see a light at the end of the tunnel. They'd be happier, healthier, and wealthier if they'd say "fuck it" and go kick boxes or work cattle. The education system of the 90s and early 2000s was run by people who believed in "careers," which really didn't ever exist except for those exact people.

Thing is that my friend, when he talks to me, he tells me he's burnt out physically and mentally. We both have our own spergy projects and shit, but he constantly complains that he obviously doesn't have time for shit because of work. I don't know if he's actually going for the "build your career" kind of stuff or if he's willing to go through this grueling grind just to get experience under his belt, but i will say it's not worth it in every sense.

In all my time i worked in jobs that paid less, i was extremely comfortable and happy working there. But the pandemic screwed me over in every sense of the word, and after a whole year of this shit i kinda think it would be better to ditch any sort of pretentions to get a good job. The situation is fucked up and i don't think it will recover much in time.

 

[Mnutu]

Thing is that my friend, when he talks to me, he tells me he's burnt out physically and mentally. We both have our own spergy projects and shit, but he constantly complains that he obviously doesn't have time for shit because of work. I don't know if he's actually going for the "build your career" kind of stuff or if he's willing to go through this grueling grind just to get experience under his belt, but i will say it's not worth it in every sense.

In all my time i worked in jobs that paid less, i was extremely comfortable and happy working there. But the pandemic screwed me over in every sense of the word, and after a whole year of this shit i kinda think it would be better to ditch any sort of pretentions to get a good job. The situation is fucked up and i don't think it will recover much in time.

Is he at least throwing applications around? If the company is bankrupt and can’t pay you, that’s the sign to abandon ship and move on. If he’s not shopping around, he really fucking needs to.

 

[XYZpdq]

one of my bosses at work is annoyingly lazy

like I can respect just being lazy, but any time anybody under him, myself included, wants to do fucking _anything_, like even up to "go upstairs to check the thing because the alarm is going off" he starts into some pile of bullshit about how we shouldn't have to and blahblahblah
like motherfucker I'm not asking you to do it, I'm just telling you I'm going upstairs to check the thing since it will take longer for the fat way you do because you're too fucking fat for stairs, you lazy fat asshole

 

[Malagor the dank omen]

Is he at least throwing applications around? If the company is bankrupt and can’t pay you, that’s the sign to abandon ship and move on. If he’s not shopping around, he really fucking needs to.

As far as i know, he isn't. Or if he is, he hasn't told me about it, which would be a bit strange but understandable.

Plus, while he was doing training in college he worked at another bankrupt dockyard, so i guess he's used to this kind of shitshow, even if someone shouldn't get used to work for a company that can't pay for the materials they use, even less their employees.

 

[EnemyStand]

As far as i know, he isn't. Or if he is, he hasn't told me about it, which would be a bit strange but understandable.

Plus, while he was doing training in college he worked at another bankrupt dockyard, so i guess he's used to this kind of shitshow, even if someone shouldn't get used to work for a company that can't pay for the materials they use, even less their employees.

I'm sorry, but your buddy is a retard. Used to it or not, your time needs to be compensated. I don't know why he doesn't want pay or even time off to actually live his life unless he's a hardcore workaholic.

 

[Malagor the dank omen]

I'm sorry, but your buddy is a retard. Used to it or not, your time needs to be compensated. I don't know why he doesn't want pay or even time off to actually live his life unless he's a hardcore workaholic.

He keeps following the "better than being out of a job" logic, but i think he is the kind of person that decides to go through the grind to get the experience, even if it's detrimental to him in every way. I keep telling him every time to quit his job, but he always evades the issue or brushes it off saying "That's what i gotta do".

Also, there is the thing that he will probably waste his time if he's unemployed, even if he has a crapload of things to do and i keep showing him that despite being out of a job i'm not glued to my PC playing games 24/7. At this point i don't know what to do with him outside of calling him an idiot for putting himself through this crap.

 

[God Emperor]

I know of more than a few people in terrible jobs and terrified to quit. "Follow your dreams" is a terribly destructive meme, but not because its victims are vapid dilettantes. These are hard-working, dedicated people who think they see a light at the end of the tunnel. They'd be happier, healthier, and wealthier if they'd say "fuck it" and go kick boxes or work cattle. The education system of the 90s and early 2000s was run by people who believed in "careers," which really didn't ever exist except for those exact people.

I used to speak at conventions regarding my industry (film and television production), usually to young people with demo reels and portfolios very eager to get their foot in the door, and each time I tried to gently correct the damage of the 'follow your dream' mantra.

1. You're probably not as talented as you think you are, and you never will be good enough to get the kind of fame and opportunities you're dreaming of.

2. Are you prepared to be an 'independent contractor' with no benefits, pension, or job security for the rest of your life?

3. How's your girlfriend or wife going to feel about moving all the time and your long hours during deadlines? Are you going to miss your friends? Thinks your kids are going to be cool with you missing their birthday because the production is behind schedule?

4. The production cycle has significant gaps, so are you okay with being unemployed for a few weeks or months every year?

5. The pay really isn't that great, and while the starving artist thing seems cool now, don't you want to own a house someday?

6. Consuming media is not the same as making media, just like how eating sausages isn't the same as making sausages.

The worst thing you can do with something you love is turn it into a job, better to get a stable well paying job doing anything, then follow your dreams on your own time as a hobby.

 

[Malagor the dank omen]

The worst thing you can do with something you love is turn it into a job

This is why it's important to love your job, but not to make something you love into your job. That's why working as a tour guide has been one of the best experiences of my life, because i like the constant stream of people coming and going and dumping historical and cultural information on them. That's why i don't plan or even think about pursuing a career as an artist, be it drawing or writing even if i love the stuff, i don't want to turn something i cherish so much into something i will eventually loathe.

Following your dreams is all well and good, specially because it will push you through rough times, but to make a career out of your dreams will just crush your dreams to a pulp along with your soul. Specially in artistic pursuits where you will most likely dump a lot of time pursuing something that is not meant to be and you will end up burnt out from your job. It's nice to dream impossible dreams, but everyone needs to keep their feet on the ground.

 

[KimCoppolaAficionado]

Corollary- if you can put yourself into a secure position, start doing creative shit, and it starts becoming popular, don't freeze up like a deer in headlights and burn everything to the ground because you're scared of even the slightest level of success. I've seen artsy friends of mine end up totally self-sabotaging because people tell them stuff like the above to the point where they start actively being afraid of their own hobbies.
(Hey, if we're going to be OT...)