- Joined
- Oct 23, 2023
I, too, tried my hand at searching but went for “trans + stroke”. Didn’t find the poor girl but found these VERY manly dudes. You can tell how totally male they are from their short, concise writing that starts with CW: trauma, abuse, trans discrimination, disability discrimination, stroke.
TLDR? Well, how about “We've had housemates who didn't believe we were disabled, declared us lazy, and harrassed us the entire time we had to live with them. A housemate once screamed at me, causing a panic attack and cornering me under a table, blocking the room's exit because I fell behind on rent.”
Best of luck, fellas!
CW: trauma, abuse, trans discrimination, disability discrimination, stroke
Hi! I'm Bri.
My partner and I are in our early 40s. We've both dealt with illness/disability, poverty and trauma for the vast majority of our lives, both developing C-PTSD as a result.
I was homeless as a teenager because my parents couldn't handle my queerness; we later ended up homeless together briefly, as queer, disabled adults. Neither of us has ever had a chance to know what it's like to be secure in our housing, so that we can heal and find peace and productivity in other ways.
When I met AJ, they had a job in social work and were making decent money, but they were living with their mother, who took over half of their paycheck for the privilege of having a roof overhead and being abused in a myriad of ways. Eventually, shortly before they began their medical transition, they were fired from their job because they'd gotten too butch and made people too uncomfortable. After a period of struggling to find another job, they ended up working at a gay men's dating website. They began medically transitioning while there, and they were fired for asking a manager for help when coworkers kept asking inappropriate questions about their genitals at work.
We've lived repeatedly in apartments that have made us sick, with landlords who would do nothing meaningful about mold, bedbugs, and other pest infestations. We've had housemates who didn't believe we were disabled, declared us lazy, and harrassed us the entire time we had to live with them. A housemate once screamed at me, causing a panic attack and cornering me under a table, blocking the room's exit because I fell behind on rent.
Over the past decade, we'd begun to find our way and slowly pull ourselves out of extreme poverty. I started a small business making jewelry. Over 10 years, I made and sold thousands of pieces, constantly increasing my skill and working with more precious materials. I had to work way too many hours and usually brought in less than minimum wage, but it was work that I could do on my own terms, with chronic pain and multiple chronic illnesses. AJ found a corporate WFH job, which they excelled at for 7 years, getting glowing reviews, raises, and more responsibility right up until they had multiple strokes and nearly died 3 years ago.
As you might expect, everything changed overnight. We spent 5 weeks living at Tacoma General; except for the few days I stayed home with a stomach bug, I only went home for a couple of hours a day to shower, cook for us, and do laundry. Then AJ spent 5 weeks at Good Samaritan rehab in Puyallup, where I was only able to spend a few hours every other night and had a couple of sleepovers so that the nurses could train me to take care of AJ when they came home. I continued to cook and bring all of their food, do all of their laundry, and pack up our entire apartment by myself in preparation for their homecoming.
Thankfully, there was a ground level apartment available in the building where we already lived, so I moved everything from our 3rd floor apartment down to the new ground level space. A couple of neighbors helped me with a few heavier items, but I moved everything else. A friend in the building charged us far too little to help with cleaning the old apartment.
I had to quickly move everything from our cluttered 400 square foot apartment, which housed both of us and a small business, into a 250 square foot studio. Three years later, I'm still working on giving away items that we haven't used in this apartment.
I've been AJ's full-time caregiver for over 2 1/2 years now. I'm so grateful that I'm able to do this, both physically and legally. It's hard, but it's the best job I've ever had, my supervisor is extremely flexible and understanding (hehe), and I wouldn't ever wish AJ the indignity of having a stranger come into their home to help with things like bathing and toileting. I sincerely hope that I am able to keep doing this as long as AJ needs the assistance.
The single most heartbreaking thing for me about our current living situation is that AJ doesn't have enough space to use their wheelchair. The chair makes it so much easier for AJ to get around than their walker. The space is also so tiny that their entire world most weeks is their half of an adjustable split king bed, the bathroom, and the 10' walk in between the bed and toilet.
We're both high risk for covid complications, and that was terrifying when we were dealing with deadlier strains. We self isolated for nearly 2 1/2 years and are finally starting to slowly, carefully reintegrate ourselves into the world... But our world has always revolved around our home because we're so chronically ill and disabled. We've never gotten out that much.
I just want us to have a safe, comfortable, accessible nest. And I want AJ's world to grow a few sizes, even when we're not well enough to get out much.
How do I expect to do this? Well, dear reader, I'm hoping that some of you will be willing to help me gather funds toward a down payment that will be sizable enough to give me actually affordable mortgage payments, despite living in Tacoma. I'd also be very open to a donation or discounted sale of land in a spot that would be both accessible and in a part of the city that would be safe for visibly LGBTQIA+ folks, with an emphasis on the T+. We'd be thrilled to connect with a contractor willing and able to give us a discount on a build or repairs, etc. If you have helpful skills and would be willing to help, please get in touch!
I love AJ so much, and they have been abandoned and traumatized so many times in the 4 decades they've been on this planet. In addition to having a home that is wheelchair accessible, I want to try to help their traumatized brain run out of excuses to be perpetually anxious that we will end up on the street again, so that they can finally learn what it's like to relax. Not that I'm much better at it, but I'm great at dissociating via books and that can get pretty close sometimes.
Anyway, loosely, that's the plan, or the hope. I know that I can get first time homebuyer's assistance, but there isn't much funding available per household in Tacoma, and today's interest rates are pretty steep when the suitable houses on the market are generally in the ~$400K range. I'm hoping to be able to gather many small bits of help and use them to manifest a home.
I've already opened a brand new savings account, and any donations received will be deposited straight into that account for costs related to buying a home. I will be happy to periodically show statements, receipts, etc. If we fail to find a solution for buying a home, funds may be used to help us afford to rent a truly accessible home, but we really don't want that to happen. If we are able to find our home and there are funds left over, they will be used to help pay for the extensive oral surgery we've both needed for years but couldn't afford. After that, anything remaining would be donated to help with short- and/or long-term housing solutions for disabled and/or unhoused folks. We really don't expect to have excess funds at all, but wanted to be clear about our intentions upfront, just in case we're blessed beyond our wildest hopes.
If you've read this far, thank you so much. If you're willing and able to make a donation or offer other help, I'd be so incredibly grateful. We're spiritual folks, dedicated to the goddess Brighid, and we also highly value prayer, Reiki, and other good mojo. Please feel free to also send these helpful energies our way, or on our behalf, and know that we appreciate it deeply.
With love, hope, and gratitude,
Bri
Hi! I'm Bri.
My partner and I are in our early 40s. We've both dealt with illness/disability, poverty and trauma for the vast majority of our lives, both developing C-PTSD as a result.
I was homeless as a teenager because my parents couldn't handle my queerness; we later ended up homeless together briefly, as queer, disabled adults. Neither of us has ever had a chance to know what it's like to be secure in our housing, so that we can heal and find peace and productivity in other ways.
When I met AJ, they had a job in social work and were making decent money, but they were living with their mother, who took over half of their paycheck for the privilege of having a roof overhead and being abused in a myriad of ways. Eventually, shortly before they began their medical transition, they were fired from their job because they'd gotten too butch and made people too uncomfortable. After a period of struggling to find another job, they ended up working at a gay men's dating website. They began medically transitioning while there, and they were fired for asking a manager for help when coworkers kept asking inappropriate questions about their genitals at work.
We've lived repeatedly in apartments that have made us sick, with landlords who would do nothing meaningful about mold, bedbugs, and other pest infestations. We've had housemates who didn't believe we were disabled, declared us lazy, and harrassed us the entire time we had to live with them. A housemate once screamed at me, causing a panic attack and cornering me under a table, blocking the room's exit because I fell behind on rent.
Over the past decade, we'd begun to find our way and slowly pull ourselves out of extreme poverty. I started a small business making jewelry. Over 10 years, I made and sold thousands of pieces, constantly increasing my skill and working with more precious materials. I had to work way too many hours and usually brought in less than minimum wage, but it was work that I could do on my own terms, with chronic pain and multiple chronic illnesses. AJ found a corporate WFH job, which they excelled at for 7 years, getting glowing reviews, raises, and more responsibility right up until they had multiple strokes and nearly died 3 years ago.
As you might expect, everything changed overnight. We spent 5 weeks living at Tacoma General; except for the few days I stayed home with a stomach bug, I only went home for a couple of hours a day to shower, cook for us, and do laundry. Then AJ spent 5 weeks at Good Samaritan rehab in Puyallup, where I was only able to spend a few hours every other night and had a couple of sleepovers so that the nurses could train me to take care of AJ when they came home. I continued to cook and bring all of their food, do all of their laundry, and pack up our entire apartment by myself in preparation for their homecoming.
Thankfully, there was a ground level apartment available in the building where we already lived, so I moved everything from our 3rd floor apartment down to the new ground level space. A couple of neighbors helped me with a few heavier items, but I moved everything else. A friend in the building charged us far too little to help with cleaning the old apartment.
I had to quickly move everything from our cluttered 400 square foot apartment, which housed both of us and a small business, into a 250 square foot studio. Three years later, I'm still working on giving away items that we haven't used in this apartment.
I've been AJ's full-time caregiver for over 2 1/2 years now. I'm so grateful that I'm able to do this, both physically and legally. It's hard, but it's the best job I've ever had, my supervisor is extremely flexible and understanding (hehe), and I wouldn't ever wish AJ the indignity of having a stranger come into their home to help with things like bathing and toileting. I sincerely hope that I am able to keep doing this as long as AJ needs the assistance.
The single most heartbreaking thing for me about our current living situation is that AJ doesn't have enough space to use their wheelchair. The chair makes it so much easier for AJ to get around than their walker. The space is also so tiny that their entire world most weeks is their half of an adjustable split king bed, the bathroom, and the 10' walk in between the bed and toilet.
We're both high risk for covid complications, and that was terrifying when we were dealing with deadlier strains. We self isolated for nearly 2 1/2 years and are finally starting to slowly, carefully reintegrate ourselves into the world... But our world has always revolved around our home because we're so chronically ill and disabled. We've never gotten out that much.
I just want us to have a safe, comfortable, accessible nest. And I want AJ's world to grow a few sizes, even when we're not well enough to get out much.
How do I expect to do this? Well, dear reader, I'm hoping that some of you will be willing to help me gather funds toward a down payment that will be sizable enough to give me actually affordable mortgage payments, despite living in Tacoma. I'd also be very open to a donation or discounted sale of land in a spot that would be both accessible and in a part of the city that would be safe for visibly LGBTQIA+ folks, with an emphasis on the T+. We'd be thrilled to connect with a contractor willing and able to give us a discount on a build or repairs, etc. If you have helpful skills and would be willing to help, please get in touch!
I love AJ so much, and they have been abandoned and traumatized so many times in the 4 decades they've been on this planet. In addition to having a home that is wheelchair accessible, I want to try to help their traumatized brain run out of excuses to be perpetually anxious that we will end up on the street again, so that they can finally learn what it's like to relax. Not that I'm much better at it, but I'm great at dissociating via books and that can get pretty close sometimes.
Anyway, loosely, that's the plan, or the hope. I know that I can get first time homebuyer's assistance, but there isn't much funding available per household in Tacoma, and today's interest rates are pretty steep when the suitable houses on the market are generally in the ~$400K range. I'm hoping to be able to gather many small bits of help and use them to manifest a home.
I've already opened a brand new savings account, and any donations received will be deposited straight into that account for costs related to buying a home. I will be happy to periodically show statements, receipts, etc. If we fail to find a solution for buying a home, funds may be used to help us afford to rent a truly accessible home, but we really don't want that to happen. If we are able to find our home and there are funds left over, they will be used to help pay for the extensive oral surgery we've both needed for years but couldn't afford. After that, anything remaining would be donated to help with short- and/or long-term housing solutions for disabled and/or unhoused folks. We really don't expect to have excess funds at all, but wanted to be clear about our intentions upfront, just in case we're blessed beyond our wildest hopes.
If you've read this far, thank you so much. If you're willing and able to make a donation or offer other help, I'd be so incredibly grateful. We're spiritual folks, dedicated to the goddess Brighid, and we also highly value prayer, Reiki, and other good mojo. Please feel free to also send these helpful energies our way, or on our behalf, and know that we appreciate it deeply.
With love, hope, and gratitude,
Bri
Best of luck, fellas!
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