I'm at the lowest point I've ever been...and it's still going to get worse. [TW]
I came out to my wife less than three months ago. Three months. In those three months she attended a total of three couples counseling sessions with me. As long as I did nothing verbally or visually in regards to transitioning, she was fine. Any mention of my transition, or anything purchased (like clothes) was met with arguing, fighting (verbally) and crying.
Last night after I got home from work: "oh, hey, I need to talk to you real quick." "What's up?" "Just wanted you to know that either tonight or tomorrow you're going to get served with divorce papers. I just didn't want you to be surprised." She left me alone while I cried, and a couple hours later the dogs started barking and I got a text that read, "you should get that." There was someone at the door. "Are you (deadname), husband of (wife's name)? I got served. I cried myself to sleep in the basement while she played with the kids, did their bedtime, watched HBO, and slept in what used to be our bed.
The last argument we had, she said that this (the marriage failing) was my fault because I lied to her (about who I am) for ten years, and if I hadn't come out we'd still be sharing a bed instead of fighting.
Ten years together, seven years of marriage, two kids together, and it's all been destroyed in a matter of months. For someone who said (in the beginning) that she wanted to support me in being my authentic self and that divorce was the last thing she'd ever want, she's sure said some fairly hurtful/hateful/phobic shit and jumped to divorce pretty quickly...without doing much to either support me or save the marriage.
After running out of tears, I read the divorce papers. According to these papers, she keeps the house, she doesn't pay alimony (huge pay gap between us), she has full and sole custody of the kids, and I pay her child support. Basically, she gets/keeps everything and I leave to start over with nothing.
It's taking all I can do to keep from crying in front of my kids today. But hey, on the bright side, she made me a coffee this morning.
So yeah, it's only going to get worse from here, because I can either walk away with nothing or fight her and her lawyers...which I know will not go well, because she's already said she shouldn't be punished for all the hard work she's done to get where she is, and it's not fair to make her pay me alimony, since she's done nothing wrong.
Fuck. My. Life. Fuck. What. Is. To. Come.