I don't feel like I can keep this rigorous dilation schedule going. I saw Dr Chettawut two months ago and lost an inch of depth while in Thailand. Even after coming home, I've lost a quarter inch of depth. Dilating is unpleasant, it breaks up my day, it's frustrating, it's painful, and I don't want to keep up with it. I don't feel like it's worth it, and I can't do this for another two years. I'm already doing the bare minimum to maintain depth, with only the number 1 dilator.
I got surgery because I wanted to get rid of my penis and testicles. SRS was the best way to achieve this. I'm happy I got SRS, and I love my vulva. I feel as though this love doesn't extend to my vagina. I'm not aware of it unless I'm dilating or in pain from walking too much, and dilating is unpleasant. I kind of would like to be able to have PIV sex, but it just doesn't seem worth it at this point. When Dr Chettawut asked me about possibly not achieving six inches of depth, I was unconcerned. That wasn't the point for me,
I've been saying I don't like my vagina since December. Right now I haven't dilated for 36 hours. I'm kind of disappointed that I won't be able to experience PIV if I stop dilating now, but I just don't see the reward being worth the pain. I think a small part of me will regret not being able to experience PIV, but ultimately it's not that important to me.
Anyway, I thought I'd post. I'd love to hear other peoples opinions. I kind of wish I had just have gotten surgery for non-cisnormative genitals, and not had a vagina created at all, but I doubt Dr Chettawut would have done that, had I been aware it was an option at the time.