That bra is disgusting as ever and that black and white rouched/elastic thing she’s worn for years is looking pretty grimy too. That, the greasy hair, dirty nails and black foot bottoms all show that her bathing situation, infrequent before, is now becoming impossible. That and she can’t walk for more than a step or two, (even though she lies and says walked a thousand steps before breakfast), and the pointing and laughing that she’s noticing in public is bringing her into reality.
She’s fighting back in her childish way. She buys things that normal women buy, she thinks. Only nobody needs a huge hygiene bag with fluffy dangling balls to hold a tampon. But Amber has to carry a diaper. So she buys what’s useful to her and pretends it’s a feminine thing we all need.
And it’s important that we know she can fit into something that is XXL, as it makes her feel normal-but she forgets the fact that it’s made huge (as all Target things are) and with dolman sleeves, and doesn’t fit her at all. It’s stretched so far that it’ll rip in a two pound gain.
She’s trying so hard to keep up her fantasy but it’s slipping away and even she can’t deny it. She knows now that she’s put herself into a dangerous and nearly irreversible situation but is not quite sure how to add this new piece into the puzzle of her being a generous person, being the pretty fat bubbly girl who could lose it any time she wanted. We’ve looked at her and seen a deathfat for years-it’s just now sinking in to her that this may be a real problem that leads to disability and death.
Her life is becoming untenable, yet she’s mentally incapable of blaming herself so the load gets put on Becky. Now Becky has to go to WW. She may read it and understand that unlimited KFC chicken is not 0 points, or she may not. Either way, she thinks, her girlfriend will get mad if she mentions it and she’s a dumbass, so why bother? Becky may follow the plan and she’ll feel better with a 20 lb weight loss and want to keep going, but Amber will be insanely hungry and needing company for restaurant trips and binges, and encouraging Becky to eat too much. She can’t eat alone, just like alcoholics and drug addicts don’t go it alone. Somebody else doing it makes them feel better about themselves. The constant yelling and crying and will cause Becky to quit too.
And then,she’ll hit 600 and it’ll all be Becky’s fault. However much Amber gains is on Becky. Becky will feel guilt and stick around to help Amber and end up changing diapers and sponge bathing, and Amber will be happy it’s not her fault. After all, she told Becky she didn’t want to have 3 servings of orange chicken, and Becky let her and had one of her own. Nobody understands or helps!
