- Joined
- Feb 6, 2013
I don't really speak up unless I have something to say that I think no one else would say or notice, which is why my post count will probably never rise about the single digits, but I would like to speak my mind here.
I've been following Chris's antics for years, more years than most. I found him (quite accidentally) when I was being stalked, sexually harassed and threatened by someone with autism and, as a filthy neurological normie, was attempting to understand the disorder. I quietly watched the early trolling days, seeing so much of my tormenter in Chris I absolutely delighted in every moment that brought his ego down, every online discussion about how fed up others were with his attitude and was relieved to know I wasn't alone or insane by being frustrated with that kind of behavior.
I never said a word, I never 'liked' a video, I never attempted to contact him, I would just come home after a long day of discussing my stalker's behavior with my professors and watch a video, read the outrage and breath a sigh of relief that I wasn't so alone.
Then my stalker hurt someone and was sent to a special group home.
I lost interest in Chris around that point. His antics were still amusing, but I no longer needed an outlet for my own fear and frustration. I didn't need to see someone else get picked on/get what he deserved (depending on your perspective) to feel better about myself or my situation. I kept watching, but now I wasn't watching Chris.
I was watching the in fighting, I was watching the trolls compete, I was watching all the cool kids dangle little bits of information over the heads of others and laugh as they snapped at it. I was watching people get possessive over Chris, over his information, over his videos. They loved to control him and the people watching him. It was so stupid, so horrifying and so goddamn fascinating.
That goddamn hierarchy. I've seen it in action, I've seen it speculated over, I've seen it lorded over people.
And I hated it, and loved it, more than I ever hated or loved anything Chris had done.
I actually may have had a chance to be part of it back in the day, when 'unnecessary piping' became a pretty big problem on the CWIKI. I had an email all typed out, ready to offer my resources of vbulletin and webspace to build a dedicated forum for all the speculating outsiders, I've done it before for other sites so it would have been pretty easy. But I didn't, and I'm so glad for that. I've watched numerous versions of this board come and go and I've watched each person who built said board either join the inner circle or become a slave to it.
To speak honestly, I dislike pretty much anyone who has ever had any 'power' over any Chris related material, or has been in a similar position (like a few members on here with 'their own' lolcow). I'm not saying they're bad people, hell some of them seem really nice, but after the first few years it was obvious that nothing could really help or change Chris for the better (and you'd have to be pretty naive or ridiculously optimistic to think otherwise) so really there was no 'noble' motivation to continue the trolling. Everyone left was just bullying or on a power trip, which I fully admit I found terribly fun and had absolutely no interest in discouraging even if I'd been in a position to do so.
Yeah yeah, I know, we're just documenting, not trolling. We're not the bullies etc etc. Trust me, I've been here long enough to have heard it all but lets call a spade a spade here; you don't call a kid fat and then justify it by pulling out several colour coded flow charts illustrating every moment in their lives they've eaten something that's over 200 calories and come out as the hero, even if they lose weight. You may be right, but you're still a jerk.
We're all still jerks.
So this announcement? It genuinely surprised me. I had to check the OP several times while reading through it to make sure I was seeing things right. Mostly because this is pretty much right on the heels of this:
This is the attitude I expect to see from anyone involved in the 'inner circle'.
This is nothing new.
This is the attitude I thank the Internet Gods each night that I have not adopted. So reading the OP, well, it was surprising of course to see that Null is, in fact, a multi faceted person who is more than the sum of their post history, which is always good news, but it leaves me with one lingering question and the reason for this 8 page essay I am now naming Chris and I: One Man's Journey into Internet Autism.
What the hell did you expect?
Everything else makes sense, given the entire "Christory", even this (seemingly) sudden public display of remorse, but I just cannot figure out what the hell any of the remaining/new 'inner circle' thought would happen if not this. You could see this coming years ago, hell, that's why most people walked away after that failed, pathetic attempt to start a lolcow war. Even in his moments of triumph back then he didn't have the heart or the energy to gloat like he used to, his lows got lower and his highs barely registered.
So what did you honestly expect to happen, if not this?
I've been following Chris's antics for years, more years than most. I found him (quite accidentally) when I was being stalked, sexually harassed and threatened by someone with autism and, as a filthy neurological normie, was attempting to understand the disorder. I quietly watched the early trolling days, seeing so much of my tormenter in Chris I absolutely delighted in every moment that brought his ego down, every online discussion about how fed up others were with his attitude and was relieved to know I wasn't alone or insane by being frustrated with that kind of behavior.
I never said a word, I never 'liked' a video, I never attempted to contact him, I would just come home after a long day of discussing my stalker's behavior with my professors and watch a video, read the outrage and breath a sigh of relief that I wasn't so alone.
Then my stalker hurt someone and was sent to a special group home.
I lost interest in Chris around that point. His antics were still amusing, but I no longer needed an outlet for my own fear and frustration. I didn't need to see someone else get picked on/get what he deserved (depending on your perspective) to feel better about myself or my situation. I kept watching, but now I wasn't watching Chris.
I was watching the in fighting, I was watching the trolls compete, I was watching all the cool kids dangle little bits of information over the heads of others and laugh as they snapped at it. I was watching people get possessive over Chris, over his information, over his videos. They loved to control him and the people watching him. It was so stupid, so horrifying and so goddamn fascinating.
That goddamn hierarchy. I've seen it in action, I've seen it speculated over, I've seen it lorded over people.
And I hated it, and loved it, more than I ever hated or loved anything Chris had done.
I actually may have had a chance to be part of it back in the day, when 'unnecessary piping' became a pretty big problem on the CWIKI. I had an email all typed out, ready to offer my resources of vbulletin and webspace to build a dedicated forum for all the speculating outsiders, I've done it before for other sites so it would have been pretty easy. But I didn't, and I'm so glad for that. I've watched numerous versions of this board come and go and I've watched each person who built said board either join the inner circle or become a slave to it.
To speak honestly, I dislike pretty much anyone who has ever had any 'power' over any Chris related material, or has been in a similar position (like a few members on here with 'their own' lolcow). I'm not saying they're bad people, hell some of them seem really nice, but after the first few years it was obvious that nothing could really help or change Chris for the better (and you'd have to be pretty naive or ridiculously optimistic to think otherwise) so really there was no 'noble' motivation to continue the trolling. Everyone left was just bullying or on a power trip, which I fully admit I found terribly fun and had absolutely no interest in discouraging even if I'd been in a position to do so.
Yeah yeah, I know, we're just documenting, not trolling. We're not the bullies etc etc. Trust me, I've been here long enough to have heard it all but lets call a spade a spade here; you don't call a kid fat and then justify it by pulling out several colour coded flow charts illustrating every moment in their lives they've eaten something that's over 200 calories and come out as the hero, even if they lose weight. You may be right, but you're still a jerk.
We're all still jerks.
So this announcement? It genuinely surprised me. I had to check the OP several times while reading through it to make sure I was seeing things right. Mostly because this is pretty much right on the heels of this:
This is the attitude I expect to see from anyone involved in the 'inner circle'.
This is nothing new.
This is the attitude I thank the Internet Gods each night that I have not adopted. So reading the OP, well, it was surprising of course to see that Null is, in fact, a multi faceted person who is more than the sum of their post history, which is always good news, but it leaves me with one lingering question and the reason for this 8 page essay I am now naming Chris and I: One Man's Journey into Internet Autism.
What the hell did you expect?
Everything else makes sense, given the entire "Christory", even this (seemingly) sudden public display of remorse, but I just cannot figure out what the hell any of the remaining/new 'inner circle' thought would happen if not this. You could see this coming years ago, hell, that's why most people walked away after that failed, pathetic attempt to start a lolcow war. Even in his moments of triumph back then he didn't have the heart or the energy to gloat like he used to, his lows got lower and his highs barely registered.
So what did you honestly expect to happen, if not this?
