Prison Letters Chris and Kengle Prison Letter Megathread

[The Last Stand]

what a terrible day to be literate

Get ready to be illiterate! Reading such gibberish should be a crime. This is actually harmful to people.

 

[Tikbalang]

It's a test, he said it before.
He wants to see if Joe is to be saved, or if he shall FAIL and burn forever.

Everything is a test of loyalty to Chris. They're not loyal to Chris to begin with, some don't even know him.

 

[Hongourable Madisha]

Those things aren’t part of his childhood the way christianity was. Maybe if there was a kid’s storybook version with bright pictures he’d glom on. But mainly it would have to be a cartoon.

I suppose that's Islam out then. Unless he draws Mohammad in his comics and opens that particular can of worms.

 

[Phalanges Mycologist]

Chris still doesn't understand what he did to his mom is serious business, and that it's best to keep anything regarding her low key or don't bring attention to it, but Chris loves attention, so fuck it. Where ever Chris goes, he needs to have it all, so obviously, while he's in jail, he needs to have everything. He should have is inmate account revoked because if it's anything like his bank account, once Chris gets money in, he will quickly spend it and beg for more, repeating the process.

He's going to be begging for the rest of his life, the moment people donated to him for doing nothing the instant and to him significant result so it sank in fast that's why he's begging and will continue to do so even if there is diminishing returns.

One thing I'm happy with is that they seem to be rationed so he can't buy a load of things and sit on them and the prices are high for what they are (especially considering prison pay), I'd like him to learn something from this but he wont, he'll just cost the US tax payer more than usual.

 

[Hogar Grupal]

Weens send Chris letters, Chris replies, the weens post the reply online, between 3-4 members of Kiwifarms with the ability to read sperg handwriting transcribe the letters to human-readable plaintext.

The SpedVinci Code.

 

[RodgerDodger]

How are people deciphering and obtaining these Chris jail letters?

You need to mail away for the secret decoder ring.

A-L-W-A-Y-S-D-R-I-N-K-Y-O-U-R-F-A-N-T-A

 

[Disgruntled Pupper]

The main thing I get from this is that Chris is terrified something will happen to his toy hoard. The possibility that it might go is the one thing that's gotten through to him, to the point he brings it up twice by asking people to help Barb pay the mortgage and then the ranting about how no one has permission to take from it and it better be untouched when he gets out. This makes me want to see the hoard go even more than I did, the tard tantrum would be amazing.

 

[King Kiwi]

I'm not happy with myself because I saw where Chris was asking people to think of Barbara...

And then he immediately follows it up with getting himself pardon and having things sent to him.

 

[Meat Pickle]

The two letters got me thinking: If Chris is Jesus and Null is Judas, then who would be the rest of the 12 Apostles?

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Chris thinking he has the power to judge souls shows just how bloated his morbidly obese ego has gotten.

 

[totallyrandomusername]

Is he allowed to have a manual typewriter. Not an electric one, truly manual? I mean, reading these letters is just painful.

 

[King Kiwi]

The two letters got me thinking: If Chris is Jesus and Null is Judas, then who would be the rest of the 12 Apostles?

We'll have to wait to find out when he mails Watermelon

 

[Norman B. Normal]

"Jail of Fail" confirmed canon, someone alert the CWCki.

 

[Pop-Tart]

• Hitler
• MLK
• Marque de Sade
• Nelson Mandela​
• Oscar Wilde​
• Fyodor Dostoevsky​
• Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
  
  Perhaps Chris has joined the long list of writers, many of whom argue their most influential writings were penned or thought of while behind bars. Time shall tell.​

 

[Phalanges Mycologist]

The main thing I get from this is that Chris is terrified something will happen to his toy hoard. The possibility that it might go is the one thing that's gotten through to him, to the point he brings it up twice by asking people to help Barb pay the mortgage and then the ranting about how no one has permission to take from it and it better be untouched when he gets out. This makes me want to see the hoard go even more than I did, the tard tantrum would be amazing.

I'd be intrested to know what happens to it know, it's doubtful that Barb will still be alive when he's released so I want to know how he'll react when the place get's taken over by the Bank and all his stuff is tossed away - He will scream with rage over his stuff being tossed more than he'll cry over Barb's passing.

Chris thinking he has the power to judge souls shows just how bloated his morbidly obese ego has gotten.

His ego is bigger than ALR and as pungent as as Nick Bates mouth.

 

[Black Simp Bellamy]

I feel like I'm reading a list of the next Smash roster.

 

[Epic Fail Man]

How are people deciphering and obtaining these Chris jail letters?

It was sent to Kengle himself. He posted it to his website no one uses and that's were I found it. I originally linked the site but my guess is that Null decided that he doesn't deserve an ounce of attention.

Which in the end Is his own fault since he could have posted it here himself(which I was hoping for), yet even when I asked him in another site that must not be named, he refused. So It's his fault for being autistic and now he wont get the attention he desperately seeks.

 

[Blarmed&Dangerous]

I'm more interested in what the other inmates think of him, and getting a... more lucid version of events. I'm sure there's some dude in there doing a few months for possession who would report back in exchange for some commissary money

 

[AntiSchwuletteAktion]

So Chris is personally telling the whole world to go to Barb's house and visit but if you steal anything you will be literally struck down by the soldiers of God?

 

[Blackhole]

I'm losing my spaghetti all over the place. Send paramedics.