- Joined
- Sep 26, 2021
Ah, going for the "retired upper class suburban empty-nester going on a Caribbean cruise with her midlife-crisis-having husband" look.
Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud
- Thread starter BILLY MAYS
- Start date
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2020
Tess got her hair cut! Nice LifeByJen & Chantal eye nose bridge fat roll coming in
All her hair gays are sick of her so she’s turning to reliable old $20 abuela cuts (no shame on abuela)
All her hair gays are sick of her so she’s turning to reliable old $20 abuela cuts (no shame on abuela)
- Joined
- Feb 21, 2016
Tess has gone all the way back to her roots, back to the rockabilly scene for her latest hair slave. And it turns out this abuela has been responsible for a few of her hairstyles lately. Guess the era of Ezra and his boyfriend doing her hair and makeup are coming to a close; probably she can't afford them and once again she exhausted her freebies (probably when they all went on vacation together).
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2021
This is probably autistic but the profile doesn’t list that she does color.
I’m sure she’s licensed to do color as a cosmetologist, but she puts a lot of emphasis on cut and style.
Basically my question is who’s doing her color and root touch ups now?
She stays pretty on top of those dark brown roots, and it’s not like her hamhocks have reach around her head.
- Joined
- Feb 21, 2016
Color has been relegated to Jonathan Van Ness's former salon assistant.
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2016
I love cosmologists who show how important hair and make-up is by giving no fucks about their own.
- Joined
- Feb 21, 2016
As of an hour ago, Tesa is still sitting alone in her bedroom staring at herself in the mirror, wearing a bra and spandex pants that don't fit. What a life.
- Joined
- May 2, 2020
I love that this rude as cunt has fallen from Jvn and Tony Medina (does queen dita von teese's hair) to this unknown.
Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha bitch.
Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha bitch.
- Joined
- Aug 28, 2019
Shit. Why did that phrasing hit so hard.
You're right. It's not a photo she took earlier on the way out to do something. She's not coming to or from something exciting. This is Tess, living in the moment, and it's an empty room.
Yeesh.
Oscar Winner
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 25, 2021
Operation Dumbo Drop is go...
- Joined
- Aug 28, 2019
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2017
I'd pay good money to see Tess trying so hard to squeeze her whale carcass into one seat, much like she tries to shove her 4X hippo ass into 3X clothes. Seeing her wince in agony for hours as the seat digs into her beefy sides while she struggles to suck her massive gut in would be worth the cost of the plane ticket.
I can just imagine this exchange happening on the flight:
*a stewardess sees Tess in visible pain as the arm rests act like vise grips around her*
"Excuse me miss, but it appears like your are not quite able to fit into a single seat. According to protocol, you'll have to purchase a second..."
"ARE YOU SAYING *GASP* THAT I AM *WHEEZE* FAAAAATTTTT? YOU NEED TO *GASP* GET YOUR EYES *WHEEZE* CHECKED BITCH BECAUSE I....
*Tess passes out from lack of oxygen*
I can just imagine this exchange happening on the flight:
*a stewardess sees Tess in visible pain as the arm rests act like vise grips around her*
"Excuse me miss, but it appears like your are not quite able to fit into a single seat. According to protocol, you'll have to purchase a second..."
"ARE YOU SAYING *GASP* THAT I AM *WHEEZE* FAAAAATTTTT? YOU NEED TO *GASP* GET YOUR EYES *WHEEZE* CHECKED BITCH BECAUSE I....
*Tess passes out from lack of oxygen*
- Joined
- Jan 30, 2021
! Whale ahoy! If the departures board is to be believed, tess should have landed by now.
I wonder where she is staying? with Olly? Airbnb or hotel? Airbnb and Olly may throw up a nice bonus of that homes/apartments here do not come with aircon. So we can look forward to ultra glowie dewy beauty to come if this is the case.
In celebration for Project London Harpoon, I thought I would gather some of the previous posts from her last britfag adventure.
How much weight do we think Tess has gained since this picture?
However it seems elevators cannot stand the burden
Feastings
TA DA END
Here is to the many many social media pictures for us to all laugh at
edit: serious imaging issues going on - apologies trying to fix
I wonder where she is staying? with Olly? Airbnb or hotel? Airbnb and Olly may throw up a nice bonus of that homes/apartments here do not come with aircon. So we can look forward to ultra glowie dewy beauty to come if this is the case.
In celebration for Project London Harpoon, I thought I would gather some of the previous posts from her last britfag adventure.
How much weight do we think Tess has gained since this picture?
Tess went on the underground, had to go sideways through the gate, complained the entire time about how hot it was.
NO! Omg those poor people: some folks were stuck in an elevator, in London, with a super morbidly obese piece of white trash known as Tess Holiday. And the whale is claiming she was traumatized by this.
Last time she was in London, she got some obliging friends to run out to Pret and by her lunch, which she then instagrammed. It was three packets of the same egg-mayo sandwiches (Pret claims them at just under 400 cals a pack) and three packets of crisps.
She confirmed it was all for her. Her lunch was a day's calories. Nearly 1200 calories in sandwiches and 450 or so in crisps. Lunch = 1600+ calories. Doubtless she also ate breakfast and dinner and 'snacks' that day too. Add in drinks too, you know she doesnt drink water."
She confirmed it was all for her. Her lunch was a day's calories. Nearly 1200 calories in sandwiches and 450 or so in crisps. Lunch = 1600+ calories. Doubtless she also ate breakfast and dinner and 'snacks' that day too. Add in drinks too, you know she doesnt drink water."
TA DA END
Here is to the many many social media pictures for us to all laugh at
Some guesses about possibility, staying in the oxford circus/kensington area. Maybe Shoreditch if Olly's. Places for gunt visits and the instagram would be sketch, sexy fish and kensington roof gardens. And E.London - then junkyard golf club. However since all these places cost money, she maybe she will just ruin and be disgusting in the museums which are almost all free. Also I doubt they do her food portions, so maybe it will be Burger King with the view over Eros Fountain?
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- Joined
- Aug 3, 2017
If she had to go sideways back then, now Tess is doing to have to be greased down with Crisco and then pushed through by three bodybuilders. Too bad she'll end up eating the whole can before they can finish lubing her up and then breaks down crying when the men shoot down her sexual overtures.Tess went on the underground, had to go sideways through the gate, complained the entire time about how hot it was.
- Joined
- Sep 26, 2021
No, what she needs is a trebuchet.
- Joined
- Jan 27, 2020
I feel it's one of those "the cobbler's children go barefoot"things.
Why would Abuela care about her appearance when she's going to work on 600lb trailer trash? As long as her rates are competitive she will never, ever be out of work in L.A
When you're a stylist to the rich and famous, it's different because your brand means so much more.
- Joined
- May 17, 2017
Those are interestingly framed airline pics...
We all know she used to scream about first class and photos from planes previous have tended to rather obviously show she's not in with the plebs. Yet these show nothing but her gigantic moonface, a load of grease and an alarming cant from the additional ballast she's providing.
Someone richer than me who flies regularly - does 1st have those overhead bins? And the seat looks to have just yer standard flat back, whereas aren't posh seats sort of curved round for privacy?
Poor ol TenTon surely hasn't been relegated to - gasp - the peasant section?
We all know she used to scream about first class and photos from planes previous have tended to rather obviously show she's not in with the plebs. Yet these show nothing but her gigantic moonface, a load of grease and an alarming cant from the additional ballast she's providing.
Someone richer than me who flies regularly - does 1st have those overhead bins? And the seat looks to have just yer standard flat back, whereas aren't posh seats sort of curved round for privacy?
Poor ol TenTon surely hasn't been relegated to - gasp - the peasant section?
- Joined
- Aug 15, 2016
It all depends on what airline she took. In some cases, first class is just the first couple rows of seats that have two seats per side instead of three. Others, you go left and you have a seat that has all kinds of options, including the ability to recline all the way back to the point where it’s like a bed. They all had overhead bins in my experience.
It’s hard to tell where Tubbers is at because even in the higher end first class I was describing before, she’s still not going to fit in the seat. Those first class seats often have a table to the side that’s part of a console you can’t remove. She’s going to have a rough ride regardless of where she ends up.
- Joined
- Jan 30, 2021
For the over head lockers - yes they are for all seats. For the first they tend to be numbered for each seat passenger. So your belongings are separated from others. Bear in mind airlines differe vastly. However for large aircraft for transatlantic flights this is far more likely.
If we take the departure board. She flew on BA280 lax to lhr direct. The plane is BOEING 777-300ER (twin-jet) (B77W). Which has first, business, premium economy and economy seats. First and business all have slanted seats. Premium and economy do not.
From experience I know that the vast majority of flights direct from LAX to lhr are run by either Virgin or British Airways and this plane is kinda the standard. BA also being generally rhe cheaper for premium classes as the vrigin stock is newer planes.
Edit @Tiny Clanger - the only thing we can tell is that when she toom the picture she wasn't in the exit /enter aisles as they don't have over head lockers.
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- Joined
- May 17, 2017
and @Fìddlesticks just comprehensively ninja'd that.
Just interesting she wouldn't flex being in 1st if she was, which makes me think she isn't. However, I'm glad to hear its likely to be horrible either way. Fashion Week is over here so obviously nobody was interested in watching her flatten the catwalk again so I wonder if this is even work?
"Boweh, Momma needs to go fat around Luuurndun. Ah left you a pile of crisps and sweeties an Ah might call if Ah remember. Yuh be a big boy now and look after thu house an Ah'll see yuh in a week's tarm." TenTon can't quite remember how old he is but she's pretty sure he's good to leave home alone by now. Ugh, bloody kids just need you forever...