Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Neko GF]

Archive (480p):

 

[Aaway]

Turkey necks marinated in diarrhea. Yum!

LOL

fatty clearly got triggered by people commenting "your arm works again!" on his reuploaded videos. i love how he puts on that saebo stretch device just for the intro to make it seem like he's actually doing something about it

1:04: "when god heals me, i promise to let you know"

 

[Laughingjoke2]

I think it's weird Garrett has based his whole life off teenage rebellion and has apparently succeeded, but it must piss Tammy off something royal. It proves her and Jack wrong!

"Get out of my house weed zombie!" -SEVERAL YEARS LATER- "Have some thousand dollar shoes, dad"

That image with Bloat Tongue Jack makes me wonder why Tammy isn't in retail management, that's the resting bitch face of someone who is dead inside.

The Cockatiel has more talent than Jack ever did.

I don't think Jack has the brain power to realize that people can like things he doesn't. It's either A- or D Seething.

The really sad thing about Garrett is he seems like a stand up guy. So if the next stroke doesn't kill Jack he's going to a nursing home. Tammy has checked out by her body language already and I don't blame her. So if Mushbrain ends up even more fucked up he's being shipped to one and unless he wants to be in some shit hole that takes any future SSI/SSDI he could collect it's Garrett who will end up stepping up and paying the bill. I mean junior ain't doing with 7/11 money.

 

[PeckingOrder]

I’m not the kind of person who likes giblets in the first place, but good lord. Those turkey necks don’t look edible, they look like the charred hacked off pieces of a burn victim,

 

[rubytintedchix]

If they didn’t end up being edible, Tammy could have used them as a Jim Traynor replacement.

 

[Chorton]

Look at the state of his arm:



At least he's ready for Halloween, it looks absolutely horrifying.

EDIT: Sounds like he has been reading the thread. He's acknowledging the stroke arm, answering questions from the audience trolls, parading around the Saebo, and admitting that his recipe failed.

 

[Aunt Myrna]

No measurements, no times, no temperatures. great recipe.
But I guess no one would want to make this when even Jack admits it's shit.

 

[Spasticus Autisticus]

LMAO he actually thinks he has new viewers. And he thinks people thought his arm got better. He lies to us about having movement in his arm, he's just "lacking fine motor skills", then says he's being honest with us. Never change, Jack.

Turkey necks are a "delicacy" now. "I have no idea what I'm doing here", OK, I guess he is being honest after all. Jack gives us a protip to check to make sure your meat hasn't gone bad before cooking it, I think we know what that means.

As usual, no measurements or proportions for the marinade. He uses ReaLime as the acidic component of the marinade but hardly puts any in there, so it's really just a fucked up brine. It's a good thing he didn't use much acid when "marinating" in that metal tin, which he "has no idea why" he's using. Then fucks up again by setting the necks on top of the marinade and pouring water over it. Fucking hell.

Jack is aroused by the phallic shape of the "beautiful" turkey necks. I've seen dog chews that look more appetizing. Jack skips over one that is burnt well done. Fatass can't even finish chewing before he poorly explains the method to eating turkey necks.

But wait! Jump cut to later and Jack admits the meat was tough and got dried out in the smoker. Yeah, maybe that's why your mom cooked them in acidic tomato sauce, Jack. A rare admission of failure from Jack, even though he kept his fake "mmm" and meat ahegao face in the final cut, nor do we get a shot of him trying the "rescued" product (not that it's worth much)

In memoria of the 15 turkeys that gave their lives for this abomination.

 

[a dinosaur]

And here's Jack's Smoked Turkey Necks video from six year ago, where he finishes them off by boiling them in his garbage teriyaki sauce and sweet chili sauce.

 

[Fatty2988]

Turkey necks marinated in diarrhea. Yum!

Does he really not realize all the people commenting that they thought his arm was healed by prayer are trolls?

 

[Adamska]

Turkey necks marinated in diarrhea. Yum!

Quick runthrough because this is gonna suck.

1. Jack opens up this shitshow with lying blatantly about his arm status due entirely to people being surprised by his lazy as fuck reuploads he does of videos from the pre-3rd stroke period. He uses the saebo wank glove to give his dead arm more motion than it usually does to pretend that he totally has some function back, and it's clear he's trying to recraft the lie he's remotely bothering with PT. He even is blatantly lying about admitting it was a stroke; oi mushbrain we can watch and chart how often you just called it "The accident".
2. Jack is super angy about people expressing fake surprise over his dead arm working in his lazy shitty and scummy reupload he only got away with with that "retro" banner he put on it to make it JUST different enough to get away with it. Jack also lets slip that he sort of is expecting and demanding Daddy-God heal his dead arm, making him as retarded as the Christian in the story who refused help until he drowned, and then was explained to by Peter how all that help he got WAS God doing that.
3. He's wearing the pumpkin shirt, Peter Blumpkin is back wishing for death, the Time to Eat Ya sign is still hidden, and the edible anal lube that is called Bacon Up is still out on his table. He still apparently has no shame in leaving out fuckloads of bacon grease that we know he uses when he gets anal rips or if he wants a snack. Bistro sign is still tilted upwards starboard, meaning we're going to have a baaaad time.
4. Jack is lying his fat ass off about how Mama Scalfani clearly used hobo cookin' to make turkey necks for him as a kid. Bullshit; you need a few necks to make any meal worth a shit (similar to chicken wings), and it'd mean you have a fuckload of turkeys to eat instead. It's far more efficient to use its meat from a neck to make a gravy for the far larger bird or for the cheap as hell potatoes that you serve with it.
5. Jack is lying blatantly about this being a delicacy he's imbibed. He's trying to lie so goddamn hard about how he's a good ol' boy from the south with this shit when he's a goddamn carpetbaggin' yankee from California. On top of that, any turkey neck dish I looked up was as a poorman's stew, and again it's much more common in gravy.
6. Apparently Mama Scalfani put turkey necks in her sauce. Absolutely fucking haram and another note in the "she actually hated jack" theory since I've never heard of this outside of that. Jack also reveals how he'll blow his mommy-wife's money on a bunch of them and will just hork them down.
7. Jack's marinade ingredients are essentially a bootleg chili sauce. Lime's the acid and tenderizer that adds bittersweet. The Chili powder adds smoke and a bit of heat. His seasoning he almost never uses provides the salt and pungeance of garlic. And lastly the Worcestershire sauce adds in umami and richness, even though it isn't traditional. Not something I'd have done given this is a southern dish, but it MIGHT work... if you balance out the flavors and dilute with a fluid.
8. For some goddamn reason Jack despite being a glutton still regularly experiences meat rotting and warns the audience about how to check for that. I guess it's because of all the 1 pound bag of bacon he straight up eats that he doesn't get around to it.
9. Jack plops a fuckload of chili powder and his seasoning before he has a quick flash of intelligence, questioning why the fuck he's doing that in a pan. He then says it's just what came to mind. As for my wrinkly brain... I'd say use a floppy bowl covered in clingfilm or a bag to let the meat marinate in it for a couple of hours.
10. Mushbrain editing strikes again with these long awkward shots of him struggling to pour both the lime juice and the Worcestershire sauce. He mentions using more water to dilute the mix.
11. The diarrhea marinade isn't even remotely mixed at all when Jack starts plopping the turkey necks into the tin pan. Have fun with uneven seasoning and flavor.
12. AND THEN JACK POURS THE WATER AFTER HE FUCKING PLOPS THE NECKS IN IT, PREVENTING AN EVEN MIX. CONGRATS JACK:

13. Jack takes the clammy and dead looking turkey necks out to his grill, entirely just to flex on us casuals because he had his filthy deck repainted and probably got the warped wall paneling removed. He also makes a comment about needing to clean the grill, meaning he probably got a bit angy over Rob or some other video pointing out he doesn't do that ever really.
14. Jack calls the clammy, clearly leeched of some flavor turkey necks "beautiful". I get the feeling he was a complete idiot and let them stew in that poo water for a good day or so. He then overcrowds his grill and is clearly getting ready to be super happy over all the turkey meat he will shove down his throat like a cock.
15. Jack comments that he's done and shown off turkey necks before, and so I decided to quickly look at what he did on his channel. He has done them twice, and actually has done the exact thing before. While I'll laugh at him for doing this out of that sadfag mindset of moping over when he was relevant, I'll give him this at least: he hasn't done a million of these videos like he did bacon cookers and chilis.
16. "But I never smoked them" ~ Jack Scalfani on his early on set dementia caused by strokes and diabetes
17. Jack decides to indulge and try to edumacate the viewers on how to eat a turkey neck. Well based on my google fu since it's not a common meal where I'm from, the magic trick is you strip the flesh off and then use it as a stew meat if you're actually eating it yourself. Jack's method probably does exist, but he's the only result I found.
18. Jack nibbles on the foreskin of the refried cock neck and this is now a part of the Gastrosexual healing segment because of how it looked. Jack's eyes roll up like a shark, he closes his eyes, and moos out a sensual and orgasmic "MMMM". I legit want to die now.
19. Oh what the fuck? Okay in what may be the most mushbrained editing I ever saw, Jack slams a second video at the end of this one, probably entirely to ensure he can get that next ad click.
20. HE ACTUALLY ADDED A "SORRY I DIDN'T DO A GREAT JOB" SNIPPET AT THE END TO LITERALLY TRY TO PROVE HIS HATERS WRONG JESUS CHRIST
21. Jack then decides to add in a secondary cooking bit where he recooks the dried out turkey by boiling it in spaghetti sauce in the pressure cooker he has. He zooms in on Steam Glove in that shot almost as a joke, which might actually be him being angy and trying to mimick Rob.
22. The funny thing is Jack, via doing the sauce gambit, is doing the exact thing that I said most people do. Turkey's a dry as fuck meat, and it doesn't do smoking well unless you constantly spritz it and lather it up. As for the spaghetti sauce he makes, it's your average bad sauce. He has the gall to say to not use paste when you know he won't let the sauce reduce at all due to it being pressure cooked. And no, this brainless walrus doesn't put any seasoning into the tomatoes. No oregano, no basil leaves, no salt, no pepper. None of the good fixins for a proper sauce.
23. Yep, he filmed steam glove because angy; he does an intentionally bad obtuse angle shot where it's poorly zoomed in on the Blumpkin and to hide showing him using the glove. Also he cooked that shit for 20 minutes, which is nowhere near enough time to break down the acids in the tomato or to fucking reduce.
24. Jack bleats in pride over the turkey falling apart as he grabs it. That's a sign that it's so overcooked that the muscle itself collapsed and fell apart. I expect it to be dry as dogshit. He ends it by saying just add salt, which is way too late.

This was funny; he made this as an angy spite video.

 

[A Duck Selling Lemonade]

1:04: "when god heals me, i promise to let you know"

Jack is super passive-aggressive. It's not a good trait for a male.

 

[Cantaloupe Nuts]

It took me a solid 5 minutes to figure out what was going on with Tammy's hand. I thought she was holding the mouse weird, but she's just left handed. I swear the Scalfanis are fucked up in literally every conceivable way a person can be.

Left handeds are devil spawn, barely fit to walk this earth. Half souls, creatures of the sewer, they cause cringe whereever they roam. Fucking hate the left handeds. They make the wrong scissors, cause trouble everywhere. They ask for ambidextrous mouses that feel like they are made for doll hands. Soft hands. Weak baby devil bitches

 

[jerkstore]

Look at the state of his arm:

View attachment 2649374View attachment 2649375

At least he's ready for Halloween, it looks absolutely horrifying.

EDIT: Sounds like he has been reading the thread. He's acknowledging the stroke arm, answering questions from the audience trolls, parading around the Saebo, and admitting that his recipe failed.

my grandfather on my dad’s side had a stroke shortly after retiring (close to when i was born, so i only ever knew him post-stroke) that paralyzed the entire right side of his body permanently. none of his limbs EVER looked like that. quite frankly, stroke or not, that arm looks a lot like what my surgeon father eventually has to amputate due to diabetes. obviously i am no medical professional, but something beyond the strokes has to be going on with that arm. it should NOT be purple. definitely reminiscent of limbs that are eventually amputated due to diabetes.

edit: this is very early-stage, but in actual cases of diabetes amputation, this is sorta how it starts. then gangrene slowly manifests in the fingers on up. like i said, i am NO medical professional and should assume if jack is regularly seeing physicians they would have caught it if it was that, but idk. that’s definitely not just stroke arm.

 

[p1138]

my grandfather on my dad’s side had a stroke shortly after retiring (close to when i was born, so i only ever knew him post-stroke) that paralyzed the entire right side of his body permanently. none of his limbs EVER looked like that. quite frankly, stroke or not, that arm looks a lot like what my surgeon father eventually has to amputate due to diabetes. obviously i am no medical professional, but something beyond the strokes has to be going on with that arm. it should NOT be purple. definitely reminiscent of limbs that are eventually amputated due to diabetes.

edit: this is very early-stage, but in actual cases of diabetes amputation, this is sorta how it starts. then gangrene slowly manifests in the fingers on up. like i said, i am NO medical professional and should assume if jack is regularly seeing physicians they would have caught it if it was that, but idk. that’s definitely not just stroke arm.

Well of course it's not just stroke arm. His fatass is diabetic, his arm is atrophied and doesn't get any blood flow which is already likely very poor due to a garbage filled cardiovascular system, and we know even though he supposedly does his "KETO!" crap that he's still shoveling down sugar every chance he gets. No one other than maybe Jack assumes the state of his arm is entirely just from a stroke. His arteries probably look like cross section of a sewage pipe constricted down to nothing due to grease.

 

[ZipDisk]

Left handed people should suck it up and learn to use their right hands. Yeah they'll always suck at it, but the world is built the opposite of their natural inclinations.

I have an aunt who blames her woes on being left handed, her real problem is she's an insufferable drunk.

I wish Jack would stop doing turkey necks, it's disturbing, like a tin foil bin full of chestbursters.

Stick a few wiggling tentacles on gimp arm and Jack's on his way to being nemesis for halloween. Did the saebo device fuck him up worse? Looks like it really dug in some grooves there.

There's a scene at the end of the first Mila Resident evil where the dude's arm goes all mutant, so they ship him to the nemesis program.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TR_GrVFqA2Y (You only need the first ten seconds.)

 

[jerkstore]

Well of course it's not just stroke arm. His fatass is diabetic, his arm is atrophied and doesn't get any blood flow which is already likely very poor due to a garbage filled cardiovascular system, and we know even though he supposedly does his "KETO!" crap that he's still shoveling down sugar every chance he gets. No one other than maybe Jack assumes the state of his arm is entirely just from a stroke. His arteries probably look like cross section of a sewage pipe constricted down to nothing due to grease.

which is why i have to assume he’s not seeing physicians regularly. he’s in a shit tier state and doing nothing about it.

 

[p1138]

Left handed people should suck it up and learn to use their right hands. Yeah they'll always suck at it, but the world is built the opposite of their natural inclinations.

I have an aunt who blames her woes on being left handed, her real problem is she's an insufferable drunk.

I wish Jack would stop doing turkey necks, it's disturbing, like a tin foil bin full of chestbursters.

Stick a few wiggling tentacles on gimp arm and Jack's on his way to being nemesis for halloween. Did the saebo device fuck him up worse? Looks like it really dug in some grooves there.

There's a scene at the end of the first Mila Resident evil where the dude's arm goes all mutant, so they ship him to the nemesis program.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TR_GrVFqA2Y (You only need the first ten seconds.)

The saebo thing probably doesn't do shit in place of proper physical therapy that he clearly refused to do. Yeah, he probably put it on tight but because he doesn't get any blood flow to that arm, the marks stayed way longer than they would have on a normal person.

And yes, the turkey neck thing is fucking ridiculous. It's probably worse than eating chicken feet(yeah, that's a thing, don't let Jack know).

which is why i have to assume he’s not seeing physicians regularly. he’s in a shit tier state and doing nothing about it.

Of course he isn't. He never made any progress, if anything he's consistently gotten worse over time. Hell, we're even at the point where we assume he's already had a third stroke because a while back he described a stroke, assumed it wasn't, and didn't bother see a physician. He's never mentioned any doctors visits, but did his little saebo series where he probably got a recommendation for the bare minimum used it for 2 weeks, made a handful of videos, and likely never touched the shit again until now. And could you imagine the shock on any physicians face if he described his current diet? Holy shit.

 

[EvilDroid64]

At the end of the video, we get a view from Jack's usual perspective. The lights and camera gear are gone. He's probably been reading our comments about how that shit is always in his "studio." At 9:20, a familiar friend shows up!

Fatass just moved Piggy from one side of the kitchen to the other.

 

[the khat quaffer]

Eh...my first Benihana experience was when I was in high school. Dated the daughter of one of the franchise owners, so he'd comp us dinner every time there was a school dance or something. I remember more about the Benihana than the girl I was dating at the time.

Did you at least remember to mark her arm?

Spoiler: For the uninitiated

LOL

fatty clearly got triggered by people commenting "your arm works again!" on his reuploaded videos. i love how he puts on that saebo stretch device just for the intro to make it seem like he's actually doing something about it

1:04: "when god heals me, i promise to let you know"

"when god heals me"

Arrrrrrgh. God helps people that help themselves you stroke-brained mong. This is fucking why you're getting worse and worse as time goes on because you think your sky daddy will just come down and fix everything for you.

Little does it matter, your arm is never coming back. The best you can hope for at this point is to lose weight and stop gorging on meat and salty foods 24/7 so you can stave off the myriad of health issues already knocking at your door. Maybe learn humility and how to be a decent person in public, and learn to encourage and help your kids in their endeavors. And probably abandon your youtube career, which is already as dead as the dodo bird.

Look at the state of his arm:

View attachment 2649374View attachment 2649375

At least he's ready for Halloween, it looks absolutely horrifying.

EDIT: Sounds like he has been reading the thread. He's acknowledging the stroke arm, answering questions from the audience trolls, parading around the Saebo, and admitting that his recipe failed.

Jesus fucking Christ, his arm is so shiny and pink. It's "Breast Cancer Awareness month" all year at Casa del Scalfo.