Culture Sorry, But Buzz Lightyear Is Hot Now

The Cut (Archive) - October 28, 2021
by, Mia Mercado

Buzz Lightyear is back, baby! And this time? He fucks! Yesterday, Pixar dropped the teaser trailer for its forthcoming animated feature Lightyear. As its name suggests, the movie will be about everyone’s favorite little astronaut man, Toy Story’s Buzz Lightyear. However, the film will introduce us to human Buzz Lightyear, the person whom the toy is based on, following his origin story and why he was eventually memorialized in toy form. It’s a little confusing. Please try to keep up.

Lest you balk at the idea of a hot Buzz Lightyear — which is rude as the OG Buzz Lightyear is also handsome in his own right — the person voicing our space-bound prince is none other than Chris “guard that pussy” Evans. If Chris Evans is involved, the project is horny. Thus the new Buzz Lightyear is gonna be a little freaky. Sorry, I do not make the rules.

This, of course, means that Tim Allen will not be voicing Buzz Lightyear as he did in the Toy Story movies. While Disney hasn’t yet explained the casting choice, nor do I think it ever will, some have speculated it may have something to do with Allen’s conservative political views. Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that, in 2017, Allen said being a conservative in modern-day Hollywood is comparable to living in Nazi Germany. Hmmm … moving on!

You may look at this new Buzz Lightyear and think, But his chin, though. To which I say, what about it? We love a man with a defining feature! Gimme that big ol’ chin. Also, look at this tousled hair! Buzz, have you been hiding that under your little purple cap all this time?

Evans tweeted his excitement about being a part of Lightyear, saying, “I’m covered in goosebumps.” Same, babe. Same.

Lightyear comes out June 17, 2022. Until then, you can spend your time thinking about that itty-bitty chin dimple.

 

[Alexander Thaut]

Lest you balk at the idea of a hot Buzz Lightyear — which is rude as the OG Buzz Lightyear is also handsome in his own right — the person voicing our space-bound prince is none other than Chris “guard that pussy” Evans. If Chris Evans is involved, the project is horny. Thus the new Buzz Lightyear is gonna be a little freaky. Sorry, I do not make the rules.

never have i had such a strong desire for murder

 

[The Mass Shooter Ron Soye]

Gays are cringe.

 

[DoomsdayElite]

Buzz Lightyear is back, baby! And this time? He fucks!

I hope you get brutally fucking murdered. Head in the microwave, tits on the ktichen table, vulva nailed to your mailbox brutal.

 

[A Welsh Cake]

He’s not even an Asian XX chromosome woman what is this author talking about

 

[Tasty Tatty]

I removed all the gayness:

Buzz Lightyear is back, baby!​

​

Yesterday, Pixar dropped the teaser trailer for its forthcoming animated feature Lightyear. As its name suggests, the movie will be about everyone’s favorite little astronaut man, Toy Story’s Buzz Lightyear. However, the film will introduce us to human Buzz Lightyear, the person whom the toy is based on, following his origin story and why he was eventually memorialized in toy form.​

​

The person voicing our space-bound prince is none other than Chris Evans. This, of course, means that Tim Allen will not be voicing Buzz Lightyear as he did in the Toy Story movies. While Disney hasn’t yet explained the casting choice, nor do I think it ever will, some have speculated it may have something to do with Allen’s conservative political views. Evans tweeted his excitement about being a part of Lightyear, saying, “I’m covered in goosebumps.”​

​

Lightyear comes out June 17, 2022.​

Gays are cringe.

Yes.

 

[OvercookedBacon]

Bucky and Sam. Loki. The Teletubbies. Now Buzz Lightyear. Who's next?

 

[Screw Danlon]

While Disney hasn’t yet explained the casting choice, nor do I think it ever will, some have speculated it may have something to do with Allen’s conservative political views. Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that, in 2017, Allen said being a conservative in modern-day Hollywood is comparable to living in Nazi Germany. Hmmm … moving on!

Or maybe it has to do with the fact that those movies are nearly 20 years old and his voice doesn’t really sound the same anymore?

Also, I like how the first sentence basically proves that he’s right in his comparison. Hmm... Moving on before we think about that…

 

[ToroidalBoat]

I removed all the gayness

Clown journos are like "Chris Chan": they always say so little with too much?

 

[Idiotron]

Sadly, this is an ad.
This is where we are in advertising, hiring hack tabloid journos to write filthy smut about cartoons.

 

[That Chris Guy]

The character still looks like a fuck-ugly doll designed to be exaggerated in style. It's just an article by a fag cooming over Evans.

Also, obligatory:

 

[whatever I feel like]

This, of course, means that Tim Allen will not be voicing Buzz Lightyear as he did in the Toy Story movies. While Disney hasn’t yet explained the casting choice, nor do I think it ever will, some have speculated it may have something to do with Allen’s conservative political views. Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that, in 2017, Allen said being a conservative in modern-day Hollywood is comparable to living in Nazi Germany. Hmmm … moving on!

Or it could be that Allen is a comedian and they wanted a non-comedic actor for the role. Not that it matters, ignore all post-3 Toy Story media anyway. They'll stop if you stop giving them money.

 

[Ishtar]

In ten years, nostalgia will be measured in what happened last year, twenty last six months, thirty the last ten minutes.

Like Holy Shit is our culture stagnant.

 

[OvercookedBacon]

In ten years, nostalgia will be measured in what happened last year, twenty last six months, thirty the last ten minutes.

Like Holy Shit is our culture stagnant.

It's like it started grinding to a halt around 2000 and finally stopped around 2010, from my admittedly limited viewpoint anyway.

 

[Ishtar]

It's like it started grinding to a halt around 2000 and finally stopped around 2010, from my admittedly limited viewpoint anyway.

Personally I think its a consequence of the End of History narrative, and the breakdown of secularized eschatology.

You see when people don't believe there is green grass over the horizon, just more dirt than there is nothing to look forward, too they can only dream of the grass they remember.

Maybe I'm a retard, but something about late modernity itself, and the collapse of any sort of unifying metanarrative, namely where and what we are as a civilization, where we came from, and where we are going, has led to a crisis of true belief. That is no one really believes that anything will change, can change, and that the current order, and the current foundations of that order will last forever, when these things themselves have proven empty, but there is no alternative because of how encompassing these norms are-and by that I mean liberal secular democratic capitalist consumer society.

^No one, no one can truly imagine a world that is different. Nor can anyone really put such a world into being.

Also exhaustion, the future is shit and the present sucks, so the past as we remember it, is the only place of solace.

Autistic ramble aside, its reflective of deep problems at the heart of 21st century civilization.

 

[Sailor]

Didn't Toy Story come out in like 1995? Who cares? The people who watched Toy Story are all grown up and should know better. This is just showing how dead our culture really is. Oswald Spengler was right, The West is truly dead and nothing can stop the decay

 

[Red Hood]

I mean if you're into Robert Z'dar face, more power to you.

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

 

[Creep3r]

It never ends this shit.

Also I thought Buzz Lightyear had curly hair? Aw fuck it, I expect this movie to be as bad as the Cars sequels anyway.

 

[Milwaukee Macho Man]

Buzz Lightyear is back, baby! And this time? He fucks! Yesterday, Pixar dropped the teaser trailer for its forthcoming animated feature Lightyear. As its name suggests, the movie will be about everyone’s favorite little astronaut man, Toy Story’s Buzz Lightyear. However, the film will introduce us to human Buzz Lightyear, the person whom the toy is based on, following his origin story and why he was eventually memorialized in toy form. It’s a little confusing. Please try to keep up.

Lest you balk at the idea of a hot Buzz Lightyear — which is rude as the OG Buzz Lightyear is also handsome in his own right — the person voicing our space-bound prince is none other than Chris “guard that pussy” Evans. If Chris Evans is involved, the project is horny. Thus the new Buzz Lightyear is gonna be a little freaky. Sorry, I do not make the rules.

Fuck this gay ass Earth.