11/06/2021 Ethan Ralph Totaled His Car - Hard to drive with hooves.

[TwoDollarPeePeePooPoo]

I initially (and likely correctly) proposed that Ralph crashed his car but I’ve created a short list of possibilities starting from the most obvious.

1) Documented habitual distracted driver Ethan Ralph had his eyes on his phone screen instead of the road and ran a red light.

2) Being a morbidly obese man who recently had to sit in the ER for a heart attack had another “cardiac incident” causing him to lose control of the car. He shouldn’t have flown so soon.

3) The ghost of Sandra Ralph took control of the car and started driving herself to dialysis.

 

[RodgerDodger]

Place your bets! Was he
A) under the influence
B) on his phone
C) seething so hard that he was in a blind rage

Why not all 3?

 

[bajagoogoo]

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"There's a VERY slight chance they fix my car, since it's a 2020"

It doesn't matter what year the car is. Insurance companies don't bother with a total loss.

"I had some slut I was fu... tutoring...back in high school"

Can someone explain to me why Ralph, Wings and Boogie insist on perpetuating the delusion that they're all living in a 1990's teen drama?

 

[RodgerDodger]

I would say the child is currently not guilty.
Innocent? I wouldn't go that far.

Hmmm?

 

[Lachelt]

Jesus Ralph, take a fucking break dude and not the going to Vegas for the fourth time kind of break srsly you're going to die before thanksgiving at this rate.

 

[Kulee Baba]

Jesus Ralph, take a fucking break dude and not the going to Vegas for the fourth time kind of break srsly you're going to die before thanksgiving at this rate.

Convenient way to avoid raising two kids though. I mean one child since Ralph has no rights over his bastard child lol.

 

[PS2 Kiryu]

Heart attack AND guntmobile wreck within the same week. Vegas was quite the inspiration for him, The Ralphasigmale is doubling down on the fuck up lotto

 

[Butwhythough]

Lmao Ralph got in a car accident. He shouldn't be driving in his condition, his heart could blow out like the sides of a tire at any moment.

Edit: spelling and grammar

 

[HarveySperg41]

Airbags deployed and frame is bent. Both causes for insurance to claim a total loss.

Hope fatty got gap insurance if he has a car loan.

 

[Pizdec]

Is it bad that my mindset on this is not so much lol Ralph crashed his car because he's a distracted driver, but more so wow, it's finally happened. After many years of drunk and distracted driving, the functional alcoholic has finally crashed his car after pushing his luck for so long.

 

[Spergichu]

I couldn't help myself.

 

[Jeff Gerstmann]

Can someone explain to me why Ralph, Wings and Boogie insist on perpetuating the delusion that they're all living in a 1990's teen drama?

The 90's are when they stopped maturing.

 

[zettalow]

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Good god, who writes like this and doesn't feel the cringe?

 

[TherapyMan]

Why not all 3?

Why is there no poll?

 

[AntiSchwuletteAktion]

Think of all the people who die in car crashes every year. How can I make a deal with the devil to trade a soul for a soul? There's probably a nobel prize winner or navy seal we could bring back

 

[SandyCat]

Can someone explain to me why Ralph, Wings and Boogie insist on perpetuating the delusion that they're all living in a 1990's teen drama?

Probably a combination of manchildren syndrome and those are the only "glory days" they had so they hold onto it for the rest of their life

 

[deputydogshit2.0]

Considering he probably has shit credit, he'll probably have trouble financing another Nissan.

I bet he’s upside down on his car loan. He probably is too cheap/stupid to have gap insurance. The insurance company will only pay what the car is worth, not what he owes. He’s going to be one of those schmucks who has to roll an old balance into a new car loan. $600 payment on a frigging Nissan Sentra or something like that

 

[zettalow]

I bet he’s upside down on his car loan. He probably is too cheap/stupid to have gap insurance. The insurance company will only pay what the car is worth, not what he owes. He’s going to be one of those schmucks who has to roll an old balance into a new car loan. $600 payment on a frigging Nissan Sentra or something like that

Imagine being too proud to buy a nice used Civic or even a Lexus for 5 grand, but too poor to buy an actual nice new car. Would not want to be the gunt here.

 

[Chris Mclean]

This is 100% the type of “deal” Ralph got. It’s really the only type financing white trash like Ralph can get - predatory loans for bad credit risk morons.

What gets me is thats not the car you would expect Ralph to drive. It dosent fit his type. Its not flashy or fast. Its not even particulary reliable.
What is even is that ricer, was it more important for him that it was new or something?

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This proves how much of a loser Ralph was in highschool. The type of chicks that would let Ralph hit in his particular geographic area are the loose trashy rednecks teen mom types.
But they sure as hell aren't gonna be impressed with your moms ford focus. They want a car with a big subwoofer in the back and speakers for days and fresh interiors with leather seats. They want a car where a guy looks like hes put in a lot of time in to it. Volvos, old caddies, anything german. I don't know if its as much the car as they want a man that likes to dick around with cars.

 

[The Big Dream]

With all these recent attempts to take Ralph out, I'm starting to believe Christ really is Kang.