Inactive Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka - Deadbeat (emphasis on "Dead") founder of Something Awful, forced out of his own community, on his second divorce, stuck his dick in crazy, "Birth Giver"

[AmpleApricots]

Don't forget that lowtax was a massive liar who didn't mind telling whatever he thought would be best for him in that moment. That figure might be true, it might also be true that he never was approached. We will never know. That he whined about it repeatedly makes it more likely, though.

You could've given lowtax 13, 130, or 1300 million dollars and he would've still been a broke fuck now. The only thing more money could've possibly achieved for him was killing him sooner.

 

[Hopkinsville Goblin]

Man, it would have been great if Lowtax turned himself into a vegetable, but I guess we'll have to settle for death. Beggars can't be choosers, I guess.

Nah, I don't want anyone to be a vegetable. Someone has to take care of them, and if you just let them die naturally it can become a big controversy.

 

[Ebonic Tutor]

Lowtax was in that? I remember Gandalf the Grey, and Gandalf the White, and Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Black Knight, and Benito Mussolini, and the Blue Meanie, and Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie, Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, Darth Vader, Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger, Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan, Spock, the Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan, as well as Chuck Norris, but not Lowtax.

He's in the background punching Ebaum on to the ground.

 

[White Devil]

You could've given lowtax 13, 130, or 1300 million dollars and he would've still been a broke fuck now. The only thing more money could've possibly achieved for him was killing him sooner.

He might have died happier too, leaving less of a shitty wake behind him.

 

[Ghostse]

I don't get why people think more money would have been the solution to Rich's problems. Especially seeing how badly he handled the little bit of fame and fortune he did receive from Something Awful.

It clear wouldn't. Even in 2019 when he was being forced off his forum, he was netting $3K/mo from just the forum, and over 10K in ad revenue. This also forgets the $10-15,000 he was getting from patreon before he beat his bipolar girlfriend and the mods with their presharpened knives gutted that.

It was enough income to live comfortably in bumfuck Missouri. He could have gotten any part time job and lived like a goon king. Fuck, he could have gotten a volunteer job with a non-profit just to write off his hours and been fine.

Lowtax wasted so much fucking money. Money would never have solved Lowtax's issues.

 

[Shrekking Crew]

Lowtax was just a lazy whirlwind of a man who who didn't give a shit about anything and did nothing and a man who didn't give a shit about anything and abused his spouses. Dude was a rock standing in the middle of a rushing river and would never relent while at the same time doing nothing but really just existing. It's strange that money motivated him to kill himself when he was never motivated enough to make some real money. He just cracked jokes that stoned re.tards would laugh at all day and slide deeper into the pit he'd dug for himself. What an amazing asshole. RIP Lowtax you fucking stupid prick. You douche. Maybe the internet won't miss you. But I will.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

I don't understand why Lowtax ever got married and had kids in the first place. He doesn't have a single domestic bone in his body and never has. He should have spent his life as that purpetually single fuck-off dude who never quite grows up and spends his days goofing off, doing drugs, and fucking hookers. God knows he had the money for that lifestyle. I can only surmise Momtax and maybe Dadtax pressured him hard to settle down like a real man and produce an heir, but that doesn't explain why he did it all again with Maplewife after the disaster that was Chinkwife.

Megan got pregnant while they were dating and they got married as a result of that IIRC. Second babies are commonly “whoops” babies, esp ones born with 15 months of the first baby which was the case with Megan & Lowtax.

I don’t think Lowtax wanted more kids after his divorce, but Ashli ended up pregnant three months after they got married. From some stories Ashli shared during her pregnancy you certainly got the idea that Lowtax was resentful and it only got worse after the baby was born

I don’t really think Lowtax wanted kids per se but he made three. Not exactly an unusual situation for some men. He got his girlfriend pregnant so had to “do the right thing.” and got married.

With Ashli the only way she could come live with him in Missouri was if they got married so she could get a spousal visa. I sort of thought that if Ashli was an American citizen they would have just moved in together, not married. Then she’s pregnant within three months, what’s he going to do? I definitely think Lowtax wanted his new Canadian wife to devote her time to him, not a baby.

 

[A Man on Fire]

Way late, ultra gay.

I have a weird perspective, I’m about LT’s age and I never knew about him or was very online with any board scene in the 00’s-10’s. Most I heard about him was the Shmorky stream and the Logan Day interview. 100% newfag/Gen-Xer.

It seems to me that @Null has taken the proper lesson from Mr. Kayanka and numerous exceptional online individuals and is actively taking steps to not fall into these traps.

 

[The golden neckbeard]

What do you guys think Rich is doing in Hell right now?

What's his torment? Forced to relive the Uwe Boll fight for eternity? Infinite rejection from pussy? A box of wine that cannot be opened?

Just curious on your thoughts here...so much creative shit for Satan to work with.

Way late, ultra gay.

I have a weird perspective, I’m about LT’s age and I never knew about him or was very online with any board scene in the 00’s-10’s. Most I heard about him was the Shmorky stream and the Logan Day interview. 100% newfag/Gen-Xer.

It seems to me that @Null has taken the proper lesson from Mr. Kayanka and numerous exceptional online individuals and is actively taking steps to not fall into these traps.

@Null is infinately smarter than Rich but will never know the touch of a real woman.

 

[Dyn]

What do you guys think Rich is doing in Hell right now?

What's his torment? Forced to relive the Uwe Boll fight for eternity? Infinite rejection from pussy? A box of wine that cannot be opened?

Just curious on your thoughts here...so much creative shit for Satan to work with.

Satan is just reading this thread to him out loud.

Forever.

 

[spinal gas chamber]

What do you guys think Rich is doing in Hell right now?

What's his torment? Forced to relive the Uwe Boll fight for eternity? Infinite rejection from pussy? A box of wine that cannot be opened?

Just curious on your thoughts here...so much creative shit for Satan to work with.

He’s upgrading hell to XenForo 2.0.

E: his qualifications!

 

[Mola Ram]

What do you guys think Rich is doing in Hell right now?

What's his torment? Forced to relive the Uwe Boll fight for eternity? Infinite rejection from pussy? A box of wine that cannot be opened?

Just curious on your thoughts here...so much creative shit for Satan to work with.

He's been named a forum moderator at RPG.net.

And he has to room with them.

 

[Computer Guardian]

It's a shame Lowtax won't be able to see his thread hit 900 pages, I could imaging how he would have felt now that he's in Hell.

 

[Stan]

 

[Autistic Joe]

He's been named a forum moderator at RPG.net.

And he has to room with them.

How is that a punishment fit for Hell? He loves tranny jannies....

 

[Mola Ram]

How is that a punishment fit for Hell? He loves tranny jannies....

Perhaps I've mistaken my own hell for his.

 

[steel-eel]

I hate to sound like an edge-lord and I want to let people know in advance I usually don't say shit like this, but I hope he rots in Hell.

 

[Rapechu]

But that's weaksauce and boring. You don't want your suicide to be lame, now do you?
Like, if you can still operate a car, get a convertible with cruise control, grab a long piece of sturdy wire, a molotov cocktail and a bottle of superglue.

You then park somewhere near the highway, put the loop around your neck and attach to a signpost, speed down the highway and then you must act quick:
Use the Molotov cocktail to set the backseat on fire, hit the cruise control and superglue your hands to the steering wheel before the wire tears your head off.

The burning convertible will race down the highway, driven by a headless, burning corpse... if you kill yourself, at least make it interesting for the news reporters goddamnit.

I prefer the classic:

 

[Ghostse]

What do you guys think Rich is doing in Hell right now?

What's his torment? Forced to relive the Uwe Boll fight for eternity? Infinite rejection from pussy? A box of wine that cannot be opened?

Just curious on your thoughts here...so much creative shit for Satan to work with.

I'm pretty sure his hell is he wakes up in hell like its the normal morning after he offed himself, only Ambien and Boxed Wine don't have any effect on him. He is forced to spend all of eternity painfully conscious of the fact he is Lowtax and wasted the myriad opportunities that fell in his lap.

Much like Troons, I can't imagine any torment more hellish than being forced to be themselves.

 

[Rapechu]

What do you guys think Rich is doing in Hell right now?

What's his torment? Forced to relive the Uwe Boll fight for eternity? Infinite rejection from pussy? A box of wine that cannot be opened?

Just curious on your thoughts here...so much creative shit for Satan to work with.

Like Tantalus, except instead of fruits, it's tranny goons waving $10 bills always out of reach, and he's not allowed out until he pays off his alimony.