Inactive Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka - Deadbeat (emphasis on "Dead") founder of Something Awful, forced out of his own community, on his second divorce, stuck his dick in crazy, "Birth Giver"

[The golden neckbeard]

Gaming Garbage Patreon is currently showing as under review. I expect that's the first step towards it being closed.

Last i checked yesterday it was still at $134

Not sure who was donating to him..i wonder if they had just forgot

Ohwell..rip lowtax. May your meatlogs be infinite in the sky


I wonder what went through his head that night.

 

[Brazen Wanker]

I wonder what went through his head that night.

We're all pretty sure it was a round from an FN FiveSeven pistol

 

[Vodyanik]

They say a lolcow dies twice. First when he commits suicide, and then a second time when the feature about his suicide gets removed from the Happenings box.

 

[PTNR 2.0]

The reason Lowtax had internet fame/wealth is AUTHENTICITY.

I think I get where you're coming from, but I think your analysis is headed in the wrong direction regarding Lowtax's noted obsession with "authenticity".

Lowtax had fame and fortune because he came along at a time when there were very few comedy sites online, let alone ones that operated as "professionally" -- paid writers, recurring features, a format that didn't look like a Geocities page, etc. -- as SA did. They were a big fish in a small pond. It had little to do with authenticity -- and indeed, wanting to remain "authentic" eventually became Lowtax's buzzword he'd trot out to justify NOT changing with the times and keeping SA relevant which, in turn, sank his fame and wealth. Monetize Let's Play culture? Nah, dude, gotta remain authentic. Transition to videos instead of long-form text articles spanning multiple pages? No. Muh authenticity. Branch out by hiring some content producers outside of SA's usual WACKY ZANY wheelhouse to broaden the appeal? AUTHENTICITY NOW AUTHENTICITY FOREVER.

He simply never moved on and just thought that if he just did what worked initially hard enough, it'd always work by sheer force of will; he was also too lazy, drunk and/or pilled up to spearhead any sort of rebranding or retooling even if he'd wanted to. But the internet did move on, and eventually the novelty of funny photoshops and OMG PURPLE MONKEY CHEESE XD text essays became commonplace. Then it became old. Other contemporary sites like The Onion and Cracked did their best to catch the next internet comedy zeitgeist -- video, as spurred by Youtube -- but they largely failed because Youtube came along and cut out the middleman; content creators could create whatever they wanted (not constrained by SA's shitty management and low pay, or Cracked's listicle format they came to use as a crutch, or The Onions "it's a newspaper, but wacky" gimmick) and monetize it, in far more digestible video form. Throw in Facebook and Twitter and Vine/Tiktok and Instagram for additional content platforms, along with Patreon, GFM, PayPal, etc. as ways of monetizing literally anything, and the era of the Big Monolithic Internet Humor Site came to a close; just as malls replaced department stores and online shopping replaced malls, SA was replaced by platforms that did what SA did, but better, sleeker and with more potential payment for creators, and those platforms were themselves replaced. By as early as 2009 or 10, there were tons of platforms that did everything SA did, but better, sleeker and more modern, and without the dysfunctional management culture; as a result, SA began to experience a long, slow heat death over the next decade and is now effectively dead, the (there's a) front page(?) now an internet ghost town. The Onion has limped on, and a few very mixed media niche sites still remain (The Hardtimes for music, Reductress for feminism, etc.) but who gives a shit about Cracked or Seanbaby or Old Man Murray or SA's other contemporaries these days? Could SA have limped on if it'd had better management and a less batshit customer base? Probably. But yet again, rather than make tough changes and hard decisions, Lowtax preferred "authenticity" which at this point was just stubborn, self-destructive complacency. In a way, that's what "authenticity" always was.

Even during its heyday, SA was on borrowed time because of the nature of humor and the internet. It had to adapt or die, because trends don't last forever, especially online. From MDE to Twitch, this thread is full of examples of ways Lowtax could've branched SA out from photoshops and walls of (ostensibly) funny text. He refused to adapt *because* of his desire to be authentic, so he died; metaphorically first, and now literally. No one outside of himself cared about SA being authentic and it certainly wasn't why he got rich/famous. People didn't come to SA because it was "authentic"; they came because they wanted to consume funny memes image macros and 5 GOLDEN MANBABIES threads and funny photoshops, and some talented folks who happened by ended up staying and creating more; then, eventually, they wanted other things that SA couldn't or simply refused to provide and so they moved on. The last vestiges of Something Awful are now consigned to a few Youtube creators and a bunch of Weird Twitter posters. Ironically, despite their much smaller status, they're probably all being compensated better these days, because paying creators 40 bucks/article (when and if he remembered to pay to begin with) was another way Lowtax stubbornly remained "authentic" (as an aside: consider how the lame ass furry apology article netted its troon creator the same payout that a legitimately viral thing like Smashmouth Eat The Eggs did its creator; is it any wonder why Lowtax couldn't keep talented people around?).

Lowtax's wealth was due to the longevity of SA, keeping costs low by severely underpaying his staff and several years of pity/nostalgia-fueled Patreon income. If anything, it (and eventually his life) were cut short by his obsession with being authentic.

 

[Ghostse]

if you thinkg about it if lowtax just smoked weed instead of taking pharmaceuticals he'd still be a live. legalize it

All I'm seeing is an arguement to go full Singapore

 

[Lurk McDurk]

@PTNR 2.0 I don't disagree with most of that post, but I wasn't really getting at a suggestion that LowT was right or wrong, just that his trajectory was probably inevitable.

He couldn't really change the content that SA provided because he didn't provide it, the users did. They were gonna post whatever, it's not like he was paying them to do so. I don't think the comparison with Seanbaby, The Onion, Cracked, etc really fit because those sites were publishing stuff made either by staff or compensated freelancers as a magazine/newspaper would. SA was more along the lines of the social media of the early 2000s. In that respect I would agree that Twitter and Reddit were the first nails in its coffin.

In any case, my harping on authenticity was more a suggestion that SA could not possibly change, it was always going to do what it did. If he had tried to monetize it any further than charging for subs under the auspices of covering hosting costs and paying a handful of tech staff a few peanuts, the users would have stopped providing him free content because then it wouldn't be paying for "community" anymore, it would have become a business, and they weren't looking to be unpaid interns at a business.

 

[Compositesludge]

Last i checked yesterday it was still at $134

Not sure who was donating to him..i wonder if they had just forgot

Ohwell..rip lowtax. May your meatlogs be infinite in the sky


I wonder what went through his head that night.

Evidently the bulk of it was from people paying to access his Discord, where they'd act like his friend in order to get money from him. Some of those individuals posted on Facebook shortly after his death, and while I can't remember what page of this thread it was on or who posted it, there was a really great breakdown of what was happening behind the scenes.

 

[blablabla]

Last i checked yesterday it was still at $134

Not sure who was donating to him..i wonder if they had just forgot

Ohwell..rip lowtax. May your meatlogs be infinite in the sky


I wonder what went through his head that night.

a bullet

 

[JustStopDude]

It would be interesting to know how much Lowtax was spending on his pill addiction.

No doctor would prescribe him shit the way he was looking. Was Lowtax even operating a vehicle the last year of his life? If a doc was prescribing him, than I would expect a wrongful death suit in the works.

I'm assuming that he was buying the shit online that that is brutally expensive. The whole reason why so many people end up on heroin and fent is because it's so much cheaper. The downside, you don't know the purity and it's easier to get scammed.

Considering how long he was abusing pills, his weight, and the general price of illegal pills, I would not be surprised if his daily consumption was costing well over a thousand dollars a day.

 

[Cool Dog]

It will always baffle my mind how lowtax was the right age at the right time and place to take advantage of the dotcom bubble and web2.0 and yet he squandered both. By the time of 2.0 SA was already a big place and some of the users there were well connected, and yet instead of investing on facebook when it was 3 guys fapping on a dorm lowtax was doing...........fuck all? even the broke ass faggot from napster saw the opportunity, what was lowtax doing at the time?

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

Evidently the bulk of it was from people paying to access his Discord, where they'd act like this friend in order to get money from him. Some of those individuals posted on Facebook shortly after his death, and while I can't remember what page of this thread it was on or who posted it, there was a really great breakdown of what was happening behind the scenes.

Such as….?

 

[Ex Cummunicated Sasser HD]

They say a lolcow dies twice. First when he commits suicide, and then a second time when the feature about his suicide gets removed from the Happenings box.

Hey, It's "Transgender Awareness Week"... A lot more important. Although if Ralph sharted himself a few weeks later than he did, that would have probably knocked him off too.

 

[Brad Gray]

lowtax is my hero (im going to kill myself)

 

[Compositesludge]

Such as….?

People paying to access his Discord, where they'd act like Lowtax's friend in order to get money from him.

Got some time away from work! The posts were made by @Sabrina - I think all of her posts in this thread are very much worth reading, she has a lot of information and insight on what exactly happened. Here are two posts (1 and 2) which have some screenshots of some of them posting on Facebook, and here's a summary post about it all coming down to money. That's the breakdown I had in mind.

 

[eternal dog mongler]

In any case, my harping on authenticity was more a suggestion that SA could not possibly change, it was always going to do what it did. If he had tried to monetize it any further than charging for subs under the auspices of covering hosting costs and paying a handful of tech staff a few peanuts, the users would have stopped providing him free content because then it wouldn't be paying for "community" anymore, it would have become a business, and they weren't looking to be unpaid interns at a business.

I agree, and this was prized in the early days. There was a wider community of subversive actually funny content with the whole SA/OMM/PoE/Seanbaby crowd, and most of the early goons (who got in before the paywall) were active on all these sites. So there was actually a really good feeling of community.

But also that style of humor died off and Rich just...never moved on.

 

[Open Window Maniac]

lowtax is my hero (im going to kill myself)

More like lowtax is your an hero.

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

I'd like to know more about where the regulars are. People like Sarah Butts had their own threads but guys like Zack Parsons and David Thorpe, I wonder what happened to them. There were a handful of normal people in there from what I rememeber.

Zack Parsons continued to be a writer on SA until about early 2020. No announcement about him moving on, he just stopped contributing his shitty articles. Him and his wife, Michelle “Fistgrrl” Trayne have boring white collar jobs and live in a Chicago suburb. The others mostly just gravitated to “weird Twitter” that was a thing about a decade ago. That kind of deflated over time and they just did their own thing. Many de-gooned once they started getting real world responsibilities. Some de-gooned when they left SA and got made fun of for goon bullshit; Jon “@fart” Hedren got laughed off the internet once he left SA but was considered a popular goon when he was at SA.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Zack Parsons continued to be a writer on SA until about early 2020. No announcement about him moving on, he just stopped contributing his shitty articles. Him and his wife, Michelle “Fistgrrl” Trayne have boring white collar jobs and live in a Chicago suburb. The others mostly just gravitated to “weird Twitter” that was a thing about a decade ago. That kind of deflated over time and they just did their own thing. Many de-gooned once they started getting real world responsibilities. Some de-gooned when they left SA and got made fun of for goon bullshit; Jon “@fart” Hedren got laughed off the internet once he left SA but was considered a popular goon when he was at SA.

Is Zach still 500 lbs? The biggest shock to me of off all the noted goons physical appearances, by far, was Zack. Like I totally expected most goons to be nerdy, fat, unkempt, etc… but Zack was so massively morbidly obese in 2005 - when that was fairly rare. He was probably the fattest guy under 40 I had ever seen. He seemed like a prime candidate for WLS.

 

[I'm Retarded?]

Zack Parsons continued to be a writer on SA until about early 2020. No announcement about him moving on, he just stopped contributing his shitty articles. Him and his wife, Michelle “Fistgrrl” Trayne have boring white collar jobs and live in a Chicago suburb. The others mostly just gravitated to “weird Twitter” that was a thing about a decade ago. That kind of deflated over time and they just did their own thing. Many de-gooned once they started getting real world responsibilities. Some de-gooned when they left SA and got made fun of for goon bullshit; Jon “@fart” Hedren got laughed off the internet once he left SA but was considered a popular goon when he was at SA.

 

[Sabrina]

People paying to access his Discord, where they'd act like Lowtax's friend in order to get money from him.

Got some time away from work! The posts were made by @Sabrina - I think all of her posts in this thread are very much worth reading, she has a lot of information and insight on what exactly happened. Here are two posts (1 and 2) which have some screenshots of some of them posting on Facebook, and here's a summary post about it all coming down to money. That's the breakdown I had in mind.

I've seen two or three goons talk about getting money or having Lowtax buy them things, so there has to be more leechers. When you burn all your bridges but have a soft spot for ass-kissers and have access to money then grifters are going to be the only ones left. Everyone just agreed with everything he said and were in his good graces by throwing 5bux at his discord every month or sending nudes and not mentioning mangosteen or any of the gaping holes in his story. I'm sure there's some forgotten Patrons on there as well.

Zack Parsons continued to be a writer on SA until about early 2020. No announcement about him moving on, he just stopped contributing his shitty articles. Him and his wife, Michelle “Fistgrrl” Trayne have boring white collar jobs and live in a Chicago suburb. The others mostly just gravitated to “weird Twitter” that was a thing about a decade ago. That kind of deflated over time and they just did their own thing. Many de-gooned once they started getting real world responsibilities. Some de-gooned when they left SA and got made fun of for goon bullshit; Jon “@fart” Hedren got laughed off the internet once he left SA but was considered a popular goon when he was at SA.

I always wondered what happened to DocEvil. He was king of FYAD for a bit and actually funny sometimes. The Smash Mouth thread in GBS was pretty great and then when it became IRL Jon was just there by himself with his phone and Smash Mouth and Guy Fiery ended up making fun of him. At least there was a charity fundraiser out of it. I've never really been on Twitter, anyone remember what happened to him there?