I had a realization this morning that I no longer love the man I married this morning.
He’s a writer. We both are. My husband can be a sweet, intelligent and witty person when he wants but otherwise can just be stubborn. He has gained weight and refuses to acknowledge it. He is almost always irritable and condescending to me. He spends all day on twitter. He says its important, that he is promoting his books, but he just spends his all day arguing with people about politics. At times, he says I’m stupid and don’t know anything and should just shut my mouth because I have nothing to say. When he is especially bad, he calls be ‘child’ and ‘baby’ (not in an endearing way). I want to believe he doesn’t know how much he hurts me but I’m not sure. I chalk it up to stress from the legal case, but I still don’t deserve this. Nobody does.
The last straw came recently. He sat me down a while ago and said he had to tell get something off his chest. He accepted money from a professional organization we are both affiliated with to fund an anti-harassment lawsuit. He said that if we did not win the lawsuit, we would have to pay the organisation back the money we accepted from them. We both do okay as writers, but this is a six-figure sum of money that we would owe; money we don’t have. I just could not believe he would conceal something so massive from me. Potentially, this means we would have to re-mortgage our home.
At times, I’m scared of him. He is a self-described ‘drunk with anger management issues’. He owns numerous guns. He ex-wife doesn’t allow him to see his child. He gaslight me everyday saying the lawsuit is going well when I know its not.
His family has a saying "dont let the idiots win". I finally realized that I was the idiot.