Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[NoReturn]

She tagged with with #cowboybebop, which is fitting because both the Netflix series and her tits are a cringey horrors.

 

[Cripple]

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She tagged with with #cowboybebop, which is fitting because both the Netflix series and her tits are a cringey horrors.
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Only Tess would think clown shoes were high fashion.

Also her dad probably wonders wtf she's doing all the time pretending to caper around his hallways.

 

[Staten Island Uncle]

Why is Tess always doing the "lol 69 nice" stuff, it would be like stuffing your face into Seaworld in July.

 

[tasty humane burger]

Her half brother looks a lot like Rylee, they could be twins!

 

[multiverse]

Her half brother looks a lot like Rylee, they could be twins!

That's probably half the reason Ryann gets so hot and bothered by her 18 year old half brother; what kind of narc mom isn't engaged in covert emotional incest with her teenage son?

Real talk though, that kid better lock his bedroom door.

Edit: video from her horrifying post. She ate an entire tray of deviled egg. The bannister in her father's place is gonna be loose by the time she leaves; she hangs onto that thing for dear life. Oh, and she's doing drugs there. What a great role model for your high school brother, in a state where weed still comes with a prison sentence.

 

[Cripple]

God Tess if you're going to have Bowie's hair be that long at least take care of it. So much breakage and it looks dry af.

 

[Pina Colada]

Emotional incest without the abortion remorse. Oh dear God.

 

[FuckDuckSeagull]

God Tess if you're going to have Bowie's hair be that long at least take care of it. So much breakage and it looks dry af.

Or put it up in a bun or something. God I wish this kid would just stick some gum in there so she would HAVE TO cut it. Lazy bitch.....

 

[Water-T]

She ate an entire tray of deviled eggs.

aNoReXiC, y'AlL!

 

[theriddler3]

Or put it up in a bun or something. God I wish this kid would just stick some gum in there so she would HAVE TO cut it. Lazy bitch.....

Don't kid yourself, she'd let the gum fester.

I'm curious if Bowie will cut his hair in school once he makes it to Kindergarten where he has access to scissors. That's gotta be itchy as fuck on his neck.

(edit for grammar/spelling)

 

[Water-T]

I'm curious if Bowie will cut his hair in school once he makes it to Kindergarten where he has access to scissors. That's gotta be itchy as fuck on his neck.

Either some jerkwad kid will cut it for shits & giggles, or Bowie will demand to get a haircut once the other boys tease him about it. Either way, Tess will blow it out of proportion. If it was cut by a classmate, she'll scream HATE CRIME AND ASSAULT! If Bowie wants it cut, she'll cry about MUH TOXIC MASCULINITY, as she secretly weeps about not being able to pass off Bowie as the next Jaron/Jazz Jennings.

 

[multiverse]

Tesa is selling vibrators from her father's house, from the room she'ssharing with Bowie. I hope for her little brother's sake she isn't able to sample the wares; he's going to be traumatized enough without listening to that in the next room over.



Next, Tess scrapes her head on a car's sun visor, and complains about it. She is 5'2", incredibly short. But she scraped her head on a sun visor. This means she's sitting up on a booster seat of fat sufficient to force he head near the ceiling, and also that he fills up so much of the cab space, she can't maneuver her head to avoid the sun visor if she changes its position. That's like, more than a foot of fat she's seated atop. Holy shit.

 

[FuckDuckSeagull]

Ick, her nails give me shivers. Lucky for her she can't reach her puss, so she can't give her the MoMo-treatment of shoving her disgusting talons in there.

 

[NoReturn]

Tesa is selling vibrators from her father's house, from the room she'ssharing with Bowie. I hope for her little brother's sake she isn't able to sample the wares; he's going to be traumatized enough without listening to that in the next room over.
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Next, Tess scrapes her head on a car's sun visor, and complains about it. She is 5'2", incredibly short. But she scraped her head on a sun visor. This means she's sitting up on a booster seat of fat sufficient to force he head near the ceiling, and also that he fills up so much of the cab space, she can't maneuver her head to avoid the sun visor if she changes its position. That's like, more than a foot of fat she's seated atop. Holy shit.
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Is my background biasing me or is that actually not that big a deal? It just looks like an owie, hardly even a boo-boo at worst.

 

[taintmisbehavin]

Tesa is selling vibrators from her father's house, from the room she'ssharing with Bowie. I hope for her little brother's sake she isn't able to sample the wares; he's going to be traumatized enough without listening to that in the next room over.
View attachment 2748068View attachment 2748069


Next, Tess scrapes her head on a car's sun visor, and complains about it. She is 5'2", incredibly short. But she scraped her head on a sun visor. This means she's sitting up on a booster seat of fat sufficient to force he head near the ceiling, and also that he fills up so much of the cab space, she can't maneuver her head to avoid the sun visor if she changes its position. That's like, more than a foot of fat she's seated atop. Holy shit.
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Pity any TSA agents who got to inspect Tess’ pile of vibrators.

“Clowns” tend to wear less makeup.

 

[Pina Colada]

Pity any TSA agents who got to inspect Tess’ pile of vibrators.

“Clowns” tend to wear less makeup.

They must've made the same face as your avatar!

 

[Theladyinblack]

Is her Dad going to stick her head on the wall when she carks? Is this not in fact her fondly imagined lurvin' family (that she's prolly hoping to pitch to TLC as some ghastly reality thing, "Redneck Soopahmoddle, YeeeHaaaw™" that will put her back on the top of the trash-fame tree where she belongs. And fuck yes, will she kick HunnyBooboo in the face during the scramble for the fame n moneez, she deserves this) but a stealth hunting trip? Her Dad's actually tracking her in her native element, leaving bait trails of cake and copies of Vogue with pics of TenTon clumsily taped to the cover in his attempt to lure then take down the biggest prey ever. He watches, he waits; one day, the biggest prize will be his....

I know nuthin about hunting, I just know he's gonna need a bigger gun. And wall.

He needs a harpoon.

 

[FarmerKhourtney]

Shilling vibrators from someone else’s house is one of the cringiest things I can think of. I’d never be able to

 

[𝕺𝖑' 𝕯𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖞 𝕱𝖆𝖙𝖘𝖔]

This week has brought us C/J's dirty old door gate, Anna's garbage bag coat, and now Tess selling vibrators from her dad's bathroom.

This is enough pure white trash content to last me six months

 

[Trombonista]

Either some jerkwad kid will cut it for shits & giggles, or Bowie will demand to get a haircut once the other boys tease him about it. Either way, Tess will blow it out of proportion. If it was cut by a classmate, she'll scream HATE CRIME AND ASSAULT! If Bowie wants it cut, she'll cry about MUH TOXIC MASCULINITY, as she secretly weeps about not being able to pass off Bowie as the next Jaron/Jazz Jennings.

I doubt she wants to troon out Bowie; she just doesn't care about anyone's hair but her own.