April Lauren / April Lauren Wilson Brown / Wakeupbright - Fake positivity, pedostache husband. Voted fatty most likely on the verge of her Stepford Wife robot programming malfunctioning

[PotatoFace]

Re: this Mormon marriage business with Kenny. I seem to recall that April converted to Mormonism. Does anyone know for sure? If she was raised Mormon, even in a less observant manner, I can see how this marriage came about. The pressure would have been worse for her than for him, regardless of whether he's gay or what his deal is.

But if she converted, then I don't understand what was in it for her. I certainly wouldn't want to be some guy's last chance to get his parents off his back. The desire for children makes sense, but I find that desire insincere since she's not taking her health challenge seriously.

Did she marry him just because he was in the army? I don't get it.

Even more puzzling is that she said he pursued her. She initially wrote him off because she thought he was too young for her.

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

Re: this Mormon marriage business with Kenny. I seem to recall that April converted to Mormonism. Does anyone know for sure? If she was raised Mormon, even in a less observant manner, I can see how this marriage came about. The pressure would have been worse for her than for him, regardless of whether he's gay or what his deal is.

But if she converted, then I don't understand what was in it for her. I certainly wouldn't want to be some guy's last chance to get his parents off his back. The desire for children makes sense, but I find that desire insincere since she's not taking her health challenge seriously.

Did she marry him just because he was in the army? I don't get it.

Marrying a guy because he’s in the military is a common practice; a derisive term for these women is a “dependapotamus.” That is because the military benefits are good for a working class family and if she has children and divorces him, she can still get Tricare benefits. Furthermore infidelity is not a reason to be cut off so a tragically common occurrence is a private marries too young, has a couple kids, both end up cheating on each other, and they’re divorced by 22.

April fits most but not all the dependapotamus criteria. Given her negative levels of work ethic, she would either need to be a trophy wife or a military wife. I wonder if that’s what drove her to Mormonism: the desire to be a stay at home wife because we haven’t seen any evidence of her being particularly observant as a Mormon. Once she trapped her man, she let herself go and was content until her biological clock started ringing and welp, she’s old and fat. She may want kids but she loves food more. Just as well, any child(ren) they’re going to conceive will likely be an autism goblin with April for a mother. Some family lines are just destined to end. The deck will be stacked pretty high against whatever kids they decide to have.

 

[Kitty kitty cat]

Re: this Mormon marriage business with Kenny. I seem to recall that April converted to Mormonism. Does anyone know for sure? If she was raised Mormon, even in a less observant manner, I can see how this marriage came about. The pressure would have been worse for her than for him, regardless of whether he's gay or what his deal is.

But if she converted, then I don't understand what was in it for her. I certainly wouldn't want to be some guy's last chance to get his parents off his back. The desire for children makes sense, but I find that desire insincere since she's not taking her health challenge seriously.

Did she marry him just because he was in the army? I don't get it.

I must admit, I thought she was mormon before she met him. I honestly think, that her happy manic personality, has made it dificult for her to find a partner, so Kenny chugging along was a blessing in disguise.

 

[NoReturn]

Even more puzzling is that she said he pursued her. She initially wrote him off because she thought he was too young for her.

This just supports @Kitty kitty cat's Gunnery Sargent Smith theory.

“dependapotamus.”

April fits most but not all the dependapotamus criteria. Given her negative levels of work ethic, she would either need to be a trophy wife or a military wife. I wonder if that’s what drove her to Mormonism: the desire to be a stay at home wife because we haven’t seen any evidence of her being particularly observant as a Mormon. Once she trapped her man, she let herself go and was content until her biological clock started ringing and welp, she’s old and fat. She may want kids but she loves food more. Just as well, any child(ren) they’re going to conceive will likely be an autism goblin with April for a mother. Some family lines are just destined to end. The deck will be stacked pretty high against whatever kids they decide to have.

She did have a section on her pinterest called "Soldier Wife Life" with such thought-provoking pins as...

 

[Kitty kitty cat]

This just supports @Kitty kitty cat's Gunnery Sargent Smith theory.

View attachment 2803368

She did have a section on her pinterest called "Soldier Wife Life" with such thought-provoking pins as...
View attachment 2803389
View attachment 2803390

Well, lets hope April never wears this to the ball.

 

[sparklemilhouse]

Would not sex.

Neither does her husband.

Great OP and great thread. Do we have any more information about her early life? Those crazy, dead-looking eyes and her tendency to be morbidly obese likely means there’s a story there.

Does she ever mention her mom? I totally imagine her as one of those women who have a bad relationship with their mom due to weight issues growing up.

 

[Fialovy]

Neither does her husband.

Does she ever mention her mom? I totally imagine her as one of those women who have a bad relationship with their mom due to weight issues growing up.

Yeah, I wonder this too, what is her relationship like with her parents? She doesn't really talk about her family much.

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

Neither does her husband.

Does she ever mention her mom? I totally imagine her as one of those women who have a bad relationship with their mom due to weight issues growing up.

I suspect Kenny barely puts in an effort to try to knock up his wife. You go to Walmart and see numerous fat kids with even fatter parents. I know April is over 35 but it takes two to tango.

Yeah, I wonder this too, what is her relationship like with her parents? She doesn't really talk about her family much.

April’s morbid obesity, crazy eyes, conversion to Mormonism as an adult, and her deliberately not talking about her parents are very likely all connected to each other. Her rictus grin tells a story that hopefully gets told over the course of this thread.

 

[Lucille's Brands]

Re: this Mormon marriage business with Kenny. I seem to recall that April converted to Mormonism. Does anyone know for sure? If she was raised Mormon, even in a less observant manner, I can see how this marriage came about. The pressure would have been worse for her than for him, regardless of whether he's gay or what his deal is.

But if she converted, then I don't understand what was in it for her. I certainly wouldn't want to be some guy's last chance to get his parents off his back. The desire for children makes sense, but I find that desire insincere since she's not taking her health challenge seriously.

Did she marry him just because he was in the army? I don't get it.

April converted to Mormonism as an adult, so it was said in the FA/HAES thread at some stage. There's a few farmers who posted about April, rocknrollmartian and freetimbit, I think? I was reading the thread, looking for April posts in particular. I'm sure someone shared screenshots of, or a link to, an old website or blog of April's in that thread. I read a section of that site/blog called 'our faith', where she specifically said she converted. I can't remember what it said after that.
I tried the blogspot inactive link in OP that requires a Google login, and it gives this message -


I haven't seen this message before, so either she changed the blogspot settings since I last read it, or I was reading something else.
For someone so public, she's a real bitch to find out background on.
I'm going to trawl through the FA/HAES thread and see if I can find those posts in the next while. Forum search isn't hitting what I'm looking for, so I'll have to go page by page.

Neither does her husband.

Does she ever mention her mom? I totally imagine her as one of those women who have a bad relationship with their mom due to weight issues growing up.

Her Mom, brother and nephew visited over thanksgiving.
April briefly showed her mom, before explaining that after intially giving permission for April to film her, her mom decided she didn't want to be in the video.
Probably needs affiliate links first..

Say 'hi' to her Mom -



If interested -
'Thanksgiving Vlog: Family, Food & Fitness | What about last weeks Weigh in Wednesday? | April Lauren'

Spoiler: Archive

Anyone got a rundown of the Chikara/Ilona and April thing? I know my take on it, but I haven't followed very closely.

 

[Miss Misery]

This triggered a thought in me. If she and the hubby were married in June 2014, then hubby was 23 and 2 months, and she was 29 and 9 months, right?

LDS folks tend to get married very young. If you're at college graduating age and you're not at least engaged, you're approaching old hag/perpetual bachelor territory. Thus, that's the normal age (if a bit high) for a Mormon man to get married, but in terms of Morm women she might as well have been an embalmed mummy in an ancient Egyptian sarcophagus.

Did she maybe have a previous marriage that failed or something? Or is she maybe a more recent convert? She seemed passably attractive when she was younger so if she really did grow up in the faith, there's got to be an interesting reason why she got married so late.

So I've got Kenneth's family info (looks like his grandparents converted - they were both born and raised in CT but lived and died in UT) but I'm coming up against a brick wall in:re April's. Do we know parents' names? Siblings? Locations? Anything? Give me details and I'll present you with an LDS-worthy family tree.

 

[No Thank You]

So I've got Kenneth's family info (looks like his grandparents converted - they were both born and raised in CT but lived and died in UT) but I'm coming up against a brick wall in:re April's. Do we know parents' names? Siblings? Locations? Anything? Give me details and I'll present you with an LDS-worthy family tree.

So then, if his grandparents converted to Mormonism, does that mean he’s now the second generation “born under the covenant”? I admit, I’ve been trying to find info on him and their religious life, in general, but I haven’t had much time to dedicate to it lately, and all I can really say is that there are plenty of places for them to worship and find fellowship as LDS in their new hometown.

In April’s timeline of her weight gain, which probably deserves some scrutiny, her significant period of healthy-weight maintenance happened while her “spiritual needs were met.” I assume this is the time period where she converted. The LDS are a pretty controlling bunch, and I wouldnt be surprised if it affected her familial relationships.

But really, I’m surprised to learn that Kenny is that deep into LDS, because he’s not exactly holding the keys of that household. Does he not hold enough Priesthood authority over April to give her blessings and comfort in her weight loss journey? It doesn’t seem like he’s meeting her spiritual needs, and now that they’re married in the LDS faith, it’s really his responsibility. I don’t want to give April wiggle room in terms of accountability, but this really is something Kenny needs to take control of, if they’re devout.

 

[The Emperor Skeksis]

April converted to Mormonism as an adult, so it was said in the FA/HAES thread at some stage. There's a few farmers who posted about April, rocknrollmartian and freetimbit, I think? I was reading the thread, looking for April posts in particular. I'm sure someone shared screenshots of, or a link to, an old website or blog of April's in that thread. I read a section of that site/blog called 'our faith', where she specifically said she converted. I can't remember what it said after that.
I tried the blogspot inactive link in OP that requires a Google login, and it gives this message -
View attachment 2804007

I haven't seen this message before, so either she changed the blogspot settings since I last read it, or I was reading something else.
For someone so public, she's a real bitch to find out background on.
I'm going to trawl through the FA/HAES thread and see if I can find those posts in the next while. Forum search isn't hitting what I'm looking for, so I'll have to go page by page.

There is an archive link of that blog that is accessible, but it only archives a few posts. But she does mention some things about their courtship in 2015 posts, I haven't gone through all of it. Link.
NB I am not the kiwi who originally found this archive, but I forgot who did, apologies if it is ((you)).

 

[Miss Misery]

So then, if his grandparents converted to Mormonism, does that mean he’s now the second generation “born under the covenant”? I admit, I’ve been trying to find info on him and their religious life, in general, but I haven’t had much time to dedicate to it lately, and all I can really say is that there are plenty of places for them to worship and find fellowship as LDS in their new hometown.

In April’s timeline of her weight gain, which probably deserves some scrutiny, her significant period of healthy-weight maintenance happened while her “spiritual needs were met.” I assume this is the time period where she converted. The LDS are a pretty controlling bunch, and I wouldnt be surprised if it affected her familial relationships.

But really, I’m surprised to learn that Kenny is that deep into LDS, because he’s not exactly holding the keys of that household. Does he not hold enough Priesthood authority over April to give her blessings and comfort in her weight loss journey? It doesn’t seem like he’s meeting her spiritual needs, and now that they’re married in the LDS faith, it’s really his responsibility. I don’t want to give April wiggle room in terms of accountability, but this really is something Kenny needs to take control of, if they’re devout.

Oh hay newfag, if you're gonna sperg about Saints you're A-OK in my book.

(Sperg of my own: I don't think Ken Sr was raised LDS... he was born in 1964 to Merton Brown and Joan Hasselman, who were married in a Methodist church in West Haven, CT, in 1957 although as I said before, they both died in Utah. Note that Ken Sr. and Patricia Renshaw were married in SLC in 1990 - I assume they were sealed at that time, but that would make Ken Jr the first generation of the Brown family born in the covenant...)

 

[Kitty kitty cat]

April converted to Mormonism as an adult, so it was said in the FA/HAES thread at some stage. There's a few farmers who posted about April, rocknrollmartian and freetimbit, I think? I was reading the thread, looking for April posts in particular. I'm sure someone shared screenshots of, or a link to, an old website or blog of April's in that thread. I read a section of that site/blog called 'our faith', where she specifically said she converted. I can't remember what it said after that.
I tried the blogspot inactive link in OP that requires a Google login, and it gives this message -
View attachment 2804007

I haven't seen this message before, so either she changed the blogspot settings since I last read it, or I was reading something else.
For someone so public, she's a real bitch to find out background on.
I'm going to trawl through the FA/HAES thread and see if I can find those posts in the next while. Forum search isn't hitting what I'm looking for, so I'll have to go page by page.



Her Mom, brother and nephew visited over thanksgiving.
April briefly showed her mom, before explaining that after intially giving permission for April to film her, her mom decided she didn't want to be in the video.
Probably needs affiliate links first..

Say 'hi' to her Mom -

View attachment 2804041

If interested -
'Thanksgiving Vlog: Family, Food & Fitness | What about last weeks Weigh in Wednesday? | April Lauren'

Spoiler: Archive

View attachment 2804068

Anyone got a rundown of the Chikara/Ilona and April thing? I know my take on it, but I haven't followed very closely.

Chikara made the first vid on April the 25 of january 2021

Before then, she has made vids on foodie, ALR, life by jen, OPS, Cherry berry, Fat girl flow and Amy Ramadan.
She made the vid bc of viewer request. The gist of the Ilona and April beef is basically, Ilona calling out April for not being completely honest, about what she eats. Ilona is to the point and since April runs on asspats, she cant take the criticism.
Since the first vid, Ilona has done 18 vids in total(gonna take 2 replies bc of media limit):

 

[Kitty kitty cat]

Part 2;

Pretty impressive but Ilona is quite productive. The format is entertaining, informative and kind of shady sometimes, which is why I watch. Someone pointing out April lying and not living up to her "fitness" brand is funny bet Im a petty cunt, so take that as you will.
Edit bc of wrong vid

 

[No Thank You]

Oh hay newfag, if you're gonna sperg about Saints you're A-OK in my book.

(Sperg of my own: I don't think Ken Sr was raised LDS... he was born in 1964 to Merton Brown and Joan Hasselman, who were married in a Methodist church in West Haven, CT, in 1957 although as I said before, they both died in Utah. Note that Ken Sr. and Patricia Renshaw were married in SLC in 1990 - I assume they were sealed at that time, but that would make Ken Jr the first generation of the Brown family born in the covenant...)

Spoiler: Off topic Saint sperg

I would consider myself more of a plyg-sperger, as I was not raised in the faith, and most of my interest has been in studying the various fundamentalist branches of Mormonism. I worry that my accuracy regarding LDS belief may sometimes be off because I’m falling back on FLDS/etc beliefs I’ve come across, but I’ve been close to some LDS-raised people of varying dedication, and I try to keep in mind their approach.

I’m not a fan of any part of Mormonism, to be clear, but I am also very fascinated with their history and their beliefs, and I am particularly fascinated by the fundamentalist groups. When you create a religion subject to revelation, all kinds of things can go wrong.

I’ve been wanting to talk about Anna and her dad’s drinking habits, in terms of their faith, on the Anna O’Brien thread if you would want to chime in. I think April and Anna have a lot in common, and apparently Anna was raised LDS. Like, is drinking just not that big of a deal once certain life milestones are achieved? I have questions.

 

[Lucille's Brands]

There is an archive link of that blog that is accessible, but it only archives a few posts. But she does mention some things about their courtship in 2015 posts, I haven't gone through all of it. Link.
NB I am not the kiwi who originally found this archive, but I forgot who did, apologies if it is ((you)).

Thank you! This is definitely what I read before - have you got any screenshots? I've had little, to no success in using that link/site, I'm probably doing something wrong.
It was 'my faith' under the 'spiritual' section I accessed before, can't see it now. Below is all I could bring up.
That'll teach me to screenshot, when I spot something interesting, in future.

 

[The Emperor Skeksis]

Thank you! This is definitely what I read before - have you got any screenshots? I've had little, to no success in using that link/site, I'm probably doing something wrong.
It was 'my faith' under the 'spiritual' section I accessed before, can't see it now. Below is all I could bring up.
That'll teach me to screenshot, when I spot something interesting, in future.

I had some time, I capped what was relevant.

The 'My faith' link on the bottom of the page links directly to website of the Latter Day Saints in later years. But in 2015 and before, the blog had links at the top of the page with a section 'Meet the Browns' and earlier 'Our Story' that directed to a url ending in faith.html. So this may have been the page people are referring to.

The posts about courting are all from 2015. They met at church. It seems a pretty normal dating story.

 

[Miss Misery]

Spoiler: Off topic Saint sperg

I would consider myself more of a plyg-sperger, as I was not raised in the faith, and most of my interest has been in studying the various fundamentalist branches of Mormonism. I worry that my accuracy regarding LDS belief may sometimes be off because I’m falling back on FLDS/etc beliefs I’ve come across, but I’ve been close to some LDS-raised people of varying dedication, and I try to keep in mind their approach.

I’m not a fan of any part of Mormonism, to be clear, but I am also very fascinated with their history and their beliefs, and I am particularly fascinated by the fundamentalist groups. When you create a religion subject to revelation, all kinds of things can go wrong.

I’ve been wanting to talk about Anna and her dad’s drinking habits, in terms of their faith, on the Anna O’Brien thread if you would want to chime in. I think April and Anna have a lot in common, and apparently Anna was raised LDS. Like, is drinking just not that big of a deal once certain life milestones are achieved? I have questions.

Plyg sperging? Are we talking about well known offshoot branches like the FLDS, AUB, Kingstons, LeBarons, Bountiful, or Centennial groups (among others) or finding ancestors of cows who lived the principle of plural marriage (OR BOTH???)

Fren, PM me and we can sperg about Anna (and other Mormon cows) on our own and then decide if the info is worth sharing. To be honest, I've never done Anna's tree, but it wouldn't surprise me if she were a first or second generation convert...

I had some time, I capped what was relevant.

The 'My faith' link on the bottom of the page links directly to website of the Latter Day Saints in later years. But in 2015 and before, the blog had links at the top of the page with a section 'Meet the Browns' and earlier 'Our Story' that directed to a url ending in faith.html. So this may have been the page people are referring to.
View attachment 2805035
The posts about courting are all from 2015. They met at church. It seems a pretty normal dating story.
View attachment 2805044View attachment 2805045View attachment 2805046View attachment 2805047
View attachment 2805048View attachment 2805050View attachment 2805052

Okay so she doesn't respect Kenneth at ALL. Even if he's younger and smaller than her the only reason to refer to him as a "little" guy repeatedly is if she was into infantilizing him....

 

[brooky]

I had some time, I capped what was relevant.

The 'My faith' link on the bottom of the page links directly to website of the Latter Day Saints in later years. But in 2015 and before, the blog had links at the top of the page with a section 'Meet the Browns' and earlier 'Our Story' that directed to a url ending in faith.html. So this may have been the page people are referring to.
View attachment 2805035
The posts about courting are all from 2015. They met at church. It seems a pretty normal dating story.
View attachment 2805044View attachment 2805045View attachment 2805046View attachment 2805047
View attachment 2805048View attachment 2805050View attachment 2805052

This reads like a 17 year old's dating story. She was supposed to be in her late 20s? Good Lord.

They were married within months of starting their relationship, it seems like. I'm going to assume that's not unusual for Mormons? But if she was healthy then and they both wanted children, why didn't they start right away? I know there's plenty of valid reasons, but I also know when a woman really wants to be a mother, she prioritizes it. I kind of don't buy that she wants children that badly. The people I know who married in their 20s and always wanted children either had those children asap, tried and went for fertility treatments, or ended up adopting in their 30s. She keeps pushing it off like it's a boring bit of homework.